We Were Forever

by Brandi Aga

  “I do. Then you can say you tried your best.” He shrugs. “Want me to drive you?”

  “No, you do that.” I wave my hand to his handiwork and grab my purse. I’m going to go figure out what’s going on with my best friend.

  By the time I pull into her apartment complex, my bravery has all but diminished. I’m having second thoughts about even coming here. I look pathetic forcing her to be my friend. But Ryan is right, if it doesn’t go as planned, she can’t say I didn’t try everything I could to make things better.

  I knock on the door and wait, in hopes that she’s even home. I look behind me and search the parking lot for her car. I don’t see it right away but that doesn’t mean she isn’t here. Sometimes we got shitty parking and had to walk far from where we parked.

  I don’t hear anything on her side of the door, so I knock again one last time. Just when I think she isn’t going to answer, the door opens just slightly with the chain still locked in place.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” The shock in her question isn’t in surprise but more out of annoyance that I’m here bothering her.

  “I wanted to see you. I was hoping that we could talk.” Her head is sideways poking through the chained crack in the door. This is weird. She shuts the door in my face and for a second I wonder if she really just did that, but she opens it again, chain free and steps outside. She shuts the door behind her, and I guess I’m not invited in. He must be in there and she doesn’t want to mix the two of us together. Fine by me. I don’t have any desire to even think about him. If she knew what he did to me that day, and all the other people he’s hurt, she’d flip her shit. Or maybe she does know, and she’s not the person I thought she was.

  “Wow, you are pregnant, pregnant.”

  “Yeah, thanks a lot.” I laugh and she does too. She hasn’t been around me at all this time, unlike last time when we lived together. She listened to me cry and bitch about guys and laid in bed with me and held Maddy when she was teeny tiny so I could eat something or take a shower.

  I sent her a text after I found out after the wreck and all she said was congrats a week later. We have been so absent from each other’s lives; I don’t know what to do.

  “I miss you.” I shrug, unsure of what else to say.

  “I’m sorry, Leylah.” She looks behind her at the closed door. “It’s just not a good time, you know?”

  “No, I don’t know. What’s going on?”

  “We were just making something to eat.” She’s walking backward as she speaks and stops when her butt hits the door. “I’ll text you.” I feel like the spark in her eye says she wants to talk to me, so why is she running?

  She turns around and closes the door behind her, leaving me standing alone and speechless.

  Pretty sure every time I get Maddilyn for the week, she has grown another inch. Maybe two. I think Leylah’s finally coming to terms that this is happening. This is our life now. I’m not going anywhere. She may be out of my life in a sense, but she’ll never be all the way out of it rather she likes it or not.

  “Rome!” V calls out from the water over the sound of the seagulls and crashing waves. “You coming in?” I came back up to our chairs on the beach to grab my phone and take a picture of Maddilyn to send to Leylah. She still freaks out if I don’t update her once a day. I’m just trying to keep the peace.

  Veronica looks good with a baby. She helps me more than she’d ever admit. I’m still new at this whole keeping another human alive thing. I’m a grown ass man but nobody keeps me on my toes like a toddler with the will to do whatever she wants. She scares me. Both of them.

  I take the picture of Maddilyn splashing in the ocean and toss my phone back under the towels and join the girls.

  She screams in excitement every time the tide brings the water up and covers her feet in the sand. She’s growing partial to V, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s because she misses her mom or if she’s just growing used to being here and V hanging out with us a lot.

  “She could probably use some more sunscreen.”

  “You wanna head back up to town and grab a bite to eat? Or we can eat up there, on the pier?” She looks to Maddilyn and out across the ocean. I don’t know what she fears of me now-of us-when she didn’t before, and she knew what she was getting herself into when she signed on to my case then. You can’t expect much of a convict doing hard time. She wasn’t scared of me then. Why now?

  I know I’m an asshole. But I’ve always been one. Even when we were kids, I was never the good guy. Never the popular jock. I skipped school and got high every chance I got. Pretty sure they graduated me just to get me the hell out of their hair. So, yeah. I’ve never claimed to be a masterpiece. What you see is what you get. Always.

  Just when I think she might say no, she makes a decision that shocks us both, I think. “Sure, I’d like that.”

  It takes twenty minutes to get Maddilyn cleaned up and dressed to walk up to the pier from our spot on the beach. We forgo the restaurant and grab hot dogs from a stand on the boardwalk and eat them on the dock overlooking the ocean. Maddilyn all but falls asleep sitting up while she’s eating, so I throw her over my shoulders and let her sit on them while we walk.

  V walks ahead of us just a few steps, her hand swings into my free one every other step she takes. “Oh my gosh. Stop.”

  “What?”

  “She fell asleep up there.” She takes her own phone out and takes a picture and shows it to me. Looks like my little buddy couldn’t hang after playing in the sun all day. “Should we go back?”

  I nod. “Yeah, we can. I can take you home, or you can come over to the shop.”

  “Rome…” I get this same spiel and look every time.

  “V…”

  She takes her sunglasses off and looks up at me with her pretty, yet worried eyes.

  “What are we doing?”

