This seemed to make Esther feel better. “Do you think she’ll get over it?”
“I hope not anytime soon. Lord willing, she’ll give you another eighteen years so Winnie can grow up.”
Esther smiled in resignation. “Eighteen years. That’s all I ask.”
Levi picked up both kaffee cups from the table and took them to the sink. “Maybe Ivy has already come to her senses. Perhaps leaving Winnie with you was an act of unselfishness. Maybe Ivy knew Winnie needed a permanent home and someone who would take care of her.”
“I wish I believed Ivy could be that unselfish.”
He smiled. “We can always dream, can’t we? And whatever the reason Ivy left Winnie, she’s with you now, and we can be grateful for that.”
Esther’s eyes lit up. “I’m wonderful grateful for every day I get with her.”
Levi sat down again, and his heart skipped a beat. “I think you should call the police.”
Esther acted as if he’d shot a spitball at her. “The police? What for?”
“Or maybe the mayor. I don’t know who to call, but if Winnie is abandoned, you might be able to adopt her.”
Still that utterly puzzled look. “Adopt her? How could I—”
“If you adopted Winnie, she would legally be your daughter. Ivy couldn’t take her away if she wanted to. Actually, I think you would need to call a lawyer.”
Esther furrowed her brow. “It’s not the Amish way to entangle ourselves in the law.”
“There are times when we have to. Everybody has a birth certificate. We are required to get a Social Security card, even when we don’t take out Social Security. An Amish man in Wisconsin used a lawyer to sue the state for the right to school his own children. Sometimes we need to use the law for our good. This time, you need to use the law for Winnie’s good.”
Esther caught her bottom lip between her teeth. “I want Winnie to be my daughter, but do you think it’s possible?”
“Jah, I do.”
“But how much would it cost?”
Levi tapped his hand on the table, convinced it was the best idea he’d ever had. “I’m going to find out. It won’t hurt to get some information.”
Esther didn’t seem so sure. “But do you think it would work?”
“You shouldn’t live your life in fear of losing Winnie. We’ve got to try. I can’t help but believe that if Gotte wants it to happen, He will make it happen.”
Esther’s smile reached out and grabbed Levi by the heart. “Lord willing, He will give me such a gift.”
Chapter Eight
Winnie had been asleep, really asleep, for nearly an hour. Usually by this time, Esther had collapsed into bed and fallen asleep before her head hit the pillow. But tonight her head was too full to make any attempt at sleep. Levi had found a lawyer who said she would help Esther without charging her any money, which was sweet of her, but Esther still felt bad she couldn’t pay. The lawyer said that Ivy would have to be gone for a whole year before Esther could even think about adopting Winnie.
A whole year!
Esther rolled over and punched her pillow. A whole year of living in fear every time someone knocked on the door. A whole year of frayed nerves and trying to figure out how to outwit Ivy. A whole year of getting more and more attached to Winnie. A whole year of that feeling of dread that Ivy would come back and snatch Winnie away from her. She’d barely been able to stand the strain for three months. How could she do it for a year? What happened at the end of the year if Ivy wouldn’t give her permission to let Esther adopt? The lawyer said that if Ivy couldn’t be located, the adoption would be a lot easier.
Esther pressed her palm to her forehead. Part of her wanted Ivy to find her way back to the family and the community again, but a bigger part of her wanted Ivy to stay away for good. Was she wicked for hoping they wouldn’t be able to locate Ivy, at least until the adoption was final? It made Esther feel better to imagine Ivy living in Europe or Mexico, happy with a gute husband and a few children of her own. Maybe Ivy would have a change of heart. Maybe she would get so wrapped up in her charity work for the orphans of Mexico that she would forget about Winnie and Esther and be content in her new life. That was the dream Esther had for her sister. So maybe it wasn’t wicked to hope she never came back.
Esther slid her pillow out from under her head and threw it across the room. It made a satisfying thump against the opposite wall. Ach. She was so angry at her selfish sister. Angry at her for leaving their family, for getting pregnant, for being cold and unfeeling enough to abandon her baby without looking back. Angry at Ivy for setting Esther up for the worst heartbreak of all—losing Winnie. How would she be able to bear it? Caring for a baby was hard, but Esther was surprisingly happy. Winnie was thriving, she seemed to like Esther better every day, and Esther had enough time to make the quilts that supported both of them.
