“Guess that backfired.” Gabe laughed.
“Sure ’nough,” I said. “My family still hates that I got tangled up in rodeo.”
“Sounds like you made a respectable career out of it,” Mr. Owens said.
I accepted his compliment. “Maybe because my first lesson was so good. You put me right back on that horse,” I said, holding Kristine’s gaze. No one was eating, and I felt bad that I’d spoiled their good mood.
Gabe saved the evening, offering up a toast. “To getting back on the horse,” he cheered.
“To getting back on the horse,” we all agreed. It’s a great toast, and it was made in good company. My family would not have understood it. Sure, they knew the cliché, but for them it wasn’t a philosophy. It wasn’t their way of life. Conversation flowed easily after that. The siblings didn’t tell any more stories from their days at the pack outfit. Mostly, Kristine lobbed questions about how an eleven-year-old who had never been on a horse becomes a champion barrel racer. They were easy to answer and distracted me from the embarrassing childhood memory she and Gabe had unearthed.
Let go! Let go! I had never been good at knowing when to hold on and when to let go. Even though I’d walked away from Candy, I still hadn’t let go of the life that I’d pictured with her. I still looked at the couple sitting across from me thinking about how long it would take me to get back there and how easy it would be if Candy would just come to her senses and join me in Quincy. Not like that would happen. Let go. Get back on the horse. If it hadn’t been for Mr. and Mrs. Owens sitting with us, I might have asked Kristine just how she thought I might go about getting back on the horse in her old hometown.
My own family’s complaint that I wouldn’t be home for Thanksgiving made me aware of the hour. I didn’t want to intrude on family time, so I tried to make an early exit that evening. I was a fool to think that leaving them to visit with their family on their own was up to me.
Chapter Seventeen
Apart from Hope and Gabe, I hadn’t found anyone who made me feel as if I fit in like Kristine and Gloria did. I didn’t have to watch myself, edit my stories or gauge my audience to see if they’d be comfortable with me if I did let my guard down. I wasn’t used to being so careful all the time and hadn’t realized how exhausting it was until I spent that weekend just being myself.
They welcomed me into all of the family activities, some of which I didn’t understand. Friday morning, they dragged me around the Lassen National Forest about three times. On foot. If you owned twenty mules, I puzzled, why wouldn’t you take a few on an epic quest to find the perfect Christmas tree? I’d have minded if it hadn’t been for how much fun it was to hang back with Gloria and hear their story. By evening, we were sipping beers on the porch, wondering whether we had any energy to go out dancing, I didn’t even consider if they’d want to go off on their own. Kristine and Gloria talked about how I had to make a trip to see them in Eureka, listing all the things I’d enjoy. I’d become part of their family.
The next morning, Kristine went through the local maps to see what fire access roads would make a good day ride, and we rode out together, keeping up easy conversation the whole time. I could see how she’d made a great trail guide, always quick with a story or interesting information about Quincy. It was more than that, though. I’m not saying she was overbearing, running her mouth without giving me a chance to talk. She asked plenty of questions too, wanting to know more about Texas and the circuit. My colleagues and students appreciated my success on the circuit but didn’t get me telling stories like Kristine did. They weren’t interested in the day-to-day life, traveling city to city like Kristine was. She put me in a socializing high.
The weekend sped by, and I was sorely sad to see them go Saturday evening. The snoop I am, I watched them say goodbye at the main house, the dance of exchanged hugs between all parties. Kristine’s dad held her especially long, and I wondered if they’d always been so close. I was about to scurry inside to hide my getting teary when Kristine turned and headed toward my place. Her warm hug surprised me, but what she said spooked me even more and made me think that she’d been reading my mind since the first night.
“You’re a tough one. I could tell by the way you climbed right back up on Cisco all those years ago. Your tears weren’t even dry yet. With an attitude like that, you’ll be fine here. You’ve got way more bravery than I ever had.” She wrapped her arms around me, and I didn’t want her to go. I didn’t want how normal I felt around them to disappear down the road.
