The Amish Quiltmaker's Unexpected Baby

by Jennifer Beckstrand

  Ivy bloomed into a smile. “Esther, why don’t you get Winnie a snack while Levi and I go outside and drink our lemonade?”

  “Let’s all go together so Esther doesn’t have to be alone,” Levi said. “We can let Winnie crawl around on a blanket.”

  Esther could have kissed him just for being so thoughtful. She nearly laughed at the look on Ivy’s face. Ivy was obviously torn between showing Levi how nice she was to her sister and getting her way. “Nice” Ivy won out. She probably figured she could work on getting her way after the wedding. “Okay, I guess,” she said. “But Winnie isn’t going to stay on the blanket. And I don’t have enough arms to keep her still. She might try to eat an ant or something.”

  “Ants are gute protein,” Levi said, giving Ivy his best smile.

  Even Ivy couldn’t resist that. “Don’t even think about teasing me, Levi Kiem. If my baby gets sick eating an ant, I’m blaming you.”

  Esther bristled when Ivy called Winnie “my baby.” She would need to grow a thicker skin, or she would be a mess of nerves and anxiety within the month. Winnie was Ivy’s baby. No amount of praying or crying or wishing would ever change that. But Esther didn’t know how much longer she could bear the roller coaster of emotions Ivy put her through every day.

  Should she tell Levi to stay away after all? His being here just made things that much more complicated and uncertain.

  Levi carried Winnie, Ivy carried the lemonade, and Esther carried everything else outside. “Your tomatoes look wonderful gute,” Levi said, inclining his head toward Esther’s little garden plot just over the fence on the far side of the apricot tree.

  “Denki. The tomatoes did well this year. Nanna and Hannah are going to come over next week and help me can spaghetti sauce.”

  “I want to help,” Ivy said. “We used to can all sorts of things when we were growing up.”

  The offer was more for Levi’s benefit than anything else. Ivy volunteered for things to impress Levi, but when canning time actually came around, she wouldn’t do more than watch the pot boil. And that was okay. The spaghetti sauce would taste better if Ivy didn’t help.

  Esther spread the blanket under the shade of the apricot tree. They sat down, and Ivy poured lemonade for everyone. Levi took a taste. “This is delicious, Ivy. Just the perfect amount of tart.” He gave Winnie a little sip, and she shuddered and made a face that had them all laughing. “It’s probably a little too sour for a nine-month-old,” Levi said. He glanced at Ivy. “How old is Winnie? I don’t even know when her birthday is?”

  Ivy looked up as if counting the days in her head. “She was born on December first, so that makes her almost nine months. Eight months and three weeks.”

  “December first,” Levi said. “That’s an easy date to remember. Does she have a birth certificate?”

  Levi was a genius. A birth certificate would make the adoption process easier, and Levi had just sneaked it into the conversation without blinking an eye or, hopefully, making Ivy suspicious.

  Ivy set her glass down and leaned back on her good hand. “They had me fill out a paper at the hospital, but I don’t think I ever got a certificate.”

  “What hospital?” Levi said.

  “MercyOne in Des Moines,” Ivy said.

  Now they had a place. The attorney said if they knew what state Winnie was born in, they might be able to request a birth certificate. This was getting better and better.

  Levi was more devious than Esther could have guessed. “Does Winnie have a middle name?”

  “Dinah,” Ivy said. She cleared her throat and glanced at Esther.

  “Oh, Ivy,” Esther said. “That’s very—”

  Ivy tossed her head back as if she didn’t care to hear Esther’s opinion. “Dumb? Sentimental? Pitiful? After how she treated me, you’d think she’d be the last person I’d name my daughter after.”

  Esther drew her brows together. “How Mamm treated you? Ivy, Mamm adored you. She would have done anything for you.”

  Ivy blinked away some moisture from her eyes. “She died without telling me.”

  Levi reached out and patted Ivy’s hand. “It caught you by surprise. That must have been hard.”

  Ivy sniffed back the tears. “How was I supposed to know? I was in Florida with Alan, working two jobs just to get by. Esther called me six months after it happened. Six months!” She pitched her voice lower, as if trying to mock Esther’s voice. “Like, ‘Oh, Mamm is dying. I guess maybe I’ll get around to calling Ivy sometime after the funeral.’”

