“You are right, Jessica. I am quite attached to the little empire we have here, too. Also it saves me the hell of having to advertise a vacancy, do interviews, and whatnot. You know you are my life saver, don’t you?” Lydia rests her thankful hand on my shoulder.
“I think you’ll find it is you saving me, Lydia. You have been so great over the past couple of weeks. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it,” I return her sentiment.
“That’s what friends are for, as they say, darling.”
“So, how are things going between you and our Mr. Carter, then?” I ask.
“Surprisingly well, actually. He is a laid back, thoughtful and intelligent man. I have told him things I have never told anyone before.” Watching Lydia swoon and turn all dreamy, in a matter of seconds, at the mere mention of Jake Carter is wonderful to see. Usually within a week she tires of any man; however, things between her and Jake are going really well. I only hope she doesn’t freak when she becomes more aware of her feelings for him. Commitment has never been her strong point.
“That’s really great, Lydia. I am so pleased that things are going well. You deserve to be happy,” I say.
“We are meeting again this weekend. He says he has a surprise trip planned. God only knows what that means, probably a ramble on the Moors or something?” she sweetly giggles.
“Now, that I’d pay to see,” I laugh loudly as the vision of the beautiful, always in heels, Lydia Mason, wearing hiking boots, gaiters, carrying a rucksack and holding a big long walking stick, playfully runs through my mind.
“That’s what I love about him though, I never know what to . . .” Lydia’s voice trails off suddenly.
I look up to see what is wrong. Her mouth is wide open, and her eyes look like they are about to pop out of their sockets. I follow them to see what it is that has her so shocked and tongue-tied. Shit and fuckety fuck! There, in our office doorway, is Beef. His large physique barely fits through it, and his imposing frame shadows our small office. My heart is pounding. I can barely bring myself to speak from the shock.
“Beef . . . wh . . . what are you doing here?” I stutter.
“I’m sorry to bother you, Mrs. Neel, but Mr. Riley has requested you to see him, please?” Beef asks in a very formal manner.
“He’s here? But . . . but how did you find me?” I stutter some more.
“Mr. Riley will explain everything. He wanted to come himself, but it’s difficult, shall we say?” I understood Jonny Riley couldn’t just pop into anywhere without causing a-frenzy. What I didn’t understand is why he is here at all.
“Where is he then?” I question.
“He is waiting in the car outside, will you come?” Beef asks.
I look wild-eyed at Lydia. My stomach is doing flips. I can barely breathe, let alone think.
Lydia is smiling sympathetically. “Jessica, I think you had better go and see him.”
“Which car is it, Beef?” I ask him, standing up nervously.
“I will walk down with you, and come back up here, if that’s okay with you?” Beef glances over at Lydia.
“Sure, no problem.” Lydia is slowly nodding her head, too shocked to question it.
“Okay, let’s go.” Beef faintly smiles at my compliance to walk with him to the car. I still sense that he is wary of me. He gives little away in terms of body language and facial expression. Yes, he’s polite, but I get no warm, friendly vibe from him. I don’t even know why it bothers me so much, yet it does.
I follow him as we pass all the other offices. Beef himself is causing quite a stir, judging by the looks of surprise on everyone’s faces. I can’t help but grin to myself as his massive, dominating frame barely fits through the corridors.
As soon as we step outside into the car park, Beef leads me right around the corner. It is quieter there, as it’s the overflow car park for all the offices. I am so panicked, getting more nervous as we approach a black Mercedes Viano with privacy glass. I am nearing the point of hyperventilation. Get your shit together, Jessica!
“Here we are, Mrs. Neel, I will leave you now.”
“Thank you, Beef.” I need to compose myself before opening that door. Deep, deep breaths now, Jessica. I almost feel like I need to knock before I slide it open. My heart is beating so ridiculously fast; I fear I am actually going to pass out. Here goes nothing! I slide the door back quickly.
