Being Julia

by Sandi Lynn

  “I don’t know.” She started to cry. “He was at the party and we started talking. He asked me if I liked to get high, and I told him yeah, and he took me into the bedroom and we−"

  I put my hand up. “I know what you did. You got high and you had sex with him.”

  “I don’t remember having sex,” she said as she looked at me pathetically.

  “You didn’t have any underwear on when I walked into the room. The doctor examined you and said you recently had sex. Did he rape you?”

  “I don’t know.” She continued to cry.

  I leaned over and wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight. “You need help, London. You have to stop the drugs. Look what it’s doing to you,” I said as the tears began to fall.

  “I know and I’m going into rehab after they release me. My mom’s making the arrangements with a rehab facility in California.”

  “California? No. Why can’t you go to a rehab here in New York?”

  “Because the rehab facility in California is one of the best and it’s only for teenagers,” Mrs. Fitzgerald said as she entered the room. “I just got off the phone with them and we’re all set. You’ll leave the day after tomorrow.”

  London shook her head and began to cry again. I pulled out my phone and sent my dad a text message.

  “Dad, please come to the hospital right away. I need to talk to you.”

  “I’m on my way, Princess,” he replied.

  I told London that I’d be right back, and I went and waited for my dad in the lobby. As I saw him walk through the doors, I ran up to him and threw my arms around him.

  “Baby, what’s wrong? Did something happen?” he asked.

  “Mrs. Fitzgerald is sending London to a rehab facility in California, Dad. Please try to talk her out of it. Please!” I begged.

  “Julia, I know you’re upset, but it’s none of our business. London is her daughter and she can make whatever decisions she wants,” he said as he kissed my head and led me over to the couch to sit down.

  “But, Daddy, she can go to rehab here. You can find out which one is the best and tell Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald. You’re always finding out what’s best. Please, don’t let them send her away.”

  “Calm down, Princess,” he said as he pulled me into him. “Let’s go and see London and we’ll take it from there.”

  I wiped my eyes and blew my nose with the tissue my dad handed me. I took his hand and we went up to the third floor where London was. When we walked into the room, Mrs. Fitzgerald got up from her chair and walked over to us. I could tell she always had a thing for my dad.

  “Connor, it’s so nice to see you again,” she said as they hugged lightly.

  “Hello, Joan.”

  I walked over to London and sat down on the edge of the bed while my dad and her mom talked.

  “If you’re sending London off to a rehab in California, then I’m offering you my plane and we can take the three of you to California.”

  “It’s only going to be myself and London going. Ron is still on his business trip and he can’t fly back. I can’t ask you to do that, Connor,” she said as she put her hand on my dad’s chest.

  “You’re not asking, Joan. I’m insisting. In fact, since the girls won’t see each other for a long time, we’ll travel with you.”

  “Really, Dad?!” I exclaimed.

  He looked over at me and smiled.

  “If you insist, Connor, then who am I to say no to your generosity.” She smiled.

  Ugh. She was coming on to my dad, and I was going to have to have a talk with my mom. My dad walked over to London and kissed her forehead.

  “How are you feeling, sweetheart?” he asked her.

  “I’m okay, Mr. Black. Thank you.”

  “We’re going to make sure you get the help you need so you can put this behind you and move on with your life.” He smiled.

  “Thank you,” she said as a tear fell down her face.

  ****

  The day had come to take my best friend to rehab. The once beautiful, dark-haired girl with the big blue eyes looked sullen and lost. I wasn’t allowed to see her until we boarded the plane. Mrs. Fitzgerald said that they had too much to do to get ready for California and that she and London needed some time alone. I put my arm around her as we boarded the plane.

  “How are you?” I smiled.

  “Not good, Julia. As much as I’m trying to forget about the drugs, I can’t, and I’m craving them so bad.”

  “It’ll get easier. I promise. The doctors are going to help you and you’re going to get better. I feel like I’ve let you down and I’m really sorry.”

