Right Kind of Wrong

by Shelly Jones

  “Well, maybe it’s for the best. I don’t know what to tell you though, cuz he’s different.”

  “We’ll see. If you hear from him tonight you can tell him I’m home.”

  “Ok, probably will, so he stops bugging us. But Hey, Blake and I are about to go to a movie. I’ll talk to you later ok?”

  “Yeah, enjoy your date night! Bye.”

  It’s around 9pm and someone knocks on the door, scaring the shit out of me. I walk over and look out the window. “Fuck!” I open the door, “What are you doing here?”

  “Are you mad at me? You didn’t text me or anything while you were gone. So did I piss you off?” Xander says walking past me.

  “Yeah sure, come on in.” I say sarcastically.

  “So, are you pissed at me?”

  “No, I’m not pissed at you. Why would you think that?”

  “You said you would text me and you didn’t.”

  “Yeah and you told me the same thing and all I got was one phone call when I was lying in bed. So maybe I should be asking you the same damn thing!”

  “I’m sorry Em, I didn’t want to bug you while you were there and honestly you telling me you were sharing a room with your younger sister, it kind of freaked me out.”

  “Why, cuz you were being a pig?” I let out a small laugh.

  “Yeah.”

  “It’s ok. I guess I just figured you had thought about shit and you chose not to hang out with me.” I tell him.

  “I thought that’s what was happening the entire time you were gone. I figured you’d tell me to go fuck off.”

  “No, but we have to talk.” I say quietly.

  “I know we do but do we have to right now?”

  Fucker, he’s going to change my mind, but he won’t change my heart.

  “So, how was your time with your family?” He asks.

  We sit on the couch, “It was ok, it was a good eye opener that I made the right choice by moving, but it was just good to see family, and hang out my sisters. I didn’t get to see my brother though.”

  “That’s good that you know you made the right choice. I won’t ask why, but I’m glad you’re happy.”

  “Yep, how was your holiday?”

  “It was fine, just hung out at my parents.’ Nothing exciting.”

  Xander hangs around for a while, “So are we good?” He asks.

  “Meaning what?”

  “Are we still . . . you know?”

  “Are you asking if I’m still going to have sex with you?”

  “Yeah, kind of.”

  “Honestly Xander, I don’t know. I guess so.”

  “If this is too hard, I’ll walk away.” He says.

  WOW, just like that. He can just walk away and not look back? What the fuck. Does he not have a heart?

  “I’ll be fine, I guess.”

  “Ok, well, I guess I should get going.” He says standing up.

  “Alright,”

  “I’ll see you soon?” He asks.

  “Yeah, sure.”

  He leans in to kiss me and I give him my cheek. “You sure you’re ok?”

  “I’m fine, just really tired and kind of cranky. I’m just going to go to bed.”

  “Ok well, good night I guess.” He opens the front door and leaves.

  What the fuck? How can he do that? Just walk away and not give a shit about anyone? Is he that shut off he doesn’t give a shit about anyone? Ugh! Maybe I should just fucking end this since it’s obvious he has no fucking feelings for me.

  Fucker!

  I avoided all calls and text messages from him for two weeks after that night. When it came to him picking up Harlie at school, I made it short and sweet. If he can just throw me away like yesterday’s garbage, Fuck Him. I start packing up my classroom when I hear someone clear their throat behind me. I look up.

  “Can I help you?” I ask him.

  “Are you ok?” He asks.

  “Xander, I’m fine. What can I do for you?” I snap.

  “Can we talk?”

  “Not here we’re not! Unless its school related.”

  “Ok, can you come by my place tonight?”

  I take a deep breath. “Why?”

  “Cuz I need to talk to you.”

  I roll my eyes, “I’ll be over at seven.”

  “Great, I’ll see you then.” And leaves.

  Yep this isn’t going to be good.

  It’s 6:55pm and I pull into his driveway and park my car. I get out and walk up to the door, but before I could knock, he opens the door. “Hey.” He smiles. Fucker!

  “Hey.”

  “Come on in.”