  “I thought we could go back to the shop and watch a movie or something. She’s probably tapped out for the night.”

  “No.” She shakes her head in frustration. “I mean, what are we doing here? This, me and you, all of it. I’m kind of growing to like her and I don’t know what that means.”

  “You’re only here for her? Is that why you hang out with me?”

  She hits my arm playfully. “I’m serious.”

  “I don’t know, V.”

  “See, that’s not good enough for me.”

  “Am I good enough?”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “I don’t know what we’re doing. I look at you and see something there that I want. I don’t know if it’s because you were mine once and I see now that I lost something good, or-fuck, I don’t even know what. I just like when you’re around. Even if I don’t act like it sometimes.”

  “We were just kids, Rome. It would have been a mistake back then, and you know it.”

  “Yeah…” But we’re not kids now. Sometimes agreeing is just easier than arguing, and I’m not sure what my argument is yet. We walk like this for a while. The lights and game bells and whistles from the pier intensified by the silence stretching between the two of us.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything.”

  “Do you think you will ever stop loving her?”

  I stop dead in my tracks and if I could wipe that look off her face right now, I swear I would. “Is that what this is about?”

  “I struggle with it,” she admits. “When you got out, she was all that mattered. And I just worry that I won’t ever be able to hold a flame to those feelings that you have for her.”

  “You saw her. She’s moved on. Me? I’m breathing just fine without her. I’m not the one that stepped out on my marriage and I don’t have to deal with that day in and day out.” I put those thoughts in her head, and she ponders them all the way back to our parking spot on the beach.

  I buckle Maddilyn up, still sleeping soundly, and head home. “Your place or mine? Up to you.”

  V leans her head ba
ck on the headrest and a small smile tugs at the corner of her lips. “Yours.”

  I wake Veronica to the scrape of my teeth biting the inside of her thighs. She locks her legs around me when her sleepiness fades.

  “Come downstairs,” I whisper into her hair and ease my way quietly down the steps.

  “You really need an apartment, you know?”

  I pick her up and cup her ass in my hands. It’s tight and firm and I just want to sink my teeth into it just like her thighs. “I have one already.” Woodzy jumps up, fully prepared to take me out to protect her from me. I see where his loyalty lies. Trader. His eagerness makes her laugh and I spin her around to knock him down.

  “Knock it off, Woodz.”

  “No, this is a loft.” She points above us. “An apartment has walls and ceilings that provide privacy for moments like this.”

  “Moments like what?”

  “Like this…” She reaches down the band of my underwear and wraps her fist around my cock. I close my eyes momentarily and thrust into her hand.

  “I have an office.” I wiggle my eyebrows in hopes she takes the bait but feel like an asshole at the same time. This girl deserves better than some shitty old couch in the corner of a mechanic shop. She gives me the look, the one that says to keep dreaming and all my dreams are crushed.

  “Later. I have to pee.” She walks away in her t-shirt with her ass cheeks hanging out just enough to tease.

  “You’re killing me.”

  “Don’t you have to be at the airport in an hour?”

  “Yeah, you coming with?” All the playfulness leaves her face with just one question.

  “I don’t know, is that such a good idea?”

  “You don’t have to. No pressure.”

  “Vee!” Maddilyn calls out from the top of the stairs with her bedhead and sleepy eyes.

  “See, walls. Privacy.” She looks to me and then back up to her. “Good morning!”

  “You can use the shower if you want. I’ve gotta get her ready.”

  “Vee!” I look to Veronica amid Mad’s cries to her. Her emotions are heavy, I can feel them from here. She’s torn between what she wants and what she thinks she shouldn’t want.

  “Okay, I’ll come to the airport.” This whole no privacy thing totally just worked out in my favor.

  We packed Maddilyn’s bags and loaded up to the airport. Leylah’s flight just landed and they should be here at the gate any minute. This whole travel thing is still weird and will take some getting used to.

  We won’t always do it like this, with one of us flying with her. But for now, while she’s still so small, Leylah insists and I’m not arguing.

  “There’s mommy.” I set her down and she runs to greet her. Veronica hangs back or tries to anyway. I grab her hand and pull her in closer to me. I’m not hiding her. Hell, I don’t even know what she is to me, but she’s something and I don’t want to cast her out when she had the balls to come here with me in the first place.

  Leylah’s all smiles until she sees her standing next to me. Her eyes lock on our hands and I know she’s about to shit her pants. “Did you have so much fun?” she asks Maddilyn in excitement, pretending she isn’t instigating shit in her head. It’s fine, I’m going to pretend that, too.

  “You’ve met Veronica.” I look to her when I say it and it’s awkward, but she smiles at the mention of herself and it eases me a little.

  “Hey.” Leylah’s cold, despite V being genuinely nice. Leylah would change her tune if she could see all that she does for me. Or maybe that would just piss her off more. I don’t know at this point. “You’re his lawyer, right? We met, at mediation.” Her finger points between the two of us and I can see her slowly connect the dots.

  “That would be me.”

  Leylah makes a ‘hmm’ sound and goes about smothering Maddilyn with hugs and kisses. Ryan’s not with her, I guess he isn’t joining this awkward party of three.

