Cowboys 08 - Luke

by Leigh Greenwood

  Some had offered to make a place for him in their lives, but he always refused. Jake's support, Isabelle's devotion, his brother's loyalty-none of them had been powerful enough to reach the cold hard center that was his parents' loathing for the son they created. Additional layers of hardness had been applied by orphanages, foster parents, communities that drove out homeless children. To cut himself off even further from his feelings, he'd added layer after layer until he was certain the core was impregnable.

  Then he found Valeria.

  From the very first, he'd been helpless to control his feelings for her. Nothing he said or did had been able to drive her from his mind. Or heart. With Valeria came hope that she could love him enough, that he could trust her love to last, that he could believe there was something inside him worthy of love.

  But even though his heart told him not to give up, his head counseled him to stop being a fool. Not even she could dissolve the layers of self-loathing that cut him off from his feelings, from connection to his family. Valeria had fallen in love with the first man she saw who wasn't after her money. As soon as she discovered the world was full of fine, honorable men who could love her just as much as he did, who could give her the kind of life she deserved, she would find she didn't love him after all. As soon as she got back among people of her own kind, she would see they didn't fit, that he didn't belong. She would be sorry, she would try to hide it, but they would both know it had ended.

  "It's better not to begin something you know can only end in pain," Luke told the man in the mirror.

  "You're a coward," the man said. "You face men with guns all the time, but you haven't the courage to trust your heart, to trust her heart to see in you things you can't see in yourself."

  "I know myself."

  "You could be wrong. Isn't the chance to be loved, to be saved, worth the gamble?"

  "I still have to leave," he told the man in the mirror.

  But he hoped he was wrong.

  "Nothing exciting ever happens to me," Lillie Tegetthoff complained after Valeria finished telling Lillie about her trip through the Arizona Territory.

  "You could have had most of it with my compliments," Valeria said. "You can have no idea how horrified I felt when Rudolf calmly fired into what he thought was me asleep in the bed."

  "You poor darling."

  They were sitting in the Tegetthoff's salon in New York City. The sumptuously decorated house was nearly as big as Valeria's palace in Belgravia. Obviously Americans liked to live in splendor just as much as Europeans. Luke would certainly disapprove of the number of servants it took to run the place.

  "But that wasn't half as bad as having Otto try to kill me and learning my own uncle had paid him to do it," Valeria said.

  "You must have been overjoyed to hear Matthais died of apoplexy when he heard your Mr. Attmore had put out a contract on him."

  "What?"

  "Didn't you know?"

  "Of course not. I wouldn't have let him kill my uncle, regardless of what he'd tried to do."

  Lillie smiled as if she knew a secret. "I guess that's why he didn't tell you."

  "I'll have a lot to say to Luke when I see him."

  "I hope it's to thank him for saving your life, several times over."

  Despite Valeria's objections, Luke had insisted upon bringing her to New York immediately after Rudolf's death. She had worried he might try to get rid of her since he still flatly refused to consider marrying her. But when he settled into an expensive hotel next to the exclusive apartment building where Lillie and her husband lived, Valeria knew he loved her. She just had to figure out a way around his foolish objections to marriage.

  One of the massive oak doors to the sitting room swung open, and Lillie's husband entered. "You're looking absolutely beautiful today. The New York air must be good for you."

  They all laughed at that. Valeria had coughed the whole first day. "I never thought I'd long for desert air."

  "Is it really the air, or are you looking for a way to escape from all those fortune hunters?" Marcus Tegetthoff asked. "With so many young men anxious to get to know you and your money better, you might be getting married before we know it."

  "I think Valeria had a magnificent debut," Lillie said. "And not every handsome young man is a fortune hunter."

  Valeria tried to smile. Lillie had thrown a lavish party to introduce her to New York society. As an ex-princess of wealth, beauty, and fame, she'd had dozens of men vying for her attention. The heat, the crush of bodies, the noise, the extravagant flattery, the brilliant flashes of white in too wide smiles-all of it reminded her of Belgravia. Form lacking substance. Despite the attention, her thoughts had remained on the only man who'd refused Lillie's invitation.

  Luke.

  "I don't think I'll be getting married just yet."

  "Not even if a certain man should ask you?" Lillie asked.

  Her husband's eyes widened with interest.

  "That might change things," Valeria said, trying to hide a smile. "But I haven't been able to convince him he's good enough for a princess."

  "Surely you jest?" Marcus asked.

  "No," his wife said. "Valeria is blessed with beauty, money and brains. Instead of being thankful, the idiot thinks he's not good enough."

  "He's not an idiot," Valeria said.

  "I'd say he was a sensible man," Marcus said. "You did say he is a gunfighter, didn't you? What could you two possibly have in common?"

