“I’ve been a horrible person, Elijah.” The words were barely audible. “I’ve put you through so much bullshit.” He lifted his face. “You’ve loved me better than I’ve loved you and I’m sorry, so sorry, for never seeing what I was doing.”
Elijah pressed his lips to his forehead, his cheeks, and claimed his lips in a way that reminded both of them of the first time they’d kissed.
Testing the waters, expressing untapped desires, and embracing love that was scorned by the majority of the world.
When their love was new and beautiful.
As their tongues coiled together, he stopped and experienced everything. Harper’s fingers tightened on his arms. He took his breath and gave it back. The strength of his hands, the warmth of his skin, the softness of his hair. Elijah saw the man he had in his arms for the first time in a long time.
When they pulled apart, they stared at one another.
Taking a deep breath, Harper whispered, “I’m going to thank Gabriella for days when we have her back.” His hands lifted and he cupped Elijah’s cheeks. “You see me again.”
Stroking his palm along his neck, he confessed the words he’d held back for two decades. “It…hurt me. The way you were. There were so many, Harper. I had to pull back.”
“I was selfish. I didn’t know I was hurting you.”
He shook his head. “There are two people in all my lifetime whose touch I’ve welcomed. With you and Brie, I give and receive touch willingly. To make my vows was no hardship to me. It isn’t self-denial. It’s an honor to preserve who I am for the only people I love.”
Harper put his palm over Elijah’s heart. “When I was eighteen, the first time I touched you, I knew there would never be another man. I thought you knew that, that you knew you were unique to me. I should have told you.”
He swallowed hard. “I thought from the start that women would fill a place that was empty inside me. In the beginning, I made an effort to talk to them, to know them, but they were so shallow.”
His smile was self-deprecating. “You know my type. It was about the money, the power, the position. I started to hate them, to use them, to punish them for the emptiness I felt.”
Elijah watched him breathe deeply. “Then we met Gabriella. She was different. She made me hope and it made me furious. I didn’t want to try again at forty. I fought her but she’s fucking relentless in her nature.”
“She twisted you up.” He lifted his hand and brushed his fingers through Harper’s hair. His lashes drifted closed at the simple contact. “Tell me, Harper.”
“The morning after she burned down…the building, I-I shared myself with her and I felt incredible, free for the first time.”
His face contorted in pain. “We left a few hours later. I started thinking, wondering, doubting her. The entire time we were gone, I obsessed over it. I felt vulnerable. I kept finding reasons not to go back to her. It built and I resented that she had access to you that I didn’t.”
“My fault, Harper. I handled it wrong. I see that now. I wanted to establish a bond between the two of you. To have you include her. I thought we were strong, you and I. Gabriella and I were strong. I wanted to give you time to see how you could be with each other. You have so much in common.”
“I thought…you needed her to want me.”
“No. I wish I’d understood.”
“When we got back, she…she did more for my birthday than any woman other than my mother. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I treated her the way I treated Danielle when she wanted to go on vacation together. With my dead wife, I knew it was so she could shop. Gabriella just wanted to be good to me. By the time I realized, she was gone. You were so angry.”
“It reinforced what you already thought.” Harper nodded. “I’m sorry. It was never about that.” He sighed. “For years, you’ve had so many women in and out of your bed, I figured you were fine. You didn’t seem to miss me, to need me, unless we were in the sanctuary or you needed a third.”
Harper’s face contorted in pain. “Elijah.” Hugging him hard, he whispered, “I always miss you. I always need you. I love you. I know I haven’t shown it but I always love you.”
Gripping him tight, he inhaled the scent of him. “Thank you.”
Leaning back, Harper smiled and it was as heart-stopping as it was when he was eighteen. “I’ll eventually have to get back to work. I’ve taken more time off in the last months than I have in more than twenty years.” He traced the lines of Elijah’s face. “When do we leave for Croatia?”
Elijah powered him to his back on the couch. Harper was shocked, staring up at him. “After I remind you how much I love you, Harper.”
“Gabriella…”
“Is going to need us solid, strong. Natalia was right that we must be three couples as well as a threesome. Brie tried to tell me the same thing months ago. I wasn’t paying attention.”
He gripped Harper to him. “I almost lost the only two things on this fucking planet that really matter to me.” He shook his head. “I won’t repeat my mistakes.”
“I can wait, Elijah.”
“You shouldn’t have to. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
Claiming his mouth, he rocked himself against Harper, holding him roughly, touching him more forcefully than he touched Brie. One day, if they had the chance to be with her again, he hoped to show her the differences.
He had no doubt it would fascinate her, stimulate her.
Rising from the couch in a single movement, he lifted Harper to his feet, took his hand, and led him to his bedroom.
Tearing at their clothes, Elijah felt like he could breathe again when they were naked together. He shoved him to the bed, followed him down, and soaked up the sounds of pleasure Harper made.
Kissing him, touching him, he reconnected to the man he’d always loved. He needed to remind himself, to remind Harper, of how strong they’d once been together, how hard they’d loved for so many years.
