by Anne Ashby
Jodie blinked. Her lips opened as she stared into his eyes, dark and brimming with passion. Her heartbeat quickened as her fingers continued prying into the front of his shorts until she could grasp hold of him.
She watched his eyes close and his head rear back. She matched his erratic breathing as she squeezed him, drawing him closer.
He moaned as his shaking fingers shed his shorts and shirt before seizing the bottom of her T-shirt and pulling it over her head. She felt her breasts tightening, nipples hardening, even before he pushed her bra aside and touched them.
When his lips burned their way from her neck down until he drew one of the puckered tips into his mouth, her dreams became reality. Sinking her fingers into his hair, she leaned over, toppling him onto the bed.
****
“Are you all right?”
Jodie turned her head and glanced across at Shal, seeing the concern in his eyes as he propped up his head on one hand.
She shrugged, unable to reassure him. Making false platitudes wouldn’t help. I have to figure out my own feelings before I can bolster his.
Why can’t I do like he said, believe and trust him? She’d just trusted him to take her to heaven and back here in this bed. Why was she having so much difficulty extending her emotional trust?
“Jodie?” she inched further away as he edged closer. “Let’s—”
Desperate to avoid any in-depth discussion, Jodie couldn’t believe her luck when the telephone interrupted Shal. She leapt up, grabbed her wrap from the back of the bedroom door, and dashed into the lounge.
Shal had adjusted the sheet up around his waist and was leaning back against the headboard when she sidled back. Things between them had progressed too fast. I lost control, and now I don’t know what I should do. Should she grab her clothes and head for the shower?
She peeked at his sudden frown and was guilt-ridden at the relief that the interruption had given her. If she could only get dressed, some of the awkwardness of their after-sex session would diminish.
She could tell by his expression that Shal intended to talk about it and dissect it. That was the last thing she could handle right now. She dithered and glanced toward the bathroom door again. Would he try to stop her?
“Bags! I’ve got the shower first.” He leapt up and dashed around the end of her bed before she could move.
“What sort of pizza do you like?” he called from the bathroom, “I’ll go get us some.”
Jodie stared at the bathroom door open-mouthed and sank onto her bed. I was so sure he’d want to rake up everything...
Reliving the tumultuous afternoon, her thoughts whirled from despair, to relief, and then embarrassment at realising it had been his family in the background. Then there was the passion that followed. Where had it led? Nothing had changed, had it?
She slipped a hand under her cheek. Can there be hope of something worthwhile coming of this...this inferno we seem to ignite in each other?
She eyed Shal drying himself as he approached, unashamed of his nudity. She felt a surge of something so akin to happiness swell through her that it made her eyes water.
“Get in the shower, woman.” Shal’s eyes were shining as he bent and brushed his lips across her cheek. “Before your tempting body makes me forget how hungry I am.”
She turned toward him, wanting to reach up and touch his nakedness. He seemed unaware as he retrieved his scattered clothing and dressed.
“I’ll be back in fifteen minutes. What sort of pizza?”
She must have answered him—although she had no idea what she said—because he sent her a sweet smile before disappearing.
When she did head toward the shower, it was with a mulish grumpiness completely out of character. “Typical male,” she muttered as the water hit her feverish body. Here I am stuck in the most heart-wrenching dilemma and his thoughts are resting on his stomach.
Chapter Sixteen
“Want another drink?” Jodie felt very ill at ease as Shal ejected the DVD he’d brought back along with their pizzas. Watching it had helped ease the strain she’d felt since her passion had abated. But where did they go now it was finished?
Casual, keep it casual. “You still doing the Round the Bays Run?” Jodie asked.
“Yep,” he replied. “Reckon we’ll be finished in half an hour?” he joked.
“Half an hour,” she scoffed. “In your dreams. We’ll be lucky to have crossed the start line in half an hour.” Auckland’s annual fun run was touted as being the largest in the world.
