Beautifully Angelic

by Charity Parkerson

  A loud snort escaped Ezra to hide the way Declan stole his breath. He couldn’t let Declan destroy him right now. Ezra had nothing left to give. “You’re so full of yourself. I’m not sick because of you and I won’t get well just because you’ve decided you’ll pity-screw me.”

  Declan’s eyes fell closed, as if Ezra made him tired. When he focused on Ezra again, he looked so sad, Ezra’s heart twisted. As Ezra looked on, Declan’s features hardened. “All right. I’ve had enough of this. Bitterness doesn’t suit you. I get that it’s my fault, but that’s enough.” Without warning, Declan crawled onto the bed, straddled Ezra’s body, and kissed him.

  In his shock, Ezra didn’t immediately respond. Then his heart took control. Declan was the only man Ezra had ever loved or truly wanted. A teenage crush had grown and twisted until Declan was the only body he pictured, no matter how many men he took to bed. Ezra opened his mouth over Declan’s bottom lip and sucked. Declan gasped and then took control. His tongue stroked Ezra’s. The world disappeared along with Ezra’s anger. Declan’s kiss was so much better than Ezra ever imagined. It was pure skill and reverence. Ezra’s eyes stung. He felt loved.

  “I need to take care of you. Please let me take care of you,” Declan begged between kisses.

  “I don’t like white bread.”

  Ezra felt Declan smile against his lips. “You’re so spoiled. I’ll bring you the jar of peanut butter and you can eat it with a spoon.”

  “You can put your dick in it since you’re so convinced that I’ll break.”

  Declan buried his face against Ezra’s chest and roared with laughter. Ezra stole his chance to run his fingers through Declan’s hair. His throat unexpectedly swelled. “You said you love me.” The words came out sounding strangled.

  Declan’s laughter died. His gaze locked on Ezra. “You know I do.”

  “No. I don’t. I don’t know that anyone loves me anymore, especially me.” Ezra’s voice broke on the confession. His eyes burned. He hated himself for his weakness, but Ezra was very tired of himself. Some people loved themselves so naturally and openly. Ezra had to fight to tolerate his reflection every single day. It was exhausting. He didn’t want to fight anymore.

  By the time Ezra fell asleep, Declan felt like someone had beaten his ass. Unfortunately, the night wasn’t over for him yet. This wasn’t the first time he had battled this disease with Ezra. At sixteen, Ezra had nearly died from this. Declan refused to let this ugly thing get its claws in Ezra again. Thankfully, Declan still recalled all the ways he had helped Ezra fight last time. He got to work. First, he searched the house, throwing out everything that hindered recovery: the bathroom scales, diet products, and magazines with all the dumb diet tips. Next, he went through Ezra’s kitchen and made a note of everything he needed so he could place a delivery order. Finally, he tackled the biggest liars in the house—the mirrors.

  With everything finally finished, Declan sank onto the couch. His hands shook. Every time he thought about Ezra collapsing, he wanted to wake Ezra and feed him again. Declan hated this. Even though—logically—he knew eating disorders were forms of mental illness that he had no control over, he felt responsible. He had always known Ezra was more fragile than other people. That hadn’t stopped him from pushing Ezra. While he had never purposely risked Ezra’s health with his bullshit, he also hadn’t kept his distance to spare Ezra. Declan couldn’t stay away. That wasn’t even an option for him. That meant Declan had to make a choice: Jessie or Ezra. Declan touched his lips. He could still feel Ezra’s kiss. There was no turning back from that kiss without completely destroying Ezra, so it seemed his choice had been made while his brain hadn’t been working. Fuck. He didn’t have the mental spoons to face that tonight. For now, he had to work on healing Ezra and let tomorrow take care of itself.

  The flat box from earlier caught his attention. It was on the floor with the corner chewed away. With a groan, Declan went after it. It seemed Ezra had praised Icarus for not chewing up his house a little too soon. As he lifted the box, he realized it was already open, which made sense when he thought about it. Jessie and Ezra were like all the uber rich; they didn’t have mailboxes. Instead, their mail was sent to a private office, where it was sorted and then passed along after proper handling and inspection. They only saw what they wanted to see.

