Salacious Stand Up: A Funny Lesbian Romance by Nicolette Dane (2016-06-22)

by Nicolette Dane

  See Hotel Hollywood on Amazon

  Freestyle Flirting

  A Lesbian Romance

  Marie Mullally, competitive swimmer, has had it tough. Just a few short years back family tragedy kept her from her dreams of competing in the Olympic Games. But 4 years later she’s more driven than ever, focused on her training, and ready to bring home the Gold in the Summer Olympics. That singular focus, keeping her eyes on the prize, has proven to be great for her athletic goals… but not so much for her love life.

  These goals get challenged once Marie meets her new coach, Dasha Belenko. Dasha is beautiful, fit, inspiring, a former Olympic Medal winner herself and the kind of coach any swimmer could easily swoon over. Marie and Dasha soon find themselves entangled in a joyful secretive affair, excited for the possibility of love. But jealousy on the team mixed with the impropriety of a coach/swimmer relationship cause for some conflict that could once again keep Marie from her Gold Medal ambitions.

  Will Marie be able to navigate unfounded jealousy, regain focus on her swimming, and hoist the Gold Medal? Or will this high level competition on the world’s stage leave Marie dead in the water? With tragedy behind her, the spirit of a champion, and love in her heart, Marie is prepared to do what it takes to win in the pool… but at what cost?

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  Chef Cutegirl

  A Lesbian Romance

  Emily Gold, head chef for one of Chicago’s most acclaimed French restaurants, is about to have her life turned upside down. She’s been picked to compete on the hit reality TV show Hot Chef! Everything has been falling into place for Emily in regards to her career as a budding culinary mastermind. But when you dedicate as much of your life to your work as Emily has, some things are bound to slip away from you… like your love life.

  All of that is about to change for Emily, however, when she’s introduced to one of her fellow competitors. Raina appears to be introverted and sweet on the outside, but inside of her burns a flame of culinary talent that instantly draws Emily in. The two become fast friends and as the heat in the kitchen grows, so does the heat in their relationship. But reality TV is never drama free, as both Emily and Raina soon discover.

  Will the desire Emily feels for her beautiful competitor overcome her desire to win Hot Chef? Or will this behind the scenes romance come out of the oven undercooked? Emily is determined to have it all, a great career and a partner to share it with, but the realities of unscripted television might just be writing a different script for this driven young chef.

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  Sweetheart Starlet

  A Lesbian Romance

  Tabitha Bloom has a pretty frenetic life. As head writer for the venerated live sketch comedy show This Saturday, her job is to make people laugh. But she’s spent so much of her time with her head down, her life buried in work, that she hasn’t stopped for a moment to see how far she’s come and what she’s achieved. No time for self-reflection when you have a live show to put together. And, of course, no time for a relationship either.

  But when Corinne Holmstrom guest hosts the show, Tab can’t help but be starstruck over the mega celebrity actress. Who could blame her? Corinne is beautiful, famous, successful and… is she coming on to Tab? There’s no way that Corinne is a lesbian, she always dates the hunkiest Hollywood actors. Best to just forget about her. Move on. Get back to work. Still, there’s something about Corinne that Tab can’t shake and this sweetheart starlet is too special to ignore.

  Will Tab find the romance she’s been seeking in this young Hollywood actress? Or will the pressures that fame has put on Corinne cause this romantic comedy to bomb? With the public watching your every move, it’s no wonder Hollywood’s elite are so secretive… something Tab is about to learn first hand.

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  Dormitory Dearest

  A Lesbian Romance

  Having just started her freshman year at college, Natasha Blake has a lot of issues to deal with. She’s a bit of a geek, an outcast, a ball of nerves. Oh, and she’s got this feeling mounting deep inside of her — a feeling that’s been there for a lot longer than she might let on — that maybe, just maybe, she prefers girls over boys. Okay, no maybes about it… but that still doesn’t make it easy to accept who she is, having come from a somewhat conservative Irish Catholic family life. Why did it have to be so hard?

  Enter Hosannah. Bright, funny, really pretty, a junior living in Natasha’s dorm. Hosannah was like a liberated version of Natasha, a girl who knew who she was and what she wanted. But having been burned in the past, Hosannah had no time for girls who couldn’t admit their personal truths. Natasha knew that Hosannah could help her come out of her shell, but would she be able to take the first step alone?

  Can this college romance blossom into a wonderful coming out for Natasha? Or will Hosannah’s patience for her uncertainty run thin? Coming-of-age indecision peppered with a dash of anxiety can really throw a girl for a loop. Lucky for Natasha the answer lives just two floors up.

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  An Excerpt From: Hotel Hollywood

  A Lesbian Romance

  Let’s set the scene. The camera pans in slowly toward a figure slumped down at her desk, the reception desk of a classically ornate, almost Victorian style, hotel. Think reds and purples, dark wood, low light. The hotel is quiet, mostly empty, though it’s been kept up pretty nicely. However, this figure at the counter — a young woman with dark dirty blonde hair, mostly brunette if we’re being honest, and a sun kissed visage — appears bored, tired, unsure as to why she’s even sitting behind that desk. Few people come in to the hotel as it’s off the beaten path, centered on Main Street in a forgotten town on the west side of Michigan. It’s not that far from Lake Michigan, really, but there are so many other nicer resort towns that Champlain often gets forgotten about.

