“Halley? Of course.”
Mrs. Wheeler gave Hope a sorrowful look. “I know your kind of love. I know how fighting it can make you angry. I loved my husband very much, God rest his soul, but he wasn’t the love of my life. I’d like to think if I was your age today, I’d take the leap of faith your mother did and follow my heart instead of…” She smiled sadly and cleared her dishes. She remained at the kitchen sink, her eyes on something outside the window.
Hope sat confused in the silence that stretched between them. What did she mean when she said that she knew Hope’s kind of love? How did she know that Hope loved Dani? She thought of how upset Dani had been with her inability to hold her hand on their trip. She’d argued that it was simply an ingrained response, like declining when someone offered coffee. That response would fade, wouldn’t it? She took a deep breath, realizing that in her head, she was exploring precisely what Mrs. Wheeler had spoken about, but she was letting her fear keep her from accepting support.
Nervous, she joined Mrs. Wheeler in the kitchen. The two of them had based their relationship on talk about gardens and shopping lists, but today’s conversation had moved them to a very different place. “Why didn’t you…” Hope began. “Why couldn’t you follow your heart?”
A sad smile passed over Mrs. Wheeler’s face. “Mira and I…” She turned and turned the tea towel she held in her hands. “No one would have understood. We would have been ‘the two old maids.’ I couldn’t live that secret. I couldn’t sit at a table next to her with everyone asking when we were going to find ourselves some good men. They never would have understood that I’d found everything I wanted in a woman.”
“Wait,” Hope said, stunned. “You’re saying…”
Mrs. Wheeler stood quietly, waiting for everything to make sense to Hope. Remembering Halley’s asking who else was on the list, she imagined her shock if she knew about Mrs. Wheeler. “Were you happy with your husband?”
“It was a different time. Being married to him gave me a lot of other things I wanted.”
Hope remembered how startled she’d been when Halley so nonchalantly said she’d ride Eights as Dani’s future sister-in-law. Realization swept over her. Halley was more comfortable with the idea of what the future held for Dani and Hope than she was herself. “Sure, some people are more open-minded now, but it still isn’t easy.”
Mrs. Wheeler laughed heartily. “No, it’s still not the easiest path to walk, but it’s possible if you want it badly enough. Mira did. Last I heard she moved to San Francisco and found a woman as brave as she was. We chose different paths, but more importantly, we chose. I don’t get the sense that you’ve figured out your path. You can’t stand there at the crossroads forever, trying to figure out which way to go. Eventually, you’ll be standing there all alone, all the people you love having picked their path and followed it.”
It was eerie for Hope to hear Mrs. Wheeler describe the image she held in her head of the two paths that would never converge. She would surely lose her spiritual home if she chose a life with Dani. But if she chose the path her community supported, she was certain she would never know true love.
“Tell me more about Mira?” she asked, picking up another cookie. As she listened to stories about the woman Mrs. Wheeler still loved, she wished Mira was just out of the room, that she would be joining them, resting a loving hand on Mrs. Wheeler’s shoulder and offering Hope a knowing smile.
Chapter Forty-Three
The energy and anticipation when I had Halley lead Eights into the arena at school was palpable. Many more students than those enrolled in my class gathered around to watch. The minute they’d seen Eights tied next to Daisy, they’d whipped out their cell phones, alerting their friends that the bronco was back on campus.
“Okay, folks, settle in. We’ve got some work to do today. I’m not going to spend all class on Eights. We’re ready to move some of your colts into the arena, so I’ll start with Eights, and then we’ll get more of you into the arena too. That’s my plan today.” Flag in hand, I put her through a few basic drills to warm her up and let them observe how she responded to me. Now that they’d been doing the same drills with the two-year-olds, they’d be seeing with different eyes what Eights did. Getting her to stop and turn to me, I asked the class to assess how well she was reading me.
“What do you think, Black? Is she ready for a date?”
“She’s totally into you, Prof,” he answered.
“It’s been too long since I heard those words,” I joked with the class, keeping an eye on their reaction to see whether anyone would draw on the dating metaphor I constantly used to pick up the insinuation that I sought out women. I saw a few puzzled faces, but that was it. “Let me catch you up on Eights here. I’ve been working her every day since you saw her last.” I left out how much Halley had been in the saddle. I couldn’t risk giving her credit.
“Back when she was here last, we were letting this horse think way too much. She’s a mustang, and she’s smart, and it didn’t take her any time at all to figure out that she could get y’all off her back and do her own thing. Now my ex-girlfriend would say put a mind like that to use in the bucking ring, and I know a few of you agree with her.” I looked pointedly at the young men from the fall Intro to Training class. A ripple went through the group of students as they confirmed they’d understood exactly what I was saying.
I was done pussyfooting around how I spoke. So many of the points I wanted to make with my class involved what I’d learned watching and working with Candy. Over the course of the year, every time I’d said “my friend” instead, I was doing what Hope did when she refused to hold my hand in public. I couldn’t take it anymore. Take me or leave me. It’s really as simple as that. As they absorbed the new piece of information, I tossed the saddle blanket against Eights’s side, checking her nerves before I swung the pad into place, followed by the saddle.