“Jessica! I didn’t know whether you would come.” A surprised, but relieved, Jonny Riley is smiling broadly; a smile which can weaken any red-blooded female. Those delicious hazel eyes are fixed on me as I cautiously step inside, sliding the door shut.
We both sit there in silence. An invisible, awkward atmosphere hovers above us. It feels like time has stood still and neither one of us is saying anything. I quickly become impatient. “What is this all about? How did you find me?” I feel my angry frown lines forming across my forehead. Real attractive, Jessica.
“I’m sorry, I really am not into the stalker thing, honestly, Jessica. I wrote you a letter, and hoped you would contact me. When you didn’t, I thought maybe you didn’t get it. So I contacted The Broadway, asked the name of Lydia’s company and here I am!”
I snap, “I did get your letter, I just never responded.”
“Oh, I see.” He looks down at his feet in the footwell of the car. I can see he is confused and embarrassed. All I want to do is hold him, and tell him I am sorry. I am just no good at this hurting people crap. It makes me feel like shit. I feel awful knowing that I have hurt his feelings, just because he is affecting mine. I drop the titanium veil, which is protectively guarding my feelings.
“I am sorry, Jonny, I thought it best not to contact you at all. I didn’t mean to sound so blunt, but you understand why, don’t you?” I seek his eyes to gain contact with mine but he continues to look down at his feet.
“I understand, Jessica. I apologise for showing up like this. I really don’t know what I was thinking.” His hand reaches up to his hair, running his fingers through it in annoyance.
“It’s okay, I am truly flattered. I would say that if any detective roles ever come your way, you now have more than enough experience to win that role hands down, stuff needing to audition,” I giggle at my attempt to lighten the mood with my half-smile. His eyes brighten when he looks at me. He has this cute, as hell, coy smile with his head tilted slightly, looking at me intensely. Shit, he looks so damn good!
“I have really missed you Jessica . . . and those dimples.” I shyly look away as he tells me this. It feels like a bolt of electricity surging through my body when he takes my hand gently into his. His thumb strokes my, now trembling, hand as he speaks. “God knows I have tried to stay away, yet here I find myself. I know it is selfish, crazy, deluded and foolish . . . but I want you Jessica. I feel you in here, and I can’t let that go,” he says, placing our joined hands over where his heart is. “Do you have any feelings for me? I need to know, Jessica.” He shifts closer by my side, he still has hold of my hand, and his eyes are trying to engage with mine.
I try to evade his pleading gaze. I know I am already in deep shit just being here, in this car, holding his hand and denying myself that I feel nothing. I am just too emotionally exhausted to hide from it anymore. I finally admit defeat.
“Of course I have feelings for you. I have tried to ignore them and if the truth be known, I have been running from them ever since.” That’s it. I have said it now! Fuck!
He quickly pulls me to him, replying. “So don’t run from them . . . run with them, Jessica.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Jonny.”
“Something is happening here, Jessica. Something that is bigger than you or me. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I am willing to try, if you are?” he says, cradling my face inside his soft hands. He then leans in, and places his sumptuous, smooth lips onto mine. This kiss binds us. It is slow, light, sensual, cherished and confirmation of our forbidden feelings for one another. “I hav
e wanted this for so long . . . I didn’t think I would ever see you again,” he says; planting adoring kisses on my eyelids, my nose, my chin, my eager mouth.
I can only whisper. “What are we doing, Jonny?”
“I don’t know and I don’t care.” His mouth is now on mine and his kisses are more desperate and wanting. Our tongues search for the other, dancing and playing between hot, fevered kisses. My whole body wants him as his kisses rain down on me. Our breathing is fast and furious. I move around and straddle him as he sits back more comfortably in the leather seat. With abandonment, I kiss every part of his face and neck. I breathe in his musky, manly scent while rubbing my jawline into the crook of his neck, wanting the smell of him all over me. My mouth teases him with erotic nibbles along his jawline. A throaty groan escapes him as I gently suck his earlobe. The tip of my excited tongue is enticingly caressing him. I am finally letting go and to see this beautiful man writhing beneath me is such a fucking turn-on. The suppressed ache I feel for him needs to be set free. It has found its way out, and now needs him with an unforgiving appetite. I couldn’t stop this now, even if I tried. His hands are entangled in my hair, pulling it, teasing it with his fuckable fingers. I bite his lip. I want to taste him, savour all of him, feel him all over me.