  Valeria knew it was impossible to explain why Luke was the only man she'd ever be able to love. Like Marcus, people generally saw what she had at first, what Luke lacked.

  The appearance of the butler saved Valeria from having to answer.

  "Mr. Luke Attmore," he announced.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Luke entered the room, and Valeria's breath caught in her throat. She couldn't believe how handsome he looked. She'd thought he was beautiful in the desert. But here in New York, bathed, shaved, his hair perfectly cut, wearing fashionable clothes that fit him like a glove, he was every bit the image of the prince Rudolf would never have been. His blond hair gleamed like wheat in the. late summer sun, his blue eyes glistened like the azure sky. His deeply tanned skin looked radiantly healthy in comparison to the pale skin of the New Yorkers. The fact that he was so tall and broad-shouldered only enhanced his appeal.

  He would have made a perfect king. People would have worshiped him.

  Lillie rose to greet her visitor. "I'm very angry with you for refusing to come to my party."

  "I would have been a curiosity," he said, "not a role that appeals to me."

  "I'm a little curious about you myself," Marcus said.

  "I've asked around. It seems you've got some very good connections."

  Luke searched his memory but couldn't think of anyone among his clients who would have admitted knowing him.

  "Madison Randolph speaks very highly of you."

  "We were sort of neighbors back in Texas." "I understand Jake Maxwell is your father."

  "He was kind enough to adopt me and my brother when the orphanage threw us out." He smiled. "We were too much for the good people to handle."

  "Is that why you turned to being a gunfighter?" Luke's expression turned wintery. "It's a way of making a living."

  "From what Madison tells me, a very good one." "He's made a few investments for me."

  "It must have been more than that. He tells me you're a rich man."

  "Rich!" The word exploded from Valeria. "Is it true?" she asked. "The whole time you were telling me we had nothing in common, you were rich?"

  "I'm not really rich."

  "He's a millionaire," Marcus said. "That qualifies as rich in my book."

  Valeria could tell Luke hadn't wanted her to know this. It hurt. She didn't understand.

  "I hate to change the subject," Luke said, "but I came to say good-bye. My train is leaving this evening."

  Valeria felt her heart in her throat, but she refused to panic. F
ive hundred years of successful monarchs counseled her to remain calm, to rely on tactics, not to let emotion prod her into rash action. "Where are you going?" she asked.

  "To Texas."

  "Why Texas?" Marcus asked. "They can't need more gunfighters there."

  "You can't leave tonight," Valeria said, ignoring Marcus.

  "Why not?" Luke asked.

  "Because I won't have time to pack. And don't ask why. You know I'm coming with you."

  "You can't."

  "You can't stop me. It's a free country, remember? I can buy a ticket to anywhere I want. It won't matter if you change your mind and go somewhere else. I'm rich, too. I can buy lots of tickets."

  "You can't come with me," Luke said.

  "I can, and I will."

  "Marcus, I have to ask you about the new rug I mean to buy for the salon," Lillie said. "Now is a perfect time to check the colors. The sunlight is just right."

  "It's overcast," Marcus pointed out.

  "That's why it's perfect. I'll keep the curtains drawn so the sun won't fade the carpets." She stood, started to leave the room. Finally figuring out what she was doing, her husband followed.

  "Did you put her up to that?" Luke asked.

  "No, and don't change the subject."

  "I'm not. The discussion is over. You can't follow me, and that's final."

  "It will only be final when you agree to marry me."

  "Valeria, we've been over this time and time again."

  "And you've put forward the same stupid argument."

  "You don't know me. You don't understand."

  "You are the one who doesn't understand. You think you're rotten, corrupt, evil, but I think you're just about the finest man I've ever known."

  "I'm not. I'm-"

  "Shut up, and listen for a moment, dammit."

  "Now I've ruined your language. You never used to cuss."

  "Maybe I should have. You might have listened to me sooner. I love you, Luke Attmore. I always will. There's not a woman in New York who wouldn't understand that the instant she set eyes on you. You're gorgeous. Big, strong, handsome, and a wonderful lover. What woman could want more?"

  "You didn't tell-"

  "Of course not, but I would if it would make you believe I want to marry you more than anything else in the world."

  "Why me? And don't mention my muscles or my blue eyes."

  "I didn't fall in love with your looks. They're a nice bonus, but they're not the real you. You saw something in me no one else saw. You saw a person who was too ignorant, too locked into one way of thinking, to realize she was little more than a painted doll. And you cared enough to make me see that. I fought against it, but you wouldn't give up. You kept chipping away at the porcelain until you exposed the person inside.

  "Then you told me what I could be if I just had the courage to try. You called them freedoms, but they were ways for me to become a real person. To be my real self. You made me feel important. Me, not Princess Valeria of Badenberg. I'd never realized until you showed me that there was a difference. When I held back, you bullied me. When I was frightened, you comforted me. All the time you protected me."