  “Where’s Harlie?” I ask, trying to figure out why I’m really here.

  “She’s with my mom. We’re alone.” He voice lowers.

  “Ok, so what is it you want to talk about?”

  He walks up behind and puts his mouth near my ear, “I want to make you come.”

  Son of a bitch! My knees go weak, I’ve missed him so much, but my heart can’t take it anymore. Why does he do this to me?

  “Xander,”

  “I’ve missed you Emily. I need to feel you.”

  I turn around and stare at him. “Xander . . . I don’t think I can.”

  “Yes, you can. One more night with me. Please?” He’s staring deep into my eyes, like he’s reading my soul. I love this man so fucking much.

  He leans down and grazes my lips with his. I’ve missed him. I’ve missed him so much. I’m so alive when I’m with him and that scares me.

  “So?” He asks.

  “You know, I can’t just one more time. It’s never just one more time with us. You told me we would walk away if one of us started to feel something. Obviously, it’s not going to be you because you can just toss me out like last night’s garbage. Do you not realize I’m starting to feel for you?”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “The last time you were at my house, you said you’d walk away. Do you know how that feels? Someone who you’re fucking can just get up and walk away and act like nothing happened. Maybe you were right all along. Maybe I can’t do this.”

  “That’s not what happened. You said you were tired and cranky. I left. I didn’t say shit to you.”

  “That’s right. Oh, how could I forget? I’m sorry!” I say in my best bitchy tone.

  “Do you even like me anymore?” He asks me.

  “Yeah Xander, that’s the fucking problem and you’re not seeing. I like you too much!”

  It’s a stare down between him and me, “What?” I asked him.

  “Nothing, I just feel like a fucking idiot cuz I’ve gone to pretty much every grocery store and gas station and bought all of these.” He goes over and gets a box from the coffee table.

  “What is it?” I ask.

  “Open it.” He tells me.

  I lean down and open the box and I bust out laughing. “Awe baby, did you like it that much?”

  “Yeah, I did! Fucking people we’re looking at me weird when I cleared out their entire shelf of Pop Rocks.”

  I’m having a really hard time not laughing at him. It’s cute that he liked my trick. He’s sitting on his black leather oversized chair and I walk over to him, “Did you mean it when you said you missed me?” I say softly.

  “Yeah, I did. I meant every word.”

  “Why did you want me to meet you here? We don’t fuck here.”

  “Well sometimes there’s exception to rules and since you’ve already spent the night here, why not one more?”

  “Cuz I can’t. If you don’t want feelings involved, then you have to stop doing sweet shit. You have to stop calling me ‘Baby,’ and telling me that you miss me.”

  “I know.”

  “Well, then I’m leaving because I will not fuck you here. You can come over to my place tomorrow night or I can meet you at the bar. Your choice.”

  “Your place 10pm.” He says.

  “Ok, I’ll see you then.” I turn to walk away but he g
rabs my arms and I fall back onto his lap and starts to kiss me. Fuck me! He wants to play dirty, so can I. I straddle him and kiss him deeper, moving my hips against his cock. I pull back “To be continued.” I get up and head for the door.

  “You’re so unfair.”

  “I know.” I wink at him and go to my car.

  Even though I knew we shouldn’t, Xander and I were fucking regularly. I can’t stay away from him but I know my time was coming. It’s the last day of school before we get two weeks off for Winter break/Christmas. It’s a half day and I’ve decided the kids are just going to have fun. I read them Christmas books, they finished making the gifts for their parents and we had a dance party.

  Most of my students got me gifts that ranged from flowers and gift cards, to candles and candy. I didn’t want to open any of the gifts until after school. Harlie even got me some flowers and what looks to be a gift card.

  The school day passed so quickly, and I was expecting to see Xander but it was his mom that came and picked up Harlie.

  “Bye Harlie, I hope you have a great Christmas and Santa’s good to you!” I tell her. She hugs me and says good bye.

  “Sorry, but Xander had an important meeting with Santa’s elves today. That’s why he’s not here.” Mrs. Hunt winks at me.

