These Boots Were Made For Stomping

by Julie Kenner

  Her eyes widened, giving him another jolt in the groin. God, those eyes of hers. Pale blue, framed by the longest lashes. He remembered her softly brushing those lashes against his cheek over and over again. Butterfly kisses, she’d called them, giggling. More lazy Sunday memories.

  “Um,” she said. “Um.”

  Something inside of him died. “Never mind,” he said quickly, seeking out a shred of dignity. “You’re busy, I’m sure. It was just a . . . never mind.”

  “I’d love to,” she blurted, looking almost as surprised at her answer as he was.

  “Great,” he said, allowing himself to smile. He realized he was shaking. “Meet me at Blue Fin at eight?”

  “Perfect. See you there.” She flashed him a grin and gave a small wave before turning and sashaying down the aisle, her kitty tail lazily swinging back and forth as she walked.

  He groaned, glancing at his watch. Nine hours. Nine hours before he could see her again.

  He gave her one last glance. If, that was, she didn’t get sidetracked by the Loch Ness Monster or something.

  Hailey raced to the bathroom, dodging superheroes, robots, and Klingons while trying not to trip on her flip-flops. She was going to be so late for the signing! Still, the massive amounts of adrenaline currently thrumming through her veins made it nearly impossible to be regretful about the fact.

  Collin had asked her to dinner. She was going to dinner with Collin. She and he would sit down at a table and order food and drinks. And they’d talk. They’d have to talk! And when they did she could swear that her life was normal now. No St. Peter-shaped cheese Danishes. No alien abductions. Nothing to stop them rekindling the old flame.

  And oh that flame! She was still feeling a bit moist just thinking about his piercing gaze on her. The way his eyes roved her body, as if she were a tasty dessert and he’d been eating nothing but salad for years. He wanted her. She was sure of it. Maybe they’d even end by hooking up after dinner.

  She shook her head. Hooking up was all well and good, but she needed to be thinking bigger picture here. This was her chance to convince him she’d changed. That she was now a completely normal girl with a completely normal life.

  She glanced at her watch. Funny, she’d once been so excited about being at Comic Con. Now she couldn’t wait for it to end and dinner to begin.

  Their signing went extremely well. Lots of fans came out of the woodwork, gushing about how much they loved the comics. A lot of newbies showed up, too, eager to be introduced into Karma Kitty’s world. Some fans had dressed up, though none of their outfits were as cool as the ones Hailey and Thomas had stuffed under their chairs. If only they’d been allowed to wear them!

  They signed until their hands ached. Then they signed some more. By the end of the two hours, Hailey was sure she’d developed a severe case of carpal tunnel. But she was happy. The hand pain was worth it.

  “You both were great. Thank you for doing the signing,” Mrs. Hannah said when it was over, extending her hand to each of them and looking genuinely pleased. Evidently she had gotten over the costume thing when the cash register started heating up.

  Thomas hadn’t, of course, and brought it up again as soon as they were out of earshot of the Straylight booth. From the annoyed look on his face, Hailey realized she should be grateful he waited that long.

  “Such a waste,” he griped. “I can’t believe we work for those wankers.”

  “I know,” she consoled. “It sucks. But we have to remember, they’re the ones who send the checks. So while we’re on their time, there’s not much we can do.” Still, it was uber disappointing. Seeing so many of her fans show up in Karma Kitty knockoffs and feeling like a total poseur wearing ratty jeans and a T-shirt to sign their comic books. At least if she’d known they’d be forced to change she could have brought something halfway cool to wear.

  The convention hall was beginning to empty out, with everyone running off to this party or that. The movie folks gathered at scene-y restaurants while the true geeks headed back to their hotel rooms to drool over their new limited-edition collectible action figures. Hailey glanced at her watch. She had an hour and a half before she had to meet up with Collin at the restaurant. She turned to Thomas, quirking her lips up in a grin.

  “Let’s go change into them now,” she suggested. “We can wander around and check out all the booths.”

  “But no one will see us,” Thomas whined. “Everyone’s leaving.”