  This hotel is the Hotel Champlain. This young woman is me, Audra Durand.

  I grew up here in Champlain and never left. It didn’t seem like such a big deal at first but now that I’m well into my 27th year, I’m starting to panic a little bit. At one point, probably back when I was a baby and into my early childhood, this town wasn’t so bad. We had an economy. We had a population. But it was all mostly based on manufacturing because even though we’re close to Lake Michigan, Champlain never really set itself up as a resort town like some of the other names you might be more familiar with. You know, Saugatuck or Ludington. Champlain often gets overlooked and our hotel definitely suffers for it.

  The hotel has been around since the 20s. It was the social hub of the town back then, hosting diners at its restaurant, revelers dancing in its quaint ballroom. It fell into disrepair in the 70s and 80s, changed ownership myriad times, until it was bought on the cheap by its current owner, my boss Jake Poe, in the early 2000s. Jake has made a real go at getting the hotel functional and nice but since there’s no draw in our town — and to be honest the downtown area is kind of a mess with empty storefronts — we just don’t get the kind of traffic we might get if we were in a more desirable location.

  I don’t pretend to understand it. We’re close enough to the Lake and that’s good enough for me. The Lake is really the only thing I like about living in this town. It’s my best friend, maybe my only friend. I know that’s a sad-sack thing to say but it’s true. Champlain is one of those places from which most people my age left when they saw their out. And I had my shot around the age of 19.

  My best friend at the time, Katie, had moved to Chicago for school and after her first year there she invited me out to live with her. I had opted to stay at home and do the community college thing, as I was unsure what I wanted to do with my life, and even though Katie’s invitation intrigued me, something inside of me — fear, I guess — persuaded me to turn her down and stay put in Champlain. Big mistake. Slowly, over the next couple of years, Katie and I began to lose touch. Her parents moved away from Champlain so she stopped coming b
ack. They moved to a cabin in Minnesota so she wasn’t even coming anywhere near Michigan on her breaks. But had I moved to Chicago, things might be a little different for me.

  It was like I woke up from a deep sleep and found myself essentially in a ghost town, a place filled with people unable to leave or perhaps too distracted to realize that the town was fading and with it… them. People like me. I don’t know, maybe I’m being naive when I think that all it would take was an enterprising developer, someone who could come up, spend a buttload of money, and turn this place into a thriving hub that’s only 20 minutes from the Lake. I think my boss Jake thought that of himself at one time. But now he was married to this albatross of an investment, a beautiful hotel in an otherwise dead town, and nobody else was coming in to save him.

  And now, add all this up, and I feel kind of trapped. I don’t really have the education credentials to get me into some decently paying office job, I don’t have much money, my work experience is sitting behind the reception desk of a floundering hotel, I live with my father who is just as lost as I am. I mean, the walls feel like they’re closing in here.

  The one thing, though, that makes me feel okay is that wonderfully huge body of water, Lake Michigan, ol’ Mishigami. It truly is the Third Coast of this country. I wish I could just live out of a van or something on the beach. I wish I could just walk into it, let the waves overtake me, and never walk out again. I could live in Lake Michigan, like some wonderful spirit child, protecting all those who came into its wake. A girl can dream, right?

  But would Lake Michigan actually give me the job of spirit guardian when I’ve only got hotel receptionist on my resume?

  As I continued to daydream about my life, Jake wandered up toward the desk. He was a tall man, kind of built, usually wearing a grey t-shirt and tan work pants. He was a contractor before he bought the hotel, having refurbished most of it himself, and he had the look of someone who’d worked outdoors a lot. Tanned, very short hair, about the same length as his beard. He was a good guy. I was grateful that he continued to pay me, even though it was only minimum wage.

  “Hey Audra,” said Jake. He saddled up to the desk and put his hands atop it. He had a smile on his face that was much bigger than he usually had. I mean, he was generally a pretty content person, despite the vacancy issues with the hotel, but he looked a little different today.

  “Hi Jake,” I said, straightening up in my chair. I had on a white polo shirt and tan pants, the same uniform I wore every work day here at the Hotel Champlain.

  “Give me a little more enthusiasm,” he said with joy in his eyes. I was taken aback by this positivity. It had become quite rare.

  “What are you talking about?” I said with a small laugh, a smile coming over my lips. Jake’s attitude was infectious.

  “I’m gonna need a little more enthusiasm out of you,” said Jake slyly. “Because of the guests we’re about to have.”

  “Are more ghosts checking in?” I said with some teasing snark.

  “Better,” he said. “I’ve been in talks with someone, and I kept this from you because I didn’t want to jinx it.” I could tell Jake was getting excited. “It turns out that because of some preferable tax credits, a Hollywood production is coming to Champlain to film a movie and most of the cast and crew are going to be staying right here at the hotel.”

  “What?!” I intoned, standing up from my chair and pounding the desk. “Are you for real?”

