The fabric from her knees down was covered in blood.
Harper walked to the nearest trashcan and vomited.
For two hours, Elijah stood beside the chair Harper sat in with his head in his hands and waited.
When a doctor entered, he went to the other side of the room. “Mr. and Mrs. Winters?” Hudson nodded and helped Natalia to her feet. “You’re the contacts in her paperwork.” The words filled Elijah with shame. “I’m cleared to update you.”
“Do it faster.”
“Of course, I’m sorry. Miss Hernandez is stable. We were able to stop the hemorrhaging. We weren’t able to save her baby. The good news is that she should be able to conceive again at some point in the future. It was touch and go. With the various medications listed in her records…her pregnancy was extremely high risk from the beginning.”
“She didn’t intend to get pregnant. In fact,” Hudson glared at Harper, “every measure was taken to prevent it.”
“Certainly. Without her body’s ability to clot properly, it could have been much worse. As it was, she required several units of blood.” The doctor crossed his hands in front of him. “Our main concern at this point is her full recovery.”
Elijah saw there was more.
Hudson did as well. “Tell me.”
“Mr. Winters, we had to sedate her. We…have her upstairs.” Hudson frowned. “She’s extremely distraught. It’s important not to upset her.”
Natalia whispered, “Did she try to hurt herself?”
“She…fought receiving medical attention. Rather violently. I don’t think she was fully coherent.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for your loss but she’s young and strong. She should make a complete recovery.”
Hudson held Natalia. “The child.”
Brie’s baby…
“Arrangements can be made. I’ll send in a counselor to handle that for you. Again, I’m sorry. We’ll get her back on her feet.”
The man left and Natalia pressed her face against Hudson. Elijah looked down at Harper. He gripped his hair with both fists and tears dripped between his feet on the floor.
Crouching, Elijah held him while he sobbed. “I wouldn’t have let her go through it alone. I’d have helped. I’m a horrible person but…not in that, not in that, Elijah. I’d have helped.”
Hudson’s voice was calm. “She wanted to wait until the end of the second trimester before she told you. She found out a few weeks ago but…she said she didn’t want to bother you if she couldn’t carry the baby to term.”
Didn’t want to bother them. Elijah’s regrets compounded.
“She took every precaution,” Natalia whispered. “She was terrified when she found out but she wanted her baby. L-last week, she felt him move and…” Unable to continue, she gripped Hudson and cried as he held her.
Elijah screamed in his mind, his heart in tatters, as he maintained the appearance of detachment to the outside world.
Hudson picked Natalia up and sat on the sofa with her in his lap, holding her close to his body and murmuring softly to her. She hugged him hard and nodded.
Sitting beside Harper, he wrapped his arm around his shoulder and kissed the top of his head. He responded by putting both arms around him and crying bitterly. Barely controlling his own shakes, Elijah held him hard.
Over and over, Harper murmured, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Ssh, Harper. It will be alright.” He shook his head. “Yes. We’ll help her in any way we can.”
“You’ll hate me, she’ll hate me. I’ve lost everything.” He gasped for air. “I didn’t mean it. I was afraid. I didn’t mean it.”
Stroking his hand over his head, Elijah asked with a frown, “What didn’t you mean?”
“That I couldn’t love her. Gabriella scared me, I felt pushed by both of you, I wanted you back, and it was too much. All of it was too much.” Elijah stilled. “I didn’t want to love her. I thought it would go away if I got away from her.”
No. No. No.
Holding the side of his face roughly, Elijah lifted it to look into his eyes. “Harper.”
“I know. I know. I’m so fucking sorry.”
There was a part of him that wanted to snap the other man’s neck. “I left her, Harper. I hurt her and left her alone.”
“I’ll do anything to make it right. Tell me what to do. I’ll do anything. Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me.”
Throwing himself against Elijah’s chest, his body shook as he cried raggedly. Staring at the ceiling, Elijah struggled, fought to understand what to do.