“There’s a crowd going from the office. How about we join them afterward for the barbie? The company is providing free food, so there’s always a good turnout.”
Jodie snapped her mouth shut on her immediate inclination to refuse. Though the invite had been casual, she baulked. His company is a family concern...
“I know Jenny and Tony are running. Not sure if any of the others from the tramp will be there or not.”
Jodie took a deep breath. It’s time to quit being a coward. Meeting his family doesn’t need to be of any great consequence. It didn’t commit either of them to anything. It was just the friendly thing to do.
“Okay.” She tried to sound casual, but his intense look told her how much rode on her reply.
He slipped his arm along the back of the sofa. “What say we go to the hot pools on Sunday, then? If we’re a bit sore, we can soak out the pain.”
Jodie felt more tension slipping away. She’d worry about meeting his family later. “That’s sounds great,” she murmured as erotic pictures of a private spa pool captured her imagination.
Then she remembered the earlier phone call. “Oh, I can’t! I forgot. That’s why Mum rang. Tim’s coming home.”
“Oh well—” Jodie could tell he was as disappointed as she was “—we can always head to the pools some other time.”
She nodded. Of all the things Shal had come up with to do, they hadn’t been swimming together since the Sanctuary.
“You sound surprised your brother’s coming home.”
Jodie shrugged. For years, the family was never sure when to expect to see the roaming Tim.
Clasping his hands behind his head, Shal stretched out and slipped his bare feet up onto the coffee table. Jodie had to force her eyes away from the spectacle of the rippling muscles her fingers itched to trace. A smirk on Shal’s lips warned her he was aware of her reaction. When he spoke again so nonchalantly it was like a bucket of cold water splashing over her.
“Tell me about Tim.” She wasn’t disappointed he was returning the atmosphere to normal. “You’ve never said much about him. Is he a bushman like you and Rick?”
If he can pretend nothing extraordinary has happened between us, so can I. I can chat about inconsequential things all night if that’s what he wants. Tucking one leg under herself, Jodie turned to face Shal.
“Nah, he’s a townie.” She watched Shal’s left eyebrow shoot up, his eyes widening with surprise. “Guess he’s a throwback to some crazy ancestor who didn’t know better.”
“And?”
So she told Shal about her accountant brother who’d departed New Zealand after obtaining his degree—and forgotten to come home. Talking about him she realised just how much she was looking forward to seeing him again.
“Rhys, you, Tim, and Rick. Have I got that right? Or have you got some other siblings I don’t know about yet.”
“No, there’s just the four of us.” Her eyes stared across the room as bitterness erupted into her voice. “Just the three of us now.”
“Jodie, what happened to Rhys?” he asked gently. She felt his eyes boring into her, and she couldn’t look at him. “Your mother said he died in a car accident?”
Jodie nodded, her mind flying back to a time she longed to forget. “They don’t know,” she whispered in a choked voice.
“Don’t know what?” Shal’s voice picked at the festering scar. “What don’t they know, Jodie?”
The ice started spreading thr
ough her as it always did. She started to shiver, pressing her fingers to her lips to stop the words.
She was aware of his arm slipping around her stiff shoulders and tightening, his fingers softly caressing the sensitive skin on the inside of her forearm. “What don’t your parents know about Rhys, Jodie?”
His soft, compelling voice broke through her anguish and shattered the last shreds of her control. In a low, tormented voice, she replied, “It wasn’t an accident. He killed himself.”
Her body slumped in despair. Clinging to the warmth his enclosing arms provided, Jodie’s wrenching sobs wracked her body and tore at her throat.
How long she cried, she didn’t know, but she became aware of his voice crooning nothings in her ear, his hands holding her and rubbing her back.
“Why do you think he killed himself?”
Turning herself away from him, Jodie passed shaking hands across her wet cheeks. She bit her lip, avoiding his eyes. She needed time—to erase her guilt at sharing Rhys’s secret.
