Touched by Lightning [Dreams of You] (Romantic Suspense)

by Tina Wainscott

  Adrian followed Sloan out of the room. His eyes searched for Nikki before his mind could tell them not to. She was hunched into a ball in one of the chairs, talking to another officer. Adrian moved closer to the room.

  Sloan stepped up next to him. “Don’t go in there.”

  Anger flared for a moment, reminding Adrian that something was still alive inside him. “I need to talk to her.”

  Sloan placed his hand on Adrian’s shoulder. It wasn’t a restraining touch, but one to emphasize a point. “She doesn’t want to see you. Give her some time. She’s been through a lot.”

  Adrian stood there for several minutes, his body rigid. He couldn’t feel her, couldn’t connect. She didn’t look in his direction. Once again, he was helpless to comfort her, to take her away from the hell that plagued her.

  He pounded on the glass, startling her into dropping her coffee. “Nikki! Talk to me.”

  She shook her head, turning away from him.

  That dismissal killed him. Still, he said, “I’ll be in town for another couple days. I don’t want to leave without talking to you.”

  “You’re only making it worse.” Sloan’s grip on his shoulder tightened. “For now, you’re going to have to let her go.”

  Let her go. The words ached inside Adrian. Maybe that was his purpose in her life, the reason behind their connection. Save her. Set her free. The bitch of it was, along the way he’d fallen in love with her.

  CHAPTER 20

  Nikki stood in front of the headstone in the cemetery. The cool breeze swirled around her heavy skirt, but her sweater and stockings kept her warm. Sunshine streamed through the trees, spotting everything with light. Her clothes smelled new, something she hadn’t experienced in too long. The allowance the trust fund had provided had been building up for two years, and when the mess was all straightened out last week, Nikki had taken some of the money and rented a small apartment in Ft. Lauderdale. Buying clothes, makeup, it all seemed so foreign to her. Actually walking into a nice store, being looked at with respect, not scorn. It had sent her head spinning.

  So she was taking it one step at a time. Coming back to Palm Beach was the biggest step. Before that morning, she hadn’t talked to anyone from her past, except the family lawyer. She had stopped in to see Ulyssis a few hours before, and he had gathered her in his skinny arms and told her how glad he was to see her. It had felt good to be held, though it reminded her of other times, other people…

  She’d had a week to sort things through, but nothing was clear yet. She knelt down and put the bouquet of roses and carnations on the small grave marker. Engraved on the marble was Maudine Whittaker. Nikki had never known Maudine’s last name. She had thought about giving her a fancy headstone, but that wasn’t Maudine’s style, so she’d kept it small and simple. Like Maudine herself.

  “Maudine, I’m sorry everything worked out so horribly. Sometimes I think that you’re actually better off now. I know that’s a terrible thought, but you were so unhappy. I hope you can forgive me for that, and for everything. I only wanted to help you. You know that, though, don’t you? You were my only friend down there on the streets. I’m going to miss you.”

  Nikki bowed her head and said a silent prayer for Maudine’s soul. Please give her mercy, dear Lord. She was a good woman, in her own distorted way. Maybe if someone had loved her, she would have been okay.

  Nikki walked over to her mother’s gravestone. It was the first time she would see it in two years. Blossom’s stone was larger and more elaborate than Maudine’s, more appropriate for her mother. Picking out that stone had been the hardest thing in the world to do.

  “Mother,” she whispered, tracing the edges of Blossom’s name. “Dad.” Her father’s gravestone sat next to Blossom’s. They had each other, at least.

  “Mother, Adrian...Adrian once told me that you were probably proud of me, even if you didn’t show it. The thought was preposterous, but I’ve had a lot of time in the last week to do some thinking. I do remember times, things you said...maybe you were proud of me, in your own way. I’m going to believe that, because it’s all I have. I wish we could have gotten along better, but we were two totally different people. And you know what? We were both okay.”