  “Exactly. Then we won’t be shaming our publisher with our unprofessional behavior. And, as a bonus, we can check out all the exhibits without having to deal with any crowds.”

  Thomas pondered this. “Well,” he said, not sounding entirely overjoyed. “I guess it’s better than nothing.”

  “Just for a half hour,” she added. “Then I’ve got to go meet with . . . someone.”

  “Someone? Someone?” Thomas asked, immediately glomming on to this choice nugget, forgetting he was supposed to be sulking. “Has Miss Karma Kitty been holding out on pimp Big Kitty?” He wagged a scolding finger at her. “Could she be actually planning to hook up with Mr. Hollywood himself?”

  Hailey felt her face burn. “Well, maybe,” she said, looking down at her feet. “I was going to tell you before, but we were all busy with the signing and stuff.”

  “Ooh, you are a bad kitty. Bad, bad kitty.”

  She giggled. “Would you want it any other way?”

  “Oh, of course not. But word to the wise, darling? Do not go getting your heart broken on me, okay? You need to promise you’ll keep things casual.”

  “Yes, Dad.”

  “Don’t you ‘yes, dad’ me. You know I’m right. You two broke up for a reason, after all. Not that I know this reason, mind you, since you are such a terrible friend and never broke down and told me—even after that time I bought you ten vodka martinis trying to get you to spill.”

  “Hang on, that was an open bar!”

  “Well, whatever. Point is, there is a reason you two are not together now and you need to go into this remembering that.”

  “I will,” Hailey said, realizing he had a point. “Though, things are different now.” After all, she’d closed herself off to the weirdness that used to dominate her life. She was a normal girl now. One who lived a normal life. And she never saw anything that wasn’t—

  Out of the corner of her eye she saw a fully-clad ninja darting down an aisle.

  She shook her head. This was Comic Con. There were bound to be ninjas and pirates and other such oddities wandering the convention hall. Just fans dressed in costumes, not anything weird she needed to concern herself with. She was normal. Life was normal. And there was going to be no weirdness to mess up her and Collin’s impending reconciliation.

  “Time’s a-wasting,” she said to Thomas. “Let’s get changed.”

  They headed into the adjoining men’s and women’s bathrooms and she pulled her costume out of the shopping bag. Hopefully this time she’d be okay to walk around in the boots. After all, they really made the outfit and were hella expensive. She wanted to get at least a little use out of them. So, after donning skirt, shirt and thigh-highs, she pulled the first boot onto her foot and zipped it over her calf.

  A bolt of lightning struck her square in the face.

  Okay, it wasn’t literally a bolt of lightning, but it sure felt like one, slamming into her full force and shoving her backward. Nausea swam into her stomach, and her arms and legs tingled with electricity.

  She sucked in a breath, trying to regain her composure. What was wrong? Was she having a panic attack? Was she that stressed about meeting Collin tonight?

  Wanting to get out of the stall as quickly as possible—before she passed out or something equally embarrassing—she grabbed the second boot, slipped it on and zipped it up.

  As quickly as the dizzy, sick feeling came, it faded, replaced by the most thrilling sense of euphoria, hitting her like a tidal wave. As she pushed open the stall door she felt all-powerful. Tr
iumphant. Ready to take on the world.

  Um, weird.

  She stuffed her old clothes into the bag and headed out of the ladies’ room. She found Thomas already out there, wearing his purple velour tracksuit. The convention hall was almost completely empty now, save for a few janitor types making the rounds.

  “Whoa,” Thomas said, giving her the once-over. “You didn’t tell me you were going to do that. Way to go all out, girl. I feel totally inferior in this piece of crap.”

  She cocked her head in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

  He gestured to her head. “Duh. The ears thing. And your tail. How’d you do that?”

  She stared at him, racking her brain to figure out what on earth he was talking about. “You mean my headband?” She reached up to pat her head, recoiled when she touched what felt like real fur. What the hell was going on here?

  She shoved open the bathroom door and ran inside to check herself out in the mirror. A moment later she was staring at her reflection in disbelief.

  Somehow, some way, she had turned into Karma Kitty. Like, for real.

