Never Say Goodbye

by Irene Hannon

  “Happy birthday!”

  Scott paused, speechless, on the threshold of the kitchen. Today had started with a surprise, when Jess had said she’d like to go to church with him. And now it was ending with one, as well. The significance of the day had fleetingly crossed his mind when he’d awakened this morning, but then he’d forgotten about it. Frankly, his birthday had passed pretty much without notice for the past four years, except for a card from Karen and her family. He’d certainly never expected Jess to mark the occasion. And yet she had obviously gone out of her way to make the day special, to the point of contriving an errand so she could prepare a surprise while he was gone.

  His gaze moved from the table set with crisp linens and good china to the chocolate cake on the counter dotted with far too many candles, then on to the gaily wrapped package beside it. Finally it returned to Jess, who was watching him anxiously, her face slightly flushed.

  A rush of tenderness washed over him, and he reached up to brush the back of his hand across his suddenly damp eyes. “I can’t believe…I never expected… This is so…” He paused and cleared his throat. “So much for eloquence,” he said with a shaky laugh. “What I’m trying to say is thank you.”

  Jess smiled nervously. “You’re welcome. I made pork tenderloin. I know you used to like it. I hope it’s okay. I haven’t made it in…for a long time.”

  If he was a man given to impulse, Jess would be in his arms by now, Scott thought. But he was still treading on somewhat shaky ground, and a wrong move could blow all the progress he’d made so far, he reminded himself, silently repeating the mantra he’d adopted over the past few days as logic and need duked it out in his heart. Don’t rush her. Wait until she reaches out to you. Be grateful for whatever she offers. It was sound advice. But it was getting harder and harder to follow.

  “Pork tenderloin sounds wonderful,” he said huskily.

  She tucked her hair behind her ear. “Well, have a seat. It’s ready.”

  He did as instructed, and though the meal started off a bit awkwardly, his light banter quickly put her at ease. By the time they got to the cake, she was completely relaxed.

  “I think you put too many candles on this,” he protested with a smile as she placed it in front of him. “It’s going to set off your fire alarm.”

  She chuckled. “I don’t think so. Now make a wish.”

  It was what she’d always said on birthdays. But the last word faded out as their gazes locked. Because Scott had only one wish. And they both knew what it was. Without breaking eye contact he slowly leaned down and blew until every candle was out.

  Again he was tempted to reach for her. Again he refrained. But it took every ounce of his self-restraint.

  There was silence for a moment, and when she spoke her voice was a bit too bright—and breathless. “Well…that was impressive. I could say something about lots of hot air, but I won’t.” She lifted the cake to the counter behind her, turning her back as she cut it. “Why don’t we take our cake and coffee into the living room?”

  “Okay.” He stood as well and reached for their plates. “I’ll just clean up a little first so we don’t have this mess to come back to.”

  She turned, the cake knife in her hand. Since becoming her house guest he’d made it a point to take on clean-up chores after meals, but tonight she shook her head. “Not on your birthday,” she said firmly.

  He hesitated, then grinned and put the plates back on the table. “Since you have a knife in your hand, I don’t think I’ll argue. Can I at least carry the cake into the living room?”

  She nodded, handing him the two plates. “I’ll get the coffee.”

  When she joined him a moment later carrying two mugs, she also had the wrapped package under her arm. She handed him his coffee, then sat beside him on the couch and held out the present.

  “You didn’t have to do this, Jess,” he said, hesitating.

  She shrugged. “I wanted to. Go ahead. Open it.”

  He reached for the package then, and she scooted closer to look over his shoulder as he tore off the wrapping to reveal a comprehensive landscaping book.

  “I asked some of the horticulturists at the garden to recommend a good reference book,” she said anxiously. “This was their unanimous choice. I—I hope it’s all right. I can return it if you don’t think it will be helpful.”

  Scott ran his hand lovingly over the dust jacket, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat as he vainly attempted to think of something he could say that would adequately express what was in his heart. But finally he gave up. Mere words couldn’t capture the depth of his feelings for this special woman, for her thoughtfulness and her kindness and her incredibly loving heart.