  When Nikki knelt to place the second bouquet on her mother’s grave, she gave a startled gasp. A fresh bunch of yellow roses lay in the grass. She turned around and her breath caught in her throat. Devlin stood there.

  “I saw you over there as I was leaving,” he said quietly.

  She was surprised to feel none of the fear that always accompanied her thoughts of Devlin. He looked much older than she remembered, and yet his faint smile reminded her of happier times. He should hate her for blaming him all this time, for hiding from him.

  Her voice was barely above a whisper; all her emotions were clogged in her throat. “These are yours?” She nodded toward the roses.

  “Yes. I’ve been leaving a bunch here every month since she died.”

  “I—I haven’t been here in two years. I was too afraid…” She looked up at him, ready to encounter the bitterness he must surely feel toward her.

  “Of me,” he finished for her, but there was nothing hostile about those words. “Don’t cry, Nikki.”

  She didn’t realize she was crying, but the wind made the track of her tear cold. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m sorry, too. It was a misunderstanding.”

  He lifted his arms toward her, and nothing felt as right as moving into them. The years of fear and anger melted away as he squeezed her tight. Life was still scary, but maybe she would be all right. If only the huge empty ache inside her would go away. Some of it had been for Devlin, and some for Maudine. She didn’t want to think about the rest.

  When they finally parted, she smiled. “We have a lot of catching up to do.”

  “Yes, we do. I don’t even know you anymore. Maybe I never did. You were always so different from me. I think you were more mature than I was, and you were the younger one. Maybe that’s what made me treat you so mean.”

  “It doesn’t matter. That’s all in the past. I made a terrible mistake, and I almost lost my brother over it.”

  He took her arm and tucked it beneath his. “Speaking of mistakes, what about Adrian?”

  She looked at him, her heart twisting inside her. “What do you mean?”

  “Have you spoken to him yet?”

  She shook her head, too quickly. “No, I can’t.”

  “He came to see me before he left for New York.”

  Somehow she knew that’s where he’d gone to. She’d purposely waited past those couple days he’d said he would be in town and then driven past the rented house in Palm Beach. The shelter was finished now, but she hadn’t the guts to go inside. In any case, Adrian’s car wasn’t at either place, and the other day there was a minivan with Virginia plates parked in front of the house.

  “What did he say?”

  “He loves you, Nikki.”

  She couldn’t keep the startled look from her face. “He said that to you?”

  “He didn’t have to. I could tell. He told me how he’d come here for you, to save your life. He was happy you were going to be okay, but funny...he looked sad.”

  The pictures she’d tried so hard to keep at bay flashed through her mind like a movie: Adrian building a sandcastle, being held in his arms, making love in the bed, in the shower…

  “But he’s gone now,” she said, more to herself than to Devlin.

  “He said you knew where to find him.”

  It was all so confusing. Did he really love her? Or was he lost to her? She remembered most of all the hurt on his face when she wouldn’t come into his arms in the dinghy. He’d risked everything to save her. Even taking a nurse hostage. She knew now that Adrian had nothing to do with the explosion, had never consorted with Jack. She was having a hard time separating the sinister lies from the benign ones.

  “He asked me to take care of you.” Devlin laughed softly. “As if my
little sister ever needed someone to take care of her.”

  No, she didn’t need someone to take care of her. Having someone there, standing by her, that would be wonderful. She turned to him. “I’ve trusted with my heart and been lied to. I’ve feared with my soul and been wrong. I don’t know what to feel anymore.”

  He tilted his head as he studied her. “I’ve had trouble liking myself, much less loving someone else. But I’m pretty sure, even without any expertise in the matter, that you love Adrian.”

  “Yes,” she answered without thinking. “A lot. I think. I know. Oh, I don’t know.”

  Devlin smiled at her confusion. “There’s only one way to be sure. Go to New York and talk to him. I’ll go with you if you want.”

  A shiver assailed her at the thought of going to New York, of seeing Adrian again. A good shiver, and a scary one, too.

  “I have to go alone, if I go.”

