The Home Court Advantage

by N. M. Silber

  “I hadn’t really given it much thought, but sure. That would be fun,” I said just before bending down to pick up my napkin and smacking my head on the table. Braden checked to make sure that I wasn’t bleeding. He was so sweet. He was always checking to make sure that I wasn’t injured too badly. That was true love.

  “Personally, I think that if you want to marry her, you should at least court her a little,” Jess went on. She gave Braden a stern look before finally locating the elusive crouton she had obviously been searching for and popping it into her mouth.

  “Court her? What is this, 1800?” Adam asked. “He banged her at a fundraiser. I think they’re a little beyond the ‘courting’ stage, Jane Austen.”

  “I’m just saying that maybe it would be a good idea if they went out on a few dates before they got married,” Jess responded. “He should romance her. What kind of memories will she have otherwise?”

  “Well, let’s see,” Cam said. “She can remember being covered in garbage, dressing up like a dominatrix and running around South Philly at night …”

  “I would be happy to take you out,” Braden interrupted. “I don’t know about a club though. I would rather we didn’t go somewhere filled with players and women who are looking to hook up with them.”

  “Uh, Braden? Wouldn’t that include the criminal courts building?” Mark asked.

  “We work there,” Braden said testily. “There’s nothing I can do about that.”

  “Oh come on, Braden,” I broke in. “We’ll go as a group. We can invite our friend Lily along. I meant to ask if she could come to your parents’ place for the weekend too.”

  “Oh no!” Adam said in a tone of voice most people reserved for discussing IRS audits, septic tank overflow or hemorrhoids. He tossed down his corn dog stick in disgust.

  “What is your problem with her?” I asked.

  “We don’t get along,” he said, sounding almost petulant.

  “How can you not get along with her? She’s so nice,” Jess chimed in.

  “She’s a bi … a bit overbearing,” he said catching himself just in time. He would be lucky if he lived through this day.

  “When’s the last time you even saw her?” Jess asked, sounding annoyed.

  “I don’t know. A year ago? It doesn’t matter! We don’t get along!”

  “Oh come on!” I said, again. “Adam, you can be civil for a little while and Braden, you and I will be together so there’s nothing to worry about. We should check it out. We might find out something important and it would be fun!”

  “Fine.” Braden sighed. “If that’s where you really want to go, that’s where we’ll go, but you stay near me the whole time.”

  “Okay, although the other women in the ladies room may not like it much. Let’s go on Friday at ten-thirty. Then we can see for ourselves if there’s anything to it or if it was just somebody’s trash.”

  “I’ll take trash for twenty,” Adam said to Mark. “Tell me, Gabrielle, what does that cigarette butt on the floor say to you?”

  “Do you really want to know?” I asked with a smile.

  “Okay, I’ll take that action,” Mark told Adam. “Enough weird shit happens to Gabrielle that there’s always a possibility. Besides, she’s been wrong so far; she’s got to guess something right eventually.”

  “Come on, Braden!” Cameron coaxed. “Take your girlfriend out on a date to the conspiracy joint with all of us. You can’t beat that for romance.” Braden shot him an amused, if exasperated, look.

  “Okay! We’ll go check out that club Friday at ten-thirty. Saturday we can all meet at my parents’ place,” Braden said resignedly. “We’ll hang out by the pool, go to the festival that evening and then spend the night there.”

  “And can we invite Lily?” I asked.

  “Sure!” he said, smiling at Adam.

  “This is because I said ‘nice tits, Gabrielle.’ Isn’t it?” Adam muttered, rolling his eyes.

  After lunch Mark and I walked to his car together. He had to go out to the prison too so I was grabbing a ride with him. We were talking about some of the cases we had coming up, when I accidentally tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and fell on my ass. As Mark helped me back up, I turned around to pick up the pad I had dropped and noticed a figure that looked familiar some distance behind us. I couldn’t place him, though. There was just something about him that made me think I knew him. We were in a hurry and the guy turned a corner anyway so I just forgot about it. The whole thing probably only took about ten seconds. It was a few hours later when it came to me. I thought that it might have been the same guy I had seen in the alley the night before and it made me feel pretty uncomfortable. Even if it was mostly a convenient way for me to get Jess and Cam together, I did want to get to the bottom of this.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Tuesday

  IN THE COURT OF COMMON PLEAS OF PHILADELPHIA COUNTY, PENNSYLVANIA

  Commonwealth v. Luchinsky

  “Ms. Luchinsky,” Judge Channing began, “you understand that you are pleading guilty to criminal trespass and disorderly conduct?”

