“Doesn’t matter. He’s not Amish.” Annie clenched her fists in frustration. “Levi’s wonderful.”
Mamma nodded. “Seems like a nice young man.” She swallowed. “Can’t you appreciate that you caught up with him? Aren’t you happy he came back for the wedding?”
Annie thought for a moment. Would she rather not have reconnected with Levi? If he’d stayed away, she wouldn’t be going through this torment. Yearning for what she couldn’t have.
“I don’t know.” She changed her mind and snapped her fingers. “Yes, I do. I wish he’d never come home. Because now . . .” She stopped before she said anything else. There was no reason to worry Mamma. Her mother couldn’t change the rules.
“You think a lot of him.”
Annie gave a slow nod.
“Want some advice?”
Annie offered a slow nod.
“Give it time, Annie. You’re of courting age.” She lowered her voice so it was barely audible. “I’ve been noticing how David Stutzman pays you attention. He asked your daddy to court you.”
Annie didn’t respond.
“Promise me one thing, Annie.”
Obediently, Annie waited for her mother to continue.
“That you’ll give him a chance.”
* * *
A couple of days later, Annie returned her flat iron to its original place and anxiously opened her journal to the last page, where she’d placed the clover Levi had given her.
She sat down on the rug next to her bed and smiled in satisfaction. The clover had dried flat. Each leaf was meticulously in place, the way God had made it.
Next, she tried to determine where to keep it. For sure it would have a permanent home in her hope chest, but it would have to be in an envelope so the fragile leaves wouldn’t crumble.
With one careful motion, she placed the small plant on a tissue on her bedstand. She would think about how to protect it while she wrote in her journal.
But as she eyed the last page where the clover had been pressed, she raised an astonished brow and pulled the book closer to better examine it. A happy smile tugged at the corners of her lips.
The special clover had left a light imprint. When she eyed the page more carefully, the imprint looked as if it had been professionally placed there. It was like the ghost of the four-leaf clover.
Immediately, she came to a decision. She decided to write about her last visit with Levi. On this page. That way, she could help to preserve what they had said and done, how they’d felt, and keep that day alive. It was the only way she knew how to do it, and the prospect filled her heart with joy. It would be her most precious entry.
She got comfortable, resting her back against the soft quilt Mamma had made, stretched her legs, and wrote. After neatly jotting the date in the upper right-hand corner, she positioned her pen on the top line, pulled in a deep breath, and allowed herself to drift back to that very precious day.
The words flowed over the page. When she reached the end, a lone tear slid down her cheek and landed on the place that detailed her innermost thoughts about Levi Miller. The spot would dry, she figured. But it didn’t matter if it didn’t. It added emotion to her heartfelt words.
After she finished, a sense of closure filled her chest until she closed her eyes in relief. She’d had her say. Although there was no one she would tell about her feelings for Levi, she had poured out her heart and soul. And writing about her emotions had been a help.
Should she keep this page inside the journal or put it elsewhere?
* * *
Levi pulled his feet under the booth. He decided where to start, then met his father’s gaze and poured out everything he could think of. When he’d finished, he smiled a little. His problem was far from solved, but he had just unloaded what seemed like a ton of weight he’d been carrying around. His father’s expression was thoughtful. Levi was silent, waiting for him to respond.
Finally, his dad gave a slight nod. “I see why you like her, son. She’s turned into a beautiful woman. If she’s anything like she used to be, she’s one determined gal. Never will forget the time she walked to our house to give you herbal tea when you had a cold.” An amused grin tugged at the corners of his lips. “In fact, there was something that made her stand out around those shy Amish girls. Perseverance, I’d say. And she spoke her mind.” He winked. “She’s got that certain sparkle in her eyes.” He chuckled. “That one always seemed to be on a mission.”
The comment prompted Levi to laugh. “That’s an accurate observation. Always on a mission. Now that mission is to keep Old Sam fed. She’s afraid he’ll go hungry. But I’m not worried about him. He’s got three girls taking care of him: Annie, Rebecca, and Rachel.”
