Being Julia

by Sandi Lynn

  “Really? So you sending over a bunch of designer dresses, shoes, and jewelry for her to pick from for your charity event when you only had known her, what? Two days? Was acceptable?”

  He looked at me, cocked his head, and then looked at my mom. He shook his head and didn’t say a word as he grabbed his wallet off the dresser and put it in his pocket. He started to walk out of the bedroom, but he stopped and turned around.

  “For the record, I was already in love with her.” He winked at my mom.

  “You know, Mom, you never told me how you and Daddy met.”

  She took my hand and smiled. “We’ll talk about another time. It’s quite a story. So, what are your plans today while we’re in Chicago?”

  “London is coming over and we’re just going to look through fashion magazines and watch movies.”

  I hated lying to her; it killed me. She patted my hand and smiled. I turned her wrist over and lightly ran my finger over her tattoo. “I love this tattoo. Is there a story behind it other than how much you love Daddy?”

  Her lips formed a small smile as she got up from the bed. “When you’re older, we can talk about that.” She winked.

  As we walked downstairs, I hugged my dad goodbye.

  “Bye, Dad. Have a safe flight.”

  “Bye, Princess. Make sure you don’t go anywhere and stay safe. If you need something, call your Uncle Mason or Uncle Denny,” he said as he kissed me on the head.

  “I’m sixteen, Dad. How many times do I need to remind you of that? I’m surprised you’re not having someone babysit me.”

  He looked at my mom right after I said that. “Mom!” I exclaimed.

  “Julia, don’t worry. I put the idea right out of his head.” She smiled at me, kissed me goodbye, and then stepped onto the elevator.

  I waited about thirty minutes to make sure they were gone and out of sight before sending a text to Brody.

  “Hi, my parents left, so it’s safe for you to come over.”

  “Hi, I’ll be over in five!”

  I ran up to my room and looked at myself in the full-length mirror. I ran my hands through my hair and brought it over my shoulders. As I rummaged through my drawer for my lace thong, I heard the doorbell ring. I hurried and pulled out my black one, slipped it on, flew down the stairs, and opened the door. Brody stood there, smiling and checking me out from head to toe.

  “Look at you, babe, all hot and sexy.”

  I grabbed his hand, led him into the penthouse, and kissed him on the lips.

  “I’ve missed you.” I smiled.

  “Yeah, me too, babe.”

  I led him to the living room and we sat on the couch. He leaned me back and starting running his lips across my neck as his hand traveled up my shirt. I grabbed his hand and pushed him back.

  “Let’s wait a little bit. We don’t have to do it right away,” I said.

  “Yes, we do, Julia. I’ve been waiting for this for moment. I’ve wanted this since I first laid eyes on you. You’re so hot; I can only imagine what it feels like to be inside you. You’re going to be so tight and amazing, and I’m going to show you what it’s all about. Let me introduce you to the world of sex and how amazing it is, Julia. Please. We’re going to be so good together.” He smiled.

  Every time he smiled, it melted my heart. He had me under his spell. I got up from the couch, took his hand, and led him upstairs to my bedroom. As we stood next to the bed, Brody lifted off my shirt and threw it on the floor. He stared into my eyes as his fingers deftly unhooked my bra.

  “Look at how perfect your tits are. I knew they’d be,” he said as he took them in his mouth.

  Before pushing me down onto the bed, he slid off my skirt and gripped my ass firmly with his hands. “So perfect. So perfect,” he whispered between kisses.

  Nerves had taken over me, and I kept telling myself that this would be okay. He knew what he was doing, and he’d make me comfortable. But comfortable wasn’t what I was feeling. He took my hand and guided it down the front of his pants. I felt so stupid because I didn’t know what I was doing. He told me just to relax and he would help me. He took down my thong and plunged a finger inside me. I flinched because it hurt.

  “Relax, babe,” he said.