Shal’s hand was tight on her arm, his voice firm. “You need to talk about this, Jodie.”
She shook her head sharply.
“Trust me.” Something in his voice drew her eyes to his face. It was full of strength, confidence, and a determination he could help her cope with the ever-present agony surrounding her brother’s memory.
She clenched her jaw to stop another sob threatening to rise from her throat. There would never be a chance for her to erase that pain. Would there?
“He was in trouble.” She fought hard to stop any more tears.
“In Wellington...he’d got caught up in something bad...” She shot Shal a look. He would guess even if she didn’t tell him. “Drugs...he didn’t know how to get out.”
He looked ready to interrupt her. Now that she’d made the decision to unload, she rushed on. “I was talking to him just before it happened. He was crying...and so was I.” She felt the tears running down her cheeks now.
“He said if he was dead, no one would ever need know what a mess he’d got into.”
She tore herself away from Shal’s reaching hands. “Don’t you understand?” She couldn’t stop her voice from rising. “He told me he was going to kill himself. Then an hour later he had driven off a u-bend on the Desert Road and was dead.”
“It was an accident, Jodie.” Shal twisted her resisting body around to face him. “He did not drive off that road intentionally.”
“He did. He killed himself.” Her tongue caught between her jarring teeth as Shal shook her.
His urgent voice penetrated. “Listen to me! Why couldn’t you have ever talked to your parents about this?”
The frustration in his voice made her pause. How does he know I’ve never allowed my parents to discuss anything about Rhys’s death with me?
“I asked your mother about Rhys. I needed to understand. She told me the brake hose on his car blew, Jodie. Even the best rally driver in the world would have difficulty controlling a vehicle with a blown brake hose.” He shook her again, but not as severely. “Rhys’s death was an accident, Jodie. Pure and simple...and terribly tragic...but an accident.”
“No. No, it wasn’t. He never lied to me, he couldn’t. He wanted to die.
“I knew it...I felt it...felt his pain right here.” She rubbed her chest. “I knew something was wrong, but he wouldn’t talk to me.”
The words kept pouring out, mixed with sobs and tears. “I should have gone to him...helped him...he said my exams were more important than him...”
This time she didn’t resist the pressure to sink into Shal’s arms. She lay against him, her fingers squeezed around his arms.
“What he said or felt is irrelevant, Jodie. His car was not driven off the road intentionally.”
Shal’s voice was so definite...like he knew for sure. Her mind reeled at the possibility he could be right. She buried her face against his chest in despair. Has my anger and bitterness at Rhys been misplaced all these years?
“Talk to your parents, babe. There would have been an inquest.” She nodded. “Perhaps he wasn’t upset anymore. Perhaps sharing his problems with you had given him the courage to face them.”
“Do you think...?” her throat closed over.
“I don’t know, Jodie. I don’t have the answers. Find the strength to ask your parents. You’ve been carrying a needless burden for so many years.” His commiserating expression warmed her. “It’s time to give it up. Maybe you’ll even find he wasn’t into drugs at all.”
“Oh no, I know that part is true.” Seeing his surprise, she continued. “After his funeral, I drove to Wellington. I was only nineteen but I wanted to see those men, tell them what they’d done.”
She heard Shal’s gasp. “I didn’t care. I had to do something. The names Rhys told me weren’t gang members, or lowlifes, or criminals like I’d expected. They were businessmen. Men Rhys worked for.
“They’d pushed him so hard that he’d started on uppers and downers to cope with the amount of work they expected, and then when that stopped giving him the edge he’d moved on to harder drugs. Rhys wasn’t the first suicide.”
She shook, hardly daring to allow the memory to surface of the arrogance of his employers when she’d confronted them. “They didn’t care. They really didn’t care...as long as the monthly balance sheets showed a huge profit.”
She sat up straighter, wiping her hands across her face. “I’d never known anyone like those people. I didn’t understand until then that they simply didn’t care if anyone got hurt—as long as they made their millions every year.