“Then he definitely won’t starve.”
His dad hesitated and strummed his long fingers against the table. He eyed the half-full coffee cup as if having made some grand decision. Finally, he lowered his voice to a more serious tone. “Son, I understand where you’re coming from.” The elder Miller lifted his hands, then dropped them on the table. “She’s got spunk. And I won’t lie to you: Life’s never gonna be boring with a gal like that.”
He lifted an interested brow and continued. “I can’t tell you how many times they helped me when I needed it.”
“Her family?”
A nod followed.
“You were good to them, too.”
“Guess you could say they were pretty good friends. Never had complaints against them . . .” He cleared his throat. “Until I was shunned.” He gave a strong shake of his head. “I waved to them after I got word from the bishop that I’d broken the rules.”
“But, Dad, you knew you were breaking them, right?” Levi couldn’t control the pent-up anguish in his voice.
His dad gazed straight ahead. “They didn’t wave back.”
Levi’s jaw dropped. “They didn’t?”
A strong shake of the head followed.
“That doesn’t sound like them. Maybe they didn’t see you? Or do you think they were afraid of being shunned themselves?”
“Don’t know. But in Arthur, it’s not uncommon for the Amish folks to continue speaking to the shunned.”
Levi firmed the tone of his voice. “Dad, I don’t agree with shunning. Neither does Annie. But her family might have been afraid to keep on friendly terms with you.” Levi shrugged helplessly. “I suppose they worried that they ran the risk of the same thing happening to them. We know from experience that there’s no room for negotiating when it comes to the rules.”
Then Levi swallowed. “Dad, I’ve been honest with you. Now come clean with me.”
They locked serious gazes.
“I know a little bit about the shunning. But we’ve never really discussed it in detail.” Levi offered an uncertain shrug. Was he out of line, inquiring about something that had devastated his entire family? He was about to find out.
“Son, I’ve tried all these years to put it behind me. But it seems that’s not possible. I never meant to bring us shame.”
Levi didn’t say anything.
“I guess I got carried away with my business. I’m the one who broke the rules. And I knew better. They’ve never been a secret.”
“You mean you weren’t surprised you were shunned?”
Levi watched the tormented expression in his dad’s eyes as they sat in silence. For long moments, John’s gaze drifted across the café. Levi knew he had asked something that stirred deep emotion. But wasn’t it time for answers?
Levi’s dad cleared his throat. “Son, it’s been over a decade.” He gave a firm shake of his head. “I guess it’s high time I talk about it.”
Several minutes passed before he went on. An uneasy sensation swept through Levi’s midsection. He stiffened. But no matter what words came out of his dad now, Levi wanted to hear them. He had to.
“Here’s the gist of it. The truck was in my company’s name. And of course I’d hired a driver for years. That was all fine and good, but when
he quit without notice, I couldn’t just cancel all the work my clients were counting on.”
Levi moved his palms from the tabletop to his lap. His fingers shook. “I agree, Dad. But couldn’t you make them understand?”
John shrugged. “My situation wasn’t quite that simple, son. When my driver quit, yes, I drove while I tried to find a new driver. But the more I drove myself, the more I enjoyed my independence. And the convenience of not having to depend on someone else. It was so easy. Not to mention I saved a lot of money. That was one less person on the payroll.”
Levi’s jaw dropped. He sat unusually still as he waited for his dad to continue.
“Shunning isn’t something that happens fast. Or without repeated warnings. I was warned and given chances to repent.”
“Dad . . .”
John threw up his hands. “I admit I was selfish. And today, I wish I’d handled the situation differently. What I did hurt our entire family.”
Levi’s heart jumped with surprise. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“Son, I supported a family. But that wasn’t the only reason I did what I did.” He softened the tone of his voice to a note of regret. “I suppose my ambition was too big for Arthur, Illinois. And today I can sit here and tell you that I have no regrets.”
