by Alisa Adams
“Aye, lass, I understand ye thinking. I hae tae admit that I would nae be at my best either,” he said, smiling, although Sarina got the sense that he was saying that more for her benefit than anything else. “If ye wish, we can even stay in this bed taenight,” he offered. Sarina glanced toward the box that held the dagger and nodded.
Seamus opened the sheets of the bed and Sarina crawled underneath. It was the first time she had ever shared a bed with a man and at first, her body was entirely rigid. Seamus blew out the candles by the bed and gave her a peck on the cheek. The bed creaked under his weight and Sarina had to get used to the sound of his heavy breathing and the way his arms spread out, grasping for her.
Moonlight spilled into the room and it took a while for her eyes to adjust. Although she was tired, Sarina could not fall asleep. Her mind was alive with all manner of thoughts and when she closed her eyes, she could not help but think of how Seamus and Ciara must have been on their own wedding night. She flushed with envy at how the two of them had grown up together. As Seamus had said, there was no mystery between them and the wedding night must have been one filled with passion. Sarina tried not to let it bother her, but it was difficult.
As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she looked over at Seamus, propping herself up on one elbow to gaze upon him and she realized that he looked beautiful. It was a strange thought to think of a man so strong and savage as beautiful, but while sleeping, he was at peace, a far cry from how she had first seen him, raging in battle with the bandits. She placed a hand on his chest and curled one of his thick hairs until he sniffed and batted her hand away. He turned and started to snore softly.
Sarina climbed out of bed and walked over to her dressing table. If there was any time for her to do her dark deed, then it was now. She opened the latch to the box, her breath catching in her throat as she did so for she was afraid the noise would wake Seamus up. However, his body was heavy with ale and meat. He would not be waking until the morning. Sarina picked up the dagger and curled her fingers around it. She turned around and walked back to the bed, standing over Seamus. He looked so vulnerable there. His chest was bare as was his throat. It would have been the easiest thing in the world for Sarina to plunge the knife into his chest or to slit his throat. This was the man who had killed her father, after all, the man who she had been sent here to kill.
Thomas had never wanted peace. This was all a ruse to get her into this position. He told her that it was her duty to her family, but now, Sarina had a new family. The Mackenzie clan had welcomed her with open arms, had shared their secrets with her, and she had taken sacred vows to protect her husband. How could she kill him? She wasn’t just going against these vows but against God. More than that, she had actually developed affection for Seamus despite his drunken mistake. It certainly wasn’t an easy thing to admit to herself, but she could not deny the fact of the matter.
She knew then that she couldn’t kill Seamus. The thought was as clear as the ringing of a bell in her mind. She simply didn’t have it in her to commit such a heinous act. She wasn’t like her brothers or her father in fact. They had abandoned her to this fate, left her to do this on her own, and she was beginning to realize that she wasn’t beholden to their wishes. For better or worse, Sarina was a Highlander now and had to start thinking like one. She had been a fool to even agree to this in the first place and she wished she had never taken the dagger from Thomas. It did mean, however, that she would likely have to live the rest of her life in the Highlands and would have to sacrifice the dreams she had of marrying a man of nobility, but at least, she would have a life of her own. For all his faults, Seamus actually seemed to respect her as a person, unlike Thomas who only wanted to use her as an assassin.
Seamus shifted in his sleep and for a moment Sarina was horrified that he was going to wake. She dreaded what might happen if he caught her holding a dagger, so she quickly walked back to the dresser and placed the dagger back in the box. When she closed the lid, her heart beat a little less rapidly and she closed her eyes. It felt as though she had closed her heart to her English family as she closed that lid. That part of her life was over. It was time to focus on her marriage, her new husband, and her new family.
Before she returned to bed, Sarina gazed out at the stars and hoped they were smiling down upon her. She was a young woman still with much to learn about the ways of the world, but she felt as though she was finally making decisions for herself. She may not have chosen to marry Seamus in the first place, but she was choosing to stay with him now and make this marriage a successful one.
14
Seamus lolled in bed. The full belly and the rigors of the day, both physical and emotional, had taken their toll and left him exhausted. Although he was a man of great vigor and great appetites, he was a little relieved that Sarina had asked to delay their wedding night duties. She was a fine girl and he looked forward to peeling away her clothes and enjoying her supple skin, but talk of Ciara had made his mind fuzzy with emotion. He knew that lovemaking was better when an emotional bond was shared between the couple and he didn’t want Sarina to do anything she was uncomfortable with. All he wanted was for her to enjoy herself and since it was her first time, he wanted to make sure he was at his best as well so that he could give her a night to remember.
As soon as he turned over, he fell asleep and as soon as he had fallen asleep, Seamus began to dream. He was standing at the top of his castle, looking out at the Highlands. They were beautiful in their tranquility and although it was only the illusion of a dream it may as well have been real.
“Seamus,” a familiar voice said. He turned around and saw Ciara standing there. He almost collapsed from shock. The wind tugged at her hair and her dress. She smiled at him. He walked up to her and embraced her, wrapping his arms tightly around her. For a few moments, he even forgot it was a dream such was the tangible quality of her body pressed against his. He breathed in the smell of her hair and placed his hand on the small of her back.