  “For real,” said Jake with a satisfied smile.

  “Oh my God,” I said. “Jake, congratulations! That’s amazing!”

  “Exciting, right?” he said. “Don’t you love movies?”

  “No,” I said with an enthused grin. “No, I find most movies to be shallow and poorly written. But I like when the hotel can make money!”

  “Let’s keep that positive attitude,” said Jake, wagging his finger at me. “And don’t let on that you’re not a fan of what these people do.”

  “Will do, boss,” I said.

  “So I’ve contracted with a local maid service to help us out for the six weeks that the movie is in town,” said Jake.

  “Wow,” I mused. “Six weeks?”

  “Six weeks,” he affirmed. “I’m going to get a couple of temp workers in here to help out. Miguel has a few buddies who can come in and help in the kitchen. I mean, we’re actually going to turn this place into a functioning hotel.”

  “It’ll be great to see it thrive,” I admitted.

  “And we’re going to have a real movie star here,” said Jake. “A couple, really, but one in particular that’s pretty hot right now. Have you heard of Kelsie Kent?”

  “The name is vaguely familiar,” I said. “But I don’t really follow that world. I’m more of a reader.”

  “Right,” he said. “Well, Kelsie Kent — you know, reddish hair, slim, hippie vibe?” said Jake, motioning to his own head when he described her hair color.

  “I really don’t,” I said. “I mean, I’ve heard the name but I couldn’t tell you what she looks like.”

  “Okay,” Jake acquiesced. “Well, she’s around your age, I believe, and she’s become a pretty big deal. My wife is a fan.”

  “Fine,” I said. “I’ll be pleasant and accommodating to her and everybody else who walks through those doors.”

  “Perfect,” he said. “Oh Audra, I’m so thrilled about this. You have no idea. It’s been a rough couple of years. I’ve really thought about selling the hotel but, honestly, I don’t know who would buy it.”

  “Hopefully this turns things around,” I said. “Maybe this won’t be the last movie production to come through here with all these tax credits and such going on.”

  “Let’s hope so,” he said. After a beat, Jake slapped the desk. “Okay, I’m going to continue preparing. Thanks for sticking with me, Audra. I think we’re going to have a really exciting six weeks.”

  “I’m on board,” I said, smiling back at Jake. I really wanted him to succeed. Even though I felt pretty beaten down inside, desperate to figure out how to get out of this hotel and this town, I still wanted Jake’s business to bustle. A hotel is really lonely without guests.

  “Great,” said Jake. “Thanks Audra. Let’s do this!”

  With that Jake gave me one more smile and walked off from the front desk.

  When the movie production came to town, it was a bit crazy. People came out to watch all the trucks roll up and take over Main Street. It was unlike anything they’d ever seen before. Large semi-trucks lined the street, big white moving trucks not far behind. I mean, they had brought everything they needed. Champlain was like a blank canvas for them and they knew exactly how to paint it. Although the attitude around town was excited and starstruck, I didn’t feel the same way. I was just interested in doing my job, helping out Jake, and getting to the Lake whenever I could. Same as always.

  The lobby was filled with people milling about, the din of excited chatter throughout. The production had completely taken over the hotel, so only people who were involved with the movie were allowed in. Everybody was waiting to get their room assignments and the person in charge of that, a young woman, scurried up to the desk and looked on to me with a smile.

  “I’m Jennifer,” she said with bubbly verve. She reached across the desk and shook my hand. “I’ve been in contact with Jake. He told me outside that you should have anything ready for us?”

  “Yep!” I said. I took a bundle of file folders from the desk, all combined by a single thick rubber band, and set it up on the reception desk ledge. I deftly removed the rubber band and spread the folders out. “So these are in order of floor,” I went on. “The top floor is the nicest and where we’re assuming you want to put the VIPs.”

  “Indeed,” said Jennifer, looking down at the folders and following along. I opened up one of the folders to show her.

  “Each room has a single key,” I said. “But we’ve got a master set of keys up front here and guests can leave their room key with me when they go
out, just so they don’t have to take it with them and risk losing it.”

  “Gotcha,” she said.

  “These lists here,” I said, pulling out a list from one of the folders. “Tell you how each room is furnished. Bed size, all that. It should be pretty self-explanatory. And you can see this page has the room numbers and keys attached.”

  “This is perfect,” she said, following along with my finger as I pointed. She looked up and smiled. “And your name is…?”

  “Audra,” I said. “I’m the main receptionist here and you’ll probably be seeing a lot of me. If I’m not around, Jake will probably be behind the desk.”

  “Thank you, Audra,” said Jennifer, collecting the folders in her arms and causing the keys to jingle. “I’m sure we’ll be working a lot together.”

  “If I can do anything for you, don’t hesitate to ask,” I said happily. I always tried to put on a happy face for the guests.

  “Terrific,” said Jennifer. “One more thing. You’re not a, uh, starstruck kinda person are you?”

  “No ma’am,” I said.

  “Good,” she said. “We’ve got a couple notable celebrities on the cast and we like to allow them the space to live like normal people when we come to small towns like this. So if you can help us keep any autograph seekers out, we’d truly appreciate it.”