He had to heal the breaks they had between them before they could include Brie. It would never work otherwise.
The past could not repeat itself.
Elijah remembered the pleasure Brie felt at simple touch and how similar they were to each other. They were male and female equals. The only difference was that Brie exposed herself to the world while Harper hid behind expectations.
Moving from his lips, he traced his mouth along his jaw. “When you were seventeen, I was training you in Krav Maga.”
Breathlessly, Harper murmured, “I remember…”
“I was showing you a cross-body technique and you were bowed across my torso. It was the first time I noticed you were hard. I started paying attention.” Kissing down his neck, he massaged his shoulders firmly. “I’d never voluntarily allowed another person to touch me. I wanted you to touch me.”
Warm hands started to touch him back and it made Elijah smile. “I didn’t care that you were male, I didn’t define it. At the time, I didn’t have much emotional capability to do it, even if I’d tried. All my life to that point, I’d been trained to fight, to kill, to protect. I didn’t know what love was.”
Sliding further down his body, he bit a taut nipple and Harper moaned, his hands raking through his hair and holding him close. “The night before the attack when you were eighteen, I walked the house after midnight. Your mother’s dog had pushed your door open. I watched you stroking off.”
A low groan and Harper lifted his hips, pressing himself against Elijah’s belly. “I’d never been so hard in my life. Then you came and whispered…”
“Elijah…”
“It made me more aggressive the next day. While I’d always been worried about your safety, I felt as if fate would snatch you from me…I’d already lost so much.”
He rested his cheek on Harper’s stomach, defined as it had always been from the brutal workouts Elijah insisted on for both of them. He’d never risk his survival on a lack of fitness.
“Then you kept me in the room near yours while
I recovered. It was the most time I’d ever spent with you outside of training or school. All our time together had been scheduled.”
Kissing one hip, he trailed his lips across his lower abdomen and kissed the other. The underside of his chin brushed the head of Harper’s cock and made him gasp. His hands massaged the muscles of his thighs, around to the taut cheeks of his ass.
“Then you brought me a violin. I don’t know why I never thought to replace the one my father destroyed. I didn’t know you knew I played. The look on your face…that’s when I knew what love was, Harper. That’s when I knew I was meant to love you.”
He sucked the head of Harper’s cock between his lips and he cried out, curling his fist in his hair and gripping the bedding.
“Elijah…I’m not strong enough, it’s been too long.”
Releasing him, he rubbed his face over the bend in his hip, “Hold back. You’re strong enough. Let me suck you.”
He took him deep and swallowed around a cock he’d learned better than his own over the years they’d spent together.
The first ten years, they’d hungered for one another. It was after Danielle’s death that they began to drift apart.
That was when the rotation of random women in and out of his bed truly started to become a problem. More often than he liked, he was requested as a third. Looking back, he realized Harper needed help.
Brie would have known how to help him. Elijah hadn’t.
Now they needed to find their way back to each other, to the love they’d always shared.
Sucking him slow and deep, he took in the way Harper’s hands shook as they touched his hair, the pressing of his thighs against his shoulders, and the groans he made from deep in his chest. Breath sawed in and out of his lungs.
Accustomed to Brie and her need for touch, Elijah ran his hands over the first skin he’d ever wanted against him. He worshipped a man he’d loved long before a sexual element was part of their relationship.
Higher and higher, he pushed Harper through pleasure that made his entire body tighten, his balls draw close to his body, and his fingers fist in his hair.
Gripping the length, he said against the head, “Come for me, Harper. Let me drink you down.”
Jaw clenched, he breathed out Elijah’s name as he let go of the control he’d fought to maintain. Jets of hot come hit the back of his throat and he wrapped his arms under Harper’s body to hold him close. Hugging him as he took him deeper still.
Only when he had nothing left did Elijah release him and rest his face on his thigh. Harper raked his fingers through his hair as he struggled to settle his system.
“I love you, Elijah. I will always love you.”
Crawling up his body, he stretched out beside him and held him to his chest. “I love you, Harper. Until death.”
They laid like that, stroking over each other’s skin, for a long time. When Harper fell asleep, Elijah raked his fingers through his hair and stared at a face he’d always found beautiful. Kissing his temple, he pulled the blankets up and held him closer.
Only with Brie had he ever slept so deeply.
Chapter Forty-Eight
End-January 2016
Brie spent the first six weeks in a pretty villa on the coast of Croatia trying to reconcile her grief over the loss of her baby.
A child would have complicated things in regards to her broken heart. It would have been difficult seeing Harper and Elijah, being unable to touch them.
Still, she had no doubt Harper would have taken an active role as a father. For herself, once she discovered the pregnancy, she loved the child.
Her doctors warned her from the start that there were great risks due to the powerful medications and that her blood didn’t clot correctly.
Again, though she’d known the risks, Brie hoped. The loss of the little boy she’d so looked forward to bringing into the world cut her to her core.
For her, in all ways, the conception was one of love.
While she was still in the hospital, Natalia booked the place and had it stocked with things she knew she would need. The blonde had Tawny set up a secure system so she could work.