  Esther was tired of biting her tongue, and Ivy’s accusations were completely irrational. “That’s not fair. We had no idea where you were.”

  Ivy wrapped her arms around her waist. “You could have tried harder to find me. And Dat didn’t care one little bit.”

  This was too much. Was there anything Ivy didn’t blame Esther for? “You have no idea how hard we tried. You left us, Ivy. We didn’t know if you were dead or alive. Can you even imagine what that did to Mamm? She cried almost every day for a whole year after you left, and you couldn’t even be bothered to send us a message. You broke Mamm’s heart. She died of sadness. Don’t blame that on me.”

  Ivy erupted like a geyser. “Oh, Esther, always so self-righteous. You stuck by Mamm and Dat like a faithful dog. You never would have broken their hearts. You were the good daughter. Believe me, I’m fully aware of who my parents loved best. I heard it every day of my life. Well, let me tell you, sister, I got sick of it. Sick of being the disappointment, sick of trying to earn my parents’ love. Sick of never being good enough. I had to get out.” She stood up, overturning the pitcher with her knee and sending a river of lemonade washing over Winnie’s lap.

  Winnie burst into tears at the shock of cold lemonade on her legs. Ivy didn’t even care. She turned on her heels and marched across the lawn and into the house, slamming the door behind her.

  Levi picked up Winnie and did his best to comfort her, even though she was soaking wet and his shirt was soon soaked as well. “That wasn’t a very nice thing to say, Esther.”

  Esther drew back. “What?”

  “I don’t wonder but Ivy tortures herself every day for leaving and not being there for your mamm.”

  Esther’s pulse raced. It was too much. Levi was supposed to be on her side, not defending Ivy. “What do you know about it? What do you know about the pain and heartache she caused our family?”

  He patted Winnie on the back. “I don’t know hardly anything, I truly don’t. But I know that thinking she was the cause of your mater’s death is very painful to Ivy. Don’t you see how much it hurts her?”

  He said it kindly, but his words felt like a slap across the face. “She called me a dog and accused me of being self-righteous.”

  “I know, and she shouldn’t have said those things, but Ivy is your sister, and she is very fragile right now. She doesn’t know any better, because she’s been doing only one thing for the last eight years: trying to survive.”

  How dare he stick his nose in where it wasn’t wanted? “Mamm used to make excuses for Ivy by saying she was fragile. But the excuses only made Ivy weak.”

  “Jah. Can’t you see how broken she is?”

  “She should still be able to behave herself and maybe show a little remorse for everything she’s put me through.” Esther didn’t need to stand here and take a scolding from Levi Kiem. She snatched Winnie out of his arms and fled in the direction of the house.

  “I’m sorry, Esther. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Don’t be mad at me forever.”

  She didn’t even look back. “Go stick your head in the toilet.”

  “Your new one?” he called.

  She didn’t pause. She didn’t stop. She didn’t even crack a smile. Let some other lovesick girl laugh at his jokes today. “Go home, Levi.”

  She went into the house and slammed the door, harder than Ivy had, just so Levi would know who was more upset.

  The door to Ivy’s room was closed. Esther t
ook Winnie into the room they now shared and locked the door behind her. She’d installed the lock not four days ago when she woke up in the middle of the night for no reason, terrified that Ivy was going to sneak in and steal the baby. Maybe Levi needed to remember what kind of person Ivy really was. Maybe he needed to remember that Ivy ran away from home, got pregnant, then abandoned her baby. She should refresh his memory about the hour spent in the library waiting for a call that Ivy couldn’t be bothered to make or the diapers Ivy refused to change or the baby Ivy chose to ignore.

  If he was so enchanted with Ivy, he should marry her and see how long that lasted. After Ivy ran away with some truck driver, Esther could go to his house and say “I told you so” and “Who’s broken now?”

  That spiteful thought gave Esther no pleasure. She didn’t want Levi to marry Ivy. She didn’t want to tell anyone “I told you so.” She just wanted Ivy to go away, leave Winnie behind, and keep her greedy little hands off Levi, even if Esther was ferociously mad at him. Even if she would never, ever forgive him in a hundred years. Even if he was already in love with Ivy.

