Unnatural Acts

by Stuart Woods

  “What does ‘cleared’ mean?”

  “Well, in this case, he didn’t make an arrest.”

  “You mean, Ed Abney is still free?”

  “Ed Abney is dead. He shot himself when Dino went to arrest him.”

  “Oh, God,” she said, putting a hand to her face. “I’m never going to have to be afraid of him again.”

  “That’s right, and it’s a good thing, too. Abney nearly killed a female NYPD detective last night. She’s recovering in the hospital, be out in a few days.”

  Joan came into the garden with some letters. “Marla, your neighbor dropped off your mail. There was something hand-delivered, too.” She handed the packet to Marla.

  Marla opened the hand-delivered envelope first. “It’s from Bright Lights, Ink,” she said.

  “Are you their client?”

  “They’re publicists for the show I just finished.”

  “What does it say?”

  “I’ll read it to you:

  Dear Marla,

  We want to tell you about a big change at Bright Lights, Ink. Ed Abney is no longer in charge. As a matter of fact, it has been some years since Ed did any active publicity work for the company. Senior staff did the work, and Ed took the credit.

  For our existing clients, like you, our work will continue as usual, but Ed is gone. Police went to his East Hampton home this morning to arrest him on charges of the murder of a woman and assault on a police officer. Rather than go to jail, Ed took his own life. The newspapers and TV will give you the details.

  I have been with the agency for twelve years, and I am its new president. I will take great pleasure in seeing that your account is handled in an outstanding and personal fashion. If you have any questions or requests, please call me, day or night.

  “It’s signed by Margie, his secretary. She’s a terrific lady, and I always thought she was the brains there.”

  “Then she still is,” Stone said.

  “I’ve got some news for you,” she said.

  “I hope it’s good news.”

  “I hope it is, too. This morning I read your son Peter’s play, the one he produced at Yale last winter.” She tapped the script in her lap.

  “Did you get the script from my study?”

  “No, my agent had it hand-delivered to me this morning. It’s coming to Broadway, and I’ve been asked if I have any interest in directing it.”

  “Do you?”

  “Let me ask you a question first. Does Peter know that you and I are … friends?”

  “No, that’s such a recent event that I haven’t had time to tell him yet.”

  “Did you suggest to someone that I direct it?”

  “No. Peter told me when the play opened at Yale that there was talk of a New York production, but I haven’t heard anything about it since, until now.”

  “Do you want me to direct it?”

  “Apparently Peter does, or they wouldn’t have contacted you. My opinion doesn’t enter into it. For my part, if you choose to direct it, I’ll be happy for you both.”

  “Then I think I’d like to do it. It’s charming, funny, and, in the end, very moving. I think a play like this—small cast, one set, put into a small theater like, say, the Music Box or the Helen Hayes—could have a long run.”

  “May I ask a favor of you?”

  “You may.”

  “You didn’t see the play at Yale?”

  “No.”

  “Well, Peter played the lead, and he was very good in it.”

  “You want me to cast him again?”

  “No, I’d rather you didn’t. That’s the favor I’m asking.”

  “Why don’t you want him in the play?”

  “Because of what you just said. I don’t want him tied to the long run of a play, even if it’s his play. I want him at Yale, finishing his degree, before he does something like that.”

  “I can understand that. All right, if I do it, I won’t cast him. Will he be disappointed?”

  “Maybe, I’m not sure. We haven’t discussed it.”

  “Perhaps it’s best if I don’t use anyone from the original cast,” Marla said. “They’re all students, and what you’ve just said about Peter probably applies to them, too.”

  “I can’t argue with that reasoning.”

  “Then I’ll tell them I’m interested, and if the offer is right, I’ll do it.”

  “That’s great! Do you want me to tell Peter?”

  “No, let him hear about it through channels, then he can have the thrill of telling you. There’ll be time enough later to tell him about us.”

  “Peter’s girlfriend wrote the incidental music, and it’s very good.”

