Bones, Booze & Bouquets

by Marianne Spitzer

  I tried to sit up and look down the highway, but Brutus pushed me back down with his massive paw.

  I gave up and lay still listening to the siren approaching. I heard a vehicle and the siren. When they both stopped, I heard Clark’s voice.

  “Clark,” I called. “Over here.” He was already running toward me, and Brutus growled at him.

  “Are you okay? Who’s your friend?” He asked from several feet away.

  “His name is Brutus. He saved me from Skip.” I patted Brutus again, and Clark took a step closer.

  Brutus dropped his head back on my chest, and I assured Clark it was okay if he didn’t move quickly. Brutus is a sweet dog.

  Clark dropped to his haunches and spoke to Brutus while asking me how I was. He radioed for an ambulance over my objections. “You can’t see yourself. You need the help,” he insisted.

  I heard two more vehicles pull up. Clark said, “Georgie, Laci, and your aunt and uncle are here.”

  Brutus let out a bark loud enough to break an ear drum and abandoned me. I heard Georgie call out, “Brutus, good dog, get down.”

  I giggled despite the pain.

  Clark furrowed his brow. “You and Georgie have a friend. Where did you find him?”

  “He found us the night we investigated Willy’s cabin.” I tried to smile, but my face hurt.

  Aunt Irene made it over to us first. She threw her hands over her mouth. “Oh, Annie, you poor baby. You did it again.”

  “Did what again?” I murmured feeling my face tighten.

  “The thistles. Don’t you remember when you were four and played in them? You’re allergic, and this time I can see you picked up quite a few prickles. How do you feel? Last time it took over a month for the rash to clear.”

  “What? No. The wedding. How can I get married with a rash all over? My entire body itches and burns.” I fought back the tears, but they won and trickled down my cheeks making the burning worse.

  Laci stood there staring silently. She didn’t blink and her eyes grew wider as she watched me. Uncle Lyle put his arm around her shoulders, and she leaned against him.

  “Don’t cry, Annie,” Clark spoke in his soothing voice. “We’ll get married no matter what.”

  I began to believe him and that it’d be okay when Georgie ran up with Brutus on her heels. The look of horror on her face confirmed my worst suspicions. I haven’t seen that look since the night we were sixteen and Paul dropped a bottle of vodka into the prom punch bowl instead of just pouring part of it.

  I’m doomed. How can I get married looking like this? If my face looks anything like my arms, I’m a mess. My arms. My dress is strapless. Oh, no.

  My tears fell in earnest now, and I heard another siren. “The paramedics are here. They’ll help you,” Clark reassured or tried to but failed.

  “Clark, I must look horrid. I can’t get married like this. What are we going to do?”

  “Relax Annie; it’ll be fine.” He smiled at me and stepped aside to let the paramedic through.

  Why is it that the first thing medical personnel do is shove a huge needle in your arm and start giving you fluids regardless of the problem? I am not dehydrated. I just want to go home.

  They gently moved me to a backboard and loaded me into the paramedic van. It doesn’t appear that I’m going home. At least not for a while.

  Sixteen

  Blinking a few times to get my bearings, I remembered riding to the hospital in the back of a paramedic van, answering a few questions, and feeling sleepy. All that running through the woods must have made me tired.

  “Good evening, Mrs. Ryan. How are you feeling?”

  Evening? It was just morning a few minutes ago.

  I blinked again and looked up into the smiling face of a young man wearing a white coat. “Umm, I feel better than earlier, but I’m a bit tired.”

  “That’s to be expected. I’m Dr. Richards. We administered steroids to reduce your allergic reaction to an acceptable level. Your rash will improve rather quickly. You were also given medication to reduce the intense burning and itching and an antibiotic. It’s what caused your drowsiness and why you slept for a few hours. I see no reason for you to remain overnight. The nurse will bring your release papers. I’d like you to follow-up with your doctor tomorrow. Do you have any questions?” He waited patiently while I considered his question.

  “No, I don’t think so. My aunt explained I have an allergy to thistles.”

  “Yes, you most certainly do, but the medication worked well. You should recover completely without much discomfort. The nurse will also bring you an anti-itch cream which will help if the itching returns.”

