“I know.”
“I did my best to hurt you. I wanted to hurt you. It was a terrible thing to do, take Winter away. I guess I was hoping there was a small part of you that wanted me to stay—a small part of you that would love me for Winter’s sake. But you were willing to lose Winnie to be rid of me. It cut right to my heart.”
“I didn’t want to let go of Winnie, but I couldn’t let you treat me like that.” Esther swallowed at the lump in her throat. “And you are Winnie’s mother. I love her, but I have no right to keep her.”
“I love Winnie. I want you to know I love her very much.”
“I know that.”
Ivy’s voice shook with emotion. “I couldn’t let myself love her. I didn’t want it to hurt so much when I gave her up, and I knew I would give her up in the end. I can’t be the kind of mother she needs, even though giving her up is just another sign of my failure as a person. Winter is better off with you.”
“Giving her up is the greatest act of courage and unselfishness I’ve ever seen.”
Ivy snorted. “Yeah, right.”
“You saw how Jordan treated her. She was hungry and cold and unhealthy. Whether you knew it or not, you brought her here because you wanted her to be safe. To have a better life.”
“I brought her here because Jordan was going to dump me.”
“It doesn’t matter. You were desperate and frightened, and you had the good sense to come to me. It was very brave. Even though I was mad at you for weeks, Levi helped me see what a wonderful gute thing you did.”
Ivy’s lips curled upward slightly. “Levi is nice, I guess.”
“And he wasn’t just being nice to you because of the adoption papers.”
She scrunched her lips to one side of her face. “He sure made a mess of it though.”
Esther laughed. “He puts his foot in his mouth often enough.”
“Has he asked you to marry him yet?”
Esther’s heart jumped up and down at the very thought. “Do you . . . do you think he will?”
“For sure and certain. That boy is so in love with you, he can’t see straight.”
Esther giggled. “Either that or he needs glasses.” She tugged Ivy closer to her. “Can we be sisters again, true, loyal, devoted sisters?”
The worry lines around Ivy’s mouth deepened. “I want that very much, but I don’t know how. I’ve lived for myself for so long, I don’t know if I can be another way.”
“It won’t be easy.” Esther grimaced. “And to be honest, I love you, but I can’t live with you.”
Ivy rolled her eyes even as she smiled widely. “At least I know you’re not lying to me.”
“Even in the best relationships, you have to set some rules.”
“Jordan’s stepmom called it ‘setting boundaries,’” Ivy said, with just a tinge of bitterness in her voice. “That’s why she kicked us out.”
“I have a little money set aside,” Esther said. She opted not to tell Ivy about Mamm and Dat’s money just yet. “What if we got you a little house or an apartment close by? You could get a job and earn enough to buy a car.”
“Sounds pretty dull,” Ivy said, but her eyes sparkled as if she was considering the possibilities.
Esther shrugged. “You have to start somewhere. Maybe you’ll figure out what it is you really want to do, something that would make you happy, like my quilting does for me. You could go to school. Maybe you’ll meet a guy, a good guy to date.”
“I’m not dating ever again.”
“Okay then. There is more to life than finding a husband.”
Ivy laughed. “I tried to tell you that years ago.” She pursed her lips. “Would you teach me how to cook? I could maybe even help you with your quilts.”
“Of course. Remember how every year at Christmastime Mamm made chocolate Yule logs to give to neighbors? Christmas is coming up. We could make Yule logs together.”
Ivy’s smile was like a 100-watt light bulb. “I’d like that.”
They hugged each other as if they would never hug each other again. “I love you, Ivy.”
“I love you too, Esther.”
Esther stood up and folded the blanket. “Come in. You can sleep in the spare room for a few weeks until we find you a place to live.”
Ivy jumped to her feet, looking ten years younger than when she had arrived tonight. “I have one more question. What have you got behind your ear?”
Esther put her hand to the side of her head and slid whatever it was from behind her ear. She giggled. It was the red plastic rack that held Scrabble tiles. She must have tucked it behind her ear when she went to answer the door. She’d been completely unaware of even doing it. “You never know when you’re going to want to play Scrabble.”
Chapter Eighteen
Levi jumped from his buggy and ran to the house. The weather had turned cold, and an open-air buggy was no way to get around in the winter. Hopefully, Dat and Mamm would give him a buggy with a roof and a heater for his wedding. Levi’s heart galloped down the road at the thought of a wedding. He’d bided his time long enough. Today was the day.
