Lillith

by Kate Gallwey

  I bit through my tongue and tasted blood. The slab blade cut through skin then muscle tissue then bit into the bone, slowly slowly I could feel the teeth of the dull blades move through my tissue, then out the other side.

  Tendrils of stone grew into my nervous system excruciatingly moving slowly up my arms and into my shoulders and them into the base of my scull opening a pathway, I felt myself go slowly mad, and still I would not scream. The only scars that Lucian and I carry, to this day, are round our arms just below the elbows.

  I tried spells of calming and mantras of tranquillity, nothing worked. I tried to find that place of stillness and inner peace and couldn’t, so I went mad.

  I have done this a few times, it is a bit embarrassing but it seems to be part of me and my defences. A madness that includes pretty bright colours and sounds but no speech. I just dived off into the deep end and find lots of pretty bubbles and rainbows.

  It’s not macho, heroic or god like in anyway but it served me just fine.

  Blades cut my eyes out and put them back in; torches burned the soles of my feet, and then sealed them in acid until they started itching with a vengeance. In my madness I didn’t notice much of it.

  Colours and sounds bounced around the inside of my head in an amazing orchestra of light, and I sang along to the tune only in my head, still biting my tongue, caught up in a rainbow world of fairies of pretty coloured lights and soundless music.

  When it stopped I slept and tried to find my way back, it was like a maze and I was lost. Years past, or so it seemed, I didn’t want to find my way to all that pain again and be awake, but like many things about of those days, I didn’t have much choice. My instincts for survival are very strong and I surged instinctively to find the light again.

  I awoke in a room full of the others of my kind. Some were weeping and crying. Someone I knew took me in his arms and rocked me, burying his face in my hair for a long time. I had to focus on his face before I knew him, it was Lucian. He kissed my face and head and we started to cry, we just held each other until we slept, pressing each other close, trying to stay sane.

  Sleep it a great healer and I awoke really really angry.

  CHA

  PTER SIX

  thy Will Be DOne

  A while later our Creators open the main doors of their Space Citadel for us and told us to “Go learn.” So we did.

  We were given the knowledge of how to fly through the vastness of space in the instant of a thought. We didn’t need to eat, drink or be warm and spells were cast by our Creators to protect us in space. I didn’t have to breathe, though that may not true anymore. After 30 thousand turns around earth’s sun I have got used to oxygen and breathing is very pleasant.

  Flying through the vacuum of space, chasing comets, bouncing on asteroids, and skimming the surface of gas giants.

  Silver Surfer eat your heart out.

  It was magnificent, soaring among the stars, feeling totally free and going where you want on a whim. I flew as fast as I could think and got as far from the monsters as I could. I was drunk on this illusion of escape. The Universe is such a beautiful contrast of sights that just blow you away with the splendours of it all.

  It was a lot to give up.

  I flew amongst the stars as a thought, a tiny dot of life beside the giants, nebulars and suns. Total freedom was mine, or so I thought. I travelled for eons, resting when I needed.

  I was never going back to those monsters that made me, I was going to run forever and be free of all thoughts and memories, and nothing could touch me or catch me. I found many planets teeming with strange life forms and after exploring each briefly, passed on.

  Eventually I missed the company of others so I found a small planet that had the beginnings of life. Small catlike beings with the beginnings of intelligence and overflowing with potential. So I tampered a bit and went inside their heads and gave them knowledge of language and soon they had speech and community.

  They were territorial and fought each other for mates, and I learnt that I had to stand back and let their nature take its own course; it was a good lesson to learn. Conflict is a great way of boosting evolution.

  I was their god and I wanted them to survive, so I taught them magic and the craft of tactics and war. I also taught them that the universe was a hostile place and to hide well against stronger foes.

  I helped them evolve and they formed a working space faring society that spanned their system of planets.

  We learnt to adapt their bodies to each environment and some of them transformed into space travelling creatures that formed wings and didn’t need to breath, creating and re-shaping their species to face the different challenges that they came across. They built me a palace and I formed a deep affection for them, I hope that they are still out there.

  Then I felt the Summoning from my Creators and I think I screamed. It was an overwhelming compulsion that grew as I tried to ignore it. A pulling sensation that didn’t stop and made sleep impossible. After about a week of struggle and I was dragged screaming and kicking back to those that made me.

  I was one of the last in and was back on that white stone slab with my arms sliced off and cold stone filaments were entered into my nervous system and up into my brain. This time some of those icy stone fingers crawled through my forebrain and I felt all that I had seen, thought or done being downloaded to my Creators.

  This was the worst thing they had done to me yet.

  My true purpose reviled, I am a betrayer of life.

  Those catlike beings that thought I was their god and all the planets that had life that I had past were now betrayed and will be eventual food for my Creators. My true purpose brought me more pain than that cold white slab and made me strain against the binds that held me down and hopelessly tears fell.

