Annie's Recipe

by Lisa Jones Baker

  She drew her brows together and nodded slowly. “I get it. But that’s impossible.” She shrugged. “Because when you put everything together, good memories—or chapters”—she grinned—“come from bad ones.”

  He looked at her to clarify.

  “Okay. Let me think of an example.”

  Levi watched her with keen interest as her mouth pressed into a determined line. She was trying so hard to help him.

  Several heartbeats later, she sat up straight and patted her legs with her fingers. “I think I have an example. It has to do with Old Sam.”

  “Why am I not surprised?” he teased her.

  She took a decisive breath. “Okay.” She leaned forward to lift one leg over the other. “You weren’t here when Sam’s wife passed away, but I remember hearing the news as if it happened yesterday.”

  He tapped his foot to a nervous beat.

  “After he lost her, Sam . . . he wasn’t himself.”

  Levi raised a doubtful brow.

  Annie raised a hand in protest. “I know it’s hard to imagine Sam quiet and avoiding others, but that’s pretty much what happened. He even lost a lot of weight.” She shrugged. “That’s why I started taking him sponge cakes. At first, he thanked me of course. But other than that, he didn’t say much.”

  He chuckled. “The Sam I remember was quite a talker.”

  She nodded in agreement. “It was a while before he invited me into his big red barn. In fact, that’s when he started designing award-winning hope chests. I think creating beautiful designs helped him deal with his loss. He’d pour out his heart as he worked on them. And even though I lacked the experience to help him, I listened.” She swallowed.

  As the sun slipped behind a cloud, a cool breeze prompted Annie to wrap her arms around her midsection. She tapped her foot to a quick beat. “As the days passed, things started looking up. He wasn’t as serious. And when I sat with him, he talked about things other than Esther. He chatted about what went on in the community. I was relieved at the sudden change. I had started to doubt it would happen. But it did. Sam started to make the most amazing hope chests I’d ever seen. And when he did, it was like Esther was helping him from above. His work started to win awards. Suddenly, there were so many orders, he wondered if he could keep up with them. But amazingly, he did. And his work . . .” Annie closed her eyes for a moment and drew her hands over her heart. When she looked at Levi again, moisture had formed in her eyes, reminding Levi of the early morning dew on his mother’s geraniums in the summertime.

  She blinked. “It was as if Esther’s death had inspired him.”

  He cupped his chin with his hand. “Poor guy. I didn’t realize he’d had it so hard.”

  “I’ve told you about the gift he made me. Levi, I know I’m partial to Sam, but he’s incredible. The soft flannel lining fascinates me. And the sponge cake recipe on the lid?” She drew in a breath and pushed it out again. “Every letter is a work of art. But you know what I love most about it?”

  He shook his head.

  “That he thought enough of me to create it. Not only did he give it to me to keep precious things inside but he even went as far as to take something that’s a part of me—my sponge cakes—and carve the entire recipe into the oak. That was a special touch.”

  She paused, wondering if she was making sense. She raised her chin a notch to better meet Levi’s gaze. “Do you see what I’m saying about both bad and good playing a role in our lives?”

  “You mean that if something bad hadn’t happened—in other words, the loss of Sam’s wife—your hope chest wouldn’t have materialized. And neither would your special relationship with Old Sam.”

  She offered a satisfied nod. “We know the shunning was devastating. It’s a hard thing to get over. And you probably won’t.”

  “It’s stuck with me forever, unfortunately.”

  “Of course. But Levi, there has to be a reason it happened. Something good must result from it.”

  He cocked his head in a thoughtful manner to digest what she’d said. A little girl running from her mamma bumped him and quickly apologized. Levi smiled at her in response. “Annie, I like the way you see things. I really do. You’re good for me.”

  Her eyes danced at his compliment.

  “And I’m sure that, most of the time, things do happen for a purpose. But the shunning?” He gave a slow shake of his head. “When it comes to that . . . Ten years have passed and nothing even close to good has happened because of it.”

