“Smile away, Ms. Businesswoman. You probably do stuff like this all the time, but I don’t know where to start. I know what it should look like in three years, but in my mind everything should come first. I know that’s not going to happen, so I’m just…stumped.”
“May I?” Hope gestured to the computer.
“Absolutely.” Dani swiveled it around so Hope could sit across from her.
Hope scrolled through the sections of the document due the next day, her brows furrowed in concentration. “This is very doable. They’ve broken down the sections that you describe. This box, here, you put the requests in for facilities. What do you need to practice rodeo stuff?”
“We’ll need bucking and roping chutes, for one.”
“They want to know why they should fork out money for that, so you put down something about how your students will succeed because they have fancy equipment.”
“They need to know exactly what it’s like to sit in that chute before they go out and compete.”
“Okay. So you say something about replicating the environment being helpful to the goal of your class—to get them to have good scores or something. That’s all you have to do, figure out what kind of information they want in each box.”
Dani stared dumbfounded at her. “That’s all?”
Hope caught her sarcasm. “Okay, I like boxes with rules about what goes in them.”
“You’d think for someone who competes in an arena, I’d be okay with boxes, but this…” she shrugged. “It makes sense when you explain it, but when I read it, I don’t even get what they’re asking.”
“It must appeal to my business major brain.”
“You went to school?”
“I went to school, of course,” Hope said, bristling at the insinuation that she was managing the restaurant simply because it was her family’s, not because she was qualified to do so.
“I didn’t mean any offense there, I was just surprised is all. Gabe mentioned that you’re Mormon, and you said that Halley won’t be back next year. Sorry. I just assumed that if she’s going on a mission…” she stumbled over the word a little. “That’s what it is, right?”
“Yes,” Hope said, wondering how much Gabe had said about her.
“So I guess I thought you’d been on one, too.”
“Nope. Just a business degree for me.”
“Why?” Dani asked.
Hope’s eyes slipped away from Dani’s back to the screen. She’d defended herself so many times that it was instinct to put up her guard, but when she looked back to Dani, she saw genuine interest.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
“No, you’re not prying. It wasn’t my…calling.” She left out that her calling of the time had been women, that she’d taken the opportunity to spend some time away from her family and faith and let her heart lead her. She briefly entertained the idea of telling Dani, the newcomer, why she’d really gone away. Some of the people in town gossiped, she knew, but she’d never confirmed anything. Part of her thought she had nothing to lose in telling Dani, not like she felt she did with those who had watched her grow up, all the people who had an investment in or an idea of who she would become.
But still she couldn’t tell her. She wanted to think that it was because she was afraid of Dani rejecting her. The part of her brain that paired her with Gabe thought it reasonable to assume that she would be homophobic. The bigger fear that she pushed aside was that Dani would share that she walked the same path, thus reintroducing the fear of temptation. She had found it less unsettling to be in Dani’s company once she’d decided Dani wouldn’t be interested in her.
Dani sighed. “Not like the way these boxes are calling you to fill them in?”
“Is that an invitation?” Hope teased.
“I would be forever indebted,” Dani said, sincerely.
“In that case, this next one looks like it’s about the courses you propose. How many core classes are there in the existing major, the one you said Halley could do?”
Dani didn’t turn to the papers as she had before.
“Do you need me to print it out? I could pull it up in the office.”
“No. No, I’ve got it here. I’m just trying to figure you out. Are you just that gracious? Why drop everything that you’re doing to help me out. Why spend your afternoon picking up honey oat clusters for Mrs. Wheeler?”
“Not that you’re prying.”
“Not that I’m prying, no.”
Hope listened to Dani echoing her words, slowing them down like she slowed everything down, deepening the teasing tone.
“It makes me happy.” Dani accepted her simple answer, devoured her sandwich as she organized her papers, and dug into the work, pitching her ideas and delighting in watching Hope shape them into something that sounded scholarly. Hope watched Dani’s face, the way her eyes lit up talking about bucking and roping chutes, about pastures for livestock and projections for how many animals she’d need to start with. She was a dreamer and one who knew how to chase down her dream. Seeing all that did make Hope happy, so what she’d said wasn’t completely a lie.
The problem was, Hope didn’t know how true it was anymore. Could she say that she was happy? She had thought that having the opportunity to date women while she was away at the university would make her happy. Instead of making her feel more like herself and who she wanted to be, she felt further and further isolated. She’d dated three women, each time thinking that the high she felt in the flirting and the first kiss would extend into a relationship that made her feel complete. As months passed, though, and the relationship deepened, she had become lost. The friends she had on campus supported her, but she felt like she was lying each time she called home and could not talk about her girlfriend, her lover. She could not answer her father or sister honestly when they asked if she was dating, and the secrets tore at each of the relationships until they ended.
When she was home, she spent time at her mother’s grave. She was the only one who heard everything about Hope’s college experience. None of the women she dated felt compatible with Quincy. She felt the tension, the conflict that bringing home a woman would instigate. Her father would see that choice as a contradiction to their faith. She would lose her family, she was certain. Having already lost her mother, the idea of losing the rest of them frightened her too much. Her own happiness was a small sacrifice, she figured.