His heavy breath lightly fans my face. “Oh, Jessica, I don’t want to fuck you in here.”
“Why ever not?” I plead.
“It’s too small . . . and it’s too public.”
“No . . . one . . . can . . . see.” I kiss him between each word. Shit! Now that I have started, I don’t want to ever stop kissing him!
He caresses my face with his tender thumbs. “I want you where I can see all of you; every beautiful, and incredible part of you in a place that is more appropriate and comfortable. What we are doing is bad enough, so let’s not do it like this Jessica . . . not in the back of a car.”
Breathlessly, I stop to look at him. “Seriously?” I ask in disbelief.
Jonny smiles, a sexy serene smile. “Seriously. We have plenty of time to fuck, make love, shag, do it, whatever you want to call it . . . I just wanted to see you today. To be with you and to know you want to be with me,” Jonny struggles with his words as he caresses my face.
“I do, it has been a struggle to admit it . . . but I really do, Jonny.”
“So, now we have established we like each other . . . a lot, and would indeed like to have sex. When can I see you again?” His rakish eyes look me up and down, two hazel predators penetrating me.
“In a few days’ time I am going to Bristol for an overnight stay for work, maybe then?” I ask, surprised by my own bold and audacious proposition.
“I have a lot coming up this week: script meetings, an audition, along with the usual interviews, etcetera. But I’ll make sure we get to see each other. What I’ll do is contact you with details of the hotel that Erin will sort out for us.”
“Who is Erin?” I ask.
“She’s my PA, she sorts out most things for me, and she will certainly free up my time to schedule in many pleasures with a certain Mrs. Neel.” He playfully pulls me into him.
“Blonde, with a face like a slapped ass?” I smugly ask.
Jonny laughs. “I guess that’s a good summation of Erin.”
“Ahhhh Miss Sour Puss, I vaguely remember seeing her at the Broadway.”
“Miss Sour Puss? I am sure she would be delighted to hear that you think so highly of her. She is not one to smile much, I know, but she’s bloody good at her job,” Jonny replies.
“I’m sure she is, she would scare people into submission.”
“You’ll grow to like her Jessica, I am sure.” Jonny tells me.
“We shall see, I suppose? So this hotel meet, how will it work? Obviously I can’t just go up to reception and ask to go to your room, can I?” I pepper him with questions.
“I’m not sure yet, maybe Erin will book two rooms? My room and one in her name. When you check in you can use her name, then no one is any the wiser. We’ll sort something out, don’t you worry,” his voice is reassuring.
“It would seem you’ve thought this through, or are you an expert at this sort of thing?” My paranoid mind races at the thought of him being accustomed to this sort of thing.
Jonny holds me tightly against him. “I always use a different name to check into hotels. There are crazy fans out there that ring the hotels up and ask if Jonny Riley is staying there. Then they try and actually get into the hotel, it can be mad at times.”
“Sounds like bloody hard work, does it not exhaust you having to be one step ahead of everyone all the time?” I ask.
He quickly shakes his head. “Not anymore, this is my life now. Most of it is common sense and sticking with those you love. They are the ones who keep you grounded in this game.”
“It must be difficult to trust anyone, though?” I ask, studying his divine face.
Jonny thinks for a second. His thumb brushing lightly over his sexy closed mouth. “It is hard. I have had to learn the hard way quite a few times. I try to keep my private life private. Be polite to my fans and the public. While keeping my friends and family close, they are the ones who keep me sane. I think the day you start living your life in a bullshit bubble, and believing your own hype, is the day it is game over,” he confesses.
“How come a gorgeous, charming, intelligent, caring and famous man, such as yourself, has not yet married or at least settled down?” I dread the thought of Jonny being with someone else, but I need to know more about him.
