She felt like death warmed over. In fact, when she thought about it, she hadn’t felt physically fit in days. Was this all the toll of the days she’d spent in Nelson and Blenheim and the emotional demands of living and working with Nate every day, or was there something else she should be worried about? She didn’t want to think about the night Nate had said his condom had come off inside her as they’d slept. She didn’t want to believe that she could have been vulnerable to falling pregnant for even an instant.
Pregnant? Her stomach clenched on the very thought and she stared at herself in the mirror, noting the dark shadows under her eyes, the lankness of her hair, the pallor of her skin. It had to be the stress, it just had to be. She was worried about her father and under immense strain with Nate.
Nicole wondered again about Charles. It worried her to think that his health had worsened, and she wished she could get a fuller report. Short of visiting him, though, where she had no doubt she would be told in no uncertain terms of how unwelcome she was, she had only one other option. She had to ask Anna. Her friend would know the truth about Charles’s health. She’d email Anna today when they got into the office, arrange to meet for lunch if the other woman was willing. And then maybe, just maybe, Nicole would begin to get her life back on track again.
Sharing an office with Nate hadn’t bothered her before but today it most definitely did. She had to wait until almost lunchtime, when he headed out for a meeting, before she could compose the email she wanted to send to Anna. By now Wilson Wines would know that she’d wrested their new business from them. Would Anna even respond to her email? There was only one way to find out. She typed in the short missive and hit Send before she could change her mind.
She waited, drumming her fingers on the desk to see if Anna would respond. Maybe she was away from her desk, or maybe she was just ignoring the request to meet at Mission Bay for lunch. She couldn’t stand it. She powered her computer down and grabbed her handbag. She’d wait at the restaurant. If Anna showed up, she showed up. If she didn’t, well, then Nicole would just find out about her father some other way.
Nicole couldn’t get over the relief that swamped her body as Anna made her way through the tables to where she was sitting at the back of the restaurant. Even so, the relief was tempered with a generous dose of apprehension as Anna sat in the chair opposite.
“I ordered for us already,” Nicole said, hoping that Anna wouldn’t mind she’d gone ahead and done so.
“Thank you, I think.”
Dread clutched her heart. Was there to be no reconciliation between them, after all? If the look on Anna’s face was anything to go by, twenty-odd years of friendship was about to go down the tubes.
“Oh, Anna, don’t look at me like that, please.”
“Like what?” her friend said, giving nothing away.
“Like you don’t know whether I’m going to hit you or hug you.”
Anna smiled, but it was a pale facsimile of her usual warmth. “Well, you weren’t exactly happy with me the last time we talked to each other.”
No, she hadn’t been. She’d been feeling betrayed at the worst level possible, and she’d felt angry and trapped. A situation which she’d only made worse by yelling at her oldest friend, and running off. Nicole forced a smile to her lips and reached across the table to squeeze Anna’s hand, the tension in her body easing just a little when the other woman didn’t pull away. The waiter arrived at that moment with their Caesar salads and she let Anna’s hand go. Once they were alone again, Anna asked her how she was doing. How she was really doing.
Nicole ached to tell her the truth, to tell her she’d gotten herself into an awful situation and that she couldn’t see her way out of it, but she held it all inside, instead skating across the reality her life had become. But, she reminded herself, meeting with Anna today hadn’t been about her. It was to find out how Charles was doing. She wasn’t surprised when Anna told her he was less than impressed with her working for Nate. And, of course, Charles still had no idea that Nate was Thomas’s son.
She asked about Charles’s health, and was partially relieved when Anna told her he was okay. Anna wouldn’t lie about something as important as that. What did hurt, though, was hearing about how easily Judd had picked up her side of things at Wilson Wines. She’d never been able to measure up to him, even though he’d grown up in another country. Always, she felt as if she’d been found lacking, and when Anna began to beg her to come back to Wilson Wines, to come home, she felt as if her heart would fracture into a million tiny pieces.
“I…I can’t,” she said, shaking her head, wishing the opposite was true.
“What do you mean, you can’t? Of course you can. Your home is with us, your career was with us. Come back, please?”
If only it was that simple. Even if she told Anna about the blackmail, how could she admit the deeper truth—that she actually liked working for Jackson Importers? That she felt more valued and appreciated there than she had in her father’s own company. Nicole was ashamed of herself for even thinking it. She skirted around the issue and focused instead on the much-needed apology she had to deliver to the woman who had been her best friend for as long as she could remember. To her relief, Anna accepted the apology with her natural grace and they turned their discussion to anything and everything other than work, or men. How she felt about Nate was too raw and complicated for her to share with Anna just yet. She didn’t even fully understand it herself, and until she did, talking about him was off limits. By the time their lunch was over, it almost felt as if everything was back to normal. As normal as it could be without them both returning to work in the same office.
“I’m so glad you emailed me,” Anna said, standing and giving her an enveloping hug.
“I’m glad you’re still talking to me. I don’t deserve you, you know.”