  London took my hand. “You didn’t let me down. You tried to get me to stop using and I did nothing but lie to you. You’re the only person in my life who cares about me and I let you down, Julia.”

  My dad walked over to where we were sitting and gave London a hug. “People make mistakes, London. I know firsthand about mistakes. The people who truly love you, forgive you, and would do anything in the world to help you.” He smiled.

  “I wish you were my dad,” she whispered.

  He looked at me as he kissed her on the head. My dad was the most amazing person I knew. Collin walked over and sat with us while my dad set up his laptop on the table. I watched as Mrs. Fitzgerald walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him.

  “I just can’t thank you enough for doing this for us,” she said.

  She was just a little too close to him and, from where I was sitting, I could smell the fresh alcohol on her breath. She must’ve been drinking when she disappeared for fifteen minutes in the bathroom. I looked over and saw my mom staring at her. The look in her eye was one that I’d seen many times before when she was getting pissed off. My dad took Mrs. Fitzgerald’s arms and removed them.

  “Like I said before, Joan, I wanted to do this and you’re welcome.”

  She took it upon herself to sit down in the chair next to him. She placed her hand on his leg and my dad looked at her. I was just about to get up and say something when I saw my mom leap out of her seat.

  “Hey, Collin, Julia, why don’t you take London in the back and show her the view from the window in the bedroom.”

  Collin and London got up and started to walk to the back bedroom.

  “Are you coming?” London turned around and asked.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there in a second,” I said.

  My mom was going to let Mrs. Fitzgerald have it, and I wasn’t about to miss it. She looked over at me and winked as she approached her and my dad.

  “Joan, how’s Ron doing?”

  Mrs. Fitzgerald quickly removed her hand from my dad’s leg. “He’s fine, Ellery. He’s on an important business trip. He’s sorry that he couldn’t be here.”

  “Really? I would imagine any father that loves his child would be there for her in her time of need,” my mom said.

  “It’s really none of you concern, Ellery.”

  “See, Joan, it is my concern. It became my concern when you started trying to get my husband to sleep with you many years ago.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Mrs. Fitzgerald said as she looked away.

  “Ellery, that’s enough!” my dad said.

  “Connor, this is between me and Joan. Butt out!”

  Oh, this was getting good. My mom was letting Mrs. Fitzgerald and my dad have it!

  My dad looked at me with that look, and I smiled. He shook his head and got up from the table. My mom continued her rant with Mrs. Fitzgerald and told her she was an alcoholic and that she needed to go to rehab as well. She also told her that she and my dad were more of a mother and a father to London over the years than she and Mr. Fitzgerald were. Mrs. Fitzgerald got up from her seat and stormed off to the bathroom. I watched as my dad walked over to my mom and looked at her with his “are you serious” look.

  “Really, Ellery? Of all days to say something to Joan, you pick today?”

  “She made it today the
minute she put her hand on your leg. I will not apologize for telling the truth. Get over it, Connor, because you would have done the same damn thing, if not something worse, if it was Ron who put his hand on my leg.”

  My dad sighed and kissed her on the head. “I guess you’re right, baby,” he said as he walked away.

  I laughed as I walked over to my mom. “You sure told Mrs. Fitzgerald off.”

  She smiled at me, tilted her head, and pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Sometimes, you need to remind some people of what’s yours, and yours alone.”

  The pilot alerted us that we were in California and to take our seats for landing. I sat down next to London and grabbed her hand. Little did I know that when I said goodbye to her at the rehab center, it would be the last time I ever saw her. She passed away right before my eighteenth birthday of a drug overdose. The rehab center could offer no explanation of how or where she got the drugs.