  He turned to her, and her eyes were so close he could see the gold flecks in their irises. So close that he began to drown in their green depths. So close that logic somehow seemed less important than listening to his heart. And his heart was speaking loud and clear, telling him to forget about words and express his feelings in the silent language of love.

  It was time, his heart said with quiet certainty.

  And Scott listened to his heart.

  Chapter Twelve

  Slowly, ever so slowly, Scott set the book aside and reached out to gently touch Jess’s cheek. He heard her breath catch as his fingers made contact, and then she went absolutely still, like a tensed deer unsure whether to linger or bolt. Warning bells went off in Scott’s mind, but he was powerless to heed them. Now that he’d touched Jess, there was simply no way he could back off.

  Lightly, brushing her skin with only the tips of his fingers, he began to stroke her cheek. Her eyes fluttered closed, and though a tremor ran through her she didn’t pull away. Even when he let his fingers travel to the curve of her neck, when he gently pushed aside her soft hair to trace the delicate curve of her ear, she remained unmoving. Only when his fingers returned to her face and whispered across her soft lips did she jerk back with a gasp, her eyes wide.

  Jess stared at Scott. She’d known all along that the chemistry between them was as potent as ever. She’d tried to ignore it, tried to dance around it, tried to pretend she could control her reaction to it. But that was no longer possible. Scott’s undemanding, gentle touch had ignited a feeling that simply could not be ignored. Every nerve in her body was tingling, and her pulse rate was off the scale. She wanted this. Needed this. But she was scared.

  Reverend Young had said that anything that required a leap of faith involved a certain amount of danger, she recalled. And there was certainly danger here—because they were at a turning point. She could walk away, insulate herself in the relatively safe but lonely world she’d created, or she could take that leap of faith, trusting that her heart—and the Lord—would guide her steps.

  As she looked into Scott’s deep brown eyes, she knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to melt into his embrace, let his strong, sheltering arms carry her to a world where only the two of them existed. Where they could soar together to a place of joy and peace and harmony. Where nothing mattered but the love that bound them together. That’s what she wanted—if she could just get past the doubt and fear.

  With an effort she pulled her gaze from his and transferred it to the picture of Elizabeth. Fear hadn’t been part of her daughter’s vocabulary, she recalled with a wistful pang. Elizabeth had always wanted to climb to the highest spot on the jungle gym while her mother watched in trepidation from below, ready to cushion her fall if she lost her balance or took a wrong step. Jess had repeatedly cautioned her to be careful, a warning that usually fell on deaf ears. But suddenly, as clearly as if it had been spoken yesterday, the response her daughter had once made to that admonition came back to her.

  “I am being careful, Mommy. But if you’re too careful you can never touch the sky,” Elizabeth had said matter-of-factly, in all of her four-year-old wisdom.

  Tonight Jess wanted to touch the sky. Or at least take the first step up the jungle gym. But there was no one wai
ting to catch her if she fell, as there had been for her daughter. Yet she knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that the lack of a safety net wouldn’t have stopped Elizabeth. So the question was, did she share her daughter’s courage?

  Scott watched Jess as she gazed at the picture of their daughter, fully aware that she was struggling with a decision that would have dramatic implications for both of them. He remained motionless, barely daring to breathe, his hand resting in his lap where he’d let it drop when she’d abruptly backed off. For four long years he’d dreamed of the moment when he would again hold the woman he loved in his arms, the moment she would come to him willingly and say, if not “I love you,” at least, “I’ll give this a chance.” And now the moment seemed near. So near that he began to tremble. And to pray.

  Jess took a deep breath, trying vainly to control the uncomfortable pounding of her heart as she looked back at Scott. His gaze captured hers compellingly, revealing a myriad of emotions. Tenderness. Love. Encouragement. Hope. Passion. Most definitely passion, she acknowledged as her mouth went dry. The banked fire in his eyes was carefully held in check, but she knew that it would burst into a consuming flame at the slightest provocation. Yet he didn’t say a word or make a move. He simply waited, leaving the outcome in her hands.