  “Yes, judge.” My client, Tammy Sue Luchinsky, six feet and two inches of badass mama, with tattoos covering her arms, wild long dark hair and a gold tooth, did her best to sound contrite and ladylike. Good luck with that last one. That fact that she sounded like she smoked about three packs a day didn’t help. I shuffled around a little nervously. I couldn’t wait until the judge heard the facts of this case.

  “And you understand that you have a right to a trial and you are waiving that right?” Judge Channing was eyeing her up suspiciously. He probably couldn’t wait to hear what Tammy Sue had done either.

  “Yes sir.” She smiled and the light glinted off of her tooth. Lovely.

  “Mr. Pierce, please summarize the facts of the case.” Here we go, folks!

  “Your Honor, just after midnight on June first in the County of Philadelphia, alarms were triggered at the Curren Fromhold Correctional facility and the defendant Tammy Sue Luchinsky, was found by guards climbing a wall.”

  “She was breaking out?!” Judge Channing cut in. Suddenly he looked very serious, but then it dawned on him. “Wait a minute! Curren Fromhold is a men’s prison!”

  “That’s correct, Your Honor. She was breaking in,” Braden answered, trying to look very serious. The key word being “trying”. He set his lips in a firm line and looked like maybe he was reciting baseball statistics in his head in an effort not to think too much about this one.

  “Breaking in to prison?!” the judge asked incredulously. I wondered how many times a day he wished that he could say, “What the fuck?!” Okay, time to tell Tammy Sue’s side of it …

  “Your Honor.” I sighed. “My client was a bit intoxicated and she missed her boyfriend. A lot. The alcohol and the, uh, missing, clouded her judgment. I think that we’ve all had nights like that.” I nodded my head and tried to look sympathetic.

  “Most of us don’t try to break into prison, though, Ms. Ginsberg. She was scaling a wall not drunk dialing,” he responded irritably.

  “She’s voluntarily sought counseling for alcohol abuse, Your Honor, and she’s seeing a therapist about possibly going on anti-depressants. She just has to make sure that she can operate heavy machinery on them. She works on a loading dock. She also understands that she’s only allowed in to see Hank at visiting hours. It was a momentary lapse.”

  “Ms. Luchinsky, why would you do something like this?” Judge Channing asked, shaking his head in wonderment.

  “Well, judge, my man’s been locked up for six months now and that night, ‘I Changed Her Oil and She Changed My Life’ came on the radio. That’s our song, sir, and I guess that I had just drunk a few too many cans of Pabst. You know how it is when a gal’s been drinkin’ especially when she’s been alone for a while. I’m a hot-blooded woman and I got hot-blooded womanly desires! I’ve been alone too long! I need some lovin’ and I need it bad!” I saw Braden put his fist to his mouth and
squeeze his eyes shut. Judge Channing looked slightly alarmed like he thought that Tammy Sue might be trying to tell him something. Hell, maybe she was.

  “Maybe Ms. Ginsberg could try to get you some conjugal visits,” Judge Channing muttered, looking like he found the thought rather distasteful. I can’t imagine why. Tammy Sue coughed up a lung into her hand. “Is there an agreement in place?” the judge asked, appearing a bit ill.

  “Um,” Braden cleared his throat. “The Commonwealth has agreed to the defendant completing her alcohol counseling program and serving two years’ probation with random urinalysis.” He didn’t sound like he was going to make it much longer without losing it. I figured we had better wrap this up.

  “That’s your understanding of the agreement, Ms. Ginsberg?”

  “It is, Your Honor,” I answered quickly.