  Chapter 9

  Eighteen

  I opened my eyes and turned my head as the morning sun trickled through the curtains. I reached over and grabbed my phone only to find about a hundred text messages from family and friends wishing me a happy birthday. As I smiled and tried to read each one, I set my phone face down on the bed and rolled over, wishing there was one from London. Not only was today my eighteenth birthday, but it was also my graduation day, and I’d be celebrating both without my best friend.

  “Happy birthday, Princess.” My dad smiled as he walked into my room, holding a single white rose.

  “Thank you, Dad.” I smiled as I hugged him tight.

  “Breakfast is almost ready. The chefs have been here since the crack of dawn.”

  “I’ll be down in a minute.”

  He looked at me as he sat on the edge of my bed and took my hand. “Today should be one of the happiest days of your life. I’m so sorry, Julia. I know it’s hard with London being gone, but you have to try and enjoy the day.”

  “I know, Dad. I just don’t understand why—”

  “I know, baby. It’s not for us to understand. We have to accept it and move on,” he said as he pulled me into an embrace. “Now, get dressed and come downstairs for your birthday breakfast.”

  I gave my dad a half smile as he walked out of my bedroom. It was going to be such a busy day with graduation and my birthday, and a difficult one without London around. Every year on my and Collin’s birthdays, my parents brought in caterers to put on a big breakfast buffet for our family and friends. After graduation ceremony, my parents were throwing me a birthday party to celebrate my birthday. My mom went wild with throwing me a graduation party at the beach house next weekend. My dad wanted it at the Astoria, but my mom said she wanted to keep it fun and casual and that we were already having my birthday party there. After I put on my sundress, I went downstairs, where everyone was sitting in the dining room, having breakfast.

  “Happy birthday, Julia!” everyone yelled when I walked in.

  Hailey looked at me and smiled as I walked over to her chair and hugged her.

  “I know this is hard for you, but if you need anything, please let me know,” she whispered.

  “Thank you, Hailey.”

  I continued to make my rounds to each guest as I was hugged and kissed to death. I grabbed a plate and walked over to where the buffet was set up. “Happy birthday, sis,” Collin said as he put his arm around me and kissed my cheek.

  “Thanks, buddy.”

  “Maybe tomorrow, we can hang out at Central Park.” He smiled.

  “Yeah, maybe we can.”

  I made my way down the buffet table, filling my plate while faking a smile. It just didn’t seem right without London here. We had a nice breakfast with conversation, laughter, and good food. After breakfast was finished, everybody went home until the graduation ceremony. I was on my way upstairs when my mom and dad called me into the living room. My mom had her hands behind her back with a smile on her face.

  “Happy birthday, sweetheart.” She smiled as she handed me a small red velvet box. “We wanted to give this to you now instead of at the party tonight.”

  I sat down on the couch in between my parents and slowly lifted the lid. Inside sat a beautiful diamond infinity ring. It was stunning and I loved it.

  “Mom, Dad,” I said as I looked at it with tears in my eyes.

  “You know by now that symbol has a special meaning in our family. We wanted to give you something that represents us as a family; something you can look at when your dad and I are gone and know that our love for you is forever, even when we’re not here,” my mom said.

  “Thank you so much. I love it,” I said as I hugged them both. “I’ll never take this ring off.”

  “I’m glad you like it, Princess. Your mom and I thought it would be the start of a tradition. You can pass it on to your daughter when she’s eighteen.”

  “What if I don’t have a daughter?”

  “Well, let’s hope you do.” He smiled.

  I went upstairs, showered, and dressed for my graduation ceremony. It felt unreal that I was finally out of school and going to college in the fall. I put on my graduation gown and stood in front of my full-length mirror as I put my graduation cap on my head. There was a soft knock on door and my mom peeked her head in.

  “Do you need any help?” she asked.

  “No. I think I got it.”

  She stepped into my room and walked up behind me, clasping my shoulders with her hands.

  “I can’t believe that my baby girl is graduating. It seems like it was only yesterday that I took you to your first day of preschool.”

  “You’re going to make me cry,” I said as I looked at her through the mirror.

