Cat's Patient Heart

by Lee Ann Sontheimer Murphy

“You’re damn right we will,” she interrupted.

  He cut her off before she could say anything else. “But right now, I can’t stand it if you cry. I hurt too bad, inside and out. When I feel better, I’ll tell you what happened, why I get those nightmares but not tonight. I just don’t want to think about it right now. I don’t feel good.”

  Concern leached most of her anger away. “Connor, do you feel worse?”

  “No,” he said, eyes locked on hers, “I just don’t feel much better. The gash in my leg seems sore, more than before, though.”

  He might beguile her, tease her, torment her and trick her, but he wouldn’t worry her on purpose. Catherine knew so now she worried more. “Maybe I should look at it. I’ll have to turn on the light.”

  “That’s fine.”

  In the glare of the fluorescent light above his bed, Catherine put on rubber gloves and peeled back the bandages to inspect his wound. A few of the stitches worked loose but it didn’t seem inflamed. “You could use a fresh bandage, Connor. I’ll do it for you even though I’m not on duty.”

  “Does it look infected?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “No, I think it’s clean. Let me look at your scrapes, though.”

  Catherine inspected his raw skin, pink from injury but it also appeared to be healing.

  “What’s the verdict?” Connor questioned as she stripped off the gloves.

  “It’s okay too. Let me go get the supplies. I’ll clean both and re-bandage them. Then you need to get some more sleep. Sure you don’t want a sleeping pill?”

  He nodded. “Thanks but no thanks.”

  “It’s your call,” Catherine said. “Let me go get the supplies. I can do it quicker and better than whoever’s on duty. Good save, by the way.”

  Connor feigned wide-eyed innocence. “What?”

  She couldn’t stay mad at him, not for long. “You distracted me long enough to get me past crying and being irritated with you.”

  His expression shifted from a faux one to real surprise. “Were you really mad?”

  Catherine hesitated and then told the truth. “A little bit, yes. You can’t hold out on me if we’re going to be...”

  She groped for the right word, uncertain what he wanted to happen between them, and then filled in the safest one she could find – “…friends, Connor.”

  He repeated it but without any pleasure. “Friends? Is that what you see in our future, Cat?”

  “I don’t know,” she offered with honesty. She didn’t dare admit her hopes or the dreams within after fate dropped him back into her life. “I need to go get the bandages and stuff but I’ll be right back.”

  Catherine almost made it to the door when she heard him say, low but clear, “Chicken!”

  She didn’t turn around or act like she heard the old taunt from childhood because right now she couldn’t deny it. He did scare her and threaten all the security she’d thought she gained. She did need to fix his bandages since she undid them all but her errand was also an excuse to take a few minutes to breathe, to think. She made the restroom just off the waiting room her first stop to splash her face with cold water and stare at her reflection. When she thought her emotional turmoil didn’t show she headed down the hall to ask for the supplies. By the time she returned, she’d gained enough control to perform the task with professional detachment and soothe him back to sleep.

  Afterward, she didn’t even try to rest. Catherine stood at the window, letting the pocket of winter air trapped between the glass and the heavy drape cool her body as her mind drifted. She still stood there when the first ray of morning light peeked into the eastern sky and when she heard the unmistakable sound of the meal carts arriving with breakfast. Then she turned back toward the bed where Connor slept, touched his face and slipped out to get a cup of coffee. If she was going to stay awake, she’d need caffeine, lots of it.

  Although the breakfast didn’t look as palatable as she’d like if she had to eat it, she coaxed Connor into eating the biscuit and the bacon. He did drink his coffee without complaint and begged for half of her scone from downstairs so Catherine shared. She sipped her own java and when Dr. Craig arrived for morning rounds, he didn’t seem surprised to see her. She didn’t doubt the story about her former boyfriend had made the rounds but if he thought it unprofessional, he kept the opinion to himself. Instead he directed his attention to Connor and answered any questions either of them asked.

  “You’re healing well,” the doctor pronounced after his exam, “I think we’ll get the Foley out today and get you up and walking.”