  “Tammy Sue Luchinsky I accept your plea of guilty to criminal trespass and disorderly conduct and I hereby sentence you to complete your alcohol counseling program and serve two years’ probation subject to random urinalysis, and to pay fines and costs.” He banged his gavel “Court is in recess for five minutes! Wayne get me some Pepto!” With that he left the bench.

  A female probation officer escorted Tammy Sue off to pee into a cup. I knew what was coming. I turned toward the prosecution table and prepared myself.

  “Gabrielle, would you scale a prison wall for Braden’s lovin’?” Adam asked with a smile. I knew he had been waiting so patiently to ask me that.

  “She might knock it down,” Braden teased, his voice cracking with suppressed laughter. “She can be very demanding.”

  “You’d probably tunnel in one spoonful at a time to get to her junk, honey,” Jess answered tartly from the defense table. Jess always had my back.

  “You know, I think I would!” Braden agreed and finally let go and cracked up.

  “I’d like to talk to that guy,” Adam said. “I want to find out what he’s giving Tammy Sue there that would make her willing to break into a prison to get some.”

  “The poor woman probably doesn’t have many opportunities,” Jess chided. “She looks like she could kill a man.”

  “You should set her up with that old guy who was willing to risk his life to make a booty call.” Braden joked. “He’d give her some lovin’.” He pulled himself together and looked at me in such a boyishly cute way that I wanted to scale him.

  “So, Gabrielle’s demanding, huh?” Adam asked suggestively. “All the time or just when she’s been drinkin’?”

  “I think I’ve only ever seen her drunk once, that night at O’Malley’s,” Braden replied, calming down and wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

  “I wasn’t drunk!” I protested, sorting through my files for my next wonderful case.

  “You walked face first into a door,” Adam pointed out.

  “I’ve done that before. I’ve been known to enter a party with a screen door stuck to my face before I’ve had a single drink.”

  Having finished teasing me, Adam let Jess know that he had an offer on a case and she got up and went over to the prosecution table to discuss it. Braden, in turn, came over to the defense table to talk to me. When they were out of earshot, I turned to him.

  “Do you really think I’m demanding?” I asked, sorting out some files.

  “Hmm, let’s see, fuck me right now, Braden, I’m going to make you my fuck toy, Braden…” I felt my face get hot.

  “Am I too demanding?” I put the files down and looked at him almost shyly.

  “Are you serious? Just thinking about it makes me want to go negotiate a deal in one of the interview rooms with you,” he said, giving me a flirtatious look.

  “We can’t keep doing that. We’re going to get caught if we continue using the interview rooms to satisfy our lustful urges.” I sighed and looked at my sexy boyfriend, indulging myself for a moment in some hot fantasies. “I think on Friday night I’ll dress up for you and we can do some of those naughty things we talked about. Maybe we can find some nice silk scarves and you can tie me to the bed and have your way with me.”

  “You had to put that image in my head, didn’t you?” He groaned quietly and raked his fingers through his hair, giving me a seductive look.

  “I have a feeling Harvard will bring Yale to her knees that night and you’ll get to handle my saucy mouth and my sharp tongue up close.”

  “Stop! Please! I’m begging you. I can’t picture that now too.” His eyes went to my lips. “Oh shit. I’m picturing it. You’re such a tease sometimes.” He laughed.

  “Am I teasing you too much?”

  “No! I love it. You’re so fucking hot, Gabrielle. I’d love to bend you over that table right now and make you scream my name.”

  “Are you two finished whispering sweet nothings to each other?” Adam called out. “I want to get out of here.”

  “Leave them alone. They’re in love,” Jess answered him.

  “They’re in court!” Adam shot back. “Let them be in love after work.”

  Wednesday

  IN THE COURT OF COMMON PLEAS OF PHILADELPHIA COUNTY, PENNSYLVANIA

  Commonwealth v. Stemple

  “Ms. Stemple,” Judge Channing began, looking like he would have rather been anywhere else at the moment. “You wish to enter a guilty plea to driving under the influence of alcohol, fleeing and eluding police, and reckless endangerment?”

  “Yes sir,” she answered. I strongly suspected that she would have rather been back at the bar that she was probably at until last call the night before. Either that or her perfume was called Eau d’ beer.