After they left, I slipped into a funk, wondering what I was doing in a town so small the bar didn’t even have a night set aside for the gay and lesbian population like Kristine had described in Eureka. That’s why it took me a few days to realize that Gabe was off. He hadn’t snuck up on me, teased me or badgered me into doing his work for him in days. After a week of that, I convinced him to take a ride with me through the pastures.
The whole time we saddled up, he let me yammer on about how I’d nailed my program review. I still had to wait for board approval on the big purchases I’d requested, but my dean had bought my plan, thanks to Hope’s skill with words. All this passed without comment. I didn’t mind. If he hadn’t been there, I would have told Daisy—she’s a great listener—but I was ready to know what was going on with him.
“Do you want to have a baby?”
He dropped this just as I propelled myself into the saddle, and I nearly went off the other side. I gripped the horn of my saddle in embarrassment, Daisy dancing uncharacteristically to regain her balance. I worried that he had somehow cued in on my thoughts on how it would be so easy to date him and be a part of his family. I had to set him straight on just how gay I was. “Not with you,” I gasped. “Hell, I like you a lot, Gabe, but not enough to date you.”
“Oh, I know, I know,” he said, waving his hands apologetically.
That’s when it hit me that he looked scared. I put it all together, why Kristine and Gloria had come for the holiday. “Weren’t you the one who said this was the place to come to get knocked up?” I jibed.
“Not funny,” he grumbled, spurring one of the family bay mules into a gallop.
He didn’t have a chance next to my barrel racer. I let out Daisy’s rein, and she raced after him, matching his mule’s stride with ease. “You can’t outrun this,” I shouted.
He hit a sliding stop and reversed direction. The mule handled nicely and showed a pretty turn, but like I said, it didn’t have near Daisy’s speed, so we just swung wide and cut him off. Gabe hung his head in defeat and sat slumped in the saddle before swinging the mule away from me again. Daisy and I jogged up beside him, and I waited for him to talk.
“I’ve been going through it, thinking why I should and why I shouldn’t.”
“Which list is longer?” I asked, wondering how the conversation with Kristine and Gloria had gone. When Candy and I had talked about getting pregnant, I’d leaned toward asking a friend of ours, but we hadn’t ever reached the point of having that conversation with him. I realized now that her disinterest in whether we used a bank or someone we knew foreshadowed our breaking up over the issue. My inability to let go again.
“I’ve got one thing on each list.”
“Okay, let’s hear ’em.”
“I should because Kristine asked me, and you do things for people you love.”
“Yeah, that sounds right. And you shouldn’t?”
“Because how do I explain that to my wife, assuming that I eventually get hitched.”
I laughed at that, appreciating that he wasn’t having any more luck than I was in that department. “What’s it to her? You’re not dating right now.”
“Because their kids would be half siblings to mine.”
“Siblings, plural?” I squeaked.
“See? This is a big thing. It’s not like something I could blame on being young and drunk. This is going to take some planning.” His face turned bright red and he looked away from me.
“Oh, the yuck factor. Trust me, they’re going to be just as embarrassed as you, my friend.”
“But let’s say they have a kid and then I meet someone. We get married, and the girls come calling for more goods, and my wife freaks out.”
“That’s a real possibility.”
“And what if the kids hate me and blame me for existing?”
“They’ll probably hate you, anyway.”
He smiled at that, finally.
“Maybe this future Mrs. Owens would think it was amazingly giving of you to help out your sister and give her something like that. Girls eat that stuff up.”
“Or I’ll just get a reputation as a stud for hire.”
I laughed long and hard at that. “I can’t believe you worry about that. You’ll stud out your donkey asses but not your own. You have to see the irony in that.”
He rode in silence, either thinking about my profound observation or ignoring me. I couldn’t tell.
“When do they want to know?”