Then he lowered his head and met the eyes of Hudson Winters. Pools of black stared at him and Elijah’s mind cleared with a snap. He lowered his hand to the back of Harper’s head and the sound of his sobs increased.
“Harper.” The other man moved back to look at him. Elijah removed a handkerchief from his suit and wiped his face gently. “You and I are going to come to an understanding. As of today, this moment, your days of unchecked fear are finished.”
Nodding, Harper took several deep breaths.
“For more than half your life, you’ve given me your submission in some ways while doing whatever the fuck you damn well pleased in others. Your actions have hurt people, including yourself, and it can’t continue.”
“I’m sorry, Elijah.”
“Your remorse is admirable but it isn’t enough. You see that, don’t you?” He nodded. “Words are no longer enough. It is actions, Harper. Actions are what define you.”
Holding him by the back of his neck, he stared into his eyes. “If you lie to me, if you act as if nothing fucking matters, I will rescind my vow and walk away. Do you understand me?”
“I understand.”
In the waiting room of the hospital where his beautiful Brie coped with the loss of her baby, Elijah issued a command.
“Tell me how you feel about Brie.”
Inhaling carefully, he said shakily, “I love her. I’ve loved her since the day she understood what I needed and put her own body on the line to see that I received it.”
The pain that arced through Elijah was intense. Gripping Harper tighter, he growled, “You fucking hurt her. You let me hurt her.”
He whispered, “Penance. I’ll do penance.”
“Yes, you fucking will. If we’ve lost her due to your selfishness and cruelty, I will lock you the fuck down. You will withhold for a year and not be able to sleep on your back for a month. At the end of that year, you will never see me again.”
“I-I understand.”
Releasing him, Elijah stood and paced. The synapses in his brain were brilliantly lit as he put together a plan.
He was going to need Winters’ help.
* * *
“Hudson.” It was the first word Brie uttered in two days. Her best friend sat beside her bed in a suit. He looked beautiful, capable as he always did.
“Yes, Gabriella?”
“I need to bury my little b-baby.”
“It’s already done. Rest.”
“You’re the kindest man I know. I need somewhere to go. Far away, off the grid. I don’t care what it costs. Will you arrange it for me?”
“Stay here. Let us help you.”
“I can’t. As much as I love the two of you, this should not and cannot be on your shoulders.” She swallowed and her throat hurt. “I’ll be okay. I’ll stay in touch so you don’t worry.”
He sat up and gripped the rail of the bed. “Gabriella…”
“Hudson, you have done enough. From the first hour you met me, you’ve had to protect me from the results of my mistakes. You’ve done so much, too much, for me. I’m one fucking mess after another.”
“You are not a mess. Nothing about you is messy.”
“My heart hurts so bad. It feels heavy and useless.”
“It will get better. I promise.”
“Hudson…I really wanted my baby.” She fell apart and he bent to hold her tight as she sobbed against him for a long time.
&n
bsp; Gasping, her fingers tightened on him. “He moved and I thought he w-would be okay after all, despite the medications and everything. I knew he’d make the pain better and I wouldn’t be alone. I would have someone to love, who would love me back. Someone of my very own to love.”
“I know, I know, Gabriella. I’m so sorry.”
“I would have been a good mother.”
“The very best mother and one day you will be.”
“No. I wanted this baby. This baby was Harper’s and that’s like having a baby from both of them. I would have loved him extra to make up for all the love Elijah didn’t have as a little boy. He would have been part of the three of us, from the happiest time in my life. Wickedly smart and beautiful like his father. Maybe a little creative like me. I’d have bought him a violin and hurt a little bit when he played…”
She wept bitterly and Hudson cupped her face. “You’re strong, Gabriella. One of the strongest people I’ve ever met. You will make it through this.”
“I’m tired, Hudson. I’m so tired.”