But for sure and certain, Ivy would swoop in one day and ruin her happiness, as she had done countless times before. And Esther was powerless to do anything about it. She hated to feel powerless. She hated to be unable to control her own life. Maybe it was wicked to feel that way. Shouldn’t Gotte be the one in control? Shouldn’t she have enough faith to leave it in His hands? And maybe that was why Winnie had come to her: so Gotte could teach Esther who really had the control.
It didn’t seem like Gotte had been doing a very gute job with Esther’s life. If Gotte loved his children so much, why had Mamm died of a broken heart? Why had Dat suffered through liver disease? Why had Gotte let Ivy get pregnant when He knew she was not fit to be a mater? Sometimes it seemed Gotte had abandoned the whole world. Was there anything besides the sunrise and sunset that Gotte did control with any predictability?
Esther squeezed her eyes shut. It was faithless to think such thoughts. She rolled over. It was late and Esther was so tired, and now she had to get up and fetch her pillow from the other side of the room.
It was a gute thing the room was so tiny.
A faint sound reached Esther’s ears as she got up for her pillow. Was Winnie stirring? Nae. Someone was tapping lightly on the front door.
Esther’s heart lurched. Only one person would be knocking at this time of night, and it was the last person in the whole world she wanted to see. She hurriedly put on her robe, not wanting to rush the inevitable, but afraid the knocking would become persistently louder if she didn’t.
With an immense sense of dread, Esther tiptoed into the entryway, turned on the floor lamp, and opened the door. Ivy, thin as a rail and pale as a sheet, stood on her stoop, arms wrapped around herself as if guarding against the cold, except it was July and sweat beaded on Ivy’s forehead. She wore a flimsy, saggy red tank top that looked as if it hadn’t been washed in weeks and blackish-gray jeans that had more holes than fabric. She had a backpack slung over one shoulder and round, bulky earrings the size of canning jar lids hanging from her ears. Her dark brown hair hovered over her face like a cobweb, and she pushed it out of her eyes when Esther opened the door. Her smile showed no hint of embarrassment, just that aggravating confidence Ivy had always possessed.
“I’m back,” she said, as if her leaving was a big joke they both thought was funny. “How did you get on without me?”
“How did I get on without you?”
For half a second, Esther wanted to give Ivy the true answer to that question. She wanted to yell and scream and throw things and slam the door in Ivy’s face. She wanted to snarl and gnash her teeth and give Ivy what for.
She would have done it too, if she had thought it would have done any good. Ivy didn’t have a conscience. She didn’t have the capacity to feel anything so proper as shame or guilt. She didn’t care that her actions had torn Esther’s family apart, had hurt the people who loved her the most. She simply didn’t care. All she cared about was herself, no matter if everyone else drowned in the wake of her bad choices.
Esther was not good at curbing her temper, but for weeks she had been preparing for Ivy’s return. She had r
ehearsed this scene at the front door dozens of times. She could throw plates or apricots later. For now, all that mattered was Winnie.
She made no move to invite Ivy into the house. She wasn’t going to get cold standing out on the porch in July. Instead, Esther forced a kindly smile onto her face and spoke gently, almost as if she was happy to see her sister. “Where’s your boyfriend?”
Ivy’s poise wilted slightly. Her smile drooped, and the lines around her eyes deepened. “If you must know, he dumped me in Des Moines.” She lifted her chin. “Actually, I dumped him. I told him to take his truck and shove it.”
Esther looked past Ivy into the darkness. She didn’t see any cars or trucks parked on the road. No matter what, she refused to allow the boyfriend or any other male stranger in the house. Winnie’s protection was the most important thing. “How did you get here?”
“Can I please come in? It’s freezing out here,” Ivy said, with the I’m-barely-putting-up-with-you tone Esther knew so well.
Esther kept her temper and her calm and pretended that Ivy wasn’t getting on her nerves. “You need to keep your voice down. Winnie is asleep.”