  The ears that had once been a headband were now growing out of her skull, replacing her normal everyday human ears, which seemed to have somehow disappeared. And the tail she remembered gluing to her skirt was now literally growing out of her butt.

  She groaned. So much for the no-weirdness thing. And just in time for dinner with Collin, too. How was she going to explain this one? Would he believe her about the alien thing if she showed up to dinner as a humanoid cat? More likely he’d run screaming in the other direction and never talk to her again.

  Of all times for this to happen, this had to be the worst. Five years of avoiding weirdness and then slamming headfirst into it right before her rendezvous with her ex. She walked back out into the convention hall, her feet feeling like lead. Thomas was checking out a Superman display.

  “You know,” he said, not bothering to look back at her, “Superman was really pretty hot. But I mean, Lois Lane? Come on. Total beard, if you ask me. No way that chick ever got a glimpse of what he was packing in those tights of his.”

  “Um, Thomas?”

  “Now Batman, on the other hand, I’d say he was edging out of the closet. Always hanging with his boy toy Robin. Though, of course, they must have had some kind of arrangement, right? Maybe what happens in the Batcave stays in the Batcave?”

  “Thomas! Listen to me!” she demanded. “Something’s happened! I’ve turned into Karma Kitty!”

  “Uh, yeah, that was the idea, right?” Thomas said, still distracted by the Man of Steel.

  She balled her hands into fists. “No, I mean, I’m really her,” she said, trying to explain. Wishing he’d just turn around and give her his full attention. “I put on the costume and the”—she looked down at her golden feet—“and the boots,” she added. “And now I’ve changed.”

  Thomas sighed loudly and turned away from the exhibit. He put his hands on his hips and threw her an exasperated look. It was one to which she was very accustomed. One she used to see more often than not on Collin’s face when she’d try to explain why she was late for whatever she was late for.

  “I know it sounds crazy,” she said, “but it’s true.”

  “Yeah? Prove it.”

  “Prove it?”

  “Sure. Show me some tricks,” Thomas instructed. “If you’re really Karma Kitty you should have Karma Kitty powers, right?”

  Would she? She wasn’t sure of anything at this point. “Um, maybe?”

  “Great.” Thomas was obviously enjoying this. “So go ahead. Do a backflip.”

  “Thomas, you know I can barely touch my toes. There’s no way I can do a backflip.”

  Thomas shrugged. “Well, there you have it, then. You haven’t magically changed into your comic book character,” he comforted. “Because everyone knows Karma Kitty can easily do backflips.”

  Hailey narrowed her eyes at him. Fine. If he was going to be like that . . . She drew in a breath. Here went nothing. She launched herself backward, bracing herself for a boatload of pain.

  Instead, she flew effortlessly backward. In fact, not only did she achieve a before-now-impossible backflip, she managed five of them. In a row. The last one with no hands.

  “Oh my God,” she cried, righting herself. “I just . . . Wow!”

  Now she had Thomas’s full attention. “Okay, not bad,” he said.

  “Not bad? If this were the Olympics I’d have beat out the gold-medal girl.”

  Thomas shook his head. “Uh, no. You’d have lost way too many points on form.” He pointed up to a neighboring booth’s scaffolding. “Climb up there,” he said. “And jump.”

  “Um, hello? Karma Kitty can’t fly.”

  “Maybe not. But she certainly lands on her feet.”

  “Next time you’re going to suggest killing me to see if I have nine lives,” she grumbled as she made her way over to the platform.

  “Hey, you’re the one claiming to be your comic character,” he said, holding up his hands.

  “I’m not insured for this kind of thing,” she muttered as she climbed up the King Kong display. Soon she and Fay Wray were hanging on for dear life. “Ready?”

  “Go, go, Karma Kitty, go!” Thomas cheered.

  She took in a breath, then leapt—landing perfectly on her feet moments later.

  “How is this happening?” she wailed after Thomas finished wooting for her. The weirdness was obviously back with a vengeance. Just as she’d finally settled down to normalcy. Just as she’d finally had a chance to win the love of her life back.