  As his finger was inside me, I took down his pants and underwear, taking note of the “not as big as I thought” package below. He stopped what he was doing and told me to pull back the covers and lie down as he removed a condom from his pants pocket. I did as he asked and watched him as he tore open the packet and slid on the piece of rubber, which was going to keep me from getting pregnant, over his dick. I took in a deep breath as he climbed on top of me and pulled the covers over us. He pushed back my hair as he hovered over me and smiled. His smile was so warm and caring that I was becoming less nervous. He tried to insert himself into me and I let out a whimper. It hurt like hell and he barely did anything.

  “You’re too dry, babe. Let me get you wet,” he said as he went down on me. “There. Now you should be ready.”

  The fact was that I wasn’t, but I wasn’t about to let Brody know that. He pushed himself into me, and it was weird. There was a slight pain, but nothing like I had expected. Before I knew it, he was fully inside me and I was having sex. I was no longer a virgin. He moved in and out of me slowly, asking me if I was okay with each thrust. He smashed his mouth into mine as light moans came from the back of his throat. His last thrust was hard as he yelled my name while he came inside me. He looked at me and kissed my lips softly.

  “Did you come, Julia?” he asked.

  I didn’t know what to say because I wasn’t sure if I did or not. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I told him yes.

  He climbed off of me, took off the condom, and flushed it down the toilet. He walked back into the room and climbed back into bed. After he wrapped his arms around me, he asked me a question.

  “How was it? Did you enjoy it?”

  “Yeah, it was good,” I said with hesitation.

  His hand started kneading my breast as I looked up at him, and he kissed me. He wanted to have sex again, but I didn’t want to. As he rolled me on my back, his mouth forcefully pushed against mine, forcing my lips to part so his tongue could explore my mouth again. He hovered over me and I could feel his erection in between my legs. I kissed him back with pleasure, but I was too sore to have sex again. As I was about to break our kiss and tell him, my door opened. Brody jumped up as he saw my dad standing in the doorway. My heart started racing, and I felt like I was going to pass out.

  Chapter 5

  “What the FUCK is going on?!” my dad screamed.

  Suddenly, my mom came up behind him and looked at me, shaking her head.

  “Get the fuck out of my house,” my dad yelled as he grabbed Brody’s clothes and threw them at him.

  My mom grabbed my dad and made him go downstairs. “Julia, get dressed right now,” she yelled. “Brody, you need to leave this second before I throw you out, dressed or not.”

  Brody looked at me as he walked out of my bedroom. “I’ll call you later,” he said as he shut the door.

  I was shaking so badly, I couldn’t stand up. Every time I did, I’d fall back down on the bed. I felt sick, and I wanted to throw up. My parents caught me having sex. What the hell am I going to do? I can’t face them, especially my dad. He’s going to murder me and, as of right now, my life, as I know it, is over. I struggled to put on my skirt and my shirt as I heard my dad screaming my name from downstairs. I ran to the bathroom to throw up. When I was finished, I walked downstairs and into the living room where my parents were. My dad was at the bar, kicking back a glass of scotch, while my mom was sitting on the couch with her face buried in her hands. My dad slammed his glass down on the bar and pointed his finger at me.

  “You, you are in serious trouble, young lady. What the hell were you thinking?” he yelled.

  “Connor, calm down. Julia, come sit next to me,” my mom said.

  “Don’t tell me to calm
down, Ellery. What the hell is the matter with you? We walk in our sixteen-year-old daughter having sex and you tell me to calm down? If you think this is okay, then we have a serious problem.”

  I could see my mom’s eyes burning into my dad as she stared at him. I’d never seen him so angry before, and he scared me. He stared at me and shook his head.

  “I am so disappointed and so disgusted that I can’t even look at you.”

  The tears that I tried to hold back started streaming down my face as the person who I loved most in the world looked at me with shame.

  “I’m sorry, Daddy,” I cried.

  “Sorry? You’re sorry? Sorry for what, Julia? That you got caught?”

  I started to sob as my mom put her arm around me and pulled me into her.