By the time I’d finished saddling her, the class had settled down into the attentive bunch they usually were. Patting her neck before I mounted, I smiled. I should have trusted them from the start, I thought. “We’re ready to rock ’n’ roll, then.”
My plan was to keep Eights moving, her head up and her rear firmly beneath her, all forward motion. “Back when we first put Halley on this horse, we talked about our attitude. Unknowingly, I contributed to your being afraid of the horse.” I pushed Eights into a trot and did quick figure eight patterns in the small space. “I thought we were giving her time to figure things out at a walk, but she needs more of a challenge than that.”
I settled my weight and brought her to a halt and just as quickly put her back into a walk from which I asked her to lope. “Look how she responds to having a job to do. Her mind is engaged, and she’s completely responsive. I’m not fighting to keep her head up. Instead, I’ve got her thinking about what I’m going to ask her to do next, so she doesn’t even have time to think about going crazy.”
A clean stop, I dismounted on my own. I led her to the arena where I confidently remounted and began working her in the larger area. She wasn’t Daisy, for sure. She still needed a lot of corrections and more overt cues, but I felt confident we’d solved the problem. There was just one more test. Having sensed no trouble with the horse, I swung off again.
“She’s doing really nicely here, but the real test, folks, is in whether she’ll respond as well to other riders. Halley?” She was already slipping through the arena as we’d agreed. I smiled as I handed over the reins. Her wide-eyed classmates watched her every move as she checked my gear before mounting the horse and riding out, asking just as much from Eights as I had. I watched with the class for a while to make sure we’d been right. I liked the set of her neck, the way her ears swiveled each time Halley asked something new. I didn’t have to be on her to know that her back was relaxed, and Halley was safe.
“How many of y’all would have written this horse off after she threw me a few months back?”
Every hand went up.
/> “Sometimes, you’ve got to stick with it, even when it gets rough. I knew we had a solid start on the ground with this horse. There’s almost always a reason that they get to bucking that can be solved. Sure, it takes a lot of time and patience, but the reward is having a horse that wants to work with you, that will give you everything she has.”
I couldn’t help but think of how distant I’d been from Hope since the Bodie trip. If I listened to myself, I should be willing to give Hope more time to feel comfortable showing affection toward me in public. That was the one issue we’d run up against, and instead of saying I’d work through it with her, I’d tensed up myself, adding to the problem.
“Come on in, Halley. Let’s move on to the two-year-olds.”
The students scattered, those in my class to the pasture where they’d catch up the youngsters they were to work with, and those who had come hoping for a show off to the classroom or up the road to the main campus. Halley passed the mare to me and jogged through the arena to join her classmates in the pasture.
Eights and I heard a jingle at the same time. She dropped her nose to greet the border collie, and my body flashed hot in recognition.
Chummy!
She dropped to the down position I always had her hold when she was next to me, waiting for my cue to release her. I spun on my heel and found Candy, the only person left at the rail of the arena.
“Break,” I said automatically to the dog as I walked toward Candy. Chummy danced at my side, bumping up against my hand as we walked, Eights in tow.
“Never for a day thought you’d get the crazy out of that horse.”
I nodded, unable to find my voice.
“Sounds like she was a good lesson for your students here.” She bit her lip. “I know you’ve got this class to wrap up and another one after. But I wanted to know if we could talk after that.”
It didn’t surprise me that she knew my schedule. To have found me on campus, she’d have checked the campus website. The question was why she’d decided to track me down after all these months. It wasn’t like the college was sponsoring a rodeo, not that she’d stoop to such a small affair anyway.
I had dinner plans with Hope. It was her turn to cook, and she’d be at my place when I got home. I thought about the apology I’d been putting together as I walked to the gate and unlatched it. Candy had followed on the other side of the fence and now stood before me looking as amazing as she always did, her red Wranglers skin-tight and a tailored paisley shirt with silver piping that hugged her breasts and accentuated her crystal blue eyes. I wondered what she’d spent on the impressively stitched boots she wore. They were clearly for show, not scuffed or covered in dust.
“I hope I’m not throwing you off your game showing up during a class,” she said, stepping forward for a chaste hug that I didn’t return. I wondered how sincere she was and stepped back, certain my class was watching. I could give them a pop quiz asking them to assess what they’d seen in Candy’s posture and my response.
Chummy whined. The girls who had been my comfort for years waited for my answer. “We can talk after my class. I have an office in the building here. Come back at seven.”
“Thank you.” She reached forward to pat Eights’s head, but the mustang snorted and backed away from her touch. “What have you been filling my horse’s mind with?” Candy asked wryly. “Chummy, heel.”
I bit back a response and turned back to my class. I’d figured that she’d want the horse back the second I’d latched the trailer as I left her house and already had my arguments ready, so I didn’t need to give her any more of my mind space.