  “When are you due?” I squeeze V’s hand in a silent thank you for being an adult and making conversation even if it is practically one-sided.

  “Oh, um, three more months.” Her hand mindlessly goes to her belly.

  “That’s soon. Do you know the sex?”

  “No, I don’t think we’re going to find out until it happens.”

  “That’s so neat. Well, you look great.”

  “Thanks. I guess we’re going to head out. I have to find a restroom and I need something to eat before I catch my flight out.”

  “You good?” I motion to her bags.

  “Yeah, I got it.”

  “Bye, Mads.” I kiss her head and she leans into Leylah, suddenly shy now that she’s around.

  “Bye.” V waves back too.

  We don’t linger around to watch them leave.

  “That was awkward.”

  “She’s probably getting on her phone with her lawyer right now. Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For being the bigger person.”

  Her face softens.

  “I’m used to this type of thing. I see it all the time. It’s one of the reasons I started taking criminal cases instead. Believe it or not, it’s easier than family.”

  “I believe it.”

  “You don’t think it’s weird?”

  “What’s weird?”

  “That his girlfriend is his lawyer.”

  “How do you know she’s his girlfriend?”

  “He was holding her hand. I don’t know, I could just tell.”

  Ryan sighs and I know I’m pushing my luck, but I can’t get Veronica off my mind since witnessing them together over two weeks ago at the airport. Roman never bothered telling me about her or the fact that she’s been hanging around my kid. I mean, I’m not completely stupid, I can imagine what goes on there. A little heads-up would be nice is all I’m saying.

  “Why do you care?”

  “It’s not that I care. It’s just…weird. She got him out of jail, right? And then helped him with our custody plan, and now she’s what-dating him? It’s just weird to me is all.” I realize I sound like a hypocrite, because I talk like he’s some lowlife that no one would want to be around, but I had a child with that same guy.

  “Can we not talk about him and his dysfunctional relationships right now?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Ryan rolls over and drapes his arm over me. The cool air and his feathery touch make little chills prick my skin. “He kicks incredibly hard.”

  “I know, it’s partly why I never sleep anymore. He moves my whole body.” We had agreed we weren’t going to find out the sex of the baby until the birth, but my doctor called with blood test results and I caved. Ryan said he wouldn’t hold it against me if we went against our word and that was all I needed to hear.

  He kisses my shoulder and throws his arm over his face to go to sleep. He gets on my nerves that he can close his eyes and go right to sleep. Meanwhile, my thoughts skip to Veronica once more.

  I toss and turn for two hours before I finally say fuck it. I slip my pajama shorts on and head to the kitchen for a giant slice of cheesecake that’s been calling my name since I put it there after dinner. The struggle is real.

  I take my slice to the couch and flip the tv on to my Real Housewife reruns. I’ve seen them all enough times to quote them, but I can’t stop watching. Tamra and Gretchen are giving Vicki hell about her boyfriend faking cancer when the security alarm beeps. I pause the tv to make sure that’s what I really heard. Ever since the window incident, I’ve been paranoid about sounds at night and every little thing freaks me out. Especially since I haven’t been sleeping well. Why can’t things go bump during the day? It’s always at night.

  Sure enough, it beeps again. This time it doesn’t stop. Great. I set my plate down on the table and check out the panel by the door. I left my phone in my room, so this is the closest option. I don’t want to wake Ryan over nothing and since he showed me how to work it, I start there. There are different alarm sounds for
different settings. The one currently beeping is the motion detector.

  I enter the code and the camera that’s sensor is detecting the movement outside pops up on the screen.

  “Ryan!” The person outside hits the driver’s side tire several times and takes off running. I hit the button on the screen to alert the local authorities and run to the bedroom. He comes around the corner at the same time I do and makes me scream in surprise.

  “What the hell, Ley?”

  “The alarm. Someone was outside.”

  He’s still putting his shirt on when he inspects the system and answers his phone as it rings. I’m assuming it’s the security people or the police, as he’s describing what he sees on the screen.

  He goes outside to where the intruder once was, and the front and rear driver’s side tires are flat.

  “Yeah nobody’s here now,” he tells the person on the other end of the line. “Okay, thank you.” He ends the call and squats down by the car. “You saw what happened?”

  “I was on the couch and the alarm went off. Someone was out here but they ran off. I didn’t see their face or anything- it was dark and they were covered up too good.”

  “It’s okay. Go back inside. Check on Maddilyn. I’ll wait out here for the cops.”

  Thankfully, Maddy slept through the whole ordeal. Even when the cops came in and took our statement. Again, there’s not a whole lot they can do. Just our luck.

  “Why do you think this keeps happening?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “First the window, now this? It’s freaking me out. This neighborhood is supposed to be safe.”

  “It’s probably some shitty kids with shitty parents that don’t know where their kids are, babe.” I don’t believe a word he says. “Come back to bed. They’re long gone now, and the tires can be replaced. We’ll figure everything out later.”

  As if I can go to sleep now.

  Leylah: Are you fucking with me?

  Me: Um, you’re gonna have to be more specific.