Levi pressed his cold palms against his thighs and leaned forward. Then he paused to gather his composure. His pulse pumped to a hard, heavy beat of disbelief as he tried to keep his voice down so as not to draw attention to himself.
The man sitting opposite him had explained what had happened and where he stood as if it were merely another fact of life. Levi studied his face. His father’s cheeks didn’t show any extra color. He sat there calmly, as if he’d just explained that he was thirsty. For long moments, Levi tried to respond, but no words would leave his mouth.
As if sensing Levi’s disbelief, his dad went on. “Son, they did what they believed was right. And shunning . . . I know it’s harsh and I wouldn’t do it, but it’s not meant to harm the person. It’s meant to be redemptive. And many times the person they avoid will repent and be accepted back into the community. I chose not to.”
Levi knew his dad didn’t understand that he wasn’t shocked that the Amish had shunned him in the first place but was way overcome with dismay that all the while he had known it was coming. And despite what they would eventually go through, which had been complete devastation, he’d stuck to his plan anyway.
Finally, Levi gave a frustrated roll of his eyes and leaned forward. “So it was really your choice not to stay Amish. Do I understand that correctly?”
A thoughtful nod followed an uncertain shrug. “When you put it that way, it sounds so logical.” Finally, his words were barely audible. “Yes, son. I knew it would happen.”
“You never believed that going outside the Ordnung was wrong?”
After a few moments, John took a swig of coffee and smiled. “At first I wasn’t sure. But the more I drove my truck, the more I read the Bible, son. The way you interpret it is the key. The Amish translate it literally. In fact, years before they gave me the boot, I questioned some of the practices. For instance, it doesn’t make sense to me that they’ll ride in cars but not own or drive them.”
Levi sat unusually still and continued to listen.
“In this world, it’s difficult to interpret the Bible word for word. Because when you do that, there are contradictions. Use your logic, son. Everything isn’t black and white, and I’m sure God doesn’t expect perfection from us.”
These calm statements from his father about such a serious subject made Levi’s heart beat to a reckless, anxious speed. He thought of all that the shunning had forced on him. Of what it had done to him and Annie. Of the barrier it still made between them. Yet, his dad seemed emotionless as he discussed it.
“When it happened, I was just a man doing my best to follow God and support a family at the same time. I agreed with some of the rules, but not all of them.”
To Levi’s surprise, his father leaned forward and grabbed Levi by his forearms. In an especially tender voice, he said, “Levi, you’re a grown man. I know things might seem complicated now, but you’ll see one day, when you raise your own family, it’s impossible to do everything according to the Bible. The honest truth is, you have to do your best for yourself and your family.”
“But, Dad . . .”
The grasp on Levi’s arms became stronger. More intense. And so was the emotion that sparked in his father’s eyes. “Son, I don’t have the answers to all of life’s questions. But our Heavenly Father does. And what you feel about Annie?” After a brief hesitation, he gave a reassuring nod. “I think that what you feel for the girl will blow over in time. There are lots of pretty young gals around. Say your prayers at night like we always taught you. Ask our Lord what to do. Right now, you may not know. But in time, you’ll figure it out. And you’ve got my support, whatever you decide.”
Chapter Eleven
David Stutzman hitched up his horse and helped Annie into the black buggy. She’d never had so much fun at the singings. While she moved across the seat, she contemplated her conversation with Mamma about giving it a go with David. Maybe Mamma was right.
To Annie’s astonishment, tonight had been the first time she’d been able to put Levi out of her mind. An assortment of stars and an unusually bright moon decorated the early November sky. The coolness of the evening prompted her to wrap her arms around herself. Between her coat and the softness of the quilt on David’s bench seat, she began to get warm.
Beside her, David laughed. “Sometimes I think them English got somethin’ right.”
Annie darted him a questioning glance.
“Tonight would be mighty fine to be driving a car and feel that heat oozing out of the vents, don’t ya think?”