“Of course you do, and more,” Anna replied. “I’ll settle the bill, okay? Next time will be your turn.”
“Are you sure?” Nicole had issued the invitation, lunch should have been on her.
“That there’ll be a next time? Of course there will.”
“Not that, silly.” Nicole laughed, happy, on one level, that they were back to their usual banter.
But her joy was short-lived. Being with Anna had just reminded her of all she’d walked away from. All she’d thrown away with her reckless behavior. And now she had another problem to consider—that her impetuosity had possibly gotten her pregnant. That sense of fear and nausea she’d experienced this morning swirled around inside her again. Before Anna could notice she wasn’t feeling well, or say another word that might see Nicole blurt out the whole ugly truth of what she’d gotten herself into, she gave her friend a farewell hug and left the restaurant.
The sunshine outside did little to dispel the coldness that dwelled deep inside her. Seeing Anna was an all-too-painful reminder of all Nicole was missing—her father, despite his recent behavior to her, her best friend. Even the opportunity to somehow carve a new relationship with the brother she’d never had a chance to know, and work with him to help stabilize and protect the family company. Instead, she was working against them all—and enjoying it. Shame swamped her. Somehow she had to make things right for what she’d done. Anna hadn’t mentioned how the Nelson and Blenheim wineries business loss had been taken in the office, but Nicole knew it must have hurt. She had to find a way to make that up to them.
It was during the short drive back to the city that Nicole’s mind began to work overtime. There was most definitely a way she could continue working with Nate and yet remain loyal to her father and Wilson Wines. It would be tricky, but hey, no one had made her sign a confidentiality agreement. She could feed information to Anna on Nate’s current development plans. Not enough that it would immediately point a finger at her when it came to light—and it most definitely would come to light, she had
no doubt about that at all—but hopefully enough to give Wilson Wines an edge against Jackson Importers. After all, in very many cases they were competing for the same business, anyway. It would only be natural to assume they’d continue to cross swords in the marketplace.
Satisfied she’d finally found a workable answer to her situation, Nicole continued to the office, steadfastly ignoring the conflicted sensation that what she was about to do would hurt the very people who’d welcomed her into Jackson Imports with open arms. She swallowed against the lump that formed in her throat. If she could make this work, Charles would have to see her in a different light. Would have to value her worth to him. Wouldn’t he?
Nate came from the 7:00 a.m. Monday morning meeting with his head of IT undecided about whether he was furious with Nicole or filled with admiration for her audacity. Over the weekend, while he’d thought she was sulking in her room, she’d been emailing information to Anna Garrick at Wilson Wines. Information he could well do without them knowing. At least, thanks to the tracking software he’d had installed on her laptop right from the beginning, his team had been able to find out exactly what information she’d passed on. Between the software and the team he had tracking her laptop activity, keeping an eye on Nicole had been an expensive investment, but well worth it if it made him aware that this was the tack she was taking.
But why was she doing it? She’d seemed satisfied with her success with the Marlborough district wineries. Then they’d had that blasted discussion, which had turned them back into silent ships that passed in the office, and in the night. Even at the Karekare house, she’d moved into another bedroom. He couldn’t understand it. She was just as strongly attracted to him as he was to her. He knew it to his very bones. Knew it in every accidental touch from the ache it created deep within him and in the clouded look of suppressed need he saw in Nicole’s eyes immediately afterward.
And it wasn’t just physical. He was making every effort to satisfy all of her needs—including her need to feel valued and appreciated for her work. He was giving her every opportunity to excel at what she did best and yet it still wasn’t enough. What more could he possibly give her? And why was everything he’d already given her not enough to make her happy? Was it truly that necessary to her to please her father, to the point where she’d throw away everything else he’d given her for the chance to make Charles Wilson proud?
He could cope with the collateral damage this time, but what she was doing had to stop. For his sake, for the company’s sake, and for her sake, too. If there was one thing Nate knew, it was that Charles Wilson was a stubborn bastard who never forgave. Not his best friend, or his daughter. Nicole couldn’t buy her way back into her daddy’s heart with Jackson Importers secrets—she could only sabotage her own chances of succeeding with them. And he wasn’t about to let her do that.
He pushed open the door to his office and felt a jolt of satisfaction when she jumped in response to his presence.
“I thought you were in a meeting,” she said, swiftly covering her discomfiture.
Rain battered at the office window behind her as autumn’s weather finally did an about-face and delivered on its usual wet and windy promise. The weather suited his mood.
“I was,” he replied, his voice short as he chose his next words very carefully. “A very interesting meeting, in fact. It seems someone from our office has been feeding information about our latest initiatives to Wilson Wines. I don’t suppose you’d know who that was, would you?”
To his satisfaction, she paled visibly under the onslaught of his words.
“How…?”
“How I know isn’t relevant. But it’s going to stop right here and right now, Nicole.”