  “You do what you have to. You’ve been doing that for a long time now anyway.”

  Nikki stood at the door, her hand poised to knock. It had taken her a week to gather the courage to come to New York. Not helping her nerves, a woman had authorized her entrance into the building. What kind of situation was she walking in on? Adrian had every reason to move on with his life like she could not. She took a deep breath. It could be the cleaning lady, too. No matter. Nikki was there, and she wasn’t leaving until she straightened things out with Adrian. If he was involved with someone else, or if his feelings had changed, then she would accept that and leave. But not until she apologized, and most of all, thanked him for saving her life. He had freed her, and reunited her with Devlin, too.

  She had already decided she wouldn’t throw herself at him, though her entire body seemed poised to do just that. She would be able to tell by those expressive brown eyes of his if there was anything left between them. A sharp pain shot through her heart at the thought that his eyes would be expressionless, cold.

  She knocked on the door, exhaling a long breath. The woman who answered didn’t look like any cleaning lady Nikki had ever seen. In fact, she knew this woman, the one who had walked up to Adrian on the sidewalk. Rita. She was tall and lean, with shiny black hair.

  “Hello, Nikki.” Rita gestured for Nikki to come in.

  There was a strange tension in the air, but Nikki stepped inside. Rita closed the door, crossing her arms over her chest. “You look different.” When Nikki gave her a puzzled look, Rita walked over and showed her the photograph Adrian had taken of her by accident. The one that had led him to save her. Her heart’s pace quickened. He still had the picture out. That was a good sign, wasn’t it?

  Yes, she looked different now. Her long hair was free, blush and lipstick tinted her cheeks and lips, and her knee-length cashmere sweater looked far nicer than the shabby coat. Nikki sensed some kind of pain in Rita’s expression. “I am different.” She took the photograph, hoping the woman didn’t see her hand trembling. “Seems like forever ago.”

  Nikki realized that she was expecting Adrian to step out from some room by now. Except for a white, fluffy cat that peered at her from beneath a cut-glass table, the place seemed otherwise unoccupied. She was glad she’d left Crackers with the doorman.

  “Is Adrian here?”

  Rita shook her head. “He’s on a fashion shoot in the Cayman Islands.” She paused, seeming to weigh her next words. Her dark eyes studied Nikki. “He’ll be back tonight,” she added in a low voice.

  “I see.” Nikki had to know, so she pushed out, “Do you live here? With him?”

  Rita hesitated. Well, what was it? She either did or she didn’t. Or she wanted to.

  “No, I just watch the place”—she nodded toward the cat—“and Oscar while he’s gone. He’s gone a lot.”

  Relief flooded Nikki, but she understood Rita’s position. She wanted Adrian, too.

  “I’m sure he is. Perhaps I should come back later. It was nice meeting you, Rita. Again,” she added, because it seemed proper.

  Nikki turned but Rita touched her shoulder, stopping her. “Why don’t you wait here?” She shrugged, forcing a smile. “I’m sure he won’t mind. He’ll probably be home around nine.”

  Nikki smiled. “Thank you, Rita. I appreciate that.”

  Rita could only nod, her mouth in a tight line.

  “Do you think he’d mind if I brought my dog in? I don’t have anyplace else to keep him.”

  “Dog?” Rita said, as if the word were foreign.

  “Crackers. He didn’t tell you about Crackers?” Had he forgotten the puppy?

  Rita shook her head. “That explains his comment about liking dogs. He didn’t tell me anything about his trip in Florida. He’s like that. Well, he is with me, anyway.”

  Nikki appreciated Rita’s candor. “You could say that he didn’t tell me the whole story either.”

  “He’s different, too. He not only gives money to the homeless, he talks to them. Buys them blankets, coats. Before, he was focused on his career. Now he sees so much more.” Rita slowly nodded, then looked around the apartment as though she’d never see it again. “I’d better go.”

  “It was nice meeting you,” Nikki said, but Rita was already stepping out the door.