“I know…but you have to fight. I need this one thing from you. Look at me.” She met his black eyes and saw his pain for her. “Fight. Don’t you fucking quit on me. I didn’t quit and you can’t either.”
“You’re you…I’m just me.”
“You listen to me. There are too many people who will break if you give up. We can’t lose you. I know you’re in pain. You need to grieve and get strong again. Then you have to get your ass back to your life.”
“It hurts deep, Hudson.” She choked back her tears.
“It will always hurt but you will make it. You’re our best friend. You hold that position because you’re kind and loving but also because you’re strong. You have to be strong for me again.”
She whispered, “I-I don’t want to let you down.”
“You could never let me down.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, pulled back, and stared into her eyes. “Swear it, Gabriella. Swear to me you won’t quit and if the pain gets too bad, you’ll call me. You can’t lie. If you swear it to me, I’ll put my trust in you as you have always put your trust in me.”
Tears streaming into her hair, she managed, “I swear I won’t quit, Hudson.”
“Good girl.”
“I need to breathe in a place where no one knows me. I need to grieve my b-baby. My soul feels bruised, broken. Will you help me?”
Hudson smoothed her hair. “Always.”
* * *
When Gabriella fell asleep, Hudson stepped into the hall and stared at Elijah for a long moment.
Harper saw his determination, his rage, and his sadness.
Listening to her had been the hardest thing Harper had ever had to do. Elijah demanded he know her pain.
As they stood outside the room, the man he loved stared into his eyes and endured every word with him. Holding him against the wall with his palm on Harper’s chest, he was utterly still as tears slipped over his cheeks.
He wondered if either of them would ever forgive him.
Hudson rubbed his hands over his face. “If you hurt her, if you break her again, both of you will answer to me.” His voice was quiet, deadly. “I help you only because I need her to keep breathing. If she stops, I swear on my life, I will destroy you.”
“Understood.” Elijah’s voice was equally quiet.
He shook his head. “I should get her behind the highest walls to protect her from both of you.”
“I would scale them and you know it. Nothing will keep me from her now.”
Harper didn’t blink when Hudson turned his fierce gaze on him. “Learn from her pain, learn from your own.”
He stepped closer and said softly, “You are better than you have been, Harper. You are stronger than this. Gabriella found you worthy. Prove her right.”
Natalia walked into Hudson’s arms, her eyes swollen and red from crying. “I once told you she was too good for you and I stand by that statement. She chose you, Harper. She chose Elijah. Her love will make you stronger. Accept it.”
Looking up, she told her husband, “They’re going to release her tomorrow. I found the perfect villa in Croatia. Easily fortified and defended. There’s an apartment across the courtyard that overlooks it.”
“Take them both.”
“Already done, darling.”
“Call Vi.”
“I left her a voicemail.”
Hudson kissed her lips and rested his forehead on her hair. “That was the most painful conversation I’ve ever had, Natalia. I feel ripped apart.”
“You were the only one Gabriella would have listened to at this point, darling. I-I couldn’t have been half as strong. Thank you.” She stroked his face. “How I love you, Hudson.”
“I love you.” He met Natalia’s eyes. “You were as excited as she was. I’m sorry.”
“It’s our Gabriella. I may fear children but she doesn’t. I could have enjoyed him with backup.” She blinked against tears. “She was trying to will her body to save him. If I can just focus hard enough, if I can calm down. I just…the blood, Hudson.”
“Natalia.” He wrapped her as tightly to his body as he could and stroked the back of her head. “She’s strong. She’ll make it through this.” She nodded against him.
Harper felt utter devastation. While Elijah watched the couple, he slipped into Gabriella’s room.
Her curly hair was tangled around her, her skin gray from blood loss. She looked too fragile.
She’d spent too much time in hospitals over the last two years.
Bending, he pressed a light kiss to her temple and whispered, “I’m sorry, Gabriella. I’ll make it right. I love you.”