It was Hudson who staffed it.
The woman who acted as her personal driver, chef, and assistant struck her as the type to know hand-to-hand combat and probably had the ability to disassemble a weapon in ten seconds or less.
Obviously, her friends felt she needed a bodyguard. Brie thought maybe she needed one for her heart.
The calls to and from her parents, her friends, her staff, and her sister were filled with unasked or unanswered questions.
Hudson and Natalia called her every couple of days. She always picked up the phone. She tried to be strong. Every conversation ended with her reassuring them that she was getting better.
Many of her days were spent in memory, in reflection. Those days were harder to bear and she hated the tears she wasn’t able to stop crying.
She worked on healing from two years of chaos, injury, and loss. She stared out at the water and tried to decide what she was going to do with the rest of her life.
Sometimes, she would press her hands to her stomach, remembering the first and only time she felt her baby move.
During those moments, it felt as if she was broken in two.
Vi would bring a glass of infused water and stand guard at the rear door leading to the expansive second floor balcony with a view of the Mediterranean.
She never spoke but Brie felt better with her presence.
Vi wasn’t chatty so Brie figured she probably drove the poor woman nuts. Sometimes, she watched her with a tilt of her head as if confused. She listened the way Hudson did. Absolutely still with every ounce of focus.
During the day, Vi prepared shakes and meals meant to put her charge’s system back in balance. Brie cooked for them at night and always insisted the woman join her when she ate.
A local woman did their shopping and light cleaning. She wasn’t ready to leave the house and her hired protector insured she didn’t have to.
One day while cooking, Brie slipped and cut her hand. It bled profusely. Without an instant of hesitation, Vi removed a medical bag from the cabinet, covered the wound with a powdered clotting agent, then cleaned and bandaged it.
“Thank you. I usually end up going to the hospital.”
“I’d like to avoid that if possible. Your blood is still too thin. We need to make a few changes to your diet.” The woman gave her a careful smile.
“Whatever you think.” A few minutes later, she plated food and they sat quietly. “Vi, can I do anything for you?”
“Explain.”
The way she said it reminded her of Hudson and made her smile. “I bet you lead an exciting life. Am I keeping you from things you enjoy? This seems pretty boring.”
“I needed a change of pace.” The woman looked at her intently. “Perhaps you did as well.” Brie nodded and stared out the window. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“You’re doing it. I wanted to be alone but having you here keeps me from being too alone.” One shoulder lifted in a shrug. “It helps. I’m kind of embarrassed to be around my friends right now. I’ve made a lot of mistakes.”
“Mistakes don’t define you. How you deal with them does.”
“I don’t know how I deal with them.” One side of her mouth lifted. “I haven’t gotten much of a break between mistakes.”
“Then this change will help you in many ways.”
Looking into pretty light blue eyes, Brie nodded. “You say a lot with few words. You remind me of my best friend.”
“The man who hired me?”
“Yes.”
“You consider him your best friend?”
“The very best. Hudson changed my life.”
Vi nodded but Brie could tell she wasn’t sure what to make of her relationship. It certainly wasn’t a unique reaction.
They cleaned up and Brie went out on the second floor balcony with a glass of wine. L
ifting her face to the setting sun, she sent positive vibes out to Elijah and Harper, wherever they happened to be.
Vi stood a step behind her and to the side.
“I should get a treadmill or something. I was starting to walk again. I wonder if I could take up running someday.”
“Why don’t you try something that will strengthen your core but not stress bones and muscles that sustained so much trauma?” The bodyguard came alongside her and stepped close. Her muscle tone was incredible. “Come.”
Brie turned to face her and felt shorter than usual. Vi was as tall as Natalia in heels. She took her glass.
“Let’s try some simple movements. See how you feel.”
Already wearing leggings and a t-shirt, Brie used the tie on her wrist to secure her hair. The blonde worked with her for half an hour in the fresh breeze off the water.
Though she wasn’t jostled or jumping around, Brie’s skin was damp and she was surprised at the effect of the isolated movements. She liked the way it made her feel.
“You have excellent balance. Stick with tai chi and yoga. Build your inner core without wear and tear on your joints.”
“Thank you, Vi.”
“You’re welcome, Gabriella.”
* * *
Mid-February 2016
Every day, they worked out together and then the bodyguard would send her to shower while she blended her a protein shake. One morning, she came out and sat at the counter to watch the other woman chop fruit.
“I bet most clients don’t require you to be so gentle. Thank you for helping me.”
“You’re a unique experience for me. You’ve been restless.”
“I used to walk everywhere if I could. I loved the freedom of just tearing up the miles. After the accident, being still was the hardest part. For a couple of months, I couldn’t even sketch. I’d say that was the closest I ever got to true insanity.”
“You were immobile for a long time.”
“It could have been worse. The wheelchair made me feel trapped. The walker made me feel old. The cane made me feel ridiculous because I was almost there…but not quite.” She smiled. “I worked hard to get back on my feet again.”
Radiance Page 38