  “My aunt said the last time this happened it took weeks for the rash to disappear. I’m getting married in a few days. Will it look better by then?”

  He smiled and nodded. “Yes, I believe so. Medicine has made huge strides since you were a child and being an adult, we can administer stronger medications. You’ll do well.” He tapped some keys on the laptop he carried with him. “The nurse will be right in. Take care Mrs. Ryan and if you have any problems overnight, don’t hesitate to return.”

  “Thank you, doctor,” I said to his retreating back. Just as he left, Clark walked in.

  “Hello, sleepyhead, feeling better?” He kissed me on the top of my head.

  “Much, do I look any better?”

  “Yes, you're beautiful.” He grinned at me like a cat ready to pounce its prey.

  “Clark, please. I’m serious. How bad is it? I can only see my arms.”

  I wasn’t sure if the blotchy pink was as bad as it seemed or did it look worse against the sterile white sheets on the gurney. I had a nice start on the light tan I hoped to have by my wedding day. It’s a disaster.

  “Okay, yes, you’re not as blotchy, and you aren’t scratching. That’s a vast improvement.” He lifted my chin to look at me. “Seriously, Annie. You look fantastic compared to the way I found you at the bottom of the hill. Be happy you didn’t break any bones.”

  I groaned. Clark stood there smiling at me. I don’t think either of us knows what to say. I think I’ll ban cameras at the wedding and we can take a few photos in a month or two whenever I look near normal.

  I sat up straight and grabbed Clark’s arm. “Where’s Yummy? Skip made me put him back in the car. It’s hot outside. He’s dead, isn’t he? I killed him.” An immeasurable amount of tears I didn’t know I had ran down my face like a waterfall.

  He took my face in his hands and looked directly into my eyes. “Annie, Annie, calm down. Yummy’s fine. We knew Skip had abducted you before you sent the text. Lou saw what happened and called us. Then he used your emergency key to get into the store and let Yummy run free and gave him food and water. He called the March residence, and two of the girls came to mind the store, and one will open it tomorrow. You have to stay home and rest.”

  Letting his words sink in, I tried to stop the tears. They wouldn’t stop. Yummy was safe, and I was safe. It must be nerves. He wrapped his arms around me, and I soaked his shirt with tears before I finally stopped enough to talk and wipe my face.

  A cheery voice broke the silence. “Hi, Mrs. Ryan, I’m Amber.”

  Of course, you are. Knock it off Annie. She’s doing her job, and it isn’t her fault you fell down a hill and might have killed Yummy.

  Amber continued, “I’m here to remove the IV and go over your release instructions. Are you all right, Mrs. Ryan?”

  My head nodded without my consent, and I forced out a smile at Amber’s bright face that matched her voice.

  “First, let’s get rid of this IV.” I closed my eyes and quick as a bunny my impaled hand felt relief. I am not the best patient.

  I felt her place a piece of tape over the wound in my hand, and she said, “That’s done. Now, Dr. Richards doesn’t think you’ll have any further problems. If you feel itchy, I brought you this tube of cream. It works well.”

  I looked up at Amber, and she winked, “I also went up t
o Pediatrics and brought you some infant wash. It’s the gentlest wash you can use. Regular soaps may burn for a few days. We didn’t see any thistle spikes in your skin, but if one is embedded, it should work its way out, and tweezers are useful to remove it. Follow up with your doctor tomorrow and come back in if you think you need it.”

  I signed the release form, and Amber said she’d be right back with a wheelchair for me and I could get dressed.

  Clark told her he’d follow her and bring the wheelchair back and wheel me out. He grinned again and closed the door.

  Get dressed? I glanced at my legs. They’re bare. Who took my clothes off? I need to go home right now.

  Pulling scratchy slacks and a shirt over my sensitive skin was a bit of a challenge, but by the time Clark returned, I was dressed and waiting.

  “Ready to go,” he asked gripping the handles on the wheelchair.

  “Yes, please. I’m hungry,” I told him and settled in the chair.

  “Then you’re in luck. Your aunt said she was baking a chocolate cake with chocolate chip frosting, Laci is baking ‘something Italian,’ and Georgie promised to bring you a fresh giant size malt.”

