A Famous Affair

by K. B. Mallion

  “We had a fantastic time. He, honestly, is a great guy, Jessica,” Lydia says with a big smile on her face.

  “So, you’ll be seeing more of him, then?” I continue the chatter.

  “I think so. Besides, we need to look at his catalogue as we will be doing a lot of business with him, won’t we?” she says happily.

  “So, that’s what we call it these days is it? Business?” I slightly push into Lydia who is still standing next to me. A teasing little push as we girlishly laugh.

  Lydia reaches inside of her bag. “So, about this letter, Jessica. Do you want it now or later?” She holds it in her manicured hand.

  “I’ll read it now, I think, Lydia.” That familiar feeling of fluttering in the pit of my stomach, along with the anxiety, is ever present as Lydia hands it to me. I sit down on the squashy sofa, eagerly opening it up. I recognise the penned black handwriting.

  I sit there in stunned silence. I look at the small card with his mobile number on it. My heart is thumping, my mouth is dry; I am quietly elated that Jonny wants me. I so want to ring him straight away, but I cannot be hasty. This is serious. If I call him I know that will be it, my life will change. I will become a cheating wife involved with a famous actor. That’s a hell of a lot to digest. I have to be sure about what I am going to do. Any decision has to not be taken lightly.

  “What has he written, Jessica?” Lydia sits beside me. She is wearing a wary expression. Maybe, she thinks I am going to fall apart, judging from the look on my weary face.

  “He wants me to contact him. I don’t know what to do, Lydia.” I place the letter into my lap, holding my face in my hands. Confusion is pulling me apart, bit-by-bit, dissecting all I have ever known.

  “You know, darling, sometimes things just happen, both good and bad. You can’t control it, you can’t ignore it, and you certainly can’t hide from it. I know you, Jessica. You have a weight upon you that is just too heavy a load to carry all by yourself,” Lydia smiles. My dearest and loyal friend speaks words that reach into my heart and mind.

  “I have tried to ignore my feelings. I honestly have, but since I met Jonny something has changed in here.” I place my hand upon my tortured heart. A lump forms in my throat and my chin starts to quiver. A single tear drops down my pathetic cheek and onto my hand.

  “Oh, come here, Jessica. You need to talk about this, let out how you are feeling, my darling,” Lydia comforts me. She takes my hand into hers, shifting in her space on the sofa so she can sit reassuringly close. Her eyes are alert and her face is kind. She wants me to pour out my true feelings, but to hear myself say them, out loud, makes them shamefully all too real. I haven’t yet allowed myself to face my true feelings. Now, Lydia is asking me to bring them out from the place I have them so well hidden. To be so conscience stricken is a feeling I have never experienced before. To be involved in something which drenches you in relentless guilt is, yet another, unfathomable for me.

  My life was so simple a couple of days ago. I was a happily married woman, whose understanding of married life was one of fulfilled contentment. Was I not happy? Had I suppressed such feelings for years? So many questions and not enough answers.

  “Oh, Lydia . . . where do I begin?” I start to cry. All the confusion and guilt overcome me.

  “From the beginning, darling.” She affectionately brushes a tear from my cheek.

  I try to compose myself enough to tell Lydia exactly how I am feeling. I swallow down a painful lump, pushing back my tense shoulders. “Meeting Jonny Riley has literally pulled the rug from under my once happy feet, Lydia.

  At first, I thought it was just the buzz of a celebrity being interested in me. Yet, the more time I spent with him, the more I realised it was more than that. When we got close to one another it was, yet another, confused thought process for me. Am I merely lusting over a fantasy figure?” my voice quivers as I ask the ultimate question.