“Ciara,” he replied breathily. She kissed him on the cheek, leaving her lips there for a few moments. She was exactly as he remembered her: in the prime of her life, healthy, and radiant. She had an ethereal quality about her as though light emanated from her body. She stepped back but kept hold of his hand.
“What are ye daeing?” she asked in her soft, melodic voice.
“What dae ye mean?” he asked, his brow furrowing.
“With ye life Seamus. All I ever wanted was for ye tae be happy, but ye seem intent on breaking that vow.”
“I have never broken any of the vows we spoke tae each other,” he said, confused as to why Ciara was saying such a thing. She shook her head and smiled enigmatically.
“Ye cannae keep holding on tae what we had, Seamus. It is nae good tae ye or tae ye new wife.”
“Ye know about Sarina?”
“Aye. A pretty little lass she is. Ye know she can make ye happy if ye just give her a chance. Life is tae short tae waste on regret and ye cannae close yeself off from life. Make one more vow tae me, Seamus. Promise me ye will give Sarina ye all. Hold nothing back. She dinnae deserve tae marry a man who cannae love her and ye dinnae deserve tae gae through the rest of ye life without enjoying happiness. Promise me, Seamus.”
As Seamus looked at her, he found it an incredibly difficult thing to promise. How could he tell the love of his life that he would love another? But then Ciara began to fade. It was imperceptible at first, but then she began to glow and her body faded like the morning mists.
“Ciara, I promise ye,” he said.
Then she was gone.
Seamus awoke with a start. Sweat clung to his brow and he pushed himself up. The morning sun had yet to rise. His new bride was in bed beside him, sleeping soundly with her hands tucked under her head. A single strand of hair fell over her face. He brushed it back and enjoyed the soft sound of contentment that murmured from her lips. She looked beautiful, every inch a queen, and he knew that he had been blessed.
Other marriages like this had ended with both parties being miserable and he certainly didn’t want that for himself. He had been surprised when Sarina had asked him to tell her about Ciara. At first, he thought it was going to be some kind of trap, but he felt he owed her after the shame of calling her by a different name. Telling her had freed his soul somewhat. She was right in that they had to share everything with each other, even the things that made them feel uncomfortable. Talking to Sarina about Ciara strengthened their bond and also allowed him to work through his grief.
Although Sarina was young, she was also strong. He was impressed by her breeding and the biggest compliment he could pay her was that she had the heart of a Highlander. If it wasn’t for her accent and her manner, he never would have guessed she was English. Deep down, he knew she had the wild heart of the Highlands and as his hungry eyes roved about her body he looked forward to the day when she would embrace the spirit of the Highlands.
For a while, he lay there looking at her and he was contented by his dream. Ciara had told him to pursue happiness, and he knew it would have been foolish to do anything otherwise. He couldn’t live in misery any longer. He had made vows and since he was an honorable man, he would live up to those vows as best he could, even if it meant finally letting go of the past.
Eventually, the morning sun rose and the golden glare replaced the silver shine of the night. Warmth spread through the room and Seamus stroked Sarina’s hand with the back of his fingers. She moved her head slightly and then slowly opened her eyes. When she looked at him, she smiled.
“Good morning, wife,” he said.
“Good morning, husband,” she replied and rolled her bottom lip under her teeth, an act that he found instantly arousing. Seamus rested his hand against her waist, hoping not to make her uncomfortable. She didn’t ask him to move it.
“How did ye sleep?” he asked.
“It took me a while to get settled, but once I fell asleep, I didn’t wake up until that moment. I wanted to say, Seamus, that I meant everything I said last night. I want us to try and make this marriage work. I do not want to simply be a pawn of peace.”
“Aye, and I would never treat ye as such. I thought about what ye said, about how we should try and get tae know each other. I thought this morning we could take a ride out tae the Highlands and I could show ye our home.”
“That would be lovely,” she said, beaming widely. As he looked at her heart-shaped face and almond-shaped eyes, he was filled with an overwhelming desire to be close with her. All the sluggishness of the previous night had disappeared and he was ready. So, he leaned in to kiss her, but again, she was tentative. She cast her gaze down whenever he kissed her, he assumed because it was still all so new to her.
“Ye are a natural,” he said, wanting to compliment her to encourage her to be more open to physical affection. She thanked him but didn’t make any effort to carry on proceedings. Seamus was a little disappointed in this but told himself that he was going to have to be patient. It wasn’t like it had been with Ciara. The two of them had known each other since they were children and even then, the first time they shared intimacy had been awkward and shy, both of them fumbling through until they found their rhythm. He and Sarina barely knew each other and it would take time for them to feel comfortable with each other.
Seamus rose and stretched out his body, preparing for the rigors ahead. As he did so, he noticed that Sarina watched him with ardor in her eyes. He certainly didn’t mind that she looked at him with such awe. He winked at her and she blushed. “Ye dinnae hae tae feel embarrassed,” he said, chuckling. Then he announced that she should get dressed as they were going to leave before breakfast.