  I leaned back to look at him. “They’re so sweet.” He leaned down and kissed me.

  “Yes, they are. We all love you, Annie.”

  “Not Skip Scrumbly. Hey, did you catch him?”

  Clark shook his head. “Don’t worry about him. I’ll make sure you’re safe every minute if I have to take vacation time and follow you everywhere.”

  He helped me into his car, but I made him wait before he started it. “Clark, I think we should elope. There’s no way I can get everything done in less than ten days. Just look at me. I’m a mess.”

  Clark leaned across the space between us and kissed me. “Maybe, but you’re my mess. You have a wedding planner. What else do you have to do? Let the planner handle it.”

  I dropped my head back against the headrest and stared out the window at the puffy clouds floating across the bluest sky I’ve ever seen. Living through a frightening experience gives a person a new sense of beauty.

  “First, I still have some work at the bookstore before I turn it over to the March triplets, my parents are flying in next week, I have a final dress fitting, and Mom Ryan finally convinced me to allow Laci to see Claudine. We’re having dinner next week as a family. I can’t do it looking like a pin cushion.”

  “You don’t look like a pin cushion. I can’t see any spots where you picked up a thistle needle. Ask your aunt and uncle to pick up your parents. Let Laci help you with those last-minute store details since she’s worked there before. I can’t do anything about the dinner or dress fitting, but you’ll do okay. Last, let the planner take over the rest of the details and let Georgie approve it all. Or, we can elope.”

  I closed my eyes and tried to calm my breathing. “You’re right. We can’t elope. I made too many plans. I’ll delegate the rest of the plans to Glory and Georgie. I can get the final fitting, and I promise not to strangle Claudine. Two hours for dinner is enough. All right, I think I can do it.” I turned toward him, and he looked tired and bedraggled.

  “Can we go now? I’m hungry,” his mischievous smile spread across his face.

  “What are you up to now?” I squinted at him.

  “Nothing. Dinner with Laci will be interesting. I hope she doesn’t poison me,” he laughed and pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

  “Me, too,” I answered stifling a laugh.

  ~ * ~

  Clark opened my front door and the spicy aroma of ‘something Italian’ greeted me. Laci squealed when she saw me and started to hug me but stopped. “I want to hug you, Mom, but I’m afraid it might hurt.”

  Hey, I’m back to being Mom and not Mother. It must be the upside of an abduction.

  “You can hug me, just don’t squeeze hard. Something smells wonderful. What did you make for dinner?” I hugged Laci back when she gave me the gentlest hug.

  “Baked spaghetti.”

  “With mini-meatballs?”

  “Of course.”

  “You’re the best daughter,” I hugged her again.

  “That’s not what you thought this morning,” she smiled and walked back to check her dinner.

  Clark took my hand and led me to the sofa. “Sit and rest. After you eat, you can give me your statement. I convinced Clifford you were too out of it while you were in the E.R. He agreed I could take your statement instead of sending Detective Wilton.” He dropped down next to me on the sofa.

  “Thanks, after today the last thing I need is a visit from the Grim Reaper.”

  Clark laughed at me.

  “Where’s Yummy?” I called to Laci.

  “Hanging out with Peanut at Aunt Irene’s,” she answered. “Dinner’s about ready. I’ll call Aunt Irene. She and Uncle Lyle are joining us.”

  “I heard she made her famous chocolate cake. We better invite her.” I picked up the soft blue accent pillow from the sofa and clutched it to my chest. I tried again to hide my tears, but they won the battle.

  “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Clark asked me scooting closer and pulling me gently against him.

  “I don’t know. All I want to do is cry.”

  “It’s just nerves. You need to let it go. You had a bad day. Crying is your stress relief. Cry it out,” he encouraged and kissed the top of my head again.

  I looked up at him and pointed to my lips. “They don’t hurt, and when you kiss the top of my head, I feel like a toddler.”

  He tried to hide his laugh as he bent his head to kiss me. It didn’t work. He laughed out loud, and I laughed with him.

  Laci ran out from the kitchen, “Mom, are you okay?”

