Heartbreaker

by Melody Grace

  Yes. God, there.

  He strokes softly under the straps of my dress with his free hand, teasing. I make a keening sound, pressing up towards his touch. But Finn doesn’t rush, doesn’t submit for a moment. He just slowly strokes lower, barely skimming his fingertips over my breasts, a whisper of cotton and lace bra protecting me from the true bliss of his touch.

  “Finn,” I groan, needing him with a fierce desire that is brighter, wilder than anything I could even imagine just a few hours ago.

  “Shhh,” he whispers, stroking again, infinitesimally stronger. “Shh, baby girl. You’ll get what you need. I promise you that.”

  I relax with relief, but then Finn pauses, and lifts his head, fixing me with a look that’s so commanding, so fucking in control that I could come right here without another sound. “But first.” He smiles. “First, I’m going to have my fun.”

  His thumb and forefinger close around my nipple, and he gives a sharp pinch. I gasp in surprise, but it quickly turns to a moan as he yanks my dress lower and covers my breast with his mouth, licking over the taut peak in a glorious wet swoop. I fall back, powerless under the giddy pleasure of his mouth, his tongue, his hands.

  My Finn.

  He uncovers me, inch by inch, peeling my dress away and exploring every inch of the bare skin left behind, sucking my nipples into his mouth and stroking a slow burn over the curve of my hip. I stare up, lost in the starlit sky as I feel him claim me, inch by shivering inch. God, it’s even better than I remember, better than it could have been. Those were fumbling hands and illicit, hungry moments, but this is deliberate. Devastating. Each touch designed to push me further to the brink, gasoline on the slow-burn fire, so that by the time he slides down from the hood and stands on solid ground in front of me, I’m spread to him and trembling.

  The cold air slips over me, but every nerve in my body is already alert and on fire. I lift my head, confused, and find him watching. “Finn?” I breathe, needing his hands on me again. God, anything to keep him touching me.

  “Just trying to remember this, sweetheart.” His voice is thick, but there’s sadness there too. “I want to remember every last thing.”

  I catch my breath, the real world rushing back in a heartbeat. He’s leaving again. This will only ever be a memory for the both of us.

  And then what happens?

  I want to pull away, to flee with what’s left of my pride and self control, but those are already long gone as Finn leans closer, parting my thighs. He dips to whisper a trail of kisses up the inside of my knee, and reality fades back, way back, obliterated again by the dazzling rush of sensation. His fingers glide smoothly, I feel the soft scratch of his beard, and there, the nudge of his tongue, slick against me.

  I gasp, rising up to meet him, but Finn places a firm hand on my stomach, trapping me in place. He licks again, softer, exploring, and every stroke is a seismic shift in the universe, the ground giving way beneath me, pulling me deeper into this bliss. His hands grip harder, fingertips delving to trace the same wicked path as his tongue. Yes. I moan again, and he rewards me with another kiss, this one right where I need him the most. He moves his tongue over me as he slides one finger inside me and then, fuck, another. Plunging, pulsing, a staccato rhythm that sends me wild. I writhe against him, desperate for more, and he answers with a fevered pace, perfectly in tune to the havoc he’s wreaking with his wicked, dangerous mouth.

  Faster. Deeper. More. It’s enough to make me call his name out loud, hold on as tight as I can and never let go. But even through the dizzy madness, I know the truth, deep down.

  I can’t fall, not again. Not this time.

  The words are a mantra. I cling to them as he takes me over. The heat surges, my body rises, crests, and breaks under his tongue, pleasure pulsing like a supernova to blot the stars from that midnight sky.

  I let go, give myself over to the rush, but I cling to that thread of steel.

  I can give him my body, but not my heart this time.

  When I surface, I’m almost surprised to find the ground the right way up, and the waves still rolling against the shore below. I lift my head, dazed. Finn smiles down at me.

  “You doing okay there?”

  “Uh huh,” I murmur, stretching experimentally. I have a kink in my neck from the hard steel, but my blood is singing, wild with release. “I think so.”

  “Good.”

  He takes my hand like a gentleman, and helps me down from the hood of the car, tugging my panties straight and smoothing down my dress. “It’s late,” he says, brushing my hair from my forehead. “We should get you home.”

  Oh.

  Home is still the last thing on my mind, but I know he’s right. Every minute with him sends me careening closer to the edge of something I can’t take back. Tonight he had me spread on the hood of his car in what felt like five minutes flat. Who knows what I would do given half a chance – a backseat, a blanket, or, God forbid, a bed?