“I don’t know. I just haven’t met anyone special enough, I suppose?” he pauses. “Until you.” He places the back of my hand on his lips, gently kissing the tips of my fingers. Such little things he does, I find so very erotic. I close my eyes and smile, enjoying the feeling of his hot mouth on my fingertips.
He throws a sexy look my way. “Your dimples make me want to fuck you, but I won’t . . . yet.” His eyes are hooded with lustful promise.
I pout seductively, hovering over his mouth. “That’s too bad.” Our lips crash together, fervently locked with intermittent moans of pleasure. Our bodies press into one another, begging to be as one.
Jonny’s hands gently push me back. “Jessica . . . Jessica . . . listen, you need to get back and I need to go. Shit, I can’t believe I am actually saying this, but now is not the time.”
“Okay . . . okay . . . I’ll leave you alone now.” I drop my face in what can only be described as pure sexual frustration.
“Hey! I don’t want you to ever leave me alone.” A serious look spreads across his beautiful face as he strokes my cheek. I perk up with his sensuous touch.
“In just a few days . . . you are so getting some, Mr. Riley.” I lean into his body, looking at him with hungry, vixen eyes.
“I cannot wait, Jessica Neel.” His eager erection can be felt through his dark denim. Don’t I know it! I manage to peel myself away from him. I need anything to distract me from his obvious hard-on.
“I had better give you my mobile number, I’ll write my work number down, too.” I tell him. I fish around in my bag, looking for one of my business cards and a pen.
“I will text you with the details of Bristol, as soon as I know,” Jonny says. He takes out his phone and taps in a number.
“Beef, you can come back down, now.” Jonny quickly puts his phone back in his pocket and sits back, looking at me with a confident, crooked grin.
I stroke his face now that I feel I am allowed to. “I can’t wait to see you in Bristol and thank you for coming all this way to find me. I am so glad you did.”
“Thank you, Jessica, for seeing me. I really didn’t think you would. It is going to be okay, you know? You and me, I mean,” Jonny stumbles over his words to me.
I move in for a lingering ‘goodbye for now kiss’ I don’t think I will ever tire of kissing those wonderful lips.
I then open the door and with a wry grin I reply, “Maybe, you are right.” I walk along the car park
feeling light and giddy, putting one airy foot in front of the other . . . a feeling I had forgotten existed.
So this is me. I am now, officially, a cheating wife. For all of the million wrong reasons that tell me I shouldn’t be doing this, I can only think of one reason why I should . . . Jonny Riley.
I feel a peculiar sense of relief, having finally admitted to myself my true feelings. As awful as they are, there comes a new found acceptance. However, as I return home that familiar knotted feeling returns with a vengeance. I know in my heart, things have now gone too far to change anything. Yes, I love Shawn, but I want Jonny, too, a want that is too strong to overcome. Maybe Lydia is right, maybe there was always something missing from my marriage.
I don’t want to hurt Shawn. I loathe myself for doing this to him and I can’t even begin to understand it all, just yet. I am a selfish bitch who is putting her own feelings over those who are closest to her. I am not thinking straight, I am not thinking about the consequences. I am just doing what feels right, knowing that it’s wrong. It is not ‘I am doing it for the buzz’ or ‘the grass is greener.’ It is simply, and bluntly because I cannot walk away from how Jonny makes me feel.
Meeting him has changed everything. I have never felt this way about anyone. I am drawn to him like a moth to a dangerous flame. Together, I feel we can do anything; although, I know we are going straight to fucking hell for what we are doing. Somehow, just being with him makes it all seem worthwhile.
My life has always been so simple, but choosing to take the cheating path, with Jonny, guarantees that my life is going to become a whole lot harder. I never planned for this to happen, it just has. Now I need to try to be strong and do what is in my heart, whatever the consequences.
I walk through into the kitchen and Shawn is chopping peppers, courgettes and mushrooms.
“Hey, you’re back.” he says brightly.
A Famous Affair Page 8