  Self pity and tears never got me anywhere so I grew angry, that has always been a good move, I think better when angry. I was going to make them pay. Fantasy and illusion is far better than the loss of hope.

  I found Lucian, Michael and Raphael in the Library and we held each other close for a long time.

  Ariel was hacking at the walls with her double bladed green staff, she was really angry and green sparks flew off her yellow hair. She swore a lot and threw fireballs at the books in the Library, they wouldn’t burn or even smoulder.

  Others just sat with their head in their hands. Gabriel was reading trying to find a solution in a book. I had an idea.

  There was another Summoning and we all trooped out like frightened children, this time to a large room that had transparent walls that looked out into space and onto a huge vibrant green world with dark green clouds.

  There was a gathering of about fifty Creators drawing close to the world seeming to circle the green world below. I drew closer to the windows in fascination and the more I watched the more my horror grew.

  The Creators began to feed.

  The green world fought back with a light show that was beautiful but an act of sheer desperation and futility. It gathered itself and sent wave after wave of violent green energy at its attackers. My Creators fed off the energy and then settled down to drain the Life Essence from the world. Drawing its green life into themselves and turning the vibrant world a dull grey with a deep sucking sound.

  There was a ripping scream of such terribleness and pain that I had tears running down my face. It looked like they had formed an upside down tornado drawing towards the Creators in a whirl of Essence.

  There was a part of me that wanted to taste, that part makes me sick.

  We watched as something beautiful and wonderful and full of life and potential, died in pain. Eventually there was nothing but a drained husk of rock circling around a white star, cold and airless and forever lifeless.

  We watched in silence as the Creators returned triumphant and bloated with stolen energies. They filled me with loathing at their greed and their total disregard of life. I had got numb to their cruelty and vaguely wondered why I felt such disgus
t at them, and maybe their behaviour was the right way of things. This is never a good sign.

  We wandered back to the Library.

  Ariel went back to hitting the walls and the rest just slumped in rejection. I went to Ariel and said “Fighting wont get us anywhere, we must escape to find an answer elsewhere.” She stopped hacking at the walls and looked at me.

  “Dimensional doors, other universes, rifts in time and space.” She knew what I meant.

  We smiled at one another and went to find knowledge in the crystal computers and books. There was surprising how little information on this subject was to be found in our Creator’s Library, I took this to be a good thing. But we found enough to get the theory and Ariel and I put together enough information to try and open a door into another universe.

  “Others would have tried this, they will anticipate.” Gabriel Said. She was right. But nothing ventured, nothing gained.

  When we were shown the door again, and told to “Go learn.”

  This time we were a lot more reluctant to go anywhere. Ariel, Vael, Zerachiel, Zuriel, Lucian and I with Raphael and Michael travelled just out of sight from the Citadel. Ariel and I explained our plan to the others. We were going to open a dimensional door and get so far away that the Creators Summoning would never find us.

  We began the spell.

  I have studied dimensional doors all my life, they can be easy or they can be complicated. This, my first one, was a mess and all over the place.

  Ariel and I have never worked magic together and there was no harmony, chalk and cheese working together. The others tried to add their energies to help but they just added to the confusion.

  We had to ban Lucian from the work area altogether due to his nullifying effect on magic. After a lot of errors and messing around a huge, untidy rift was eventually opened and, as far as we could tell, it went far into an unknown universe, so we succeeded in that sense.

  But as Vael, Zerachiel and Zuriel leaped into the unknown and we all made to follow, the Citadel appeared behind us and four Creators were extending their energies to close the rift.

  Lucian and Michael attacked them and were soon unconscious drifting back towards the Citadel. It was decision time, Raphael and I had to choose to stay or go, as did Ariel.

  “ Good bye, go well.” I said. We clasped wrists in farewell and she jumped into the gash in space. Raphael and I looked at one another and watched as our escape to freedom vanished and the rift closed.

  I often think I was stupid that day and what my life might have been if I had jumped into that rift. Honour is overrated sometimes.

  We turned and defiantly faced the Monsters that created us.

  We ended up on those white stone slabs of pain. The worst part was hearing the others scream. Lucian is the strongest warrior I have ever known and that day I heard him scream and cry like a little child. We all have our weaknesses and that day they found his.

  At least Ariel and the others got away, there was that satisfaction. This was pain for discipline’s sake, and they made their point, don’t get caught.

  On and on the pain went, I struggled to stay sane but it was touch and go.

  One could argue that I have always been nuts but that would make for a far too easy explanation for it all.

  This was a warning and it was told to us very clearly if we tried to escape again and got caught the punishment would be sever.

  We were kicked out again to find life to feed our Creators. I went with Lucian; he wanted to show me a little blue and white world that he found. We flew for a long while to a very distant yellow star system on the far edge of a spiral galaxy.

  He wanted to show me Earth.

  CHA

  PTER SEVEN

  the fall

  We landed in a green meadow, with a bubbling stream flowing through it. It was idyllic. Everyone has their own idea of their perfect nature setting and though mine has changed a few times as I have grown, I will always remember the wonderful grove that Lucian lead me to.