  He walked over and stood over me. “You’re grounded for the rest of your life. Denny will drive you and pick you up from school every day. You will not see any of your friends, including London, and I’m shutting off your phone and taking your computer away. Consider yourself a prisoner in this house.”

  “But, Daddy,” I sobbed as I looked at him.

  “NO BUTS! You’re grounded!” he screamed.

  I got up from the couch and stood in front of him. My breathing was rapid and a fire was burning fiercely inside me. “I hate you,” I said.

  My dad looked away from me as I saw the tears in his eyes. I turned and looked at my mom, who was sitting there, crying.

  “Thanks for your support, Mom. It’s something I’ll never forget,” I said as I ran upstairs to my room and slammed the door shut.

  I threw myself on my bed and sobbed. Moments later, my dad came into my room and took my laptop from my desk.

  “Give me your phone, Julia,” he demanded.

  I took it from the bed and threw it against the wall as hard as I could. Needless to say, it broke. He walked out of my room and, before shutting the door, he said, “Don’t come out of here for the rest of the day.”

  I got up from my bed and slammed my fists against the door. I paced back and forth across the floor before I fell to my knees and continued to sob. After a while, I heard the door open and then softly close.

  “Julia, are you okay?” Collin asked.

  “I hate them both,” I sobbed.

  He put his arm around me and helped me off the floor. “You don’t mean that. You’re just upset right now.”

  “I do mean it, Collin. You should have seen him and the look in his eyes. They were filled with rage and disgust. I thought he was going to kill me.”

  “It’s almost dinner time; do you want me to bring you something up?” he asked.

  “No, I’m not hungry, but thanks,” I said as I hugged him.

  “I’m really sorry this happened, Julia.”

  “I know you are, baby brother. I think I’m going to take a shower. Could you please do me a favor and text London and tell her what happened?”

  “Sure, I’ll do that right now.” He smiled.

  I got up from the bed and decided to take a bath instead. I started the water and poured a capful of bubbles under the stream. I climbed in and lay back, letting the hot water soothe my body. I closed my eyes as the tears fell down my face once again. I was thinking about everything that happened when I heard the bathroom door open, and I heard my mom whisper my name.

  “Get out. I don’t want to talk to you,” I cried.

  “I’m sorry, but I’m not leaving. I’m your mom, and you’re going to talk to me whether you want to or not,” she said as she sat down on the floor next to the tub.

  “Please just go away and leave me alone,” I whispered.

  My mom took my hand, which was sitting on the tub, turned it over, and softly rubbed my wrist. “The tattoos I have on each of my wrists are covering up the scars of my attempted suicide when I was your age.”

  I opened my eyes and looked at her, horrified by what she just told me. “Mom.”

  “I guess it’s time you knew about my past. You already know that my mom died when I was a little girl, and I’ve told you how hard it was on your grandfather. I was diagnosed with cancer on my sixteenth birthday.”

  My heart felt like it stopped beating when my mom said that. I had no idea that she’d been sick or that she had attempted suicide. “Mom,” I said as I put my hand on her cheek.

  She took my hand and pressed my palm against her lips as she smiled softly. “I couldn’t let your grandfather go through that again, so I thought it was best that I spared him the pain. I figured it would be easier for him to get over my death than to have to see me so sick and then die.”

  “How could you think that?” I asked as tears swelled in my eyes.

  “Because I was sixteen years old. He became an alcoholic because of what happened to my mother. Anyway, he came home one night and found me and called an ambulance. The doctors saved me, and I went through a year of chemo and went into remission.”

  The tears that were in my eyes fell quickly as I stared into my mother’s eyes. They were full of sadness and despair as she told her heart-wrenching story. She handed me a towel and told me that if I stayed any longer in the bath, I’d turn into a prune. She walked out of the bathroom and told me she’d wait for me to get dressed. As I stepped out of the tub, I wrapped the towel around me and looked at myself in the mirror. I started to believe that there was more to my mom and her past I didn’t know about. I put on my robe, walked into my bedroom, and sat down on the bed next to her. I grabbed her hand and turned it over, staring at the tattoo that said my father’s name on her wrist.