  “I’ll hear it, and if I like it, I’ll use it.”

  “That would make your playwright very happy. In fact, I think you should expect him to insist.”

  “Then I’ll try very hard to like the music.” She took a sip of her drink and sat back.

  “Everything all right, now?” Stone asked.

  “Everything seems just about perfect,” she said. “Ed Abney got what he deserved, I’m not out of work anymore, and, best of all, I’m here with you.”

  “Pilots have an expression,” Stone said. “‘Severe clear.’”

  “What does it mean?”

  “It means that the way ahead is clear of foul weather and even clouds, the air is smooth, and visibility is unlimited.”

  “Severe clear,” she repeated. “I like it.” She squeezed his hand. “I feel it.”

  HERBIE FISHER was clearing his desk at the end of the day when Cookie came in with a package.

  “What’s up?” he asked.

  “A packet of invitations came for the grand opening of High Cotton Ideas’ new building, and a housewarming for Mark Hayes’s new apartment. It’s a week from Friday. There was a note suggesting that you invite some of your clients.”

  “What a good idea,” Herbie said. “Mark knows most of my clients, anyway. Invite them all. And Bill Eggers, Stone Barrington, and Dino Bacchetti. And invite RoseAnn.”

  “Dink Brennan, too?”

  “Yes. Would you like a drink?” Herbie asked.

  “Sure.”

  “Pour us both one and sit.”

  Cookie poured the drinks and took a chair. “Cheers.” She raised her glass.

  “Cheers.”

  “Is something wrong?” she asked.

  “No, but I need to talk to you about something.”

  “All right.”

  “I know you find Dink Brennan attractive. He’s young, handsome, charming, and rich.”

  “What a nice combination!” Cookie said, smiling.

  “Normally, yes. The trouble is, I don’t think there’s anything normal about Dink.”

  “You mean, because he was at the funny farm?”

  “No, I mean because he needed to be at the funny farm for a lot longer, and he didn’t get the treatment he needed. He short-circuited the process.”

  “You think Dink is crazy?”

  “I think, from what the director at the farm told me about him, that he might be a psychopath. At the very least, he’s a sociopath. You know the difference?”

  “A psychopath is crazy,” Cookie said. “A sociopath has no conscience.”

  “Either one of them can appear to be a perfectly normal person,” Herbie said. “Handsome, charming, and rich.”

  “Which do you think Dink is?”

  “I think that he’s both. The psychiatrist thought Dink had violent tendencies.”

  Cookie gave a little shudder. “Eeww,” she said.

  “My thought exactly. I don’t buy his reformed act, and I suspect his father doesn’t, either. I think it would be a good idea if you treat him politely, but not warmly, and that you avoid seeing him outside this office.”

  “Herb,” she said, tossing off her drink, “you talked me into it.”

  51

  STONE AND Dino were having dinner at P.J. Clarke’s.

  “Good
job on the Abney guy,” Stone said.

  “You can thank Viv DeCarlo for that one,” Dino said. “I nearly got her killed doing it.” He told Stone about Viv’s struggle with Abney in the restaurant. “She would have died in that dumpster if she hadn’t been able to use the last of her strength to set off an alarm in her wristwatch.”

  “How is she now?”

  “I saw her this afternoon at the hospital. She’s walking and talking. She’ll be discharged tomorrow.”

  “Is she going to be scarred?”

  “A cosmetic surgeon closed her incision, and they tell me it won’t show after it’s healed.”

  “That’s good.” Stone looked up and saw Herbie Fisher come into the dining room and waved him over.

  Herbie took a chair. “How are you guys?”

  “Never better,” Dino said.

  “Same here,” Stone echoed. “Got your invitation for the High Cotton event. I’ll be there with my girl.”

  “Me too,” Dino said.

  “Why don’t you invite Viv?” Stone said. “It’s the least you can do.”

  Dino squirmed a little. “I don’t know.”

  “There won’t be anyone from the department there,” Stone pointed out.