As he straightened, Elijah stood beside him. His expression as he took in her still form made Harper’s stomach cramp with shame.
He bent to kiss her and said softly, “I love you. I’m sorry I left you alone. Forgive me.”
Then Elijah wrapped his arms around Harper and hugged him tighter than he had in years.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Mid-December 2015
A few days later, Hudson and Natalia sat in the limo and held Brie’s hands. She couldn’t stop shaking. It felt wrong that the sun was shining, that the day was so beautiful.
“You will call the moment you land.”
It wasn’t a request and she smiled at Hudson despite how strange it felt on her face. “I will.”
“We’ll miss you terribly. I hate not knowing how long you’ll be gone, darling.”
Blinking against tears, she struggled to find words. “Until the pain stops. I’m not sure.”
Natalia held her hand and brought her forward to rest their foreheads against each other. “Right now, I know life seems very dark but you have a natural radiance. It’s something you were born with and it will fill you up again if you welcome it, Gabriella. When the time is right, open your heart to the light.”
She nodded and swallowed hard as Natalia sat back. “When I come back, I’ll be stronger. I won’t lean on you so much.”
Hudson squeezed her hand and she looked at him. “Every day I’ve known you, in every situation, you have given so much more than you take.”
“Thank you, Hudson.”
“Remember your vow to me, Gabriella.”
“I won’t forget. I’ll c-call if it gets too bad.”
Leonard held the door and they got out together. The driver gathered her carefully to him. “I believe in you, Brie. Give yourself time to heal so you can smile again. You owe me a rematch when you get back.”
“You always let me win, Leo.” He laughed and let her go with a wink. “Take care of them.”
“I promise.”
Attendants came to take her bags while the plane idled on the tarmac. Hudson and Natalia hugged her tightly and she hugged them back even harder, inhaling deeply of the strongest and most loving people she’d ever met.
Pulling back, she took a deep breath. “I love you. Thank you.”
“We love yo
u, darling.”
“Gabriella.” She looked into black eyes that sparkled. “Come back. Your presence makes me happy.”
Nodding, she hugged them again and got on the plane.
While she waited for takeoff, she wrote the men she thought of constantly. It was an important step for herself, to end their time together with positive words, thoughts, and feelings.
Elijah, I want you to remember that someone in the world needs you to keep going…to keep breathing. Knowing you’re out there helps me. Please don’t be angry with Harper. Love him and forgive him. See the man you’ve always loved, the way you saw me. Show him how the heart works. You have that knowledge now. Your heart is so beautiful. I love you always, Brie
She sent it and gave herself a moment to calm down before she wrote the words she’d wanted to say months ago.
Harper, I understand why my presence was so hard for you. I’m sorry for the pain I know I caused, for intruding on something that has always been vital to your happiness. Please love Elijah in all the ways he deserves and let him love you just as hard. Don’t be afraid. I regret nothing and will forever remember our moments fondly. I see your love for Elijah. Don’t forget to also love yourself because you’re worthy. Gabriella
Struggling, she pulled herself together.
She turned off the secured cell they’d never asked her to return, slid her sunglasses in place, and got the fuck out of the western hemisphere.
* * *
At the apartment in Manhattan, Elijah read the short message from Brie several times. He felt the pain in her words. He also felt her love. She would always be unshakeable.
How he missed touching her, breathing her in, loving her.
He received a second message from Winters that outlined her itinerary.
When Harper leaned his head back against the sofa and put his hand over his eyes, there was no doubt he’d received a message of his own.
Moving to sit beside him, Elijah brought him to his shoulder. It was the first time he’d touched him since the hospital and the low sounds of pain he made affected him deeply.
“I love you, Harper. I’m sorry for many things.” He stroked his hand over silken black hair as he wept against him. “It’s only when you’re awakened that you realize how long you’ve been sleeping. I’ll make it right.”
Radiance Page 37
