She desperately wanted to reach out to Anna again. To mend the breach that had been caused by the conflict of loyalties. To rebuild their friendship if they still had that chance.
And while she longed to talk to Anna about Judd, and the rumors she had heard about the two of them, she also wished for a chance to talk to someone about her relationship with Nate. Nicole snuck a glance over at the man beside her and had to resist the urge to squirm in her seat. Just looking at him drove her crazy—she needed a good dose of Anna’s gentle practicality to get her thoughts and feelings in order.
Nicole knew she wanted Nate—that was impossible to deny. Yet she still resented what he was doing to her, the leverage he held over her head. And underneath it all, she worried about what would happen next. How long would she spend as a pawn between her father and her lover, and how would it all end?
Nate was surprisingly quiet as they journeyed into the city and he handled the car with very deliberate movements, staying at the upper limit of the speed restrictions. By the time they pulled into the covered car parking at the apartment building she could feel tension rippling off him in waves. What on earth was wrong?
He stayed silent as they traveled in the elevator to his floor but the instant they were inside the apartment, she got her answer.
Nate pulled her into his arms and kissed her, really kissed her this time. Hot, wet and hungry. Her body bloomed with heat, moisture gathering at her center in rapid-fire time. Barely breaking contact with one another, they shed their clothing in a heap on the tiled entrance floor and Nate lifted her onto the marble-topped hall table. She gasped at the cold surface against her bare buttocks, but the marble didn’t feel cold for long. She was on fire for him, resenting the time it took him to sheath himself with a condom. And then, thankfully, he was sliding inside her, stretching her with his hard length and driving her to the point of distraction as his hips began to pump.
Her orgasm took her completely by surprise. One moment she was accepting him into her body, the next she was flying on a trajectory that led to starbursts of pleasure radiating throughout her body. She clutched at Nate’s shoulders, her heels digging into his buttocks as wave after wave consumed her, barely hearing his cry of satisfaction as his own climax slammed through his body.
It took several minutes for her to come back to reality, to realize just what they’d done and where. Nate rested his forehead against hers.
“I told you I wanted to see you.”
Nicole laughed. “Well, you’re definitely seeing all of me now. I was beginning to think something was wrong. You were so quiet in the car.”
“I wanted to concentrate on getting here as quickly as possible. Believe me, the airport hotels were looking mighty good there at one stage.”
He withdrew from her and caught her mouth with another deep kiss. This time with the sharp edge of passion assuaged, and with a tenderness she hadn’t sensed in him before. It confused her, but then he was constantly doing that. In some respects he seemed to want to dictate every part of her life, yet in others he let her have her head. She could never predict how he’d react. She wanted to push back at him, verbally and physically sometimes, just to get a bit of space and control back in her life, and then he’d go and literally sweep her off her feet and do something like this. Something that transcended reason and gave her an insight into just how she affected him on a personal level. Or did it? Was she still reading him wrong—seeing what she wanted to see? There was no way to know for sure. She doubted she’d ever have him figured out completely.
Nate lifted her from the tabletop, allowing her body to glide against his as her feet found her footing. She shuddered anew at the skin-against-skin contact. There was nothing she wanted more right now than to prolong the physical link they had between them. In that, at least, they were in perfect harmony.
In their earlier eagerness they hadn’t noticed the enameled brass vase had toppled off the surface of the table—its fall to the floor leaving a sizable chip in one of the tiles. Nicole bent to lift the vase back into its place.
“That’s a shame,” she said, gesturing to the floor. “Will you be able to get it repaired?”
“I won’t bother. I like the reminder of how it got there,” Nate said with a smile that sent tingles through her body all over again. “Come on, let’s go take a shower.”
It was well after midday by the time they made it into the office and Nicole was feeling the effects of making her 6:45 a.m. flight and the vigorous lovemaking she and Nate had indulged in before going into work. She made it through her debrief without making any mistakes or leaving any glaring holes in her rundown of who had come on board with them and why, and what she had negotiated in their individual contracts.
The meeting was just tying up when she overheard Raoul mention her father’s name to Nate.
“…he wasn’t looking all that good. Are you sure you want to keep this up?” Raoul said in a voice that was meant for Nate’s ears only.
Nate flicked her a glance before turning his back to her and saying something to Raoul that saw the other man glance her way also before giving Nate a slight nod. Raoul gathered his papers and left the room, signaling the exodus for the rest of the staff. Nicole waited until everyone else had left the boardroom before fronting up to Nate.
“What’s wrong with my father?” she demanded.
“Nothing more than the usual,” Nate responded flatly.
“So what were you and Raoul talking about?”
“Look, he just mentioned he saw your father at a function over the weekend and that he looked more tired than usual. He hasn’t been well, has he?”