  “Ahhh well you know those elves are on a tight schedule these days. Especially since tomorrow is Christmas Eve.” I giggle.

  “Yeah, well you know men. Did you get your gift?”

  “Yes, thank you.”

  “Good! Glad you liked it. Well, we better go. Hopefully we’ll see around. Are you going back home?”

  “Nope. Staying here for break.”

  “Well, Merry Christmas.” She says. Harlie turns to me “And Happy Birthday! They said your birthday is on Christmas too.” She shouts.

  “Thanks, Harlie. Bye.” I wave.

  I pack up my classroom and get everything put away. No school for two weeks. I’m going to enjoy every minute of this break. I start walking to my car and say goodbye to all the teachers leaving or passing me along the way.

  I drive straight home. When I got home, I sent Xander a text. “Hey, just wanted to say Thanks for the gifts. You didn’t have too though. Have a great Christmas.” And I put my phone away. I can’t do this anymore. I’m in love with him and I can’t keep sleeping with him.

  1 month later . . .

  THE LAST TIME I heard from Emily was the last day of school before Winter break. She thanked me for the gifts and that was it. I tried getting a hold of her and she won’t take my calls. I knew she was falling for me. I knew I was falling in love, but I couldn’t do it. I can’t get hurt again. I ended up trying to get over Emily, I don’t know what to do. I think it would be easier if I just made Emily hate me, then I could save us both. But do I really want that? No, I know I’m falling in love with this girl. Fuck! Why do I have to be fucked up?!

  On Saturday around 4pm, I get a text from Emily asking if we can talk. I call her instead of texting. I need to hear her voice.

  “Hey, where do you want to meet?” I ask her.

  “Can I come over?” she asks me.

  “Yeah, I’m home. So come on over whenever you’re ready.”

  “I’ll be there in thirty minutes.” She says and hangs up.

  When she pulls into my driveway and I’m waiting outside for her. She looks amazing, as always. Skinny jeans, black boots that come up to her knees and a cream colored sweater. Her hair is braided off to the side.

  “Hey,” she says walking towards me.

  “Hey,” I reply.

  “So what’s up?” I ask.

  “I have been thinking how I’m going to tell you this, but there’s no easy way and, I can’t avoid you anymore,” She takes a deep breath, “I’ve been avoiding you because I have fallen in love with you. You are so wrong for me, but you make my heart happy, you make me feel alive. Something I’ve never felt before. Every second that I’ve been with you, my heart became yours. I have spent the last month trying to get over you and I can’t, but I have to. You can’t text me or call me anymore, unless its school related. I can’t do this.” She wipes a tear from her eye.

  “Em, I knew this was a bad mistake. I knew we shouldn’t have done this.” I try to hold back the tears. Don’t do this to me Emily, not right now. I beg her in my head . . .

  “So, this is done?” She asks.

  “I guess so. You want something that I can’t give you. Not right now, maybe never.” I start pacing back and forth. You fucking idiot! Tell her you love her. Tell her she’s the one! My heart is screaming at me. She grabs my arm and looks up at me,

  “Please don’t Xander, don’t let me go.” She begs.

  “I am sorry, Emily. You knew what you were getting yourself into. I won’t do this. You’re a great girl and all, but it ain’t going to happen. I’m sorry.” I stare at her.

  “So that’s that?” She asks with tears rolling down her face.

  “I guess so. I don’t know what more you want me to say. I told you, from day One I wasn’t right for you.”

  “Damn it, Xander! Don’t you fucking see? You are right for me! But whatever! Fuck off!” She says crying and walks away and I’m just going to stand there and watch her leave.

  I get on my bike and ride, I go to my spot and look out at the city below me. “Stay” by Florida Georgia Line came over my radio. “Son of a bitch!” I shout listening to the lyrics to this song. “Here Without You” By 3 Doors Down comes on next. “I love her, I know I do and I need to make this right. I need to get her back. She’s the one.” I say out loud.

  I get off the rocks and walk back to my bike and leave. I want to go look for her, but I can’t just yet. I go to the bar and see Billy and Zack are there, and so is Sam and Kayla.