  “You got me.” Thomas shrugged. “When did it all start? And how come it didn’t happen last time you put on the outfit?”

  She puzzled it all for a second or two, then the lightbulb went on over her head. “The boots!” she cried.

  “The boots?”

  “I wasn’t wearing them before, remember? And the second I put them on, I started to feel weird. That has to be it.”

  “Why would the boots give you the power to become Karma Kitty?”

  “I have no idea. But it’s got to be them.” She reached down to unzip them and kick them off. “I got them off this weird Web site, hiheelia.com. It promised me inner power. I thought it meant some bullshit chi or something.”

  Sure enough, the second the boots left her feet, she felt the power draining out of her. She reached up and patted her head. Ears were once again clip-on. And thankfully her tail was again safely attached only to her skirt.

  “Okay, do a backflip now,” Thomas suggested.

  She threw herself backward, but only succeeded in landing on her back, sprawled out on the floor.

  “You’re serious?” he asked. “You’re not playing around?”

  She stared down at the boots. “No,” she said. “There’s something about these boots.”

  Thomas’s face lit up like a kid’s on Christmas. “Ooh, ooh! I want to try!”

  She shook her head. “No way. They’re not your size. And besides, they’re mine.” Now that she knew she could avoid the weirdness just by yanking off the shoes she felt a little better about things. At least she wouldn’t have to explain cat ears and a tail to Collin.

  Thomas, on the other hand, looked sulky. “No fair, you got magic boots and I’m stuck with a purple velour tracksuit.”

  Hailey ignored him, slipping the boots back on her feet and feeling the power surge through her once again. “So amazing,” she murmured. “So cool.”

  Thomas opened his mouth, probably to spew forth more jealousy, but before he got any words out, a thirty-something Asian guy zoomed up to them, running as fast as his legs could carry him. He saw them a split second too late and tripped over Hailey while trying to brake. He went flying into the Mr. Toast booth, sending stuffed bacon and eggs everywhere.

  “Arrr!” he cried, scrambling to his feet. It was then that Hailey realized he was dressed as a pirate.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, stand
ing up, herself. “You should really look where—”

  His white face and frightened eyes cut short her rebuke. She looked down the aisle in the direction he’d come. “What are you running from?” she asked. “Is someone chasing you?”

  The man jabbered at her in a language she didn’t understand, repeatedly gesturing behind him. She saw nothing at first; then, to her surprise, she spotted a group of five ninjas heading toward them at full speed.

  “Uh,” Thomas said, squinting at the approaching wall o’armed Japanese dudes. “Are they after you, man? ’Cause to tell you the truth, we’re not really interested in some weird role-playing crap.”

  He yammered at them in Japanese once again. The ninjas were getting closer. They were also brandishing swords that didn’t look fake. The man dove behind Hailey, trying to hide.

  Hailey gulped as she watched the approaching army. “I think I’m going to have to fight them,” she said.

  “What?” Thomas cried. “Are you insane?”

  “No. But I’m Karma Kitty,” she said slowly, not sure where the swelling courage inside of her was coming from. “And, strangely enough, I feel compelled to save the day.”

  “Oh my God.” Thomas shook his head in disbelief. “This is so fucked up.”

  CHAPTER THREE

  Hailey braced herself for the oncoming fighters, bending her knees, holding out her hands. Her boots pulsed gold, as if excited about the pending assault—just like Karma Kitty’s would. It was bizarre. It was unreal. It was impossible. But bizarre, unreal, and impossible was something Hailey was used to.

  The first ninja let out a chilling cry and dove toward her, launching into a kick aimed at her stomach. Just before contact, she swiped at him with her arm, blocking the kick and effortlessly sending him twirling into the air and a cardboard Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

  Woo-hoo! Score one for Karma Kitty! Who knew she was so strong?

  The second ninja stepped forward, jabbing at her throat with a fist. She leapt back, dodging his blow by launching into a half-back-handspring. Once her hands hit the ground, instead of completing the move, she shot forward again, slamming her heels into his clavicle. He collapsed and she tumbled on top of him, then rolled off and readied herself for the next guy.