Nicole shook her head. No, he hadn’t been well. And her leaving Wilson Wines and working for Jackson Importers would be exacerbating that. Responsibility struck her fair and square in her chest as she realized the further ramifications of the business she’d just secured and what it would mean to her father on a personal level. She’d been so focused on beating Judd to the finish line, on winning the business away from him, that she’d lost sight of her father’s stake in all this. Wilson Wines had been holding on to its market share by the skin of its teeth in recent years. She knew that better than anyone. And yet, with her usual impulsiveness, she’d just made matters worse for them. In particular, worse for her father’s already weakened health.
“Nicole, it’s not your fault he’s not well.” Nate’s voice broke through her fugue of guilt.
She raised her eyes to meet his. “No, but my being here won’t be doing him any good, either, will it? Did you know about his health problems all along? Was that a part of your plan, to take a sick man and make him sicker?”
“What, you think I want your father dead?”
“An eye for an eye, a life for a life. Isn’t that what revenge is all about?”
“Nicole, you misjudge me if you think I’m capable of something like that. I’m angry at your father, yes, I’m very angry for what he did to mine. I’m furious that he’s never admitted, ever, that he made a mistake in treating his best friend the way he did. But it’s not his state of health that I want to change—it’s his state of mind. Your father needs to stop thinking of himself as the one on top who is always right, and who can never be questioned. Don’t tell me you haven’t realized that about him, or that his autocratic ways haven’t hurt you, too. That’s the revenge I want—for him to realize that the world doesn’t run on his terms. That he’s made mistakes, and people have suffered as a result. Then he can finally start to take responsibility for the damage that he’s done.”
“Can’t you leave it in the past?” Nicole pleaded. “Yes, he made mistakes, but he’s paid for them, too. For twenty-five years, he didn’t even know if Judd was truly his son!”
“You think that’s enough to make up for what he did?” Nate sneered. “He destroyed my fath
er. Do you know what that means? He sucked every last bit of joy out of him, every last bit of pride. With his accusations he tainted my father for life. Dad lost more than a friend and a business partner over your father’s twisted blame. He lost the respect of his peers, as well, not to mention his income. The roll-on effect to my mother and myself was huge. Don’t ever underestimate that. Life became very hard for us all. While you were still in that gothic monstrosity you call home, eating hot meals every night and wearing your designer labels, my mother and I were reduced to being reliant on food parcels and hand-me-downs.”
Nate’s words rained down on her like hail from a black cloud and, through it, all she could hear was the hurt in his voice. The pain of a boy whose father had changed and withdrawn from him. A boy who’d spent his whole life driven by the dispute between two men.
“But do you see what you’re doing to him now?” she asked softly, all her earlier anger and defensiveness having fled. “You’re the one in the position of power this time,” she reminded him, “and how much damage are you doing by refusing to forgive?”
“Look, we’re never going to see eye to eye on this and I’m not prepared to discuss it any further.”
“Well, that’s a lovely cop-out,” she pushed back, not ready to let things go just yet. She deserved answers. “You think you were the only one affected? I lost my mother and my brother over the whole situation. Isn’t it enough for you, now, that my brother is back? That my father knows that he is Judd’s father and your father isn’t?”
Nate shook his head. “It’s not as simple as that.”
“Yes, Nate. It is,” Nicole insisted. “Judd’s DNA testing proved he is Dad’s natural-born son. The argument between our fathers was just that. Between them. Why let that keep affecting us now?”
“Because he’s never apologized. Charles Wilson has never admitted he was wrong,” he said stubbornly.
“And if he did, would that make it all go away? Would that change the fact that you and your mother suffered while your father found his financial feet again?”
“You don’t understand.”
“No, you’re right,” she said sadly. “I’ll never understand. Too many people were hurt back then, Nate. Don’t carry on the feud. It’s just not worth it.”
“I’m not letting you go back to him, Nicole.”
“I don’t think you can stop me.”
“Aren’t you forgetting something?”
“No, Nate, I’m not forgetting that you can still hold that DVD over me. I’d just hope that you’d be man enough not to.”
Eight
They went back to Karekare that night, their journey completed in silence, and once at the house Nicole said she was turning in early. She woke in the early hours of the morning to find the bed still empty beside her, a faint flicker of light coming from the main room down the hall. She got up from the bed and pulled on the peignoir that matched her ivory chiffon nightgown. The floor was cold against her bare feet, yet she made no sound as she padded along the polished wooden floor.
The room was in darkness, the only light coming from the massive LCD television screen mounted on the wall. Nate was sitting on the couch opposite the TV, a glass of red wine on the coffee table in front of him. Even though the sound was off on the television, he hadn’t heard her enter the room, his attention fixed on the screen.
Nicole hazarded a look and instantly wished she’d stayed in bed. There, in all their glory, were the two of them—making love. At the time she’d thought it would be a bit of fun. After all, she’d been the one to instigate it. Again, her rashness getting her into a situation she’d have done better to avoid. She closed her eyes for a moment, but behind her lids she could still see the images of their bodies entwined. Of the expression on her face as Nate did things to her she’d never allowed any other man to do. Of how she’d trusted him and loved every second of it, never for a moment thinking there could possibly be any consequences.