  Esther sat down on the bed and pulled soggy Winnie against her chest. Ach. She wished she’d never met Levi. She had been happy enough before he came into her life, but now her pleasant, boring, predictable existence was ruined forever. She was completely miserable, and all because she had finally admitted to herself that she was outrageously, wildly, impossibly in love with Levi Kiem.

  And he didn’t love her. After that miserable conversation under the apricot tree, she realized he probably didn’t even like her. He thought she was mean and petty and, apparently, blind to how broken Ivy was. It had been the same way with her parents. They had always made excuses for her. “Ivy has a weak constitution. We have to take extra gute care of her. Ivy isn’t as sure of herself as you are, Esther. We need to be kind and make allowances for her bad behavior. Ivy just wants to be loved. That’s why she kissed your fiancé.”

  If she hadn’t been so miserable, Esther would have laughed at the unfairness of it all. Ivy was the mean one, the insensitive one. Ivy had tried to steal Esther’s fiancé, left the family, and abandoned her baby, but Esther was the one who got the lecture about being nice to her sister. Levi had taken her sister’s side, admonished Esther for perfectly justified feelings, and made her feel like a horrible person. Was he in love with Ivy? Or just disinterested in Esther? Or both?

  Once and for all, Ivy had spoiled Esther’s hopes of finding love. And if she lost Winnie, Esther would never be happy again.

  With one hand, she spread a blanket on the floor and laid Winnie on it. She took off Winnie’s wet stockings and clothes and changed her diaper, then wiped Winnie down with three baby wipes to remove all traces of sticky lemonade. Winnie tried to wiggle away as Esther dressed her in clean clothes. She handed Winnie a plastic tablespoon she left in her bedroom for times like this when she needed to keep Winnie occupied. While Winnie quietly chewed on the tablespoon, Esther slipped stockings onto her feet. In the stillness, she heard Ivy quietly crying in her room.

  Esther picked up Winnie and kissed her petal-soft cheek. Winnie needed her. She needed Winnie. It was nice to be needed. Esther pressed her lips together and hugged Winnie tighter. She didn’t need Ivy, and she certainly didn’t need Levi. At least, it was easier to tell herself that than to feel all this hurt.

  Esther did her very, very, very best to put Levi from her mind. If he loved Ivy, there was nothing Esther could do about it but make herself miserable. The things that made her miserable would have to be dealt with one at a time. Right now, she only had enough misery to spend on Ivy. Feeling heartbreak over Levi would have to wait.

  Esther heard the back door open and close, and a herd of butterflies came to life in her stomach. Levi had come in the house. Holding her breath, she listened as he placed the lemonade pitcher on the table and walked toward Esther’s bedroom. Did he want to apologize? Did he want to make sure her feelings weren’t hurt?

  He had hurt her feelings, but she’d smile and reassure him that she wasn’t really mad. She’d told him to stick his head in the toilet, so it was quite generous of him to come check on her.

  His footsteps passed the door to her room and went farther down the hall. He knocked on a door, but it wasn’t Esther’s. “Ivy,” he said softly. “Are you okay?”

  Chapter Eleven

  Ivy strolled out of her bedroom and preened like a rooster. “How do I look?”

  Esther’s heart sank. She sort of wished she had sewn Ivy’s new dress out of some drab brown fabric instead of the brilliant royal blue that brought out the intensity of Ivy’s eyes. But Ivy had been very enthusiastic about the blue, and Esther had wanted to make her happy, though why she even wanted to try was a mystery. What could she have done? Besides, even though brown was a dull color, Ivy’s complexion looked as silky as peaches and cream in brown. Unless she put a paper bag over her head and wore a flour sack, Ivy couldn’t help but draw plenty of attention to herself. And a flour sack would also draw attention, in its strangeness. It really didn’t matter what Ivy wore. “You look very pretty,” Esther said. She always tried to speak the truth.

  Ivy let out a little squeak of delight. “I know. It’s the perfect shade, and Levi’s favorite color is blue.”

  “He’s bound to like it, then.”