He pulled the collar of his coat closer around his neck with one hand and clutched the white paper bag tightly with the other. Lord willing, Esther didn’t need anything to soften her up, but jelly-filled donuts certainly couldn’t hurt.
Levi was as jumpy and eager as a racehorse at the starting gate. He’d been patient and long-suffering for weeks. He couldn’t bear to wait any longer. They had found a little house for Ivy, not a ten-minute walk from Esther’s house, and yesterday, Levi and Esther had helped Ivy move in. Not that she needed much help. She had a few clothes and all her earrings, and Esther had given her the twin bed from the spare bedroom. Ivy had also found a job, and today was her first day. It was Winnie’s naptime, and Lord willing, Levi would finally have some time alone with Esther.
He hoped it was enough time to say what he had to say, eat a donut, and do a little kissing before Winnie woke up. Esther would never agree to kissing in front of Winnie. He wanted to kiss Esther so much, his throat ached and his lips were sore. He had to marry her before he keeled over dead.
Levi knocked on the door and let himself in, as was his habit. Maybe it was a bad habit, but Esther didn’t seem to mind, and it made him feel like he was already an important and irreplaceable part of her life. He hoped and prayed that was true, because he could not, would not live without Esther.
As he walked into the house, a pillow sailed past his head, bounced against the door to Winnie’s room, and fell silently to the floor on top of three or four other pillows already lying there. He glanced at the one that had almost hit him. It was the decorative pillow that usually sat on Esther’s sofa. It was embroidered with the words, “As I have loved you, love one another.”
He chuckled. Esther stood in the front room behind her quilt frames poised to throw another pillow in his direction. She lowered her arm and smiled. “Ach. I almost hit you. You should have knocked.”
“I knocked. You didn’t hear me.”
Strands of chestnut hair stuck out from under the bandanna she was wearing, and a long, white ruler was tucked behind her ear. It could have been a weapon to keep anyone from getting too close to her. How did she manage to make something that long stay right there? And how did she manage to look beautiful no matter what was going on with her hair? She released the pillow, and it fell to the floor. “I didn’t hear you because I have to grunt really loud when I throw something this heavy. It feels better if I really put some emotion into it.”
Levi picked up the pillow with the Bible verse on it. “Having a bad day?”
“Maybe I’m redecorating.”
He chuckled. “I guess that’s why they call it a throw pillow.”
She raised her eyebrows. “I never thought of that. I should have been throwing these for the last thirty years.”
He couldn’t keep a very wide smile from his face. She was just so adorable. “So what is all the pillow tossing about?”
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Esther growled and plopped down on the sofa. “Look at this.” She pointed to the quilt on the frames. “Just look at it.”
Levi walked in the front room to get a closer look. “What’s wrong with it?”
“Ach, look at the stitches. I went to pickleball this morning, and while I was gone, Ivy did a whole flower. She wanted to surprise me, and ach, was I surprised. Her stitches are wider than the Colorado River. The customer won’t like that. Now Ivy has made unnecessary holes in my quilt, and she’ll feel bad when I unpick her stitches.”
“Why unpick them? I think it looks fine.”
Esther’s indignation seemed to explode. “No offense to you, but you don’t know a thing about quilting, and I cannot in good conscience charge money for wide stitches. It’s against the quilter’s code.”
“There’s a code?”
She folded her arms. “Well, not really. But it’s not up to my standards. I can’t tell Ivy. She’s trying so hard.”
And she was. Esther had told Levi that Ivy insisted on making dinner every night for Esther and Winnie. She was getting better, but the two times Levi had been there for the evening meal, some things had gotten burned. Others had been undercooked or overseasoned. Still, the transformation in Ivy was quite stunning. It was amazing what could happen when you felt secure in someone’s love.
“Maybe if you set up a sort of throwaway quilt when she comes over and then take it down when she leaves, she can put stitches in it to her heart’s content, and she won’t have to put unnecessary holes in any of the quilts you want to actually sell.”
Esther thought about that for a minute. “That is a wonderful gute idea.”
“Don’t act so surprised.”
Esther grinned. “I am surprised. You don’t usually take a great interest in my quilting.”
“That’s not true. I take great interest in everything about you, Esther Zook.” He saw his chance, a door in the conversation for him to walk through.
Her face turned a darker shade of pink. “You do?”