  “Time goes by so fast, Julia. It’s important to cherish every day,” she said as she straightened my cap and patted my shoulders. She walked out of the room just as my dad walked in, smiling at me.

  “My princess is graduating high school. It’s amazing how fast the time went. I’ll never forget your first day of kindergarten.” He smiled.

  I turned around as he sat down on the bed. “I had my arms wrapped tightly around your leg and I wouldn’t let go.”

  “That’s right.” He smiled as he reached for my hand and asked me to sit down. “You were so scared and you held onto me as if your life depended on it.”

  “I begged you not to leave me.” I smiled.

  “And I didn’t. I promised you that I wouldn’t leave, so I sat in the back of the classroom to make sure you were okay. Just like I’ll be sitting in the audience, making sure you’re all right when you accept London’s diploma and give your speech.”

  The tears I tried so hard to hold back started to fall. My dad reached over and gently wiped them away with his finger. “No tears, baby. You’ll ruin your makeup.”

  “Thanks, Dad,” I said as I laid my head on his shoulder.

  ****

  As I stood at the podium and looked at my notes, I looked out into the audience and saw my parents sitting in the second row. My mom blew me a kiss and my dad gave me a thumbs up. I was nervous and started to sweat. I folded the white piece of paper I had in my hand and pushed it to the side. I gripped the sides of the podium, took in a deep breath, and closed my eyes as I began to speak into the microphone. I spoke about the last four years, London, and her death. I could hear the sounds of sniffling as I talked about what an amazing student and person London was. A tear fell from my eye as I read my closing statement and I received a standing ovation, not only for my speech, but because my painting won the art competition and I was the recipient of a $15,000 scholarship to Columbia.

  I walked off the stage and took my seat with my fellow classmates as they wiped their tears. It was time for the distribution of diplomas and when London’s name was called, I proudly walked across the stage and accepted her diploma for her. I kissed it and held it up the air, with the hope that she was looking down and could see it. Once the ceremony was over, I met my family out in the lobby. My mom started
to cry as she hugged me tightly, while my dad was grinning from ear to ear. As soon as my mom let me go and my dad wiped the tears from her eyes, Collin hugged me and told me that he was proud that I was his sister. After I made my rounds and hugged my entire family, Mason walked over to me with tears in his eyes.

  “Princess, you were amazing up on that stage. I’m so proud of you.” He began to cry as he hugged me tightly and had a full breakdown.

  I looked at my dad and he rolled his eyes. He tapped my mom on the shoulder and pointed to Uncle Mason. My mom turned around and smiled at me as she clasped his shoulders and broke our embrace.

  We left the graduation and went straight to the Astoria for my birthday party. There were around 150 guests that showed up, including family and friends from school. The room was decorated with balloons in pink and lavender, my two favorite colors. Beautiful candle lit, floral centerpieces sat in the middle of each table. There was a DJ, and a table that sat in the corner with a birthday cake that represented my shopping addiction and tiers upon tiers of beautiful flowered cupcakes. I took in a deep breath as I put on my fake smile and thanked everyone for coming. My mom ran over to me.

  “Here comes your dad. I know that look on his face and it’s about your dress. I’m just giving you a heads up.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” I sighed.

  My dad walked over to me and kissed me on the cheek as he put his hand on the small of my back.

  “Happy birthday, baby. You look gorgeous. Did you pick out that dress yourself?”

  “Thank you, Daddy, and yes, I did. Isn’t it the most beautiful dress you’ve ever seen? I love it so much, and I feel like such a princess in it. Tell me you like it, Daddy, please.”

  Yes, that was me putting on the innocent act for my father to try and distract him from telling me that my dress was way too short. He looked at me, paused, and then smiled. “It’s beautiful, Julia, and it looks wonderful on you.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” I smiled as he started to walk away.

  He stopped, turned around, and looked at me. “Your mom said something to you, didn’t she?”