  “Jessica, darling, it is no longer fantasy is it? He is a real person. Okay, I grant you, a bloody gorgeous and famous one, but because he is famous doesn’t make him any less human. You do realise celebrities shit and pee just like us, don’t you?” Lydia’s amused face makes me giggle through my tears. Right at that moment, I love her so much for trying to lighten the mood. She continues, “What I am trying to say to you, darling, is that Jonny Riley likes you; end of . . . you are trying to overthink this. You are hung up on the fact he does like you, not believing in why he likes you. There’s no hidden agenda here. You know, when I saw him in the foyer at The Broadway, he told me how he wished he could walk away from you and the fact you are married should be reason enough. But he said he doesn’t think he can, as he will forever wonder what if? Now what you really need to consider is, are Shawn and the girls enough for you? I can’t tell you what to do Jessica, but you have to be sure you can handle whatever decision you do make.” Lydia strokes my cheek.

  “Why are you being so nice to me, Lydia? Don’t you think I am the lowest of the low for even having feelings for another man? To even consider being with another man? To consider ripping apart my family? To destroy all of the self-respect I possess because of Jonny Riley?” My words shake my core; tears pool in my eyes. I begin to fumble with a cushion on the sofa, in the hope it will prevent the tears from rushing down my cheeks all over again.

  “Is that what you think of yourself, Jessica? You haven’t turned into a bored, lonely, and horny housewife overnight. I know you well, darling. I know for you to have feelings for another man . . . well, I know those feelings must be very real. You are not a monster, Jessica. The fact is: there must have been something lacking between you and Shawn. I know that’s hard for you to accept, but somewhere along the line, something was missing. People can go through their whole lives never realising that something in, what they believe to be their perfect little lives, is in fact missing a little bit of spark. They may never know it because nothing ever came into their happy little world to ever question it. But it has for you, Jessica. So, now you have the choice. Carry on as you were and forget about Jonny Riley, or you could choose another path. Where that path will lead you, who knows? But it will be your choice, darling.” Lydia stands up, grabbing a tissue from her desk. She hands it to me, hugging me hard.

  I start dabbing my wet cheeks and sore eyes. “The truth is Lydia, although I do love Shawn, meeting Jonny has changed things. I am doubting everything I thought I had with Shawn. Is it enough anymore? I honestly don’t know. I have tried telling myself to ignore my feelings, but they are just too strong. Then, the other night when Shawn and I had sex, it felt empty and barren. I hate myself for saying it but I was lying there; thinking of Jonny and not my husband,” I admit to my friend.

  “So, what are you going to do?” she questions.

  I look down for my answer at my empty hands. “I keep hoping that if I give myself enough time, the feelings will go away and this blip in my life will disappear. Admitting my feelings is one thing, but to act on them is definitely another. I am not ready to make a decision. I am already struggling to live with myself. So, I am going to sit tight and concentrate on my husband and daughters,” I reveal my temporary plan.

  “Well, I am here for you. You know that, don’t you?” Lydia reassures me.

  “I do Lydia, and I am so grateful for you being there. I don’t know what I would have done if it weren’t for you.” I embrace her, feeling relieved that I have made my choice. I would be lying to myself to say I am not going to miss Jonny. What hot-blooded female wouldn’t? His letter nearly made me falter in my decision. I nearly picked up the phone and dialled his number. It took every bit of willpower I possess, within my body, to stop me from doing so. If I had picked up that phone and called him. I know that I, Jessica Neel, would not have been able to live with myself, or even look at myself in the mirror without hating the face before me. At least now, I can look at my reflection with a clear and less-guilty conscience.

  It has been two weeks since I met Jonny Riley. Sometime
s my mind will still wander to ashamed thoughts of him, but I quickly distract myself. I cannot allow myself to ever think of him. Besides, life has kept me busy so I have had little time to dwell on things.

  Since going to The Broadway Tower I have had two more business trips: one in Birmingham and the other in Manchester. I had to attend trade fairs and do some retail research whilst in the area, which for me, is one of my favourite parts of my job. I love walking around, checking out the weird, wonderful toy and gift shops hidden in many towns and cities. Some truly do manage to capture the magical wonderment of childhood fantasy.

  Lydia had to stay back in the office, as we are incredibly busy at the moment. So I went alone, which I often do during the busy months of the year.