“Winnie? Who’s Winnie?” Ivy made a face as it dawned on her. “Winnie is the stupidest name I’ve ever heard. It’s an old lady name. Her name is Winter. Let me in. I want to see my baby.”
Ivy made an attempt to come into the house, but Esther blocked the way. “I told you, she’s asleep. I won’t let you wake her. She’s wonderful hard to get back to sleep.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Who brought you here? I want to make sure Winnie’s not in any danger before I let you in.”
“Danger?” Ivy’s disbelief would have been comical if she hadn’t been so completely serious. “I’m her mother, you idiot. And don’t call her Winnie again or I’ll—”
“Or you’ll what? Take her away? Do you think that would be some sort of punishment? You abandoned her here, remember? And I’ve been stuck with her for almost four months.”
Esther bit down on her tongue. It felt deceitful to act like this, as if she wanted to get rid of Winnie instead of keep her, but it was the only thing that might work. If Ivy thought Esther didn’t want Winnie, she might decide to leave Winnie here out of spite.
How sad that Esther had to be so calculating. How sad that Esther had such a low opinion of her own sister.
Ivy started shivering. And it wasn’t fake to get Esther’s sympathy. She truly looked awful. Esther pressed her lips together and remembered how mad she was at her sister. “How did you get here? Is there another man with long hair and a nose ring lurking in the bushes?”
Ivy rolled her eyes. “You’re so judgmental, Esther.”
Esther didn’t reply. Ivy was very good at accusing everybody but herself. Esther wasn’t going to fall for it this time.
“I got a ride into town with a trucker,” Ivy said, huffing out a breath as if quite put out that she even had to explain. “He dropped me off at the gas station, and I walked the rest of the way.”
“Four miles?”
Ivy let out a string of profanity. Esther didn’t even know what most of the words meant, but she knew they were vile. Ivy had picked up some bad habits in her eight-year absence. “I don’t know how far it was. I’m not an odometer.”
“You can’t say those words around the baby. I won’t have her learning them.”
“She’s my baby,” Ivy snapped. Then, to Esther’s surprise, she seemed to soften just a bit. “Of course I won’t say those words around her. Do you think I’m stupid?”
Ivy was thoughtless and insensitive and despicable, but she wasn’t stupid. She was clever. Esther wouldn’t forget that for a minute. Ivy obviously had nowhere else to go, or she wouldn’t be here, but it was also true that Ivy would do whatever she could to control the situation. Esther would do her best not to let her. When Ivy’s teeth started chattering, a twinge of pity formed at the base of Esther’s throat. Ivy looked as if she would blow over with the next passing breeze. She truly did look pathetic. After all she had done and lived through, Ivy was pathetic. Her sorry state was her own doing, but it didn’t matter. Anyone would have felt sorry for her.
“Cum,” Esther said, stepping back from the doorway. “I’ll make you some kaffee.”
Esther had spent plenty of time dreading and planning for Ivy’s return, and she always knew she’d take Ivy in again, unless the boyfriend came with her. Ivy was her sister, and Dat’s last wish was for Ivy to be taken care of. Esther had moved her cash and phone to another hiding place, and there wasn’t really anything of value for Ivy to steal other than the appliqué quilt Esther had just finished for the shop in Boulder. But Ivy never understood the true value of anything. Esther’s quilts would be safe.
Still, she was reluctant to let Ivy in the house. She reeked of cigarette smoke, and her very presence filled the air with tension and discontent. Esther didn’t know how long she could bear it.
If Esther was cold toward Ivy, would Ivy be more or less likely to take Winnie away? Would kindness make Ivy more or less willing to sign the adoption papers the lawyer had drawn up? Esther didn’t know, but she did know that if she couldn’t show her sister a little human dignity, she wasn’t really fit to call herself a Christian. Of course, that didn’t mean she would let Ivy use or mistreat her—Nanna had spent many pickleball games talking to her about setting boundaries and letting Ivy suffer her own consequences. Esther wasn’t quite sure how to do that, but at least she was aware.
Esther took heart from the thought that Ivy wasn’t likely to stay for more than a few days. As long as she didn’t want to take Winnie with her when she left, everything would be all right. Esther held on to that hope like a lifeline.
“I don’t want coffee,” Ivy said. “I just want to sleep.” She winced when she eased the backpack off her shoulder.