  Declan carried the box to the couch. He chewed his bottom lip, fighting himself. Declan lost the battle against his curiosity. He opened the flaps and looked inside. His gut twisted as he caught sight of the cover. It was another skin magazine. Jessie would die when he inevitably found out about this. Declan had no such qualms. He needed to see. Declan quickly flipped through the images, uncaring of anyone other than Ezra. His breath caught as the picture of Ezra jumped out at him. His heart skipped a beat as the full image came into view. It was completely tasteful and yet still hot as hell. Ezra wasn’t nude, but he might as well have been. He wore a see-through lace thong, heels, and nothing else. Goddamn. He was beautiful. There would be men all over the world drooling over these images and none of them had any clue. Ezra’s inner beauty eclipsed any picture he took. No one could look at him and know how completely selfless and kind he was.

  Declan put the magazine back in the box. He knew how stunning Ezra was where no one could see, and that had done nothing to change how Declan had been treating him the past few years. Declan wasn’t blind to Ezra’s feelings. No one on the planet looked at Declan with the heat and love that Ezra did. But they were complicated. Loving Ezra wasn’t the easy choice. While Declan knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he could withstand losing anything and anyone to be with Ezra, he couldn’t lose Ezra. Fear paralyzed him at the thought of making his play and ending up alone. Declan had been raised by a mean drunk. Jessie had rescued him from that life. If he chose Ezra, and then Ezra and he didn’t work out, Declan would be completely alone in the world. It was a terrifying thought.

  Exhaustion washed over Declan. Icarus was asleep with Ezra and Declan didn’t want to wake him to take him outside before bed, so Declan spread out some puppy pads and hoped for the best. He checked on Ezra. He was curled on his side and sleeping peacefully. Declan found himself checking to make sure he was still breathing as a wave of unexpected terror washed over him. If anything happened to Ezra, Declan couldn’t survive it. He couldn’t force himself to leave Ezra alone. So he quietly climbed into bed with him. Icarus immediately stretched out between them and tried pushing him out of the bed. A soft laugh rumbled from Declan’s throat. He wasn’t the least bit surprised Icarus loved Ezra better. Unfortunately for Icarus, he was stuck with the both of them. Declan planned to dig his heels in now. If anyone was worth risking his entire life on, Ezra was the one. Declan was here for the long haul now. Ezra wouldn’t know what hit him.

  Thanks to the hospital pumping him full of fluids, Ezra found himself awake in the middle of the night. He had to pee, but Icarus and Declan were both sleeping peacefully beside him. He couldn’t stop staring at the pair. Life was cruel, teasing him with the family he would never have. This life that wasn’t his. This was how Ezra wanted to sleep every night. Well, maybe not with Icarus between them, but still.

  Ezra’s bladder screamed for him to move. With a sigh, Ezra rolled from the bed. Icarus immediately shot up and followed him. As Ezra stepped inside the bathroom, he froze. Thick brown paper covered the bathroom mirror, hiding his reflection. In black marker were huge words written where his mirror should be. “You don’t need a mirror. You’re beautiful.”

  With a shake of his head, Ezra headed for the toilet. He had forgotten about Declan doing the same thing when Ezra had battled this demon as a teenager. With his trip to the toilet out of the way, Ezra went through his usual bedtime routine. He brushed his teeth and moisturized before he changed into a pair of pajama pants. From there, he went on a hunt for Icarus’s leash. He found all the puppy’s things piled up by the back door next to Declan’s suitcases. He snapped the leash in place and headed out. Icarus was too little
to make it through the night yet. While he walked in circles with the dog, he tried not to think about anything too heavy. Maybe one day he would get a dog too. Back when his mom died and he had gone to live with Jessie, Ezra had fallen in love with Declan’s huge Rottweiler, Lucifer. Unfortunately, after Lucifer died, Ezra hadn’t wanted another full-time pet. Sitting with Lucifer while the vet put him to sleep had broken Ezra. It was too much loss too soon after losing his mom. He hadn’t told Declan that, since he hadn’t wanted Declan to have to be the one who sat with Lucifer while he died. Sometimes, life was just too heavy for Ezra. He didn’t know how to be all things for everyone, but he wanted to make everyone happy. It was too bad that no one felt the same about him. Ezra was always alone, silently dying with no one to hold his hand.