  “How soon can I get out of here?” Connor asked, his eagerness lighting his eyes.

  Dr. Craig considered it, scratched his chin. “Barring any unexpected complications, I’d say you’ll be dismissed by the end of the week. Have you made arrangements for someone to stay with you?”

  Connor winked at Catherine. “I’ve got a place to stay.”

  “Very good,” Dr. Craig said as he gave Connor thumbs up. “I’ll write the order for the cath to be removed and for PT to get you walking.”

  With more humility than she’d thought Connor could summon, he nodded and said, “Thanks, Doc.”

  By noon, Catherine yawned with exhaustion but a buoyant happiness kept her going. Removing his catheter proved to be a painful process and she’d left the room, offering him privacy and so she didn’t have to watch. Before the lunch trays were delivered, the PT staff had him on his feet and in his shoes, one of the few things he’d been wearing that survived the accident. Catherine watched his triumphant trek back down the hallway, loving the broad grin on his face but afterward, Connor’s fatigue was evident. His eyes drooped and he slumped in the chair but with the cath and his IV lines gone, he didn’t look as ill.

  “Tired?” she asked with a smile.

  “Oh, yeah,” Connor replied, “I’m not complaining, though. It’s good to be up again.”

  “After you eat lunch and get rested up, how about a shower?” she asked, “Or is that too much for today?”

  Connor shrugged, “I don’t know. What is for lunch? Anything I’d want?”

  Catherine lifted the lid on the plate and studied it, “It looks like baked chicken and dressing, corn and some pudding.”

  He curled his lip but he nodded. “I’ll try to eat it, I guess.”

  Connor looked so much like a petulant little boy she laughed, then bent and kissed him full on the mouth with heat. His arms caught her and held her as he kissed her back, his lips sweet as she recalled and yet confident with a maturity he’d lacked before. Catherine felt the pull of his mouth on hers as he took control of the kiss, as strong and inevitable as the ocean tides. Heat flushed her face, spread through her body like ignited wildfire. She welcomed the raging flame, recognized it for what it was and exulted in it. She didn’t know about the love but the passion they’d shared survived. His mouth explored hers, commanding and yet gentle. She caught her breath, held it until her head swam. If she hadn’t caught sight of the monitors he remained plugged into, realized his pulse rate rocketed, his heart rate increased and his blood pressure shot up, Catherine might not have stopped when she did. She pulled back, her lips still warm and curved in a smile.

  “Slow down, sweetheart or you’ll collapse into the floor,” she laughed.

  Connor grinned but she could see the shimmer of perspiration on his face. “It’d be worth it if I do. I’m dizzy as hell, though.”

  Catherine started to laugh but his expression shifted and warned she pushed his head down between his legs, “Don’t pass out, please, Connor.”

  Voice muffled, he responded, “I’m trying not to, Cat.”

  His breathing sounded too fast but she put one hand on his back, standing beside him, worried but as he calmed, he began to breathe at an easier pace and she sighed with relief.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  Connor sat up, face ghost white but lit with a grin. “Yeah, I’m fine, just shakier than I thought.”
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br />   “I’m sorry,” Catherine said.

  His grin widened to the proportion of the Mississippi River, “I’m not.”

  A nursing assistant burst through the door, wide-eyed, “Mr. Donavan is everything all right? I was watching monitors at the desk and yours went wild.”

  “I got a little excited,” Connor replied smiling.

  “He’s getting settled in the chair,” Catherine added, “He’s about to have lunch.”

  The aide looked from one to the other as if she’d missed something, “Well, okay. If everything’s fine, I’ll go.”

  “Thanks,” Catherine said and faced Connor, one hand on her hip. “Now you’d better eat some lunch.”

  She raised the lid again and he made a face. “I told you I’ll try.”

  Catherine sweetened the pot for him, “Eat what you can and I’ll bring you sausage pizza for your supper.”

  His glower shifted to a glow. “Really? Will it be with mushrooms, onions and black olives too?”

  “Of course,” she said, “Now please eat or all deals are off.”