“What’s wrong?” Esther said.
“I broke my collarbone.”
“Your collarbone? How did you do that?”
“How do you think?” Ivy said, rolling her eyes as if it was the stupidest question in the world.
“How should I know?” Esther didn’t mean to snap at her sister. Why did she have to be so abrasive? In Pennsylvania, Perry Lapp broke his collarbone falling off a horse. Mandy Herschberger broke her collarbone in a buggy accident. Esther’s throat tightened. “Jordan hit you.”
“No duh, Sherlock.”
Esther clenched her teeth so hard, her jaw was likely to crack. For sure and certain Gotte had sent Ivy to teach her patience. “You need a sling.”
“As long as I don’t move it, it will heal on its own.”
“You need a doctor.”
“I don’t need a doctor.”
Okay then. She wasn’t going to argue. Esther refused to care about Ivy more than Ivy cared about herself.
Esther’s latest quilt was fixed to the frames in the front room. It was a beautiful quilt with blue flowers and green leaves appliquéd onto a cream background. The online customer was paying her eight hundred dollars to make it. Esther moved the frames to the side as far as they would go to make a path for Ivy to get to the couch. She pulled some sheets from the hall closet and made up the couch for Ivy. Ivy watched as Esther laid a blanket across the sheets. “I won’t be able to stretch out my legs.”
“You can’t sleep in Winnie’s room. You’ll wake her up.”
Ivy heaved a great sigh, as if it was the hardest thing she’d ever done. “Let me sleep in your bed, and you sleep on the sofa. You’re shorter than I am. You’ll be more comfortable here than I’ll be.”
“But I’m so much older than you are. An old maid needs her own bed.” Esther smiled to herself. Levi would have liked that excuse—or been irritated by it.
“But my shoulder hurts bad, Esther.”
Esther hesitated. Ivy really was in pain. She wasn’t faking that. But if she wheedled her way into Esther’s bed, Esther would never get her out. Nae. She had to stand firm. She pulled an extra pillow from the closet
. “Use this,” she said, determined to meet Ivy’s pitiful gaze. “Put it under your arm. It will help.”
Ivy tested Esther’s resolve one more time, probably to see if she could break it. “Don’t you even care how much it hurts?”
“I care very much. Use the pillow.”
Ivy grunted in complaint and shuffled down the hall. “I’m going to the bathroom.”
Was there anything in the bathroom worth stealing? Ivy could take the rose-scented soap if she really wanted it. Esther wouldn’t miss it terribly. Esther thought about telling Ivy there wasn’t money in the fridge anymore and not to bother looking, but it would be more fun to let Ivy find out for herself. Ivy never did like getting her hands dirty. It would serve her right to get raw hamburger juice all over her fingers trying to steal Esther’s money.
The only thing that truly concerned Esther was that Ivy might sneak into Winnie’s room and carry her off in the night, but Ivy looked as if she was ready to collapse into a heap on the floor. She wouldn’t be able to carry herself, much less a baby, out the door. Tomorrow, Winnie’s crib was going in Esther’s room. Then Ivy could sleep in the twin bed in Winnie’s room, and Esther would hear if Ivy sneaked into her room and tried to take the baby. It spoke to how low Ivy had sunk in Esther’s estimation that Esther seriously feared Ivy would kidnap her own baby.
Ivy came out of the bathroom smelling faintly of roses, but she didn’t have any strange bulges in her pockets, so she’d probably left the soap where it was. With great effort and a lot of groaning—some fake and some not—Ivy lay down on the sofa, not bothering to take off her earrings. How could she sleep comfortably with those things pressing against her head all night? Esther helped her position the pillow under her arm. Ivy winced. They were going to have to find her a sling, or she’d make her arm worse by moving it. Despite her earlier protests, the only reason Ivy didn’t have a sling was because she didn’t have any money. That was also very likely the reason she’d come back. She truly was desperate. Esther just hoped that desperation didn’t include wanting her baby back. She tucked the top sheet under Ivy’s chin and spread the blanket over that. It wasn’t cold, but Ivy still shivered.
The Amish Quiltmaker's Unexpected Baby Page 14