  “You understand that you have a right to a trial and you’re waiving that right?” Judge Channing was looking at her suspiciously. He probably smelled the barroom too.

  “Yes judge.”

  “Mr. Pierce, please recite the facts of the case.”

  “Your Honor, in the afternoon hours of May twenty-fifth in the County of Philadelphia, police responded to reports of a vehicle being operated in an erratic matter. Officer Luke McClusky got behind the vehicle, a white Hyundai Accent operated by the Defendant, Lucy Stemple, in his patrol unit, activated his lights and siren and motioned for the driver to pull over. In response, Ms. Stemple instead increased her speed and began veering in and out of traffic. Officer McClusky called for assistance and two other patrol units responded. After a chase lasting approximately ten minutes Ms. Stemple pulled into the parking lot of a liquor store and exited the vehicle as if she intended to enter the establishment. When officers ordered her to freeze and put her hands on her vehicle, she responded, and I quote, ‘just give me a second to grab some Jack Daniels, baby.’ At the time she was wearing cowboy boots.”

  “What’s wrong with that?” Judge Channing broke in irritably.

  “That’s all she was wearing, Your Honor,” Braden replied and the judge rolled his eyes.

  “Ms. Ginsberg?” He glared at me and he sounded like he thought that I’d put her up to it! Jesus. I was doing my job here, you know? So much hostility.

  “Your Honor, my client has been going through a difficult divorce. On the day in question she had just received word that her estranged husband would be getting remarried. She was feeling very emotional and not thinking clearly. She’s employed as a waitress at Denny’s and this is her first offense. She’s willing to seek drug and alcohol counseling.”

  “Do you have anything to say, Ms. Stemple?” the judge asked.

  “That asshole took the best years of my life!” she slurred. “And now he’s marrying some little slut he met at his gym! You know, I may be thirty-eight but I still look good! I’m the same size I was in high school and my tits hardly sag! Ask that cop!” Well, at least she was dressed. I hoped she hadn’t driven there.

  “About the case, Ms. Stemple,” I prodded, glancing at the judge nervously.

  “Oh, sorry. It probably won’t ever happen again.”

  “Well, I certainly hope not!” Judge Channing retorted, looking at her dubiousl
y. “Is there an agreement?”

  “Defendant served twenty-four hours, Your Honor. The Commonwealth will agree to a sentence of time served plus six months probation, mandatory drug and alcohol counseling and random urinalysis.”

  “That’s your understanding Ms. Ginsberg?”

  “Yes, Your Honor.”

  “Ms. Stemple, I accept your plea of guilty and I hereby sentence you to serve twenty-four hours with credit for time served, six months probation, and you’ll need to complete drug and alcohol counseling with random urinalysis. Fines and costs. Off the record.” The stenographer stopped typing. “No more driving drunk. That’s not safe. Or naked. That’s not hygienic.”

  “Yes judge,” she answered with a big smile.

  “Court’s in recess. Ten minutes.” He banged his gavel and left without a backward glance. I grabbed the court order and went over to the defense table to wait for the comments. Braden decided to go first this time. At least he didn’t let our relationship stand in the way of teasing me.

  “Yee haw!” he said with a laugh, leaning up against the prosecution table and looking far sexier than anyone had a right to.

  “And I thought you dressed funny,” Adam added with a smile, leaning back in his chair and looking highly amused. Despite the seriousness and stress of the criminal justice system, there were plenty of moments for levity and this was clearly one. I wasn’t going to deny it.

  “Just ignore them, honey,” Jess said patting me on the back as I sat down next to her at the defense table. Jess never let it get to her. I admired her for that.

  “I loved how she wanted to go buy her Jack first before they arrested her,” Braden continued, obviously on a roll.

  “It probably won’t happen again!” Adam laughed. “She’s not quite sure, but probably.”

  “Hey, that asshole took the best years of her life. Obviously the answer was to drive to the liquor store naked,” I noted dryly.

  “She’s right, though,” Jess noted. “Her tits really don’t sag. She must not have any kids, thank God. What did he mean, that’s not hygienic?” She laughed.