  I am currently planning for a trip to Bristol, in a few days, to attend a promotional trade fair. Lydia wants me to promote Magical Toys of Mason, to showcase a few of our products, and check out our competitors. Lydia needs to stay behind to monitor a big order coming in from overseas, so once again, I am going alone.

  Often when I am home and not officially working, I like to research up and coming toys and gifts. Who is selling them and where? Most importantly, for how much? I am passionate about what I do. It gives me a real buzz, something I have never felt before in a job. I never would have thought I would end up selling toys for a living. I was one of those dreamy girls who on the cusp of adulthood had no idea what she wanted to be when she grew up. My only interests at school were drama, PE, and English.

  I had no desire to be an actress. I would have made a terrible gymnast. I loved English language and literature, but had no idea how to forge a career from it. In fact, the only thing I truly wanted to do; was sing. I knew I wasn’t the greatest singer on the planet, but it made me happy doing it.

  When I was a teenager, I actually remember telling a volunteer at Careers Advice that I was going to be a pop star. She stood there stony-faced and simply replied, “Really?” Sarcasm coated her one word, yet she had never even heard me sing. She never stopped to think that I really could be the next Mariah Carey. Instead, she chose to stamp upon any hopes and dreams that I had, and thoroughly enjoyed doing it, too! Okay, realistically, the chances of me ever making it as a pop star were pretty much zero, but would it have really killed her to have at least tried to encourage me in some way?

  So just like that, my confidence was crushed. I quickly put the idea of becoming the next Madonna to bed. Jessica Neel was definitely NOT going to be a pop star.

  Before marrying Shawn and having the girls, I tried my hand at a couple of short-lived jobs. One was working in a card shop, incredibly boring. The only highlight of my day was when friends popped in to see me, and using the till.

  Then I worked as a support worker with adults who had learning difficulties. Much more rewarding and challenging, but when my mother died I stopped working. In fact, my life kind of stopped altogether.

  Mum had cancer. From the day of her diagnosis to the day that she died, it took seven agonising months of watching the disease terrorise her mind, and ravage her body. I barely left her side. It was Shawn who was my rock throughout it all. When my darling mother took her last breath, I was with her, willing the one person who I loved more than anything to set herself free from the everyday hell that she was cocooned in. When Shawn came into the room he knew she had gone. No words were said, yet he knew. I remember the warm relief Shawn’s arms brought me against the intolerable pain of my own realisation that at the age of eighteen, my mum was no longer going to be in my life.

  I am at home on my laptop looking at all the different toy-shops in Bristol; the quirkier, the better to visit during my trip. Shawn is busy in his study as he has a deadline to meet. I hear his footsteps coming down the stairs.

  “Do you want a drink, Babe?” Shawn gently places his hands upon my shoulders.

  I lovingly lean my head on his hand. “I’m good, thanks. I have my water bottle here. So, how are you getting on with that deadline?” I ask.

  “I think I am nearly there. Just editing it now. How about you, what are you up to?”

  “I am checking out shops in Bristol. If I have enough time I am going to have a look in a few. Some look really fab, actually,” I tell him, looking excitedly down at my screen.

  “Another night without my wife, whatever shall I do with myself?” Shawn looks to the ceiling, raising his eyebrows with a smile so warm and teasingly slanted.

  With light sarcasm I reply, “I am sure you’ll think of something.”

  He kisses my neck. “Actually, I think David and Robson are popping round for a few beers and curry, when you are in Bristol, Babe, so I’ll be in good hands.”

  “A boys night in, huh? When your dear wife is busy working so hard. Oh, and before I forget, Lissy is having a sleepover at Kathryn’s. I think she is going straight from school, and Kathryn’s mum will drop her back the following morning, so you’ll only have Lottie home.”

  “Okay, Babe, but no doubt you will write it all down for me?” Shawn moves in slowly, kissing me softly on the lips.

  I pat his chest. “I know you’ll forget, that’s why,” I tell him with a playful scowl.

  “You think of everything,” he says.

  “Because you forget everything.” With a light-hearted, disapproving look I smile at him, chewing the top of my pen.