  Jess thought again of Elizabeth, always reaching for the sky. Never letting fear get in the way. And with sudden decision, she slowly, tentatively reached out and touched his face.

  His eyes darkened, and now it was his turn to suck in a sharp breath. But he remained otherwise motionless—which gave Jess the courage to continue.

  Lightly, gently she let her fingers move over his face, revisiting the familiar contours, learning the changes. His brow was no longer as smooth as it had once been, she realized. But worry and pain and sorrow could do that to a person. A muscle in his cheek clenched as her hand drifted lower to graze the taut skin over his cheekbones. Then her fingers moved lower still to trace the line of his strong jaw. It was just as she remembered it, complete with the slightly rough texture that signaled the beginning of evening stubble—a tactile sensation that had always given her pleasure. Only when her fingers approached his lips did she hesitate.

  Jess’s touch had been pleasurable torture, and it had taken every ounce of Scott’s willpower to remain unmoving as she explored his face. But now that she’d hesitated, he reacted. Slowly, deliberately he reached for her hand and guided it to his lips, placing an exquisitely tender kiss in her palm. When he raised his gaze to hers, he made no attempt to hide the love in his eyes. Nor could she hide the longing in the depths of hers, though doubt still hovered at the edges. But he wasn’t going to give doubt a chance to get the upper hand. Not tonight. Not when he was a whisper away from making a reality of the dream that had sustained him in prison.

  So before she had a chance for second thoughts he reached out to her, cupping her face with both hands, letting his callused thumbs gently stroke her satiny skin. He could feel her quivering, and he knew that she was afraid. But he also knew that fear alone wasn’t the cause of her reaction. And that gave him hope.

  As he drank in the sight of her beautiful face and felt her soft skin beneath his fingers, a wave of gratitude and tenderness and love washed over him, so intense that tears pricked his eyelids and his throat tightened with emotion. “I love you, Jess,” he whispered hoarsely. “I always have and I always will.”

  He watched her eyes grow luminous, then fill with answering tears. And when he pulled her close, pressing her soft, supple body tightly against the hard, muscular planes of his own, she offered no resistance. He buried his face in her soft hair, and for a long time he simply held her, savoring the moment that for four long years had been only a fantasy. He could feel her trembling—or was it him? he wondered. He felt as shaky as a teenager about to experience his first kiss. Except the stakes were a whole lot higher in this case.

  At last he eased back far enough to search Jess’s slightly dazed eyes. Doubt had been replaced by yearning. And invitation. And need. And so he did what he’d been wanting to do ever since he’d seen her that first day outside her condo. He lowered his mouth to hers to taste the sweetness that only her kiss could offer.

  As Scott’s lips moved over hers, gently at first and then with growing urgency, Jess’s world spun out of orbit. For four long years she’d stifled memories of the radiant joy of being in Scott’s embrace. Of the way his strong arms would mold her pliant body to his, firmly, surely, possessively, but with infinite tenderness even at the moments of greatest passion. Even now, after four lonely years, when he must be yearning for so much more than this simple kiss, his touch was demanding but not forceful. She could taste his hunger, feel his need, and she knew what he wanted. But she also knew that he would be grateful for whatever she was willing to give. And that made her feel safe. Which, in turn, only made her want to give more.

  Scott knew the precise instant at which Jess let down her guard and gave herself to the moment. He could feel her surrender in the subtle change in muscle tension, in the way her body melted against his. And as she proceeded to meet him kiss for kiss, as her hands moved convulsively over his back, up to his neck, urging him closer and closer, only one rational thought penetrated his consciousness—the dreams that had sustained him in his cold, sterile cell didn’t even come close to actually holding Jess’s warm, responsive body in his arms.

  When Scott at last drew back, they were both breathing fast. Too fast. For several long seconds that was the only sound in the room as they both struggled to regain their equilibrium. But slowly they came back to earth. And as they did, Scott saw the doubt and uncertainty creep back into Jess’s eyes. And heard it in her voice.

