Always A Will And A Way_Western Romance

by Barbara Gee

  Kelly stared out the door for a moment before answering.

  “I don’t know any of his past girlfriends, so I can’t answer that. I can only speak for myself and how I feel.”

  “So what was it for you? Why do you think Will is a fit for you after being alone for so many years?”

  “Why do we fit?” Kelly mused. “I can’t really describe it. I’m the first to admit that Will and I aren’t an obvious match, and for a while I resisted my feelings for him for that very reason. I guess it’s like the jigsaw puzzle Maggie and I were working on a few evenings ago. I was looking for a certain piece that should have been easy to find. I thought I knew exactly what color it needed to be, and I thought I knew the basic shape it would be, but I couldn’t find it. Finally I just started trying random pieces because the one I thought I needed wasn’t there. As it turned out, it was a piece that had been right in front of me the whole time, and it looked nothing like what I expected. The color was different, and the shape seemed way off. The way I tried it first didn’t fit, so I flipped it around, and then it snapped right in. A perfect fit.”

  Kelly had been looking out through the door as she spoke, but now she turned to face Diana. “That’s how it felt with Will and me. I wasn’t looking for a man, and I certainly wouldn’t have thought Will and I would fit, basically because of all the reasons you’ve already mentioned. But I was so drawn to him, and for whatever reason, he seemed equally drawn to me, and when we gave it a chance, we snapped together like those disparate puzzle pieces.”

  Diana cleared her throat. “So you’re saying that you know better than me what “fits” for my Will?”

  Kelly shook her head. “I’m just telling you how things got to this point with Will and me. But regardless of how I feel about him, I refuse to be responsible for causing friction in his family. I’ve seen firsthand how that can affect everyone over the long term, and I agree that it would be best to end things with Will now, before it gets even harder.”

  Diana managed a small smile. “Well, I do appreciate that, Kelly, and I wish you the best. It might be a little hard to convince Will that whatever it is you have is over, but he’s a proud man and he won’t hang around long if you convince him he’s not wanted. Just be firm with him and he’ll get the message.”

  Kelly wanted to tell Diana that she obviously didn’t know her son as well as she claimed, if she thought he was going to give up on their relationship without a fight. But knowing it wouldn’t serve any purpose, she bit her tongue and left.

  She felt gutted. Completely gutted. In spite of her fears, she had held out hope that in the end she could smooth things over with Diana Connor. Instead, she’d gotten nowhere. Diana was unwilling to even give her a chance, for the sole reason that she wasn’t Lindsay, and Lindsay was the only one Diana wanted.

  Feeling the need to process what had happened, and to cry out her pain, Kelly drove around for a half hour before heading back to the Wild Rose, where she would have no choice but to pretend everything was okay. And somehow she had to figure out how to tell Will they were done, without telling him why.

  Chapter 29

  As luck would have it, bad luck in this case, Chad and Will were standing out by Will’s truck when Kelly drove up the lane. Seeing him caused a sob to rise in Kelly’s throat and it was all she could do to not dissolve into tears all over again. She didn’t know whether to stop and say hi or just keep driving. Will took the decision away from her when he walked out to the edge of the lane and waited for her to approach. She stopped beside him and rolled down her window.

  He leaned his elbows on the roof of the SUV, his tentative smile fading when he saw evidence of the tears she’s already shed.

  “Park the car, Kelly. We’re going for a drive.” He walked over to his truck and opened the passenger door, waiting for her to pull up and turn off her vehicle.

  Full of dread, Kelly climbed into his truck. She was so not ready for this, and had absolutely no idea what she was going to say to him. Coming on the heels of her awful meeting with Diana, Kelly wasn’t sure she had the strength for another confrontation. It wouldn’t be easy to convince Will that she no longer wanted to be with him, especially when she was already feeling raw and beaten.

  Will circled the truck and got in behind the wheel, starting the big Diesel engine and reversing away from the stable. He didn’t speak as they pulled away and turned out of the lane onto the main road. After a series of turns, he pulled off the road in a secluded place under some trees and shut off the truck. He turned toward her, his arm along the back of the seat.

  She couldn’t look at him and he just waited, reaching out to wind a lock of her hair around his fingers.

  Finally he broke the silence. “You’re killing me, Kelly.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.” Two tears broke free and slid down her cheeks and she didn’t bother wiping them away.

  Will took her hand and lifted it to his lips. Praying for strength, Kelly gently pulled her hand away.

  “You gonna break my heart, baby?” he asked softly.

  Kelly drew up her knees, wrapped her arms around her legs and buried her face.

  “I’m having second thoughts,” she said finally, her voice muffled. “You know I’ve had reservations about us being together and I’ve given it a lot of thought and I think maybe it would be best to just cool it before things get more serious.”

  Will let out a long sigh, leaning his head back against the headrest.

  “You’re going to have to be a little more specific. Why the sudden change of heart?”

  “I can’t give you anything specific, just that I don’t feel we’ll work out in the long run and I think it’s best to end things now instead of trying to hang on and making it harder on everyone later.”