Opening her eyes, she turned and left the room before Nate could sense or hear her there. In the bedroom she yanked off her peignoir and threw herself back into the bed, closing her eyes tight once more—but not tight enough to stop the flow of tears that came from beneath them.
Nate sat alone in the dark, staring at the screen in front of him, at the evidence of the incredible connection he had with the flesh and blood, passionate woman sleeping in his bed down the hall.
He’d threatened her now twice with the DVD. The first time he’d meant it. The second? Well, he’d thought he’d meant it. Until now. Until he’d started to watch it again and had realized that he could never use this against her.
He still wanted his revenge against Charles Wilson. But he wouldn’t—couldn’t—hurt Nicole to achieve it. Her words today had struck deep inside him. Logically he knew she was right, but emotionally he was still that determined little boy who’d wanted to make his father’s eyes smile again.
Nate had always understood his parents’ relationship was an anomaly amongst his friends’ parents’ bonds. Deborah Hunter and Thomas Jackson had never married. Never even lived together. Yet they were united as one on the upbringing of their son. He’d asked his mother once, when he was still small, why his daddy didn’t live with them, and his mother had had such a sad expression in her eyes when she’d told him that Thomas simply wasn’t like other daddies. Nate had never wanted to see that sorrow on his mother’s face again, had never pushed for more answers.
It wasn’t until he was older that he’d realized what it was that made his father different, and it was something that had made him even more determined to teach Charles Wilson a lesson. Thomas Jackson was gay. His sexual orientation had been misunderstood and even feared by others when he was a young man—if it had been public knowledge then he would have been touched by a stigma that might have seen him lose friends, not to mention business.
Nate himself was the result of a last-ditch attempt on his father’s part to disprove the truth about himself. Thomas had explained it to Nate during his last visit to Europe before he’d died. How he’d met Deborah Hunter and, desperate to deny his own sexuality, had embarked upon an affair with her. It was a short-lived fling, but it had resulted in Nate’s conception—a fact that had bound both Thomas and Deborah together as close friends for the rest of their lives. Nate didn’t doubt that his mother had loved Thomas deeply, nor that he loved her in return. Just not in the way his mother needed.
The knowledge had explained a lot to Nate. Had answered so many questions he’d had but had never put into words. Nate knew his father could never have had the affair with Cynthia Masters-Wilson that Charles had accused Thomas of. It was something Charles Wilson should have known from the start—would have known, if he’d truly been a good friend to Thomas. But the man was known for his up-front, old-fashioned and often righteous attitude. In itself that was probably the reason why Thomas never confided his homosexuality to him. He had been afraid that he would lose Charles’s friendship—and he had, even if it wasn’t in the manner he’d anticipated. But Charles should have trusted Thomas, and the loss of that trust had decimated his father.
Yes, Nicole had been right when she’d said he couldn’t change the past. But the little boy inside him still suffered. Charles Wilson had to pay. Nicole, on the other hand, had already paid more than enough, having to walk away from her home, her friends and her family.
Nate reached for the remote and snapped off the television. No, he wouldn’t use the DVD against Nicole. The content of it was theirs, and theirs alone. But if he told her he had no intention of using it against her anymore, how could he ensure she would stay? Now that he had her, he didn’t want to let her go.
Sure, knowing she was a pivotal member of the Wilson Wines hierarchy, he’d wanted to use her to hurt their business—and if her recent trip was any indication, he’d succeed quite well
in that goal. And he’d relished the thought of staking his own claim on someone who Charles Wilson took for granted would always be there. But keeping Nicole with him was no longer just about pulling her away from her father. Now he just wanted her, for reasons that had nothing to do with anyone but him and her.
It was more than desire, he admitted, although that was in itself an itch he found he couldn’t scratch hard enough, or often enough with her. No, he wanted Nicole in a way he didn’t fully understand, and could never describe. A way that had nothing to do with his plans.
And the truth of that scared him.
She was still alone when she woke in the morning but through the bathroom door she could hear the shower running. She lay between the tangled sheets that were the evidence of her restless night and wondered what Nate had been thinking while he’d watched the DVD last night. Was he imagining her father’s anger and disgust? Would he send it with a letter accompanying it, explaining that he, Nate, was Thomas Jackson’s son? A son Thomas Jackson had raised while Charles had sent his own away in a fit of pride and anger?
The very thought of her father opening such a letter, or even beginning to watch the DVD, made her feel physically ill and she dashed from the bedroom to the guest facilities, heaving over the toilet bowl until her stomach ached with the effort. She flushed the toilet and leaned both hands against the basin, willing her body back under control. With a shaking hand she turned on the faucet, letting the cold water splash over her hands and wrists before rinsing out her mouth and vigorously scrubbing at her face.
A Forbidden Affair Page 9