  I flush, and practically dive back into the car. Finn joins me, and soon, we’re pulling up outside my place. He walks me to the front door, and drops a kiss on my forehead, casual as can be. “I had fun tonight,” he says, like we went to a movie and split a milkshake.

  I nod, feeling too self-conscious to even look at him. “Sure,” I tell him, hurried and fumbling with my keys. “Good night!”

  I bolt inside and slam the door behind me, then pause and listen to his footsteps retreat. The engine starts, his headlights melt away into the dark again.

  I slowly slide to the floor.

  I can’t believe what just happened. All my vows and determination, all my promises to move on and leave the past behind. One look, one touch from him, and that sense was gone for good.

  “You fuck me every night, and I come, and come, but I never get enough.”

  Oh my god. I can’t believe I said that! And worse still, meant every word!

  I shiver, feeling the imprint of his fingertips still branded on my skin. I see him. That passionate frenzy in his gaze, the look of slow domination as he unraveled me, piece by glorious piece. I want him, right here. I want to explore that strong body with the same relentless worship he showed me tonight.

  A knock on the door breaks through my fantasy.

  “Eva?”

  Oh God. It’s Finn. His voice is low – and seductive. I’m frozen in place, on the floor just by the door.

  He taps again softly. He wants to come in.

  My heart beats faster. Fuck, wasn’t this just what I was picturing?

  I slowly get to my feet, and reach for the door handle, but something makes me freeze up inside.

  I can’t.

  I mustn’t.

  With super-human control, I yank my hand back, turn, and race up the stairs. I dive into bed fully-clothed and hide under the covers like a kid again. Except this time, the desire running through me is anything but innocent. I’m hiding from the force of my passion, and all the dirty, dirty things Finn could do to me.

  Scratch that. Would do.

  After a moment, I hear his car engine start, and see the headlights snake away into the dark. I try to ignore my disappointment. I did the right thing.

  But damn, I want him bad.

  Eleven.

  When the man who broke your heart makes you come so hard you see God on the hood of his vintage Mustang, there’s only one thing to do.

  Avoid him like the plague.

  I manage to stay away from Finn for the next few days, practically moving in with Lottie to avoid being all alone in that big, empty house just waiting for the doorbell to ring and for Finn to stroll inside.

  And push me up against the wall… Carry me upstairs… Take me to bed.

  I focus on work and the shelter instead, filling every minute of my day with tasks and boring chores and doing my best to put him out of my mind. To his credit, Finn gives me my space. After a couple of calls I leave unreturned he doesn’t push it, but that’s almost worse. I know him, and I know he doesn’t gi
ve up so easily. If he’s staying away, it’s because he’s got a different plan in mind.

  Or maybe he’s finally seen the light, and realizes that this is only going to end in heartache again, that for all the pleasure we could feel right now, it’s not worth the future pain. Either way, the week drags on with infinite slowness, my mind waging a bitter war. Every moment I spend away could be one I spend kissing him.

  Or more.

  Even Delilah has enough of my obsessive activity. “That’s it!” she declares, when she comes back to work after a viewing appointment to find me reorganizing the filing system. Stacks of paper litter the floor, and I’ve got my new label-maker out, marking everything down to ‘Papers, old, miscellaneous’. “You need to quit this, and get laid.”

  “Dee!” I exclaim, glad that our boss is out for the afternoon and not around to hear.

  “I’m saying this because I love you.” Delilah adds, walking over. She tries to take the label maker from my hand. I hold on tight. “Eva,” she warns me, wrestling it away from me. “This isn’t healthy. Come on, stop this madness before you do yourself a real injury.”

  “I’m fine!” I let go suddenly, and the label maker flies across the room, knocking a framed photo off the ledge.

  “Sure, this is what fine looks like.” Delilah snorts. “Look, I’ve got a gift-card to Babeland I was saving, but clearly you need it more than me. If you refuse to go for the real deal, let’s get you some toys before you explode.”

  I give her a look. “That won’t help. Trust me, I’ve tried.” I add meaningfully. She laughs.

  “Poor baby, all wound up and no place to go.”

  “I do have somewhere to go. That’s the problem.” I set about cleaning up the broken glass picture frame. “I know exactly what’s waiting for me on the other side of town, with his sexy eyes and manly beard, and all those lean muscles…”

  I feel a spritz of cold water and yelp. Delilah has the plant sprayer, and an evil grin on her face. “You need a cold shower,” she points out, laughing.