  There were four waterfalls, two tiny, one medium and one huge and frothy gushing into a large pool with weeping willows draping into the water. Lush life and jewel coloured birds were everywhere. We were in Paradise.

  Animals with no fear played in the speckled light and glorious blooms and plant life glowed in the blazing sunshine. I was in a beautiful garden, the ideal of Eden that glowed in the golden sunlight filled with a lushness that soothed the memories of darkness and pain replacing them with an abundance of life and beauty.

  I was dipping my feet in the cool waters when She arrived. She had taken the form of a little girl. She had brown hair and big brown eyes. She was shy and greeted Lucian from a distance. Her name was Gaia.

  Lucian explained how he had found this place and Gaia. She was the Earth Spirit, the Life Essence of this world, condensed into physical form and the natural prey of my Creators.

  “But They will come now.” I said.

  Gaia flinched, knowing exactly who I meant.

  “You said you wouldn’t tell!” she said accusingly to Lucian.

  “I didn’t have much of a choice.” He replied. He was disgusted with the situation; we were set up to betray everyone we met.

  “Is there a way to stop them?” I asked her.

  She thought about it a long time and then replied. “There might be, but you’ll have to help.”

  Her plan was so immense and a work of pure genius.

  There are many many areas that Gaia and I disagree and I have hated her for some of the things she has done to me and mine. But, she is a survivor and a brilliant geneticist, she has messed around with my genes often enough. She is also a manipulator extreme.

  For this plan to work she needed our genes and our Life Essence.

  We agreed, we were so young and stupid but very very desperate.

  There was a payback; she had to remove our white body suit.

  Lucian grabbed my hand and pulled me against his body, we had waited so long. She touched the back of my neck and there was heat and the suit fell away, she did the same to Lucian and he looked at me and told her to go away for a while.

  We fell on one another, like the starving presented with a feast. We tasted and touched, rolling over and over on the green lush meadow, crushing the herbs and flowers and sending up butterflies and jewel coloured insects high into the air. The scent of the air was intoxicating, balmy, warm and gentle against our newly naked skin and the grass was yielding, soft and made a tender bed but we hardly noticed. I was filled with the tastes and scents of Lucian.

  Being covered for so long made our skin super sensitive and the touch of his skin on my bare skin sent shivers all over; alighting every nerve and pleasure place in my body and we probably found most of them over the next few days.

  We were tender and serious, passionate and intense, giggly and mischievous, over and over. We explored each other inside and out and found each pleasure point with joy and pleasure in each other’s response. So much satisfaction can be gained from another’s pleasure I have dedicated my life to teaching and spreading this. Lucian taught me this there and then. I brought him to heights of pleasure and had him writhing in my mouth or my body and he did the same for me. I could feel my body bunch and clench every muscle, building intense euphoric energy up my back only to have it surge around and down the top of my head back down towards my stomach to have it surge back up again building with every loop, until I was mindless with pleasure that erupted in seven wheels of light up my body.

  I lit up like a Christmas tree and when I did the same to Lucian, he reacted very differently. This was the first indication, apart from inside and outside plumbing, of how males and females are wired up differently in this area, lighting him up like the same tree was a lot easier and quicker but required more concentration on his part to prolong the experience. It is the basic variation of males and females make life worth exploring and certainly makes sex worth exploring fully and to every extreme.

  I h
ave been celibate both by choice and by circumstance but it not my natural state. I learn so much more about myself when I am in a relationship as hard as it gets sometimes I have found myself stronger and more grounded when I have a lover or two.

  Life has it glorious moments and that was a glorious week, when a girl has her first time it should be with someone special. I arranged someone for my daughter, it would shock her if she found out but he was the best money could buy.

  While we slept Gaia worked her magic, and we awoke to a strange world of Earth Magic. There were tendrils of Life Essence flowing from us and Earth Magic flowing into us. We were being altered and it felt wonderful. I was tripping out on a rainbow tree with white birds of light on it, a kaleidoscope of blues and whites filled my vision. She could have drained us dry and we would have died smiling and happy with the world, she didn’t because she needed us to live.

  Gaia changed us to something both lesser and greater than we had been. I could have fought her when I felt was happening to me but I needed this as well as she did.

  We were given a chance to mature and grow up, and yes, there were many ‘ growing pains’ but that is part of every process. I regret the loss of flying through space but loosing that for the chance of never having to lie on that white slab with my arms cut off and crystals crawling through my brain again and betray everything and everyone I had met was a bonus well worth the cost.

  Together the three of us spun a vast web across the stars hiding the yellow sun and its family of planets away from all comers. A Veil was cast that nothing could pass through, separating us from the rest of the Universe and its predators.

  No Summoning from our Creators could get through. Separating us also from our family Raphael, Michael and Gabriel and the others, I hope to see them again soon.

  If I can’t work up the nerve to kill myself before they arrive.