“Bloody townies! Money was all they cared about, making lots of money.”
Shal grasped her hands, rubbing his thumb across her white knuckles. “Not all businesses are run like that, Jodie. Not all people in business worship the mighty dollar to the detriment of their staff.”
Jodie shrugged. Her brain agreed with his words, but in her heart, bitterness still reigned.
“Jodie, I’m no counsellor, but I think you need to put all these negative thoughts aside. Concentrate on the certainty that your brother did not kill himself. He died in an accident he could not have avoided.”
She looked at him, grasped at his words.
Feeling the tension ease from her body as she let years of anger slowly evaporate, she was unable to believe the intense relief soaring through her. Leaving me here alone wasn’t Rhys’s choice, but a much higher authority.
She felt more tears trickling down her cheeks. “I missed him so much, but I was so angry at him. I felt he’d abandoned me.”
Her watery gaze rose and she whispered into the Heavens. “Forgive me Rhys. I should have known you’d never willingly leave me. I miss you so much.”
The warmth and comfort of Shal’s arms eased some of the pain Jodie was reliving, but it was some time before she returned to the present.
“Thank you, Shal.” Her arms clasped him, hoping he understood her inability to find words to express how much he’d just helped her.
Lifting her to her feet, he drew her toward the bedroom. Gently undressing her, he urged her into bed. In the darkness, she heard him shedding his clothes and crawling in beside her.
Drawing her close, he kissed some of the dampness from her cheeks and whispered. “Go to sleep, my darling.” She felt his fingers brush the hair back from her face. “Go to sleep and dream of Rhys.”
Astounded by his words, Jodie snuggled close and did exactly that.
****
“Do I have to wait until Wednesday to see you again?”
Jodie’s smile widened. “Unless you want to come to netball practice again tomorrow.”
Shal grinned, shaking his head. “My scarf’s not ready yet.”
Shal’s quick peck on her cheek, and Jodie’s farewell were accompanied by quiet laughter. He hummed under his breath as he returned to his car, raising a casual hand when he realised she’d watched him depart before beginning her morning run.
She’s acc
epting I have a place in her world. Shal felt like crowing for joy. The nightmares of never breaking through her defences need never bother him again.
As he stopped for the lights, he glanced into his rear vision mirror and grinned into the shiny eyes reflecting back at him. He saw his face almost splitting in two. He felt happier than he could ever remember. It’s still early days, he warned himself. But we’ve been together, I held her, comforted her, loved her.
While Jodie ran up and down her mountains, Shal went back to his apartment for a quick shower and change of clothes before arriving in the office well ahead of anyone else.
Leaning back in his chair, he heaved a huge contented sigh. The brilliance of Jodie’s smile as they left her house together before the sun was even up would stay with him forever. Nothing could go wrong now.
Swinging back to his desk and switching on his computer, he knew it was time to start pulling his weight again. First he needed to check everything Mazin had done in his absence. It didn’t take long to realise the pointlessness of his efforts. He sat staring at the computer screen dumbfounded. His father had been right all along.
Shal pinched the bridge of his nose with self-reproach. He’d openly searched for mistakes and errors, certain he’d find a whole barrelful. But instead he found Maz had done an amazing job. He was bright and quick...very quick. A little more adventurous than Shal but their differences would complement each other, if Shal could learn to trust Mazin.
Trust. He kept pushing Jodie to trust, and yet he’d never trusted his own brother. Jarring his fist as he thumped the desk, Shal began pacing his office.
He forced his mind back to board meetings, to various problems the company had faced since he’d taken over from his father. The same picture always emerged. A dictatorial leader who’d refused to share the decision-making process with anyone else.
His jaw began to ache from the pressure he was exerting on his grinding teeth. Taking another turn across the floor Shal shook his head as he realised the real need his father had seen in him taking on the training course in the bush—hoping it would teach him something. He swallowed.