  Dino shrugged. “Maybe. We’ll see.”

  “What have you been up to, Herb?” Stone asked.

  “I’ve got a new client I’m nervous about,” Herbie said.

  “Who’s that, and why are you nervous?”

  “Dink Brennan.”

  Dino put down his wineglass. “I thought we put him away for at least a year.”

  “He got himself out and convinced his father that he’s a reformed character,” Herbie said. “He didn’t convince me.”

  “Then why is he your new client?”

  “Because of his father. If there’s any chance that the kid has turned a new leaf, I want to help him, for Marshall.”

  “How screwed up is he?” Dino asked.

  “How about psychopathic sociopath with violent tendencies? Or diseases to that effect.”

  “Is that your diagnosis?”

  “It’s what his shrink thinks.”

  “Herb,” Stone said, “he’s already tried to ruin you once. Why don’t you just stay away from him? Marshall would understand your wanting to do that.”

  “I guess he would,” Herbie said.

  “Where are those two friends of his, Parker and Carson?” Dino asked.

  “At a place called The Refuge, up in Westchester. Dink doesn’t know where they are.”

  “Is he back in New Haven?” Stone asked.

  “No, his father gave him the keys to a company apartment on the East Side. He says he’s going back to Yale in the fall, then to law school after graduation.”

  “Well, he needs his father’s goodwill to live, doesn’t he?”

  “Not really. A trust his mother left him became available to him last week, when he turned twenty-one. He’s got the money to do whatever he wants without Marshall’s help.”

  Dino shook his head. “If there’s anything I hate worse than a violent psycho, it’s a violent psycho with money.”

  “I know how you feel,” Herbie said. “I think the kid is a walking time bomb.”

  “How big is he?” Dino asked.

  Herbie shrugged. “I don’t know, six-three, two-twenty, maybe.”

  “And you’re what? Five-seven, a hundred and sixty?”

  “Good guess.”

  “Do you own a firearm?” Stone asked.

  “No, but I got a carry permit from the city in today’s mail, courtesy of Strategic Defense. And a very nice certificate that qualifies me to take a bullet for somebody else.”

  “There’s a gun shop downtown, near headquarters,” Dino said. “All the cops shop there. Now that you’ve got your permit, why don’t you amble down there tomorrow and pick out something for yourself?”

  “What do you recommend?”

  “Nine millimeter, at least—something that won’t make a bulge under that beautiful suit.”

  “That’s not the worst idea I ever heard,” Herbie said.

  “You’re the second person this week to say that to me,” Dino replied. “I must give good advice.”

  “Not always,” Stone said, “but this time, you’re right.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “All right, I’ll do that,” Herbie said.

  “Just remember,” Stone said, “a gun is of no use to you unless you can put your hand on it in a hurry. Get yourself a nice holster, too. A dresser drawer isn’t close enough.”

  “That’s good advice.”

  “Yeah,” Dino said, “even Stone gives good advice once in a great while. When it agrees with mine.”

  “Listen, fellas,” Herbie said, “if anything bad happens to me, it won’t be an accident. Please remember that.”

  Stone and Dino exchanged glances.

  “Sure, kid,” Dino said, “we’ll mention it at your funeral.”

  52

  SHELLEY BACH leafed through the New York Post. She was bored, horny, and getting annoyed about it. Then a name leapt out at her:

  DETECTIVES BACCHETTI & MAHON

  WITNESS MURDERER’S SUICIDE

  Shelley read the account of Abney’s demise avidly. She had tried to put Dino out of her mind, but now he was back, and in a good way. She let her mind roam back to their time in the suite at the Hay-Adams Hotel in Washington, then she reached for her vibrator. Batteries dead. She threw it across the room, got out of bed, and ran a hot tub. She needed to relax.

  LATER, FRESH, with her hair done, she surveyed her new image in the mirror once again. Such a difference! Dino wouldn’t know her from Eve, but he would like her, she was sure of that. She had an idea but dismissed it—too dangerous—then she thought again. She found her prepaid cell phone and called the 19th Precinct. “Lieutenant Bacchetti,” she said to the sergeant who answered.