  I nodded not able to speak while laughing.

  Clark shrugged and told Laci, “I think your mom is releasing stress.”

  Tears from laughter filled my eyes, and I nodded.

  “She gets weird that way sometimes,” Laci said. “She cries and then laughs when she’s stressed.”

  “Thanks,” Clark told her. “I’ll remember that.”

  They’re talking nicely to each other. That’s wonderful. Maybe getting kidnapped was worth it after all. I thought and tried to stop laughing.

  I managed to exchange the laughing with yawning. Not sure if it’s stress, the day’s activity, or the remnants of the medication, but I tried to stifle yawns during dinner. As soon as we finished eating Laci’s delicious meal and Aunt Irene’s cake, I nearly fell asleep at the table. Georgie dropped off the promised malt. After one sip, I placed it in the freezer for breakfast and made my excuses. Clark spent the night on the sofa again without a word of complaint from Laci.

  I drifted off to sleep trying to explain to Yummy how sorry I was that I needed to leave him behind and happy I didn’t kill him. He thanked me with many small licks before sleep toke over.

  What’s that noise? I’m having a nightmare.

  “Mom, Mom,” Laci said as she burst into my bedroom clutching her kitten to her chest. “I heard yelling and sounds of fighting in the back yard.”

  I slipped on my robe and told her, “Don’t worry, I see the motion lights all turned on. Whoever is out there won’t stay around long besides Clark is downstairs. He’ll take care of it.”

  The sounds of gunshots made us both drop to the floor. “Who’s out there?” Laci whispered.

  “I don’t know. Stay here; I want to look.” Her hand flew out gripping my arm. “No, Mom, please don’t go. Let’s crawl into the hallway where there are more walls between us and the outside.”

  When did she get so smart?

  All right, go. I’m right behind you.” We crawled out into the hall and Yummy scooted up against me. I called out to Clark but was met with silence.

  “Where is he?” Laci whispered again.

  “Probably outside.”

  We heard yelling and more scuffling. Then I heard Clark’s voice call out that everything was okay and I should come downstairs.


  Laci and I looked at each other and stood slowly. I walked down the stairs with her close behind me.

  When we reached the patio doors, I saw Clark, Officer Jakes, and Skip Scrumbly. Skip wore handcuffs, and I fought the urge to go out and give him a piece of my mind. I stepped out to confront him with Laci at my heels. Clark must have read my mind because he put his arm around me and murmured in my ear, “Everyone’s okay, Annie. Officer Jakes stopped him. He’ll take him in now, and I’ll follow him as soon as you and Laci are settled. It’s over.”

  Officer Jakes stood holding on to Skip with a grin on his face. It was then that I noticed he was smiling at Laci in her mint green summer PJs and not because he arrested a wanted man.

  “Laci, put on a robe,” I insisted. She blushed and ran back into the house. Officer Jakes scowled.

  I understand Laci is a beautiful young woman, but she’s still my daughter. I turned toward Officer Jakes and informed him, “That’s my daughter. You do enjoy renting the apartment above my store, don’t you?” Clark laughed. Officer Jakes paled.

  “Yes, Mrs. Ryan. I’m taking Mr. Scrumbly to the station now. Officer Dawlins is on her way with a car.”

  We watched the squad car pull away with Skip in the backseat.

  I leaned onto Clark. “I’m happy you were here tonight, but what brought Tyler out here?”

  “I thought Scrumbly might come here and I had Officer Jakes guard the back of the house. Scrumbly used a row boat to cross the lake and crept up from the water. I thought he might do something like that. Officer Jakes jumped him, and Scrumbly shot his gun. Fortunately, no one was hurt.”

  The pink haze of sunrise began to peek out above the Eastern horizon, and I saw Aunt Irene and Uncle Lyle standing in front of their cottage. Aunt Irene, rifle in hand, waved before they returned to their cottage.

  “Looks as if I was well protected,” I laughed. “Never underestimate my aunt.”

  Clark turned me toward him and kissed me for what seemed like several minutes, at least. “I have to go to the station. Go back to bed and rest. Remember, no work today, and Laci said she’d drive you to your doctor’s appointment.”