  "I didn't have any other job at the time."

  "Don't lie, Luke. You've never done that before." "Okay, dammit, I won't lie. I love you so much it hurts. Do you think I want to walk out of here knowing I'm leaving my only chance for happiness?"

  "Then why are you doing it?"

  "Because I love you too much to hurt you."

  "You can't hurt me. You're much better than I am. I really ought to be ashamed of asking you to marry me. I come from a long line of murderers, pillagers, generals who sacked towns and encouraged their men to rape women. I couldn't possibly count the number of men they've hanged or beheaded. Then there's robbery."

  "Valeria, be serious."

  "I am. Do you know my great-grandfather had his own son killed? It's true. Hans told me. My heritage is far worse than yours. If our children are vicious killers, white slavers, or cattle rustlers, it'll be my fault."

  "So we should probably strangle them at birth to spare society the trouble."

  She saw a twinkle in Luke's eyes, and her heart leapt with hope. "Couldn't we first give them a chance to prove they can become worthwhile citizens?"

  "Be serious, Valeria. You can't really think your parentage is worse than mine."

  "I know it is. And I can document it for five hundred years."

  "And you'll follow me?"

  "Zeke promised to tell me every place you go. He said he and Hawk would make certain you couldn't hide." Luke didn't know whether he wanted to find his broth ers and knock them down or thank them for making it easier to do what he had wanted to do almost from the moment he first saw Valeria.

  "You're sure you love me enough to follow me no matter where I go?"

  "Don't ask stupid questions. I followed you all over that desert. You can't go anyplace worse than that." "And you won't stop thinking I'm wonderful?"

  "How could I? Nobody is more wonderful than you are, not even Marcus, and Lillie thinks he's perfect." "I'm not rich compared to you."

  "I don't care."

  "I have a terrible temper."

  "So do I."

  "I don't like New York."

  She practically laughed. "Neither do I. I haven't stopped coughing since I got here."

  "Do you truly want to marry me?"

  "How many times do I have to tell you?"

  "Millions. Maybe then I'll believe it."

  She jumped up and threw herself into his arms. "I love you, Luke. I never thought it was possible to love anybody as much as I love you. I'll never stop. And now that you've lost the shield of honor you hid behind for so long, maybe you can see yourself for the man you are, for the man I've seen all along, the man so many people love."

  Could what she said be true, that he'd been hiding behind his reputation so long, using it to judge himself, that he couldn't see himself anymore? Could Isabelle have been right when she said he'd avenged Chet because he couldn't turn his back on people who loved him even though he didn't love himself and didn't want others love him? Did his hiring Zeke and Hawk have more to do with the need for family than the need for dependable men?

  He was shocked to realize Valeria had done for him exactly what he'd done for her. She'd seen behind the protective barriers, the image, the fear he was as bad as his parents believed. And she'd liked what she saw enough to want to marry him.

  A hard, tight knot in Luke's chest started to unravel. He felt some of the tension, some of the self-loathing,

  some of the feeling of hopelessness begin to fade. Not much. Just a little bit. But if Valeria could keep loving him, maybe it would keep fading away until one day he could actually believe he was as wonderful as she thought.

  He wasn't, but he would bust his butt to be the man she saw when she looked at him. He didn't know how, but he would learn. This was one lesson, by God, he meant to learn good and proper.

  He knelt at Valeria's feet.

  "I make this solemn promise-"

  She put her fingers over his lips. "Sit on the sofa with me. We're going to start on the same level. No special favors for me or for you. I want only one promise, that you'll love me as long as you're able."

  "Is forever long enough?"

  "No, but it's a good place to start."

  Epilogue

  "I'm not going back to Arizona without you," Valeria said.

  "But I may be gone for months at a time," Luke argued.

  He'd decided to spend a year working for the Texas Rangers. It was his way of paying back a debt no one but he understood. Isabelle called it his attempt at atonement. Maybe she was right.

  "You can't stay on our ranch," Luke said. "We haven't even started on the house."

  "She can stay with us," Isabelle said.

  "She could get to know your nephews," Melody said. "Being with Anne and me when we have our babies will help her learn what to do when she has her own."


  Luke had been stunned upon returning to Jake's ranch to discover that everybody but Hawk and Zeke had bought ranches and settled within riding distance of each other. As far as he could tell, they'd spent all their time having babies. The valley and the surrounding hills resounded with the cries, yelps, and shouts of more than twenty boys and girls, all delighted to welcome home their famous uncle.

  He found it hard to imagine Pete was about to become a father, that Drew had three girls. Most moving was seeing his brother Chet and his two young sons, perfect images of what their father must have looked like at that age.