And there was joy in being involved in her community. As Dani left with a draft of her program review saved on her computer, Hope felt satisfied that she was a part of something more important than her own personal life. She’d helped Dani professionally, given her some confidence to take with her to the meeting. That’s who she was to the community, and she valued that position, that standing she had.
Chapter Sixteen
Daisy backed daintily out of the trailer, both of us familiar with our routine. I drove so little that it didn’t seem crazy to haul her back and forth during the week for my classes, but I was grateful for our weekends when we were just home. Having her near cemented the rental in my mind as more than just a living space. Standing in the dark of the trailer, I hadn’t noticed I had an audience, so the female voice ringing across the driveway startled me as Daisy turned toward the barn. Coming out were Gabe’s sister and her wife. Gabe had told me that his sister was driving in Wednesday for Thanksgiving, but I hadn’t expected them before nightfall.
“Whoooeee. Gloria. You have got to see this!”
The exclamation stopped me so abruptly that Daisy, in full stride and eager to get to her oats, pulled me out of the trailer, stumbling forward a few steps. Graceful, that’s me.
“I’m Kristine,” she said, extending her hand. Even if she hadn’t just identified herself, I’d have known her as Gabe’s sister. Her chin-length wavy brown hair was lighter than Gabe’s but her bright eyes and smile were just the same. Her Wranglers and Carhartt cowboy coat helped too. In a flash, her hand left mine for Daisy’s neck, sliding a
long over her withers and across her rump. I worried that her wooly winter coat made her look less refined than she was, but Kristine still looked impressed. “Who’s her sire?”
“Zadoc,” I answered.
“Of the famed Doc Bar line,” Kristine said, appreciation in her voice.
“She’s out of Chain of Roses. Her registered name is Doc’s Daisy Chain.”
Kristine beamed at me and then turned to her wife who had dressed for the cold in a turtleneck and a thick wool sweater. “You haven’t been in the presence of a finer animal. Tell me Gabe’s talked to you about crossing her with one of our jacks. She’d throw a beauty of a mule.”
I blinked in surprise.
“No?” She clucked her tongue in disappointment. “Well, I hope you consider it. I was so surprised when Gabe said who was boarding with us. She was just getting hot on the circuit. I expected you to be chasing down more titles for a long while.”
Gloria swept her blond hair over her shoulder and wrapped an arm around Kristine’s waist. “I think what she meant to say is ‘Nice to meet you.’ Gabe’s told us so much about you that she thinks you’re already friends.” They looked good together, both of them giants towering above me by inches.
“Nice to meet the two of you too,” I said, looking around for Gabe. I felt a little unmatched by the couple without his presence, like he validated my being there. I didn’t really know what to say. So, you’re lesbian, too, how about that didn’t seem like a starting point.
“Gabe had to run a load of hay out to Portola, but he’ll be back in time for supper. He said you’re joining us?”
“I know better than to refuse an invitation to dinner,” I said.
“You’re not headed home for the holiday?” Gloria asked.
“I need to get caught up, and four days always feels like too quick a turnaround.” I could see them wondering whether I was estranged from my family and not telling the whole truth. For years, Candy and I had alternated whose family got us for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I didn’t want to see my family more at ease this Thanksgiving when I showed up alone. I wasn’t ready for that. Besides, the real gripe they had was my making a career out of horses, and that wasn’t ever going to change. “I know Gabe would watch out for my girls,” I said, ruffling Daisy’s forelock, “but I hate to be away from them.”
Gloria laughed and pushed against Kristine. “I guess you’re not as crazy as I accuse you of being.”
“We’re going back Saturday evening because I want Sunday to make it up to mine,” Kristine explained.
I nodded, glad they understood my partial truth, the best kind of lie. Plus, I did need to get caught up. Hope was much further along in the werewolf series than I was.
Gloria nudged Kristine again ever so slightly. I might not have noticed if Kristine hadn’t turned and read her wife. She smiled at me and said, “We’re stretching our legs before supper.”
“Sounds good. I’ll join y’all at dinner after I get my stock put up.” I still had Eights to unload and my gear to haul in.
Gloria smiled my way in thanks. If she was anything at all like Candy, she was thinking about a long weekend without her family and with Kristine pulled away from her by her family. I got that desire to have couple time, especially when it would be a while before she got Kristine to herself again. They waved and walked off arm in arm. I stood there staring, feasting on the image of what I most desired.
The evening passed like that. I tried not to be intrusive as I studied them, remembering what it was like to be part of a couple, the easy way they touched as they moved around each other in the kitchen, the intuitive acts of caring, simple things like the refilling of a glass or squeeze of a shoulder. They were easy with each other, and more impressive to me, very much a couple in front of all of us. I had never experienced that warmth with my family—no one had ever cared for Candy, and they hadn’t tried very hard to hide it. Despite that, I’d hung on to that relationship with a tenacity they openly teased me about.