  “Hey man, what’s up?” Zack asks me.

  “Where’s Blake?” I ask.

  “He’s home with the kids. What’s up? You look like shit.”

  “I let her get away.” I say with my fists balled up.

  “Who? Emily? What happened?”

  “She came to my house, poured her heart out to me and I made her leave. I didn’t tell her I loved her like I should have. I don’t know what the fuck to do!”

  “Dude, really?”

  “Yep, well maybe it’s for the best. Maybe she is better off without me.” I tell him. I’m starting to think twice about this. I mean not having a girlfriend means I’m a free man. I do whatever I want and I don’t not have to check in with anyone.

  I pace back and forth. Not sure what to do, “Someday” by Nickleback plays over the speakers. “Nice.” I say under my breath.

  Some country song comes on, and I walk over to the juke box and look to see what it is. “Why” By Jason Aldean and “In The End” By Linkin Park I start laughing. “These fucking songs are too fucked up right now.” I’m sitting at the bar looking at my phone, staring at her number. “Do I call her or do I just let her walk away?” I say under my breath.

  Saturday 6pm-

  “Xander!” Reese comes running into the bar.

  “Get out Reese, you’re not going to give me a bitch out session. She knew what she was getting herself into!” I snap at her without even looking at her.

  “Xander!” she shouts at me. I turn to look at her. Her face is pale and my stomach starts to hurt instantly. “It’s Em, it’s not good.” She starts to sob.

  “What? What the fuck happened?” I walk over and look her in the eyes.

  “She was hit by a truck! She’s in the hospital.”

  “What the fuck! Billy, I got to go. Emily’s in the hospital.”

  “Go man, we’ll meet up with you at the hospital.”

  “Close the fucking bar!” I shout and walk out the door.

  I follow Reese out to her car and let her drive. “Is she ok?” I ask.

  “They don’t know. She was pretty bloody when they brought her in. She wasn’t conscious either. Mel’s there. She’ll fill us when we get there.” Ree
se says wiping tears from her eyes.

  “Fuck! Reese, I love that girl. I love that girl so fucking much! And I just fucking saw her. She told me she loved me and I told her no.”

  “I know you do. You gotta promise me, if she makes it, you gotta make it right. The last thing she told me was she was leaving Phoenix because loving you and not being allowed to be with you was killing her. She couldn’t stay here and not be with you.”

  “She’s mine. She was mine the first night I met her. I’m not letting her stubborn ass go.” I say fighting back the tears.

  We pull up to the hospital “Go! I’ll meet you in there.” Reese tells me.

  I look over at her, “Thank you.”

  “GO!” She shouts. As I jump out of the car and she speeds off to find a parking spot.

  I rush into the emergency room and see Mel, Scott and Blake sitting in the waiting room. Mel is crying and when she sees me she starts to sob harder. I drop to my knees in front of her. “Is she?” I ask with tears in my eyes.

  “No, but it’s not good. They won’t let anyone see her yet. The last thing I heard is they were taking her into surgery.”

  “Fuck! Did you call her parents?”

  “Not yet, I was waiting for you. I’ll call them, when we get to see her, you go in first. If anyone can save her, it’s you Xander.” She says crying.

  “What happened?” I ask.

  “She was on her way to see Reese when she was T-boned on the passenger’s side.” Blake tells me.

  “Fuck!” I run my hands over my face and I just let the tears fall. I don’t even care. Blake helps me up and grabs me and hugs me.

  The doctor comes out, Mel is still standing there in shock.

  “Is she ok?” We ask at the same time. “Who’s her family?” The doctor asks. “We all are.” Mel says grabbing my hand.

  “Ok, well Miss. Hayes, is still unconscious, CT scan shows a skull fracture and swelling around the brain. She suffered multiple broken ribs. We had to rush her into emergency surgery because she was bleeding internally. We got the bleeding under control, but the next 24 to 48 hours will be critical for her. She needs to wake up so we can evaluate any possible short or long term effects to her brain as the results of the fracture.” The doctor tells us.