  Shawn admits defeat with a nod and a little smile. “I had better get that article finished, Babe.”

  After my morning of successful research, booking my accommodation, and a few phone calls, I check my mobile for any messages. I have just the one from Lydia.

  Morning Jessica

  Listen, darling, do you think you can nip into the office if you have time today? I need to pass something by you.

  Lydia xx

  I respond immediately.

  Hi Lydia

  I can pop by. I’ll be there in about 30 mins.

  Jessica xx

  I put away my laptop, placing my notes into my briefcase. Then I rush upstairs to Shawn’s study. “Shawn, Lydia’s just texted me. She wants me to nip into the office. I won’t be too long.”

  “Oh, how come?” he asks, with a thoughtful frown pulling across his forehead.

  “I haven’t a clue. She said she wants to pass something by me,” I say.

  Shawn is twisting from side to side in his black leather swivel chair. “Mmm, sounds interesting.”

  “It does, doesn’t it? Anyway, do you need anything in town?”

  “No, I’m good. Thanks, Babe,” he replies, swivelling back around. His attention now, back to his work.

  “Right, I’ll see you soon then.” I quickly kiss the top of his head and rush out the door.

  I am driving along and for a change; it’s a dry day with intervals of bright sunshine. My mood is high as the warm breeze brushes my cheeks. I have Will Smith booming in the car. At the traffic lights I am happily singing loudly to myself, when I notice a group of lads, about nineteen-years-old, all laughing and blowing kisses my way.

  My cheeks redden. I honestly can’t believe that I am blushing because of a bunch of frisky bloody teenagers. Thankfully, the lights change to green and I drive forward, not before they all cheekily wink and wave at me.

  Do they see a woman who is confident and happy, or a woman who is game on for a bit of adulterous fun? That dormant, yet consuming, self-doubt creeps into my cursed mind, about the person I really am, a married woman who constantly thinks about another man. Damn Jonny bloody Riley!

  Soon enough, I am outside the office. I grab my bag and hurriedly walk into the building. When I walk into our office, Lydia is on the phone; her serious telephone expression greets me, but her face instantly brightens the moment she notices me. She waves and mouths, “Hello.”

  I stand looking out the large window. Looking down on Cheltenham town. Under the sun’s rays, it looks colourful and alive. I turn around to check my in-tray. I scan the letters briefly. There is nothing that appears urgent, nothing at
least that cannot wait another day. I glance at Lydia; she is deep in thought as she nods. Her arms are animated as she talks to whomever is on the other end of the line. I fetch myself a cup of water, and as I turn around I see Lydia is now off the phone.

  “Jessica, darling, sorry to call you in, but I really needed to talk to you.” We both simultaneously sit down beside one another on the squishy black sofa.

  “What’s up, Lydia?”

  “Well, as you know, the business has steadily been growing and doing well. It is now to the stage that we need to make a few changes. So, I am wanting you to consider whether you would be able to work four days instead of three? The thing is, if we employ another person to work here with us, it would mean another wage and having to move to a bigger office. That would mean more money for rent. Mason’s Toys is ticking over beautifully, so I don’t want to rock the boat with any major changes. Particularly in terms of how things are within the economy, at the moment. Of course, there will be times when you can do some things from home, like research etcetera, but tell me, do you think you would be in a position to take on extra work? I really don’t think I can keep up with it all by myself.” Lydia’s eyebrow does its infamous high arch. Her eyes are wide, and her lips are pursed with anticipation.

  “Obviously I would have to run it by Shawn, but yes, I think I would happily take on an extra day, Lydia,” I answer.

  “Oh, that is fabulous, darling,” Lydia replies with a cheery smile.

  I point at our comfortable little workspace. “Besides, we wouldn’t want to leave our quaint little office, now would we?”

  I could never imagine moving to another place. This is where Lydia and I have built up, The Magical Toys of Mason; this is where it all began. I also can’t imagine someone else coming and working with us. It would change the dynamics. Lydia and I are quite a team. She is not only a fantastic boss; she is a wonderful friend.