  “Bacchetti.”

  “Hi, Dino,” she said in a low voice.

  There was a silence, then, “Shelley?”

  “I saw the write-up in the Post,” she said. “Good work.”

  “Can you hang on just a moment, please?” He put her on hold.

  Damn, she thought. He’s tracing the call. She glanced at the second hand on her wristwatch. She’d give him sixty seconds of her time.

  “I’m back,” he said. “Where are you?”

  “Oh, I’m at an available distance,” she said. “Why don’t we meet this evening for a drink?”

  “Okay,” Dino replied. “Where and when?”

  “How about Bemelmans Bar at the Carlyle, ten o’clock? That close enough to your bedtime?”

  “See you there,” Dino said.

  She hung up and made another call, this one to an escort service.

  DINO WENT to his office door and shouted, “Any luck?”

  Rosie stood up in her cubicle. “Nope, not long enough.”

  “Shit! Come in here, Rosie.” He went back to his desk.

  Rosie came in and sat down. “What’s up, boss? Who was on the call?”

  “When’s Viv getting out?”

  “Tomorrow, if she doesn’t have a temperature. They held her an extra day because of that.”

  Dino felt the wrestling match between his duty and his dick. “It would be nice to have this cleared up by then,” he said.

  “Have what cleared up? The phone call? Who was it from?”

  “You ever heard of an FBI assistant director named Shelley Bach?”

  “Heard of her? Are you kidding? She was big news last year. Was that Bach on the phone?”

  Dino nodded. “I knew her when Stone and I were on that D.C. thing.”

  “I’m not going to ask what you mean by ‘knew,’ even though I want to know.”

  “I’ve got a shot at busting her tonight,” Dino said.

  “That would be quite a bust,” Rosie said.

  “She’s asked me to meet her for a drink at the Carlyle.”

&nbs
p; “I expect the Bureau would like to know about that,” Rosie pointed out.

  Dino shook his head. “They’re so desperate to nail her they’d flood the area with agents. She’d spot the setup from a mile away. You think she doesn’t know how they think?”

  “She doesn’t know how I think,” Rosie said.

  “That’s what I was thinking.”

  “Then let’s do it.”

  “Who around here doesn’t look like a cop?” Dino asked.

  “Viv,” Rosie replied.

  “Viv isn’t up to this yet.”

  “She’d hate to miss it.”

  “We’ll have to live with that.” He thought about it. “Shelley wouldn’t be expecting two women, though.”

  “Who would?”

  “Come with me,” Dino said, checking his watch. “It’s nearly nine o’clock.”

  Viv was sitting up in the hospital bed, flipping impatiently through a magazine when Dino and Rosie walked in.

  “Have you two come to liberate me?” she asked.

  Dino and Rosie pulled up chairs. “How are you feeling?” he asked, then he held up a hand. “No, how are you really feeling?”

  “I was ready to go back to work the day before yesterday,” Viv replied. “What’s going on?”

  “I’m reluctant to let you do this,” Dino said.

  Viv threw the magazine at him. “I don’t care what it is,” she said, “just get me out of here.”

  Dino looked at Rosie and nodded. Rosie set a shopping bag on the bed. “I picked up some of your stuff.”

  “Get dressed,” Dino said. “I’ll go find somebody to sign off on this.” He got up and left.

  “What’s up?” Viv asked, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and reaching for the shopping bag.

  “You’re going to like it,” Rosie said, grinning.

  53

  SHELLEY HEARD the doorbell and went to answer it. She opened the door and silently surveyed the man who stood there, to see if her wishes had been followed. He was in his mid-thirties, well over six feet, slim, wearing an expensive suit, expensive shoes, and an expensive haircut. “You’ll do,” she said. “Come in for a minute.”

  She stood back and let him enter. “I’m Brenda,” she said.