  She lowered her voice. “Just think of Old Sam.”

  “I wonder if he accepts that his loss is part of the plan.”

  “He trusts the Lord.”

  “Speaking of plans . . . I have something in mind for lunch.”

  Annie giggled. “You do?”

  He waggled a finger. “Yup. And it’s something special.”

  She grinned. The sun hit the beauty mark just beneath her right eye and his stomach did an unexpected somersault. He used to tease her about that freckle. Now that she was grown, it had taken on a whole different meaning. In a good way.

  “There’s something I want you to try. And it may very well turn out to be one of your all-time favorite foods.”

  “Like chicken and dumplings?”

  He laughed. “Kind of. You ever heard of corn dogs?”

  She offered an excited nod. “They sell them every year at the Cheese Festival.”

  He snapped his fingers. “I thought it would be something new for you.”

  She opened her arms. “This whole adventure at Six Flags is new to me. Just because I’ve eaten a corn dog before . . .”

  He gave a slow shake of his head. “But my treat won’t be a surprise.” With one swift motion, he stood and smiled down at her. “I’ll have to change gears. Let’s go for something else.”

  She stood and clutched his wrists. “No! I love corn dogs. In fact . . .” Her lips curved into a mischievous grin. “I was looking forward to one even before we came here.”

  “Ah ha. Now I know the real reason you wanted to come.”

  “Levi, can I ask you something?”

  “You know the answer.”

  “Okay. It has to do with Pebble Creek. The shunning. Everything, really.”

  He waited for her to continue.

  “I know you can never look at the Amish church with the fondness you did when we were kids. And I understand.”

  “I know you do, Annie. You seem to understand everything about me. But what’s your question?”

  The concerned expression on her face made him even more curious. “You’re sad.”

  She waved a hand in front of her. “No. No! Everything about this day is wonderful. But I wish you hadn’t experienced what you did with the shunning.” She breathed a heavy sigh. “You see, I’m Amish. And because I long for happy endings . . .”

  She threw her hands up in the air, then dropped them to her sides. “I want you to feel good about the Amish.” She closed her eyes and made fists with her hands. “I want it so much it hurts.” She opened her eyes. “Because that’s me. Levi, we were happy kids. There’s surely a part of you that misses the faith that’s so dear to me.”

  He considered her honesty. As he watched her, listened to her sincerity, his heart warmed. For long moments he gazed into her eyes. He was fully aware that she expected a reply, but he couldn’t get out the words. It was as if the beautiful girl in front of him had grabbed hold of his heart and wouldn’t let go. He knew how hard it was going to be to go back home without her. He was feeling emotional again, and now he felt something he’d never experienced before, in a way that made him more vulnerable than he’d ever been in his life.

  “Levi? Are you okay?”

  He forced a smile. “I was . . . just . . . thinking.” He squared his shoulders and raised his chin. “What I miss about the Amish life? I think I have an answer.”

  She waited patiently.

  “I miss the quiet.”

  “Jah?”

>   “When we changed churches, I had a difficult time adjusting to the noise. You know, all the electronics. The television. The radio and such. I really miss the quiet.”

  “I think I would miss that, too.”

  “But, Annie, that’s not what I miss most about the Amish life.” He wondered how to put his thoughts into words. “There’s something about the Amish life I miss more than anything in the world. And I don’t know how I can go through life without it.”

  Her voice was so soft, he could barely hear her. “Tell me what it is.”

  “It’s you.”

  * * *

  It wasn’t any easier finding the car in the full parking lot than it had been finding an empty spot in the morning. The temperature had dropped a few degrees since they’d arrived, and the cool breeze pushed Levi’s jacket flat to his back.

  Long honey-brown strands of hair waved against Annie’s cheeks. She giggled as Levi took her hand and they quickened their pace.

  Finally, the car was in front of them. He pushed the automatic opener and the lock clicked. Motioning to her, he opened Annie’s door.

  “Thanks.”

  “My pleasure.”