  Connor laughed but he ate a good portion of the meal, griping as he did and then asked her to help him back into bed “I’m tired, now”

  His heavy-lidded eyes confirmed it and so she assisted him, smoothing down the sheets and covering him once he had lain down. Catherine picked up his hand and stroked it.

  “Get some sleep. You look like you could use it.”

  “I will if you kiss me,” Connor said.

  “No way,” she retorted, “I’ll save it for later when you can handle it better.”

  He opened one eye. “I liked it, Cat and I’d like some more.”

  A rush of remembered heat swept over her and she felt the warmth as she blushed. “We have plenty of time, Connor. Get some rest and when you wake up, I’ll shave you if you want and we’ll see about a shower. You still need to piss on your own, too.”

  He curled his lip. “God, Cat, you’re bossy all grown-up.”

  She gazed down at him and snorted. “Is it a bad thing?”

  Connor shook his head. “It’s not if you still love me and I think that’s why you do it.”

  What could she say to that that didn’t admit how she felt? Nothing so she kept quiet. After a few moments, Catherine bent down and grazed his forehead with a chaste kiss.

  “Sleep tight,” she murmured, “I need some rest too so I’m going home for just a little bit while you nap. I want to change clothes, too, but I promise I’ll be back. I should be here before you wake up, okay?”

  Connor nodded, eyes closed but his lips turned down as if he didn’t like her to go. “I guess. I wish you’d stay.”

  Catherine resolved not to cave in this time. “I’ll be back in just a few hours.”

  He nodded, almost asleep and before she lost her nerve, Catherine picked up her purse and hurried out the door. She caught the elevator just a few steps away and left but her heart remained behind her, back there with Connor.

  Chapter Six

  Four hours later, somnolent after her own nap and wearing her old, comfy jeans with a favorite shirt, Catherine headed back to the hospital. She almost stopped for pizza but decided instead to visit the Dollar General to buy Connor a pair of sweatpants and T-shirt, thinking he could be ready to shed the hospital gown. When she entered his quiet room, she thought he might be asleep but at the sound of her step, he opened his eyes. She noticed he’d been shaven.

  “If you brought anything to eat in those bags, I don’t want it,” Connor said in a grumpy tone.

  Catherine left the sacks in the wide windowsill and came over to the bed, sitting on the edge with care. “I almost brought pizza. Aren’t you hungry?”

  He glared at her and shook his head, “No, I don’t feel very well.”

  She studied him with a professional gaze. His improved color and clear eyes indicated improvement. A glance at the monitors indicated everything seemed fine. “What’s wrong?”

  Connor frowned, face flushed with irritation. “I’m in the hospital, remember? I got busted up in a motorcycle wreck and I hurt. They made me get up and do a marathon walk down the hallway, then brought me back, shaved me and put me through the shower. That bitch made me wash myself and I think my side where all the skin’s gone is on fire. All that shit wore me out and I’m tired but I can’t sleep. Then your boss came in and told me if I don’t piss, they’ll put that catheter back. What took you so long, anyway?”

  Catherine smothered a laugh. He sounded as miserable as he looked and she doubted he’d see any humor but she did. “I came back as soon as I got a little sleep. Do you know what’s really wrong with you, Connor?”

  Alarm replaced his scowl. “What?”

  “You’re improving. Every patient goes through some version of this. At first, you’re too sick or hurt to be cranky but when you start getting better you just want it to be over. You’re tired and that’s natural after being in bed for several days. It can be hard to start urinating again after you’ve had a cath in but you will. Nobody’s going to push you more than you can handle. Hospitals really don’t like patients falling to the floor unconscious and if you want out of here, you really do need to eat. If you don’t want pizza, tell me what you do want and I’ll get it.”

  She used a crisp nurse’s tone on purpose kind but firm and it surprised her when he offered her a faint smile. “Damn, you’re too nice, Cat. That makes it hard for me to keep being pissy.”

  Catherine smiled back. “You’re not pissy, Connor, you just don’t feel a hundred percent yet and you want to. And by the way, I missed you too.”