They went downstairs and found that some people had not moved on from the feast the previous night. They were slumped on the floor and draped over chairs, groaning and snoring. Seamus and Sarina had gotten a couple of plates from the kitchen. There was still plenty of food left from the previous night so they didn’t have anything special prepared. When they sat down, they were greeted by Angus who pushed himself up from a group of men.
“Morning!” he called out cheerily and joined the two of them. Seamus nodded to his brother, but he noticed that Sarina wilted a little.
“I am sorry for rushing out and ruining the party last night,” Sarina said in a small voice.
“Ach, think naething of it! We soon forgot and had fun in ye name. It was the most fun we’ve had around here in a few years. Ye missed out, though I’m sure what ye were daeing was more fun,” Angus said, arching his eyebrows suggestively. Neither Seamus nor Sarina wanted to correct him. They were perfectly content to let his imagination run wild.
When Seamus told Angus that he and Sarina were going to go for a ride, Angus immediately stiffened. “Are ye sure that’s wise given what happened yesterday?” he asked.
“I dinnae think any bandits would try again. If they did, they will soon know they made a mistake,” Seamus said.
“If ye like I can form a guard and ride nearby tae make sure naething bad happens.”
“I appreciate that brother, but taeday is a day for me and Sarina tae spend together.”
They finished breakfast and then went to prepare the horses. Seamus helped Sarina up on a mare called Glory while he took the reins of Shadow. The horse whinnied in greeting and Seamus introduced him to Sarina.
“Can ye ride well?” he asked.
“Probably better than you,” Sarina replied. Seamus smiled at the challenge and then whipped the reins. Shadow and Glory fell into a trot which quickened into a gallop as they rode away from the castle into the valleys ahead. Their heavy hoofs kicked up mud and grass as they rode along. Angus and Sarina called out to each other occasionally, each of them goading the other on. Mostly, they gazed out at the lush landscape before them. The rising valleys of the Highlands stretched out for miles on end and was only broken by the mountains in the distance which were cloaked with white clouds. To the other side was a wide forest, filled with shadows and emerald light. Bright flowers bloomed and the sun beamed down upon them. Every time Seamus looked over at Sarina, she was beaming. She seemed to become more beautiful every time he glanced toward her.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Ye’ll see,” he said teasingly and then made Shadow veer off in a different direction. Although these lands were entirely new to Sarina, she saw this as a race and didn’t want to lose, so she urged Glory on until the two of them were neck and neck. Seamus knew that Shadow could easily outrun Glory, but he wanted to amuse Sarina so he pretended that it was a close race. When it looked as though she was going to win, he inspired Shadow to find a higher speed and broke away from Sarina. He wound his way through the trees and then came to a lake into which a waterfall cascaded.
Sarina was angry that he had teased her so, but her scowl disappeared when she saw the lake. The water was so clear and it shimmered like crystal. There was a break in the trees which allowed the sun to fully beam down onto the water. The foamy crest bubbled as the waterfall fell into the lake, hanging over craggy rocks. Thick fronds were like curtains and on the edges of the lake tall grass stood. Seamus alighted from Shadow and walked over to Sarina, holding his hand out for her to steady herself as she got off from the horse.
“This place is beautiful,” she said, looking around at the beautiful surroundings.
“Aye, I thought ye would like it here,” he said, pleased at her reaction. She walked up to the water’s edge and leaned over. Seamus joined her and they looked at their reflection. Under the surface of the water, silverfish swam, wiggling their tails.
“Would ye like tae gae in?” Seamus asked. Sarina turned to him and then looked back at the water.
“I would, but I only have these clothes and I would hate to get them wet.”
Seamus turned his head from side to side. There was nobody else around for miles. This place was entirely secluded. “We dinnae hae tae wear clothes,” he said. Sarina’s cheeks reddened and she
looked away. For a moment, he thought he had pressed his advantage too strongly, but she didn’t dismiss the possibility out of hand.
“I think perhaps you presume too much of me. I may be your wife, but I am still a lady and I do not make a habit of flaunting my body where just anyone can see it,” she said.
“Perhaps nae, but ye hae tae remember ye are in the Highlands now and there are certain things ye must change. Tae open yeself tae nature is tae open ye heart tae the wild, tae be one with ye surroundings,” he said, pressing a closed fist to his heart. “When ye hear the call of the wild, ye know ye are truly a Highlander and ye will be able tae dae anything with abandon. Let ye spirit free and embrace the wildness in ye heart.”
Sarina considered the idea for a moment or two and looked around herself, making sure that there was nobody lurking. “Fine. In the spirit of our marriage and embracing my new home, I shall let my spirit free as you put it. But you must turn around.”
Seamus began to protest, but she wagged a finger at him and he knew he wasn’t going to make any progress. So, he turned around and resisted the urge to peek at her even when he heard her clothes fall to the ground.
15
Sarina couldn’t believe what she was about to do. It was against everything she had ever learned about being a lady, but it was clear that she wasn’t just an English lady any longer—she was a Highlander. Highlander’s seemed to be attuned to nature and if she was ever going to fit into this new life, she was going to have to do things like this. What better time than now to begin? Her heart raced in her chest and she kept glancing over her shoulder to ensure that Seamus wasn’t peeking.