  Inside, he pulled a large piece of cotton candy from the stick in her hand. He turned the ignition and flipped the heat on low. As the air blew out of the vents, Annie held the snack between them. When they finished the last bite, Annie wrapped the white cone holder in the plastic bag and put it down on the floor behind her. The sweet, addictive smell lingered and the delicious taste was still on Levi’s tongue as he licked his lips. The treat had been the perfect ending to a perfect day.

  He breathed a sigh that was a combination of joy and regret as he pulled onto the highway. Happiness because of the wonderful day. Disappointment that it was ending.

  Checking the rearview mirror, he slowed for another car to pull ahead of him. Levi didn’t mind the silence. In fact, it was comforting.

  As he glimpsed Annie from the corner of his eye, he opened his mouth to ask her what she’d thought of Six Flags. But when he noted her calm, satisfied demeanor, he decided not to disturb the moment. There was no need to inquire if she’d enjoyed the park. He knew it. He could tell it from the way her lips lifted slightly at the corners. Contentment emanated from her thin, fit-looking body, and from the relaxed way she sat with her legs crossed and the flushed expression of happiness in her rosy cheeks.

  It was hard for him to look away. Strands of thick hair fell over her shoulders. With the honey-blond mass down, her face looked a couple of years older. She was even more beautiful than before. He swallowed and silently chastised himself for being so taken in with her appearance.

  But that wasn’t the only thing about her that was attractive. He admired her sensitivity, her honesty, and her straightforward manner. In fact, he was downright impressed by everything about her. He tried to imagine someone else just like her. Someone English. The thought prompted his smile to droop. He knew finding another Annie, English or Amish, would be impossible. When God had made her, He’d thrown away the mold.

  Without words, they were comfortable with each other. That was part of what he loved about her. Stop reading too much into her. I would never join the faith that shunned my father. And I’m pretty sure Annie will never become English.

  When he turned his attention back to the road, a complicated emotion swept through him. He wasn’t sure what it was. What he did know was that it was edged with never-before-experienced excitement. The sensation made him warm inside. At the same time, it caused him to feel uncomfortable.

  The sun began to disappear as a kaleidoscope of beautiful colors flooded the western sky. The beautiful picture reminded Levi of a mélange of different colors dumped onto a thick, white canvas in art class. For some odd reason, he compared the sunset, with all its unique hues, to his emotions. He bit his lip with uncertainty. And he didn’t like being unsure. The control chair was where he preferred to sit. But right now he found himself a member of the unsure club.

  He pressed his lips together and darted another quick glance at Annie. His heart fluttered with an unknown sensation. The expression on her face reflected everything good. Happiness. Fulfillment. Everything that was the opposite of the unidentified chaos rushing through his veins. Annie could help him make sense of what was happening within him; he knew it. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Thank goodness.

  How can I disturb her when she’s at peace? And what’s up with this weird feeling inside me?

  * * *

  Annie put a hand over her mouth to cover a yawn as she stepped into the kitchen. The moment she closed the door, the light flipped on. She stiffened. “Mamma. You’re still up?”

  She was quick to note the new small lines under her mother’s eyes. In her blue night dress, she looked unusually small and fragile as she gave Annie a once-over. Suddenly, Annie felt rebellious in her English attire when, in fact, the outing hadn’t been about that at all.

  “Your dad and I worried all day about you.” She embraced Annie in a tight, affectionate hug. “I’m glad you’re home, safe and sound. That was a long trip. Was the park what you expected?”

  Annie lifted her hands in the air in excitement. “It was amazing. But not tonight, Mamma. It’s late. We’ll get up early for chores. Don’t worry; I’ll tell you everything in the morning!”

  Unable to contain her enthusiasm, a sudden rush of energy swept through Annie, and she lifted her chin. “It was fun, Mamma! The drive, the rides, the food . . . Levi is so good to me.”

  Annie’s excitement was short-lived. She was quick to catch Mamma’s lips press into a straight, doubtful line. Her words were edged with sympathy. “I’m glad you could do this before he leaves. This was the perfect ending to your time together.”