Seated around the table, about to dig into the meal Mrs. Owens had prepared, I realized how much they had come to feel like a family to me, and I thought about how easy it would have been for me to be Gabe’s girlfriend. We all held hands for grace. “For all our blessings,” Mr. Owens said simply, his eyes capturing each person at the table. Across the table, Gloria rested her head briefly on Kristine’s shoulder. Mr. Owens got crow’s-feet at the corners of his eyes which was as close to a smile as I’d ever seen him come. I hoped Kristine appreciated how good she had it to have parents who clearly loved the woman she’d married.
I was jealous as all get-out and totally absorbed by their family dynamic. Gabe was himself times a hundred, joking around with his sister, telling stories to try to embarrass her in front of Gloria. Kristine was good-natured about it, and Gloria ate it up, asking questions about girls she’d heard Kristine had snuck around with.
They were sensitive to my being there too. Kristine was especially interested in how the equine program at the college was doing. She’d been the one to get students earning credits for working with some of their mule colts and fillies each year. Some of my students in the spring semester would likely be interning at their ranch. I wondered if Halley would take any classes in the spring and temporarily drifted away from the conversation to wonder what her family was doing. I knew Hope was like the mother in that family and thought about what she must be doing in preparation for the family-oriented weekend.
Gabe and Kristine laughing uproariously snapped me back to the present company. I’d missed something and couldn’t understand why Gabe’s holding on to the dressing bottle, Kristine saying, “Let go! Let go!” was so funny.
I met Gloria’s eyes in question, and she shrugged at me.
“Sorry,” Kristine said, wiping at her eye. She was laughing that hard. “Humor from The Lodge.”
Gloria helped me out. “It’s a pack outfit over near Yosemite. That’s where we met.” She turned and looked at Kristine, communicating that it wasn’t nice to leave people in the dark.
“The Lodge,” I repeated. “That’s near Mammoth, isn’t it?”
“Exactly,” Gabe said, his eyes full of curiosity. “You know it?”
“My family did a ride out of there one summer vacation.”
“Well, I hope Kristine wasn’t your guide. She was the worst.”
Kristine tossed a roll at her brother which he ducked easily. “Shut it, mister. I was the best and you know it.”
“Your sister taught you better than Leo ever taught her. Don’t you forget that,” Mr. Owens interjected. Their demeanor shifted even with his few words.
Gabe continued in a more respectful tone, “Our boss was always drawing her a map in the dirt and sending her off into the backcountry where she only sometimes remembered where she was going.”
“That was mostly my first season there,” she said, meeting my eyes. Hers still held the twinkle of a good story. “So this one day, I’m looking for Ruby Lake, following this tiny trail with the family behind me. The father kept insisting that I’m going the wrong way, but I was way too stubborn to turn around.”
“You, stubborn?” Mrs. Owens and Gloria said together, laughing at their shared reaction.
Kristine ignored them. “All of a sudden I hear crying behind me. I’d been so worried about finding the lake that I didn’t even think when I ducked under a low-hanging branch. But then when I looked behind me, I saw my young rider reaching up to grab hold of the branch.”
My mouth went dry. Their story took a turn similar to one my own family frequently shared around a holiday table.
“I hollered ‘Let go! Let go!’ but the little girl didn’t listen to me. In slow motion, the little horse walked right out from underneath her.”
It couldn’t be, I thought, feeling that little girl’s confusion.
“Oh, no!” Gloria gasped.
“But it gets worse! Once she was hanging there from the branch above all this sharp shale, and I
switched to shouting…”
“Hang on! Hang on!” Gabe pitched in, his rich laughter filling the room.
“But she didn’t?” Gloria asked.
“She didn’t,” I answered numbly.
Kristine nodded and continued telling her story, but Gloria wasn’t watching her anymore as she had been throughout the night. Now she had her gaze on me, and though she didn’t know me at all, I felt certain she’d noticed how rattled I was. “I felt so bad. I ran back over the trail, trying to get there in time to catch her, but she just fell. I had to admit that I was wrong, and you know how good I am at that.” She looked at Gloria and then at me, seeing that there was something hanging in the air between us. The momentum of the story lost, she wrapped it up quickly. “Once we got all saddled up again, I did what the dad suggested, backtracking and crossing the creek to the other side. Ugh. It was horribly embarrassing, and my good brother here has never let me forget it.”
“How old was the girl?” Gloria asked. Was I reading in too much, or was she really asking me?
Kristine shrugged. “Maybe nine or ten.”
“Eleven, just about to turn twelve.” I said, and all eyes turned to me. “That was me. I was that kid,” I said into the silence.
Kristine and Gabe looked like twins the way both their hands clapped over their mouths, the same surprise in their eyes. “You’re joking!” she said. “Gabe set you up to this!”
“No,” I said, though I could see how Gabe would be the guy to pull such a prank. “God, I haven’t thought about that trip in forever, but my family talks about it all the time. It was my first time on a horse. I got to pick the family activity that day, and for, I don’t know, forever, I’d been after my parents to ride a horse. I think my mom agreed to that all-day ride hoping that it would make me stop talking about it.”
The Right Thing Easy Page 8