  “Scott, I…I didn’t plan for…I mean, I don’t want you to think that… I’m still not sure…” Her voice trailed off, and warm color suffused her face.

  He studied her for a moment, then reached over and took her hand. “Let me put your mind at ease,” he said, his voice slightly unsteady. “I don’t consider tonight a promise or a commitment. Just a first step. Okay?”

  Relief flooded her eyes, and she nodded jerkily. “Okay.” She drew a deep breath, then looked at the table. “I—I’m afraid our coffee got cold. And we didn’t eat our cake.”

  He looked at her steadily. “No. But I got my wish.”

  As for the coffee, it was the only thing in the room that had grown cold, he thought wryly as his remark sent another becoming blush across Jess’s cheeks. And suddenly he was glad he’d found an apartment. Because he knew he still needed to move slowly. And after tonight, that was going to be very, very difficult. Especially when he wanted to share so much more than a roof with the woman he loved.

  “Got a minute, Scott?”

  Scott looked up from his clipboard to find Seth standing at the entrance of the tropical house. “Sure. I’m about done with the inventory in here anyway.”

  “Let’s sit for a minute, then.” Seth nodded to a teakwood bench tucked under a display of palms.

  Scott watched in surprise as the older man headed toward the bench. The only time Seth ever sat was in his office, and even that was a rarity. The man seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of energy, and he was constantly on the move. Unless he had something serious to discuss.

  Scott frowned. Had his boss noticed his preoccupation this week? he wondered as he followed him to the bench. Because ever since his birthday, he’d been distracted. Big time. There’d been no more kissing, but the tension between him and Jess fairly sizzled. It took every ounce of his willpower to keep his hands to himself, and on the few occasions when he simply hadn’t been able to resist the urge to reach out and touch her, sparks had flown in all directions. Keeping himself in check had become a major battle.

  Adding to that had been other, more practical concerns that he’d pushed aside until now. Like the need to contribute financially to a relationship. Like making enough money to support a family, if the Lord were to bless him with other children. Seth h
ad been good to him and he loved the work, but even if he kept moving up at the nursery, it would be a long time before his wages would be sufficient to provide for a family. And the idea of reentering the corporate world—even if that was possible—held no appeal.

  As Scott sat on the bench, Seth leaned back, chewing speculatively on his cigar. “In case I haven’t said it already, I want to thank you for the marketing advice. Those ads you put together with that agency are paying big dividends. Gross revenue is up twenty percent since they started running. Which means we’re twenty percent busier. Too busy for me to handle alone. I could use a partner. You interested?”

  Scott stared at the older man, dumbfounded. He had grown accustomed to the owner’s abrupt style and rapid-fire delivery, but today’s bombshell left him reeling.

  Seth’s eyes glinted with amusement and the corners of his lips quirked up. “I guess maybe that was a little too blunt. But I’m not a man who likes to waste words. Get to the point and get on with it is my motto. Good thing I didn’t go into politics, I guess.” He leaned back on the bench and crossed his arms over his chest.

  Usually Scott appreciated the man’s wry wit and dry sense of humor. But he was so busy trying to assimilate Seth’s first comment that he barely heard the second one. “You want me to be your partner?” Scott said incredulously when he finally found his voice.

  “That’s right.”

  “But…why me?”

  Seth chomped on his cigar and eyed him shrewdly. “You’re smart. You’re a hard worker. You’re honest. You have a knack for this business. Seems like a winning combination to me. So are you interested?”

  Scott raked his fingers through his hair as a wave of excitement washed over him. Maybe he had a future here after all. Seth’s offer would allow him to do the work he loved for the rest of his life and provide him with a decent standard of living. But Scott’s euphoria quickly faded as a strong dose of reality suddenly kicked in. Partnerships cost money. Which he didn’t have, he acknowledged with a sigh. “I’m definitely interested. But unfortunately I can’t afford to buy into the business,” he said regretfully.