  “Your dad got kicked out of a club for being so drunk that he was causing a scene. I had already noticed him that night, and when I walked outside to get some fresh air, he was sitting up against the brick wall. I hailed a cab, helped him into it and took him home.”

  “Mom, that’s dangerous. You just don’t do stuff like that. Even I know better than that.”

  She smiled at me and kissed the side of my head. “You sound like your father. He got sick all over his clothes when I brought him here to the penthouse, and I couldn’t let him sit in his own vomit all night, so I undressed him and made sure he was safe in his bed. When I went to check on him one last time before I left, he was on his back, so I rolled him on his side and sat next to him all night to make sure he didn’t throw up again. That’s how your grandfather died. He choked to death on his own vomit. I ended up falling asleep and, when I woke up, it was morning.”

  I lay down on my back and my mom lay next to me. “What did Dad say when he woke up and found you lying next to him?”

  “I wanted to get out of the penthouse before he woke up, so I went down to the kitchen, made a pot of coffee, and made my famous hangover cocktail. I was going to leave a note with the drink when he came into the kitchen and scared the shit of me.”

  “What did he say to you?” I asked.

  She looked over at me and smiled. “Your father had a list of rules and he thought that I had broken one of them.”

  “That’s weird. What kind of rules did he have?”

  “That’s something I don’t think your father would want me to talk about with you.”

  “I’ve heard stories, you know. Stories about him and all the women he dated when he was younger. Some of the stories aren’t so nice.”

  My mom took my hand and interlaced our fingers. “All that stopped when he met me, and your father became the man he was destined to be. Listen, Julia, your dad loves you and this family more than anything in the whole world. He’s acting out of anger right now and he’ll eventually calm down. But we need to talk about what went on here today. I want nothing but an open and honest relationship with you and I thought that’s what we had. To be honest with you, I’m very hurt that you felt you couldn’t come to me and talk to me about having sex with this boy.”

  Tears started to fill my eyes again as I looked up at the ceiling. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t talk to you because you would tell Dad or you’d lecture me and try to ta
lk me out of it. I think I love him, Mom.”

  “Oh, Julia, love is so complicated. You may think you love him, but at sixteen, it’s hard for you to understand what love is. You’re going to have so many more boyfriends that you think you love, until that one special person who knocks the breath right out of you, looks at you.”

  “I bet you had a lot of boyfriends at my age.”

  “I dated a couple of guys, but nobody wanted to get involved with the girl who had cancer. To be honest, before I met your dad, I had one boyfriend, and we dated for four years. His name was Kyle.”

  “Wow, four years and you broke up? Why?”

  “That’s another story that I’m not ready to get into with you yet. I’ll just say that he left me in our tiny apartment, and it wasn’t too long after that I met your dad.”

  “Obviously, you loved Kyle if you were with him for four years,” I said.

  “I did love Kyle. But there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. I was with Kyle out of convenience, and I didn’t have anyone to guide me and tell me otherwise. He was there when my father died and he was a source of comfort, so I just stayed with him. I just wish you would have waited to have sex and talked to me about it first. This was your first time, right?”

  “Yes, Mom, it was my first time, and I don’t see what the big deal is. Sex isn’t anything special or great. It hurt, it was awkward, and I’m feeling lousy about myself. I thought I was supposed to be glowing and feeling great. God, I can’t believe I’m going to say this to you, but you and Dad must have amazing sex because you’re always glowing.”

  She smiled at me and laughed lightly. “You want to know the truth? We do. Your father is an amazing man, in and out of the bedroom.”

  “Mom, stop it! That’s way too much information, ew.”

  “Julia, you’ll know when the time is right, and you’ll know when you meet the man of your dreams. You’re only sixteen, sweetie. You don’t need the complications of a boy or a relationship in your life. You’ll have plenty of time for that,” she said as she kissed me on the head and got up from the bed.