  Once Icarus had done all he was willing to do, Ezra turned back toward the house. He found Declan leaned in the doorway waiting.

  “I’ll install a doggie door so he can go out back when he wants.”

  Ezra wanted to point out Icarus and Declan didn’t live there, but he had just considered getting a dog himself. In the end, it wasn’t a big enough issue to argue about. “If that’s what you want. The backyard is fenced in. My only issue would be the pool. I don’t want him to fall in and drown.”

  “I’ll get one of those pet ramps too, so he can get out if he finds himself in the water. We should probably add one of those pet watcher cameras too, as some extra protection.”

  Ezra shrugged. “Like I said, it’s whatever you want to do.”

  Declan stooped and took off the puppy’s leash, setting him free in the house. Icarus immediately hightailed it to his water bowl, making Ezra bite back a sigh. No doubt he would want to go out again soon. Ezra headed back to bed with Declan on his heels.

  “I expected you to put up more of a fight at my suggestions.”

  Ezra climbed beneath the covers. His gaze never quite met Declan’s. “No one ever cares what I want. I learned a long time ago to save my voice.”

  While Ezra watched with his tongue glued to roof of his mouth, Declan stripped down to his underwear and climbed into bed. “I care what you want.”

  “Then go home and leave me in peace.”

  Declan didn’t as much as blink. “Are you at peace when I’m not around?”

  “No.”

  To Ezra’s surprise, Declan didn’t show an ounce of triumph over Ezra’s immediate answer. “Then I’m sorry, angel, but I can’t go home.”

  Ezra didn’t have the strength to argue. “Do you plan to sleep here from now on or are you waiting on me to assign you a room?”

  Declan’s gaze moved over Ezra’s face as if reading his every reaction. “I’m a big boy. I could find a room for myself if I wanted, but I won’t. This is my spot now.”

  Great. Ezra wasn’t to be trusted to be alone, it seemed. “When you buy Icarus all his stuff for the backyard, get him a little staircase for the bed too. That way we don’t have to lift him into bed every time he wants in.”

  Declan smiled. “That I can do.”

  Ezra would take it as a win, since Declan had already said he didn’t want Icarus on the furniture. At least his desires weren’t being completely discounted. He would take what he could get for now. “Did you sneak a peek at my latest magazine spread when I fell asleep?”

  “Yes.”

  The unabashed way Declan copped to snooping had Ezra biting back a grin. “And?”

  Declan took a ragged-sounding breath. “For real, you fuck with my head. I’ve never wanted anyone more.”

  Ezra tried not to be moved. “You can have it, if you want. The magazine, that is. I likely won’t ever look at it.”

  A smile exploded across Declan’s face. “You know I will.”

  Unexpectedly, Ezra’s throat tightened. “You used to be my best friend.” The confession came out in a harsh-sounding whisper.

  Declan’s smile disappeared. “Am I not anymore?”

  Ezra shook his head. “You stopped trying a long time ago.”

  Declan blew out a shaky breath. “You definitely know how to always punch me in the heart.”

  “Am I wrong?”

  Declan rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. “No. I don’t know how to be just your friend anymore.” He turned his head and met Ezra’s stare again. “I’m sorry for that.”

  The lump in Ezra’s throat made it almost impossible for him to respond. He barely found his voice. “For what it’s worth, I don’t know how to be your friend anymore either. I don’t know how to be okay with you touching anyone else.”

  “That’s fair.”

  Ezra didn’t know what that was supposed to mean, and he was too tired to dig. Instead, he closed his eyes against the sight of Declan’s gorgeous face. The bed shifted. A smiled touched his lips as a furry body snuggled close. It meant a lot to him that Declan wasn’t fighting him when it came to Icarus. Ezra was exhausted. He just wanted to rest and maybe steal some puppy snuggles. Everything else looked too hard at the moment.