Chapter Forty-Four
I left my last class untacking their horses and jogged up the steps, settling into my office chair to call Hope and record the student attendance before Candy arrived. I quickly filled Hope in on my surprise visitor, letting her know that I didn’t see our talk going long, anticipating that it would be about her reclaiming Eights, but I didn’t want her to hold dinner on account of me. As I expected, Halley had already relayed the news about Candy being in town, and Hope was in the middle of filling me in on that when I heard a tap on the doorframe.
“Your students said…” Candy said, her voice sweet as syrup.
I held up a finger and kept my attention on Hope’s recounting of Halley’s take on Candy, smiling as she ticked through the description of the outfit that was right in front of me again. Assuring Hope that I wouldn’t be more than a half hour, I hung up and pointed to the chair opposite me. “Have a seat,” I said curtly. “I have a few roll sheets to fill out before I forget.”
Instead of sitting, she remained standing, assessing my office, a few blown-up prints of me and Daisy in action, bookshelves full of my college texts and folders of campus policy. She picked up a framed photo of the rodeo club’s rush that they’d given me at the end of the fall semester. As she set it back on the desk, she settled into the chair across the desk from me.
Not feeling very gracious, I’d taken my time with my paperwork, filing my class folders away to clear my desk, something I never really bothered with before I left for the weekend but felt compelled to do to keep her waiting.
“You’ve really settled in here,” she said when I’d cleared the last of my folders and swung back around in my chair.
“I’m here for the long haul. You know once I commit to something, I stick with it.”
“You’re not up here pining for the circuit or…” She leaned back in the chair and crossed those beautiful legs of hers out in front of her where I couldn’t miss them.
“Nope, not pining for any of it,” I said pointedly. “I’m sure you heard that I’m on my way home, so let’s cut to the chase. How much do you want for Eights?”
“Eights?” Candy’s brow furrowed in confusion.
“Your horse,” I said, stressing your.
“I didn’t come for Eights, although, if everything were to work out…” She briefly held my eyes before dropping her gaze to her hands to clean imagined dirt from under her red nails.
“I don’t follow.”
She sat up straighter in the chair and leveled her gaze on me directly. “I made a huge mistake letting you leave. I should have listened more closely when you said that you were ready for a family. You’re all I can think about on the road. My life was with you. My life, my future is with you.” Her words tumbled out in a rush as if she was afraid I’d interrupt before she could get them all out.
My jaw dropped at her pronouncement. I’d dreamed about hearing such a statement back in August or September, but to let ten months go by with no contact? I wasn’t anywhere near where she was. “Yet you open up by asking if I miss rodeo. Clearly, you’re still not ready to give it up.”
“This is my last season,” she said earnestly.
“Well, don’t quit on account of me. I’ve got a life here that suits me fine and doesn’t include you.”
She rose and walked around my desk, perching on the edge. “What happened to the importance of sticking with things, following through even when things are difficult? You said to your students today that it’s worth working through the rough patches. Doesn’t that go for people too? Just because I needed time to think about whether I was ready to have a family, you’re ready to cut all ties?”
“I’d been talking about it for years,” I said more vehemently than I’d intended. I scooted a few feet back, keeping a keen eye on her. “I gave you plenty of time to figure out whether you wanted to start a family with me. You didn’t. It’s been ten months, Candy. Ten months without a word. I had no idea you were thinking about me, and you waltz in here thinking we could just pick back up where we left off? I’ve moved on. So if you didn’t come back for the horse, best of luck to you at your next stop.” I stood and gathered my coat.
“I know it’s been a long time, and I should have contacted you. That’s why I’m here in person, so you know how serious I am.” She reached out and laid her hand on my arm. “I keep listening to that
Dan Seals song you love about the sweetheart of the rodeo and don’t want you thinking I don’t know what I lost when I let you go.”
“‘Everything That Glitters is not Gold’,” I said, easily recalling the lyrics. The title reminded me of how much fun I’d had with Hope strolling through the streets of the old gold mining town. “I’ve got to go, Candy.”
“Someone’s waiting for you?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re ready to throw away the three years we had together for someone you’ve been dating for a matter of months? What’s your argument there? The two of you know each other well enough to have talked about how you want to know the donor, how you’d rather she carry the baby? Is she ready to do that? I only have a few months left this season and then can start trying. I got the prenatal vitamins. I’m standing here telling you that I’m ready for this. Can you say the same for this woman? She’s a rebound.”
“She’s no rebound,” I snapped angrily. “You know nothing about her.”
“But she can’t possibly know you like I do. You were right about how we’re not getting any younger. You said yourself that it would be impossible to meet someone and get to where we were. I balked. I’m sorry. I want to show you how sorry I am and make it up to you. I was afraid, but I’m not anymore.”
My brain struggled to sort out the points she was making, especially when she brought up my old arguments. When I’d told Hope why Candy had broken up with me, it wasn’t like we got into a conversation about the possibility of having a family. And what was the likelihood she could do that with me when so many of the decisions she made prioritized what people would think? I stepped around Candy, deflecting the arms she tried to put around me. “I can’t… You’ve got to give me a minute to take this all in. Look around, Candy. Quincy isn’t where you’re meant to be.”
The Right Thing Easy Page 23