  Not surprisingly, Will wasn’t buying it. “What happened? One minute we’re fine, then you break our date, and suddenly you’re completely throwing in the towel. And I don’t have the slightest idea what I did wrong.”

  She shook her head. “Nothing. I just—I don’t think it’s going to work out.”

  “Look at me, Kelly,” he interrupted, his voice low but demanding. “If you’re going to break up with me, at least look me in the eye while you do it.”

  Kelly’s meeting with his mother had already left her feeling eviscerated, and she wasn’t sure she had the strength to follow through with this right now. She raised her head off her knees, but several more moments passed before she slowly shifted in her seat and faced him.

  “I’m sorry, Will. It’s for the best. I wish it could be different.”

  He reached over and gently cupped her chin.

  “I don’t know if you realize this, Kelly, but whatever you’re feeling always shows plain as day in your eyes. I’ve always loved that. Right now your mouth is telling me you don’t want to be together any more, but your eyes are saying otherwise. I need to know why you’re doing this.”

  She couldn’t tell him, but making something up wasn’t an option either. So she said the only thing she could.

  “I can’t tell you the reason.”

  He let that sink in for a minute. “Can’t, or won’t?” he wondered.

  Kelly bit her lip, hurting so badly, and hurting him so badly, and she hated it. She sighed. “Won’t,” she conceded in a low voice.

  His blue eyes were like lasers. “Do you really think I’m going to be satisfied with that?”

  She tore her gaze from his and stared straight ahead. “You’ll have to be, Will. If I tell you why I’ve reconsidered, it will only make things worse, trust me.”

  “You’re not getting off that easy, Kelly. Is it James? Maggie and Senior? Your parents? I want to know what the hell happened between Wednesday night and now!”

  She understood his hurt and anger, and knowing she was the cause of it was unbearable. Kelly wanted to launch herself into his familiar arms, tell him everything and beg him to forgive her, Diana and Charlene and everyone else who was against them be damne
d. She came close, so close to doing just that. But after a brief battle with herself she stayed where she was, because in the end, it would mean watching him suffer as his family distanced themselves from him, and she couldn’t do that. After all of her soul searching, she still believed that the pain he felt now, as their relationship ended, was preferable to losing the love and respect of his family.

  “Take me back to the house, Will,” she said softly. “I’m so sorry, but I just can’t talk about this anymore.” Her voice broke and she shook her head. “I just can’t,” she repeated. And then she couldn’t hold the tears back anymore and she huddled up against the door and sobbed.

  Will unbuckled both of their seat belts and hauled her up against him. Kelly immediately curled into him, her body seeking out the familiar comfort of his, her face pressed against his chest. She craved this closeness, needed it, even though she knew she should resist.

  “God, Kelly, I know you don’t want this. Please talk to me.”

  “It won’t do any good. If I tell you why I’ve changed my mind it’ll only cause you more pain, and I won’t do that. I know it’s not fair to you, Will.” She reluctantly pushed away from him, then changed her mind and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly, memorizing how it felt to be pressed up against him one last time.

  “It’s okay to be mad at me,” she murmured against his shirt. “I would be if the tables were turned. Just know that if I didn’t truly think it was for the best, I would never walk away from what we have.”

  “How can it be for the best when it hurts us both this bad, Kel?”

  Kelly allowed herself a few more minutes in his arms before pulling away and scooting back over toward the door.

  “It’s the circumstances that are wrong, Will, not us,” she said quietly. “But in this case, circumstances have to trump my feelings for you, and that’s really all I can say about it. Please take me home now.”

  After a long moment, he started the truck and made a U-turn back toward the Wild Rose. They didn’t speak during the drive, and he took her all the way to the house instead of stopping at the stable. Before she could get out of the truck, he grabbed her hand.

  “I’m gonna let you go now, Kelly, but don’t think this is over.”

  “It is though,” Kelly said sadly. “It has to be. I’m sorry.”

  She turned and met his gaze for a moment, managing a shaky smile.

  “Thanks for everything, Will C. I don’t regret any of it.”

  She pulled her hand from his and quickly got out of the truck, going inside the house without looking back.

  Chapter 30

  Saturday passed without a glimpse of Will. Kelly stayed away from the stable area when she knew he was there. She tried to limit James’ time out there too, but it was almost impossible to keep him away from his horse and the two men he loved.

  That made Kelly realize that she had another tough decision to make. If she and James stayed at the Wild Rose for the entire summer as planned, James’ attachment to Will would continue to grow, regardless of the breakup. Would it be best to head back to Virginia early, or was it too unfair to take James away from his grandparents, aunt and uncle, and soon to be new cousin?

  To further complicate things, Kelly had signed a contract with the school district for the whole summer, and while she knew there was at least one board member who would happily vote to let her skip out on it, the teachers she was working with, as well as the principal and the rest of the board, would be justifiably peeved if she left early.

  Even given the ramifications of breaking her contract, Kelly wasn’t sure she had it in her to live at the ranch for another three months. She was bound to run in to Will frequently, and that would only cause them both more pain.