“Tomorrow. They gave me a week to think about it. Kristine thought I should just say whether I was in or not right then. She’s always gone by gut instinct. She already thinks I’m out because I told her I wanted to think on it.”
“And how are you faring after a week of thinking on it?”
He shrugged, pulling at his lower lip in thought.
“Then you can’t do it. If you’re hesitating that much, that’s already your answer.”
His eyes snapped back to mine, the first time he’d looked at me since the start of the conversation. Eyebrows high and eyes lost, I could tell that he felt a sucker punch of regret. Even imagined regret had him feeling sick. A slow smile crept across my face.
He realized what I’d done and winced. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
“I can. If I were in a committed relationship, I’d ask you in a heartbeat.”
“It’s bad enough having a conversation about sperm and babies with my sister. Please don’t join in,” Gabe said.
“Don’t worry. I’ll get all my updates straight from her. You won’t hear another peep from me. Unless you want to share, this is it. Amnesia after this ride. Are they coming here for the goods, or are you going there?”
“I thought we weren’t talking about it anymore,” he said, a hint of desperation in his voice. It cracked me up that this towering, tough cowboy didn’t want to talk about it.
“After the ride. I’ve still got time.”
“I guess I’ll be going to them,” he said.
“I could go with you. The way your sister tells it, the Northcoast is the place to be if you want to pick up chicks.”
“If you want to pick up chicks, sure.”
“I’m really looking forward to this,” I said.
“I’m glad one of us is.”
Chapter Eighteen
The library door swung open, and Hope’s internal voice said that’s not her. So helpful, that voice, supplying information she already had.
“You’re distracted today. Don’t tell me you’re already feeling snowed in with a just a few inches on the ground,” Pauline asked.
Hope knew it wasn’t that. Although she missed puttering in the garden, she loved the blanket of snow. She loved the quiet it brought, an excuse to curl up with a book and a cup of tea and read the day away. Many in town apparently agreed and had flocked to the library. “Just have an eye out for a friend who is borrowing a book of mine.”
“Something we don’t have here in the library?” Pauline sounded a little hurt.
“I told you to build up your urban fantasy, but you keep insisting that it’s trash.”
“Oh, that,” she waved a hand in dismissal. “That you’ll have to keep buying for yourself. It still shocks me that you enjoy that nonsense.”
Hope knew they would never agree when it came to both werewolf books and religion. She wondered what Pauline would think if she knew how attracted she was to Dani.
The door whooshed open again, and Dani appeared, her cheeks flushed from the cold. She smiled at Hope and approached the desk. “Am I going to get in trouble for coming to the library for a book that isn’t on the shelf?”
Pauline arched an eyebrow and left Hope to talk to Dani. Hope slid the fourth book in the series to Dani.
“She doesn’t approve?” Dani whispered.
“Not at all, which is why I usually bring them to the diner. You’re burning through these. I should just bring the last four all together.” But then she’d miss out on hearing a book report from Dani, she thought. She enjoyed those visits too much to just pile them all on Dani at once.
“What’s the fun in that? I like to check in and hear what you thought about the one I just read before I go to the next one. It feels sort of like a book club, only I’m playing catch-up.”
Hope was tickled to hear Dani say exactly what she felt. “Not really.”
“How’s that?”
“I’ve been reading them again. I just finished this one.”
“So that’s how you know so many of the details! I just thought you had a freakish memory.”
“I’ve been told that too,” Hope said.
“Okay, so let’s do a real book club. When I finish this one, you come over, and I’ll make the coffee, and we’ll talk about it. I’ll make up book club questions and everything.”
“I don’t drink coffee.”
“How did I not know this about you? You run a diner…you have coffee at your fingertips all day long but don’t drink it?”
Hope simply shrugged, not wanting to open up a discussion about church doctrine.
“Tea, then. And cranberry loaf.”
“You bake?”