“You can’t stop me,” she said defiantly, rising from her chair and lifting her chin. “If you’re going to make me work here and I’m privy to certain information, you can’t prevent me from sharing it. I haven’t signed any confidentiality agreement.”
“No? I would have thought that the DVD was enough of a substitute, wouldn’t you?”
She wavered where she stood and he fought to control the urge to comfort her. To take her in his arms and assure her he would never dream of using the DVD against her anymore. But he had to stop her in her tracks. Had to keep her where she belonged, where she could be appreciated and valued—with him.
“Remember, Nicole. I can just as easily give you access to bad information as I can to good. Ask yourself this—how would you feel if what you were so merrily passing onto your friend at Wilson Wines was enough to turn very strongly to their disadvantage? What if it was the straw that broke their financial back?”
She sat back down in her seat, her face drawn into harsh lines of worry. “Have you?”
“Not this time, but don’t be so sure I won’t in the future. Now, let this be the first and last time you do this, or I will take punitive action, Nicole. Don’t think I won’t.”
“I—”
She was interrupted in her response by the chirp of her cell phone. He watched as she glanced at the screen and, if it were possible, paled even further.
“Your friend, I assume?” he sneered.
In response, Nicole snatched the phone up and dismissed the call, only to have it start ringing again a few seconds later.
“You’d better take it,” Nate growled, “and while you’re at it, tell Ms. Garrick that they can expect to have to do their own research and development in the future.”
He turned and stalked out the office.
Nicole watched the door close behind him before answering the call. In the face of what she’d just been through with him she really didn’t think her day could have gotten any worse, until she’d seen her home phone number come up on her screen. Try as she might, she couldn’t fight back the feeling of dread that suffused her.
“Hello?”
“Nic, it’s Anna. Charles collapsed this morning at breakfast. Judd’s gone with him in the ambulance. You should meet us at Auckland City Hospital’s emergency department as soon as you can. It doesn’t look good.”
“But you said he was doing okay,” Nicole protested, at a complete loss for anything else to say.
“He has obviously been feeling worse than he let on. Look, I must get going. I’ll see you at the hospital.”
Anna severed the connection before Nicole could say another word. Shaking, Nicole grabbed her handbag and headed straight for the elevator bank. She slammed her hand against the call button several times waiting for the car to arrive at her floor.
Finally the elevator doors slid open and she dashed inside, punching the ground floor button as she did so. The doors began to slide closed but suddenly an arm appeared between them, forcing them to bounce open again.
“Going somewhere?” Nate asked, entering the car and standing close beside her.
“It’s my dad, he’s collapsed. I need to see him. Please don’t try and stop me.”
Nate’s expression changed rapidly. “How are you planning to get there?”
“I don’t know, taxi, something!” A note of sheer panic pitched her voice high.
“I’ll drive you.”
“You don’t n—”
“I said, I’ll drive you. You’re in no state to be left on your own.” He reached forward and pressed the button for the level below ground.
“Thank you,” she said shakily, watching as the car slid inexorably down to the basement parking floor.
She couldn’t have said later on how long it took to get to Auckland City Hospital. The journey should only have taken about ten minutes but, as with everything since she’d received Anna’s call, it seemed to take forever. The second Nate rolled his car to a halt outside the emergency department she shot out the door and headed inside, not even waiting to see if he followed her or not. Ahead of her she could
see her brother and Anna. She strode across the floor, her high heels clicking on the polished surface.
“Where is he? I want to see him.”
“He’s with the doctors,” Anna said quietly. “They’re still assessing him.”
“What happened?” Nicole demanded, turning to Judd, more than ready to lay blame for their father’s current condition firmly at his feet. Life had been simple before he arrived. Not necessarily always happy but certainly less complicated.
“He collapsed at breakfast,” Judd replied.
“I thought your being here was supposed to make him feel better, not worse,” Nicole fired back before promptly bursting into tears.
God, what was it with her these days? So overemotional. She needed to hold it together, especially if she wanted them to let her in to see her father.
A nurse came toward them, “Mr. Wilson, you can see your father now.”
Nicole didn’t notice that Judd had reached for Anna until she heard her friend say, “No, take Nicole. She needs to be with him more than I do.”
What was with that between the two of them? Were they a couple?
“Are you coming?” Judd asked with thinly veiled impatience.
Her tears dried instantly. How dare he act and speak to her as if she didn’t belong. It wasn’t her fault her father was in there, possibly fighting for his life. “Of course I’m coming. He’s my father.”
Nicole was horrified when she saw her father. Lines ran into his arms and monitors were beeping around him. He looked so ill, so frail. So very old. Guilt assailed her anew.
“What’s she doing here?” he rasped, turning his head away from her.
But not before she saw the anger and rejection in his eyes. Nicole stiffened and halted in her tracks. The words of love and care that were on the tip of her tongue drying on her tongue like a bitter pill she’d been unable to swallow. She reached down deep and found what dignity she had left.
A Forbidden Affair Page 10