  Ivy made a little turn in the hall. “I’m glad I finally have my own dresses. I was getting so tired of yours. And they’re too short for me. Levi doesn’t like dresses too short.”

  “He told you that?”

  “Nae, but he’s a faithful, pious Amish man. I’ve known enough of them to have a good idea what they want. I think Levi is already in love with me.”

  Esther was sick of hearing about Ivy’s hopes for a future life with Levi. She was sick of Ivy’s insincerity, sick of Ivy’s ideas about romance, and sick of that smug look Ivy gave her whenever she talked about marrying Levi. Ivy was so satisfied with herself that she had complete confidence Levi would propose to her, and she’d only known him a few weeks.

  “I’ve told you, Ivy. Levi is going to Ohio in October to find a fraa. He’s not interested in you or anyone else in Byler.”

  This didn’t seem to bother Ivy. “He might have told you that story about going to Ohio, but he hasn’t mentioned it to me once. Could it be he isn’t interested in you and wanted to discourage you from falling in love with him? You do sort of act like a lovesick poodle when he’s around. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

  What was it about Esther that made Ivy compare her to a dog? Esther didn’t want to let Ivy’s words affect her, but they did anyway, especially since Levi had told her about going to Ohio the same day he had accused her of being interested in him. He had been trying to discourage her when he mentioned that trip, but he didn’t seem inclined to discourage Ivy. Besides, he’d made his preference very clear on Friday afternoon when he’d come in the house to comfort Ivy instead of Esther. Esther couldn’t have felt worse if the house had fallen down over her head. “Levi and I are just friends, and I’m very grateful to him for teaching me how to tile and grout.” Truer words had never felt so painful. Just friends. She and Levi were just friends. And seriously, she didn’t even know if that was accurate anymore. Levi thought she was mean and insensitive. Maybe he’d never speak to her again.

  Ivy felt she had to make her own way in the world. It had probably been that way for eight years. Esther had underestimated Ivy. If Ivy was good at anything, it was attracting men. She could be demure and simpering, agreeable and alluring. She could make herself into anything a man wanted and seem completely sincere doing it. The worst, most heartbreaking part of all was that Levi seemed to be falling for it. Esther didn’t know if she should warn him or stay out of it. A little voice in the back of her mind scolded her for being jealous. How could she begrudge her sister a small measure of happiness after all she’d been through?

  Ivy talked and talked and talked, as if Esther was as excited as she was about
Levi taking her to her first gathering. Esther couldn’t share in her enthusiasm, though she tried for a pleasant expression.

  “If Levi had any doubts before tonight, they’ll be gone when he sees me in this dress,” Ivy said. “What do you think, Esther? If he wasn’t interested in me, do you think he would have asked me to a gathering?”

  Did Ivy truly want her opinion, or was she just rubbing in the fact that Levi had never taken Esther to a gathering? Esther was trying very hard to think well of her sister, but Ivy had always taken a great deal of pleasure in Esther’s unhappiness. Of course Ivy didn’t want her opinion. Or maybe she did, because for sure and certain his taking Ivy to a gathering meant Levi was interested. But Esther kept her mouth shut. She wouldn’t give Ivy the satisfaction.

  “I wish I could wear my skin-tight jeans and my hoop earrings, but as far as Amish fashion goes, this is the best I can hope for.”

  Ivy didn’t want to be Amish. She might be able to catch an Amish husband, but she wouldn’t be content for long. Ach, the heartache Ivy had caused and the heartache she had yet to cause were terrible. Esther turned her back on Ivy and went into the kitchen, where she’d left Winnie in her high chair eating macaroni and cheese. She drew a sharp breath. Winnie had somehow managed to crawl out of her seat, and she was perched precariously on the tray, her knees and hands thick with smashed macaroni. Esther ran to the high chair and picked up Winnie before she fell and cracked her head open. “Ach, Winnie. What a mess you’ve made.” She held Winnie at arm’s length so Winnie wouldn’t smear macaroni and cheese down the front of Esther’s black bertha. There was nothing to do but give the little mischief maker a bath—and strap Winnie in at the next feeding time.

  Esther called down the hall, “Ivy, I’m going to give Winnie a bath.” She took a deep breath. Would it hurt to be charitable? “Have a gute time.”