  The joyful sensation in Annie’s stomach plummeted. Mamma’s words quickly reminded her that her moments with Levi were at an end. Trying to hide her disappointment, she nodded. “God blessed us with this special day.” She dropped her hands to her sides. “I’ll never forget it. And I’ll always be grateful.”

  Without saying good night, Annie stepped quickly to the stairs, where she tiptoed so she wouldn’t awaken her dad or sister. At the same time, Mamma quietly slipped into her downstairs bedroom.

  In her room, Annie stopped for a moment and closed her eyes. “Dear God, please help me to focus on the positive. Amen.” When she opened her eyes again, she lit her lantern wick. The bright, welcoming light from the moon swept in through the large window and landed in a circle on the floor.

  While Annie took off her jeans and T-shirt, a combination of emotions flitted through her. She rolled her shoulders to relax. With great care, she folded her English clothes and neatly placed them in a drawer. She raised a doubtful brow, wondering if she would ever wear them again; even if she didn’t, she would save them to remind her of the day.

  She gave the souvenirs a final glance and smiled a little before slipping her midnight-blue nightgown over her head. Then she moved to the window, pressed her palms on the sill, and stared with amazement at the Milky Way in the dark, clear sky.

  The enticing aroma of homemade chicken and dumplings still filled the house. Annie regretted missing her mamma’s best meal, but there were no regrets about her English day.

  Suddenly, Annie tensed and her lips drooped. The expression on Mamma’s face hadn’t been happy when Annie had entered the house, but tomorrow, after they’d rested, Annie would tell her about the park. And the drive. Maybe that would ease her mind. She didn’t understand why Mamma was so disapproving of her time with Levi. What on earth did she think? That she would run off with him?

  Annie’s wants were few, but she wished her folks had more faith in her. It didn’t make sense for them to worry. After all, she’d never given them any reason not to trust her. It was disappointing that her outing had met with such unwarranted skepticism.

  Today had been the best day of her life. With a deep, satisfied sigh, Annie pulled the journ
al from her hope chest. As she took in the engraved sponge cake recipe, chaotic emotions flitted through her mind. The bright beam from the full moon made it easy to see.

  She got comfortable on the soft rug against her bed, crossing her feet at the ankles and wiggling her toes in delight. Her feet had easily acclimated to tennis shoes. And if she had her way, she would prefer to wear jeans rather than her dark dress to do chores. It was easier to bend and move her legs.

  Looking down at the journal in her lap, Annie entered the date at the top right corner of a fresh page, then put her pen to the white-lined paper while drawing her brows together thoughtfully. Her heart had been anxiously waiting to pour out the details of the day.

  I feel so many emotions, I don’t know where to start. I just got home from Six Flags with Levi. A decade ago, we dreamed of going. Our English friends raved about how exciting it was. And it certainly didn’t disappoint. In fact, the park lived up to its reputation in every way imaginable.

  When we were kids, Levi promised me that when we did Rumspringa, he’d take me there. Of course things have changed drastically since then. At that time, he hadn’t planned to move away. He hadn’t had an inkling that the very faith that bonded us would eventually separate us. Still, he kept his word. He promised me the best time of my life. And it was.

  She jotted down details about the long drive. Passing corn and bean fields. About parking. While she wrote down her thoughts, something nagged at her, a combination of excitement and fear. As hard as she tried to figure out what it was, she couldn’t. She gave a gentle lift of her shoulders and focused on her journal.

  We went on so many rides! The Apocalypse. The Bahama Blast. Even the carousel. A Ferris wheel! Bumper cars. We even took in a show with dancers and singers. They were so good.

  The day wasn’t cheap, and I was prepared for it. I brought money from the vegetable sales to cover my expenses. But I didn’t pay a cent. Levi paid for everything. I offered to cover my half, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He’s such a kind person. And I love how he takes care of me. My favorite part of the day was a corn dog and homemade lemonade. They tasted delicious! Even better than at the Cheese Festival!