  His small smile blossomed into a grin. “I wanted you to shave me and give me a shower but they wouldn’t wait.”

  “I’ll have plenty of time to help you,” she said, “After all you’re coming home with me when you leave here.”

  Connor nodded. “Yeah, that’s true. So what’s in the bags?”

  “I thought you might be ready to graduate out of the gown so I brought some sweat pants and a T-shirt. Do you feel like changing into them?”

  “Yeah, I’d like that.”

  Catherine helped him but it still taxed both of them. Still, when he lay back, dressed and comfortable, the frown line was gone and Connor reclined at ease.

  “Thanks, babe,” he said, “I feel almost like a person again.”

  She laughed, “Good. They’ll bring dinner around before long so if you want something else, tell me so I can go get it for you. I’ll bring the pizza if you still want it.”

  Connor shrugged, “I do but I don’t.”

  Catherine shook her head, “Translate that, please.”

  He sighed aloud and said, “It means I’d love pizza but I don’t know if I can handle it with the onions and all. I don’t want to screw my stomach up. I’ve got too many things hurting now to add another one.”

  His eyes met hers, deep enough she could drown in their depths.

  “Okay, so what do you want?”

  “I don’t know,” Connor said, “but you haven’t even kissed me yet.”

  “You’re spoiled,” Catherine laughed as she leaned forward to kiss him full on the lips, a slow kiss that savored his mouth. He reached up to catch a long strand of her hair and held it, gentle, as he kissed her back.

  “I could be,” he replied, “if someone just would. No one ever has but maybe you, a long time ago.”

  She couldn’t dispute it and didn’t try. Connor wasn’t as much raised as he was jerked through childhood by a mother who spent more time with her booze and joints than her two children. His sister, Colleen, tried to nurture her baby brother until she went wild in her early teens. Catherine wondered what happened to Colleen. If she remembered right, her mom told her neither Colleen nor Connor came back when Mrs. Donavan died after crashing into a wall, drunk. He’d said he didn’t have anyone but maybe he didn’t count his absent sister anymore.

  “Where’s Colleen these days?” she asked but his bleak expression made
her wish she’d not brought his sister into the conversation.

  The good humor vanished from his eyes as he replied, “She’s dead. My sister’s abusive boyfriend beat her to death one night about three, four years ago.”

  “I’m sorry, Connor,” Catherine whispered, “I didn’t know.”

  Connor shrugged both shoulders, “It doesn’t matter. I hadn’t seen her since I left town after graduation anyway.”

  The pain darkening his eyes said it did but Catherine didn’t ask anything else about his family. Instead, she cocked her head as she heard the dinner cart roll down the hallway.

  “I think your supper’s here,” she said just as the door opened and a dietary aide with a tray entered the room. She left the covered plate and exited so Catherine asked, “Do you want to see what it is?”

  His lack of enthusiasm showed as he curled his lip, “I guess.”

  Catherine swung the bed tray in place and raised the lid to reveal beef stew congealing atop a mound of white rice. It didn’t look appetizing even to her so she wasn’t surprised when Connor shook his head. She covered it and pushed the bed tray out of the way.

  “Okay, so what would you like?”

  He made a brat’s face at her, “I don’t know. Nothing sounds good.”

  Catherine’s patience waned fast. Just because she still loved him, she didn’t plan to toady to him or indulge his every whim. She’d offered to bring him whatever he wanted but he wanted ten miles when she’d willingly give him one. She struggled for patience and restrained from saying anything that might make him angry. Remember, he’s hurt and lonely. It’s been a long time and he wants to make sure I really do love him so he wants me to prove it. But I shouldn’t have to do that, should I?

  Her gut said ‘no’ so Catherine, tone as mild as she could make it, said, “If you want to get well, you have to eat and I’ll bring you whatever you want. You’re making it difficult, though.”

  His dark brown eyes narrowed with irritation. “Christ, Cat, I feel like death warmed over and I don’t know what sounds good. I’m hungry, though. If you’re so worried about me getting better, maybe you should have stayed instead of being gone so long. You probably stretched it out just so I’d miss you.”