  Nikki brought Crackers up, along with her piece of luggage. She introduced him to the cat that she barely knew, but Oscar preferred to view the puppy from atop the refrigerator. Understandable, since Crackers pranced and whined and kept his eyes on the cat pretty much the whole time.

  She looked around the apartment, searching for clues about the man she knew little about. There wasn’t much personal about the apartment, aside from framed photographs Adrian had probably taken. It was clean, and everything was in perfect order. No feminine touches, which was good. White carpet, modern kitchen. The strange part was that she felt at home here. Like she belonged here, in this apartment, in this city. The view of the skyline was magnificent, and she stood at the window with her forehead pressed against the cool glass, watching the crowds of people swarm below.

  She had seen the homeless of the city, bundled in the bitter cold. It amazed her that she had lived that life, even though it was only three weeks ago. She was going to help those people. First she had to help herself.

  Later, she snuggled onto the soft leather couch with a photography magazine and waited for Adrian to return. That meeting had not left her mind for a moment. In fact, her whole future depended on it. Even with her freedom, her whole life ahead of her, and a nice bank account with which to start a photography studio, it all seemed senseless unless Adrian was there to share it with her. How could she have been so stupid as to lose sight of that?

  Rita had been unusually quiet during the ride back to his apartment. Adrian was too tired to mind the lapses of silence between their small talk. When they reached the city, he asked, “Where do you want to eat?” He always took her to dinner in thanks for picking him up.

  “I’m going to skip dinner tonight. I’m tired. I left a little snack in your apartment in case you’re hungry.”

  There was an odd tone to her voice, but he didn’t have the energy to coax the reason out of her.

  She stepped out of the car when they reached his building and leaned against the door as he removed his bags. The doorman offered to help, but Adrian politely declined.

  “Goodbye, Adrian,” Rita said softly before getting into the car. She glanced up at the building longingly before disappearing. He couldn’t figure women out, and at the moment, didn’t care to try.

  After a long, noisy flight, the silence of his apartment was comforting. At the same time, it felt lonely. As he started to close the door, a strange noise made him stop. Thumping. A beige dog got to his feet and ambled over to him, tail whipping through the air.

  Crackers.

  Here.

  His heart started beating as fast as the dog’s tail. On the couch, Nikki was sound asleep. It was like that first time she had come to him.

  Except this was a different Nikki. Her long hair
was the same, and the peaceful expression on her face, but this was a classy woman wearing a long, black cashmere sweater, white stockings and a touch of makeup to highlight her cheeks. Brown leather boots stood nearby, fringed with fur. He quietly closed the door, then removed his camera from his bag. He never wanted to forget this moment. He snapped several photographs of her before setting down the camera.

  Her eyes fluttered open, and she sat up. Those sleepy green eyes searched his, and her lower lip trembled.

  “I—” She cleared her throat. “I hope you don’t mind that I waited for you. Rita thought it would be okay.”

  Rita. Now her strange comment made sense, and so did her melancholy. He had to stop himself from pulling Nikki into his arms; he remembered that look of distrust on her face too clearly. Why was she here?

  “Of course it’s fine.”

  She stood, nervously smoothing down the black sweater that reached her knees. She walked around the coffee table and came to a stop in front of him. “I came to say I’m sorry.” Her voice was thick when she repeated it. “I’m sorry I hurt you by not trusting you. I didn’t know who to trust, everything was so confusing. I was confused. Please understand ... and forgive me.”

  She seemed that fragile angel who had haunted his dreams. He couldn’t stop the hand that reached out and touched her cheek, as he had done so many times before. Her hand covered his, moving it to her mouth. She kissed his palm, her eyes searching his.

  “I wasn’t exactly honest with you. I deserved your distrust.”

  “No, you didn’t.” Her eyes welled up with shiny tears. “I understand how you couldn’t have told me the truth up front.” “Nikki—” She moved his hand to over her heart. “When I was drowning and heard your voice, I thought you were an angel. You breathed me. That feeling of being connected, is that what you felt these past three years?”