Annie smiled at the thought. She knew what that warmth felt like. She’d experienced it the times she’d gotten rides to the hospital when her cousin’s baby was born. Besides, some Amish had gas heaters inside their buggies. Her daddy did. She wished David did, too.
“Ya ever think about having a car, Annie?”
The innocent question prompted Annie to smile.
“I wouldn’t want one, no. I prefer horse and buggy, hands down. For one thing, I don’t want an insurance bill. I’ve heard they’re pretty steep. But even if I had the money to pay the bill, this is what I know and love.” She giggled and added, “However . . . tonight some heat would be nice.”
He agreed.
The buggy creaked and bumped as they took the blacktop home. Eventually, David worked his way into the queue. There were several buggies behind them.
“I’ve been hearin’ ’bout those sponge cakes you make for Old Sam.” He grinned. “It’s no secret ’round here that Sam claims your sponge cakes would give his Esther’s a run for her money.”
The admission took Annie’s breath away. She beamed, resting a modest hand over her heart, which had nearly jumped right out of her chest. “Really?”
“Uh-huh.”
“That’s a pretty strong compliment.”
“To tell the truth, I really don’t know much about you.” He paused. “’Cept you make those good desserts.”
The buggy jumped a little as they turned to get on the main road into town. Annie adjusted in her seat for a more comfortable position.
“What other hobbies you got, Ms. Annie?”
Enjoying the peaceful ride, she clasped her hands together thoughtfully. When she released them, she placed her palms on her thighs. “I like growing my own herbs.” Annie didn’t want to talk about herself too much. It was time to ask David a bit about himself. She wasn’t terribly interested, but it was common courtesy. Besides, he was certainly pleasant. And he liked her enough to court her.
She threw the question back to him. “How about you, David? What do you enjoy?”
He chuckled. “Everything on my dad’s farm. The Lord’s been good to me that way. Got no complaints.”
“Livestock must take up most of your time. Dad tells me you and your papa have over a hundred hogs now.”
“Jah.” He glanced at her, his eyes wide with pride. “Sure you heard that we supply most of the town with ham on the holidays.”
He lifted his chin. As she eyed him, she took in his humble expression and realized how much she’d thought of him. She was sure he’d make a loyal and hardworking husband to some lucky girl.
Annie sighed and relaxed her shoulders. As she crossed her legs at the ankles, she and David continued to chitchat as the carriage traversed the winding blacktop. She’d noted the distinct smell of cinnamon and wondered where it came from.
Her answer came when she noticed a couple of hot red plastic coverings near David’s feet. She smiled a little. She was sure they were wrappings from the sundries shop. Sometimes, after selling fresh veggies in the summer, she’d taken her horse and buggy into town to buy candy treats for her daddy.
Annie considered David and decided she enjoyed his open-book personality. She admitted that it would be difficult to be sad around someone so jovial and doubted he ever complained about anything.
A comfortable silence ensued while they wound around the part of the road that faced the mouth of Pebble Creek. Without warning, a dull ache swept into Annie’s chest, filling it until she thought it would burst with pain.
She fought the agony; certainly she couldn’t ruin their nice evening. He was such a kind person, and he hadn’t done anything to deserve her spoiling the night.
As Pebble Creek loomed in the distance, memories of Levi flooded Annie’s mind until her head pounded as if a gas-powered jackhammer was piercing rocky ground. She recalled the wonderful times they’d met at their secret spot. But tonight she wouldn’t be seeing the man who had left town for good. The guy she loved with everything she had was no longer a member of her family’s church.
“You’ve gotten awfully quiet.”
Ashamed, she sat up straighter and forced a smile. “I’m sorry. I was just taking in the evening. It was wonderful.”
David’s reaction was that of relief. A brief silence passed before he lowered his voice to a low, breathy tone. “Annie, uh, I really like you a lot.”
Annie's Recipe Page 16