“Little Ms. Restaurateur, thinking the cowgirl doesn’t know anything about a kitchen. I might surprise you.” Dani waved the book in thanks and sauntered off, her step matching the relaxed cadence of her speech.
Hope busied herself scanning returns, thinking of the many ways Dani surprised her, the biggest one how much she thought about her, running through conversations they’d had and anticipating when she’d see her again.
“You look starstruck,” Pauline said, returning to the desk with an armful of books.
“Me? No.”
“Everyone is. I think it’s that accent she’s got going. She’s casting a spell.”
“What do you know about it? Does she come in that much?”
“No, but Burley and I see her all the time at the club. She and Gabe can dance. I have to wipe Burley’s chin sometimes. They’ve got some moves…” Pauline grabbed Hope’s hands and tried to spin her around. “You are hopeless.”
Hope laughed at her expression.
“A hopeless dancer. You should’ve stayed with Gabe. He’s clearly got moves, and it looks like he’s moving in on this Dani girl.”
“You think?” Hope said, trying to sound bored with the conversation.
Pauline continued to two-step in the small space, but without a partner. Hope was lost as to what Pauline was trying to show her. “I think it’s pretty clear who’s warming his bed at night.”
Hope turned away from Pauline, not really wanting to think about anyone in bed.
“Did you see what she was wearing today? That huge flannel has to be one of Gabe’s. She was swimming in it. Of course, she can pull it off. Why is it some women, take Julia Roberts, can wear men’s clothes and look sexy? If I wear Burley’s shirts, I just look like I was too lazy to do laundry.”
Hope wasn’t listening. She was thinking about the ease between Dani and Gabe in the barn. She’d read them as a couple too, and it made her happy to think that she’d had some part in that, sending Dani out to look at Gabe’s house to rent.
“Come out with us tonight,” Pauline said, suddenly.
“What? I don’t dance. You know that.”
“There’s nothing to line dancing. It’ll be fun. You’re all lit up talking to her about those trashy books. I haven’t seen you that animated in forever.”
“You said yourself she goes there to dance not to chitchat.”
“Everyone has to sit out and catch their breath at some point. Come on. Give it a try. It would be good for you to get out and have some fun. Music starts at eight.”
“I don’t drink,” Hope argued.
“Ugh.” Pauline threw up her hands. “You and that church. I don’t get why you still follow all the rules. You never go anymore.”
“I go sometimes,” Hope said defensively.
“Yeah, out of some bizarre combination of guilt and obligation.”
“I know you don’t get it.”
“I don’t, and don’t ask me to try. I’d much rather build you your very own urban fantasy section in the library. I think it’s better for you.”
Hope didn’t respond, but she considered Pauline’s words. Leaving the church wasn’t something that she thought about. Whether she attended or not, she was a Mormon. Something Pauline said struck her. Did she attend out of guilt and obligation? She thought about the last time she had attended church, how pleased her father had been and how Halley had held her hand. She wasn’t attending for herself but to make her family happy. They tied her to the church, and while she didn’t doubt that they would love her if she left, she knew with just as much certainty that it would break her family. Just as when her mother had died. Her whole life, she’d worked to fix that break. How could she inflict that kind of grief on her father and siblings?
“You don’t even have to drink,” Pauline said, not letting go. “Just come out and dance with us. Let loose. You act like an old lady. I’m the old lady. I’ve got it covered. You need to be living it up while you’re still young.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Eight o’clock. You don’t even have to dance if that’s what worries you. You could just listen to the music and pass Burley napkins for when he starts drooling over the professor.”
Chapter Nineteen
The bar was already packed with people drinking, dancing and socializing when Hope stepped in out of the cold. The band was in full swing and playing loudly enough to be heard well down the street. She found herself leaning back to try to get away from the force of it. In a small space, two guitars, a bass, keyboard, violin and drums make a lot of sound, even without amplification. She didn’t see Pauline and Burley immediately and was about to abort her mission when she saw Gabe and Dani.
The Right Thing Easy Page 9