  Once again Kelly found herself trying to determine the lesser of two evils. She wanted desperately to talk to someone about her struggles, but she couldn’t because she knew every single person would tell her she was crazy to let Diana come between them. The thing was, none of them knew how painful it was to be at the center of a family breakdown. Her parents, her friends—they would all try to change her mind about ending things with Will, but they couldn’t fully understand what she had been through already. And she could never talk about it with Senior and Maggie. It would bring up too many bad memories, and she didn’t want to do anything that might cause Senior to have a setback with his health.

  So she quietly suffered alone. Sunday passed, and every hour she missed Will more than the last. By bedtime, Kelly was actually considering going to see Diana one more time, to beg her to please, please give her a chance to prove that she wasn’t out to ruin the Connor family.

  If she thought groveling would make a difference, Kelly would do it without a second thought. But the memory of Diana’s cold, unyielding demeanor gave her very little hope that another meeting would change anything.

  Thankfully, little James didn’t seem to notice anything different. He played outside nearly all day long, and spent the evenings playing games or watching movies with his grandparents. He was as happy as Kelly had ever seen him, which made being at the Wild Rose very bittersweet.

  It was a relief to go to work on Monday, although driving past Will’s truck parked at the stable brought fresh hurt. It was so tempting to find an excuse to stop in, just to see him and be near him. If Kelly had had any doubts before that she was madly in love with Will Connor, she knew better now. The kind of pain she was feeling couldn’t be caused by anything less than love.

  Although Kelly was standing by her decision to break things off with Will, over the weekend she had found herself wondering repeatedly why the two of them had been brought together in the first place. She had been so sure it was God’s plan, and over the past months her prayers for wisdom had all seemed to lead her toward Will rather than away. Had she been following her own will instead of God’s all along, even though her earnest prayer had been to know His direction for her?

  Or was she wrong to be questioning the relationship that up until last Thursday she had truly believed had been blessed and guided by God? Had she overreacted to Charlene’s chilling accusations, just as Diana was overreacting and jumping to conclusions that had no basis in fact?

  Kelly had never met any of the Connor family other than Diana. Were they all as enamored with Lindsay as Diana seemed to think? And even if they were, was there really any possibility that Will would eventually fall in love with Lindsay and fulfill the destiny their mothers so longed for, even if Kelly were out of the picture? And if Lindsay wasn’t a possibility, would the next woman Will chose be more acceptable to Diana than Kelly herself, or less?

  Although she was willing to be selfless for Will’s sake, as Kelly contemplated how the doors had opened to bring Will and herself to this point, and how she had attributed those open doors to God being in control, she had to wonder whether she had panicked when faced with the accusation that she was tearing a family apart for the second time. Charlene and Diana had poked at her most vulnerable spot, and because of what had happened with Jamie, it was the one and only thing that could convince Kelly that letting go of Will was for the best.

  Kelly’s thoughts often went to James, and how his life had been infinitely enriched by having Will be a part of it. As his mother, was it fair of her to take that away from him without giving Will a say?

  As all these things bounced around in her head, two big questions begged to be answered. Was she really doing what was best for Will? Was she doing what was best for James, who in the end had to be her top concern, didn’t he?

  Yvonne was waiting for her at the front door of the school as Kelly walked in, striving to push aside the turmoil in her mind so she could concentrate on her work.

  “Good morning, Kelly,” Yvonne said warmly. “I worried about you all weekend. I know Charlene McCallum upset you last week, and I was halfway afraid you wouldn’t be back.”

  “I’m back and glad to be here,” Kelly said without going into the detail she
knew Yvonne was hoping for. “Are we still having the staff meeting at 10:00?”

  “Yes, if that works for you.”

  “It does, but I still have quite a bit of work to do on the handouts and PowerPoint I’ll be using. I’ll see you at the meeting.”

  Yvonne nodded uncertainly and left without any more questions. Kelly felt bad for being short with her, but she simply didn’t know how to explain what was going on. After another near sleepless night, she was more confused than ever. Part of her was dying to find Will, tell him everything, and let him be the one to decide what came next. But she’d promised Diana she wouldn’t tell him about their meeting, and it would be one more obstacle to overcome with Diana should she break her word.

  Kelly was grateful for the staff meeting and the question and answer session that followed. It was a welcome distraction from the turmoil in her heart. She was gratified to find that the questions now tended to begin with “when we start the STEM Academy” rather than “if we start it.” It meant the teachers were on board and getting excited. It was a bright spot in Kelly’s otherwise very grey day.

  The week continued in much the same manner. Work was great, better than great even, but the rest of the time Kelly was miserable. Thankfully little James didn’t seem to pick up on her change of mood, although James Sr. Maggie, Chad and Amy all looked at her with concern in their eyes. Maggie and Amy asked several times if she was okay, and while Kelly always assured them she was fine, she knew they weren’t convinced. It was only too obvious that she hadn’t spent any time with Will this week, and Kelly knew everyone was wondering why. Short of making something up, however, she couldn’t satisfy their curiosity.

  Will texted her several times, requesting a time they could get together to talk, but Kelly put him off, telling him she wasn’t ready. His frustration was growing, though, and she knew he wouldn’t accept her flimsy excuses forever.