He cleared his throat. What if she still didn’t want a husband? What if she was determined never to marry any man in general, and him specifically? She had told him right to his face that she would be better off alone, that she was as far from interested in him as she could get. Of course, that was several months ago, but still, when a man was about to propose, he wanted to be sure of the answer. It was time to distract her with sweets. He set the “love one another” pillow on the sofa and opened his white paper bag. “Would you like a donut? Jelly filled?”
Her lips twisted in amusement, probably at his sudden change of subject. “After crunchy rice pudding last night, a donut sounds like the most delicious thing in the world.” She reached into his bag and pulled out a donut. She took a bite and moaned with pleasure. “This is like heaven in my mouth.”
Gute. Now she was thinking happy thoughts. He set his bag on the sofa so his hands would be free to take her in his arms if he found the opportunity. “You know how I went to Ohio to find a fraa?”
She frowned. “Jah. I know.”
“Well, I didn’t.”
“Find a wife?” she said.
“Nae. I didn’t go to Ohio to find a wife. I went because I thought you were so mad at me about the adoption papers that you would never talk to me again. I went because I didn’t want Ivy to take Winnie away from you. I went because the thought of losing you broke my heart.”
She froze with the donut halfway to her lips and studied his face. “It did?”
“Jah.”
“The thought of losing you broke my heart too,” she said softly.
Levi’s heart was already racing like a river. Now it pounded on his ribs like a waterfall. “It did?”
She nodded. “Ivy wanted me to choose between you and Winnie. But I knew my happiness would never be complete or even worth having if I couldn’t be with you.”
“You chose me over Winnie?” His throat ached with sharp longing. How could he be worthy of so much courage and sacrifice?
“I chose letting go over fear. I chose love over force. I chose you and me over a half happiness.”
“Ach, Esther,” he said. “I love you more than I will ever be able to say.”
Her smile was as bright as a thousand sunrises, even with a dab of raspberry jelly smeared on her bottom lip. “Even though I throw apricots and pillows and have an unpredictable sister?”
He chuckled. “Even though.”
“Even though I’m in a quilting group with your mammi and like to test the temperature of my bathwater?”
Levi raised an eyebrow. “Your bathwater? I thought you just did that for Winnie.”
Esther sprouted a funny smile and looked out the window. “Umm, maybe. Maybe that’s what I meant.”
He wanted to kiss that jelly off her bottom lip so badly, he thought he might go crazy. His heart beat a wild rhythm as he stared at her mouth. She stopped breathing and stared at his. He curled his hands around her upper arms and lowered his face to hers.
And got a ruler right in the eyebrow.
Esther gasped and then giggled.
Levi pulled back and rubbed the spot on his eyebrow where Esther’s ruler had gotten him. “Ow.”
“Oh, dear,” she said, pulling the ruler from behind her ear. “I’m sorry. I was measuring stitches and forgot it was even there.”
“Am I bleeding?”
Esther couldn’t stop laughing. “Move your hand,” she said between giggles. Levi dropped his hand to his side. He melted like a Popsicle when she brushed her fingers against his forehead. “There’s a little scratch, but you won’t have a scar.”
“Gute, because I wouldn’t want to tell our children about how I got it.”
Her eyes glistened with hope and promise. “Our children?”
Levi wrapped his arms around Esther and pulled her close. “Will you marry me, my dear, darling quiltmaker? I love you more than you will ever know. I love you so much my bones ache and my head spins. Please say you’ll marry me.”
She caught her breath and looked down at her hand. He’d seized her so ardently, she hadn’t had time to move her donut. There was glaze and raspberry jelly smeared all over the front of her apron and his shirt. “Ach. Hold on, Levi. I will get a towel.”
He didn’t relax his grip. “Can it wait? We’re kind of in the middle of something here.”
Esther’s whole face spoke of happiness. “I was never fond of doing laundry.” She slid her free hand around his neck and held the half-eaten donut between them like a baby. Winnie had often come between them like this. Levi didn’t mind. “I once told you I didn’t want to marry you, but it has come to my attention that I have since changed my mind. I love you, and I am the happiest girl in the whole world.”
Levi couldn’t help the tears that slipped down his cheeks. Esther loved him! He would never want for another thing in his entire life. This is what happiness felt like. He’d never set foot on solid ground again.
He gazed at Esther. She smiled at him.
Free from the threat of the ruler, he moved in for a long-awaited kiss.
The Amish Quiltmaker's Unexpected Baby Page 30