  Three

  Waiting for Ezra to wake up was hell. He knew Ezra needed sleep, but he also needed regular meals, and Declan was torn right down the middle. Jessie sent Johnny over to help Declan install a new doggy door and pool ramp, since Declan was set on doing it himself. Johnny also found the perfect bedside staircase for Icarus. Ezra slept through everything.

  Right when Declan decided he would wake him, Ezra came padding into the living room, wearing a huge sweater, pajama pants, and looking like death. There were dark circles underneath his eyes, and he was pale. His hair stood in several directions and he somehow looked even skinnier today. Icarus didn’t care about any of that. He ran circles around Ezra and scratched at his legs until Ezra picked him up. Declan fought a wince. He wasn’t sure Ezra had the strength to carry the fat puppy around like a baby.

  “Good morning, beautiful.”

  Ezra rolled his eyes as he headed for the couch and plopped down. “Is it morning?”

  “It’s one o’clock in the afternoon, actually.”

  An adorable hint of irritation crossed Ezra’s features. “Why did you let me sleep so long?”

  “You needed it.” Declan stood. “Don’t get comfortable.” He moved Icarus from Ezra’s lap and pulled him to his feet. “Your lunch is waiting.”

  “It’s too late for lunch.”

  “We’ll have a late dinner,” Declan promised as he led Ezra to the kitchen and made him sit at the island. He opened the microwave and found the food he had stashed, waiting for Ezra to wake. “I ordered from your favorite burger place. It’s probably cold, but you’ll complain no matter what.”

  A hint of a smile crossed Ezra’s features. “Just pop it back in the microwave for thirty seconds. It’ll be okay.”

  Declan checked inside the bag to be certain there was nothing unsafe to nuke before doing as Ezra suggested. Once the thirty seconds were up, he passed the bag Ezra’s way. To his surprise, Ezra ate without arguing. To give himself something to do other than watching Ezra’s every move like a complete psychopath, Declan fixed Ezra something to drink.

  He turned back toward the island to find Ezra feeding Icarus his fries. Declan bent and pretended to bang his head on the island. “Don’t feed him that. Oh my god.”

  Not an ounce of guilt marred Ezra’s face. “I just gave him a few. Look how happy they made him.”

  Declan glanced down at the dog. He looked extremely pleased with himself. Declan rubbed his temples. He didn’t know how to fight these two. They outnumbered him. As if trying to make up for feeding the dog human food, Ezra made it through half the hamburger and part of the fries before his shoulders fell.

  “I feel so disgusting. I need a shower, but I also don’t think I have the energy. This is awful.”

  Since Declan hadn’t expected Ezra to eat anything, he decided not to bitch about the half-eaten hamburger. “Come on. I’ll stay in the bathroom with you and make sure you don’t pass out.”

  As a testament to how
bad Ezra felt, he didn’t argue. “Okay.” Declan’s worry spiked even higher when he lifted Ezra into his arms and Ezra didn’t fight him. He simply held Declan’s neck and let everything happen to him.

  Inside the bathroom, Declan set Ezra on his feet before heading for the shower. He fired the water to life. Declan played with the knobs until the ceiling rained down hot water.

  “Make sure that’s not too hot before you get in.” He turned to find Ezra nude and waiting. Declan fought a hard battle, trying to keep his eyes locked on Ezra’s face. He had seen nude photos of Ezra, but he had never seen him unclothed in person. His will was tested like never before as Ezra touched Declan’s stomach, using Declan’s body to steady himself, as he reached past him and felt of the water.

  “It’s fine.” He stepped inside the shower, setting Declan free. Declan tried like hell to find something else to do, but he also needed to keep an eye on Ezra. In the end, he grabbed a chair from the vanity, set it beside the shower, and settled in to embrace his voyeurism.

  In a small way, Ezra saved him. After a minute of attempting to get clean, he sat down on the seat built into the shower and cracked the shower door. As Declan looked on, Ezra leaned back, turned his head, and held Declan’s stare through the opening. With Ezra’s hazel stare holding his, Declan wasn’t as tempted to eye Ezra’s body. Instead, he wanted to look into Ezra’s soul.