  I can’t help but giggle too. “I need the whole damn ice bucket challenge!” I put the glass in the trash, then wander back over to her desk. Delilah’s browsing listings and slurping a Diet Coke. I linger, drumming my fingertips. “You understand why I’m doing this, right?” I ask.

  Delilah rolls her eyes affectionately. “Sure I do. You’re turning down the hottest guy in the country because you’re scared of getting hurt.”

  I feel defensive. “You make it sound like it’s no big deal, getting your heart broken like that.”

  Delilah gives a wry smile. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never loved anyone enough to get hurt when it’s over. Usually my relationships end when I sneak out the next day.”

  “That’s not true!” I protest.

  “Sure it is.” Dee doesn’t seem concerned. “And maybe that’s a good thing. If you’re anything to go by, then epic, crazy love isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I mean, no offense, but you loved this guy five years ago, and it’s pretty much kept you from having a real relationship ever since.”

  Her words feel like a sharp slap. Delilah looks up and sees my face. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “No, it’s fine.” I shake my head.

  “Eva—”

  “Really! I get it. I’ll stop organizing, I promise.” I shove the papers to the side and grab my purse. “Okay if I take off early? I want to stop by Lottie’s with some stuff for the party.”

  Delilah’s eyes widen. “The party. Right.”

  I pause. “You do have everything ready for tonight, don’t you?”

  “Sure!” she exclaims. “Everything’s set.”

  “Uh huh.”

  I don’t press, I’m just glad the subject’s moved away from me and my screwed up heart. “See you later,” I tell her, and head out. I stop by the store on the way over and pick up some fresh tulips for Lottie, her favorite. It’s not her birthday until tomorrow, but I know this one is important to her. With mom and dad out of town, I want to make it special. I buy an armful, and fumble my way up the front path, my view completely blocked.

  “Hello?” I call, finding the front door is open. “Lottie?”

  “In here!”

  I navigate my way past the stroller and through to the kitchen, peering over the tulips. “How’s the soon-to-be birthday girl?”

  “Flowers? You shouldn’t have.” It’s not Lottie’s voice, but a very familiar male tone.

  I lower the tulips, resignation crashing over me as I take in the tanned face and long, tousled hair. “Finn.”

  “The one and only.” He’s sitting up on a stool at the kitchen counter with a beer in his hand. Finn arches an eyebrow. “How was your day, sweetheart?”

  I try not to flush at the memory of the last time I saw him, and where that mouth has been. I don’t trust my voice not to fail me now, so I bustle past to run cold water and put the flowers in the sink.

  Lottie comes back into the kitchen, holding Kit. “Look who I ran into!” she says brightly. “I was trying to wrestle the stroller and five million grocery bags when this guy came to my rescue. He’s a regular white knight.”

  “I do my best,” Finn grins at me, infuriating, and I have to look away. Does he realize what he’s doing to me? Just being in the same room as him has set my pulse racing and my body temperature spiking way up.

  I ignore him as best I can, arranging the flowers in a couple of plain glass vases and setting them on the countertop. Finn doesn’t seem concerned; he just sits there, casually drinking his beer. Lottie looks back and forth between us. “Am I missing something?”

  “No,” I answer quickly.

  Finn smiles. “We’re good.”

  “OK.” Lottie narrows her eyes, but luckily Kit starts wriggling and clutching at her chest. She shakes her head, smiling. “This guy needs another feed. He can’t get enough boob.”

  “And that’s my cue to go.” Finn laughs. He gets to his feet, and leans to kiss her on the cheek. “Bye, kiddo.”

  “Thanks again.” Lottie smiles up at him, grateful. “For everything.”

  “Any time.” Finn gives me a smirk from across the room. “See you tonight.”

  “Tonight?” I echo, as he walks out.

  “Huh?” Lottie is already unbuttoning her shirt. “Oh, yeah, he offered to host the party at his place. Isn’t that great?”

  “But what about Delilah?”

  Lottie sighs. “Let’s just say Dee is big on ideas, and short on planning. I think she forgot,” she confides. “You know she’s been busy closing that big deal, the new condo complex. So when Finn offered to arrange everything, it turned out perfectly, don’t you think? He’s got that big old house, just crying out for a party.”

  “Sure,” I echo faintly, just picturing it. A dark night, the romantic mansion, and the two of us, able to slip away from the crowd. “Perfect.”

  I tell Lottie I’ll meet her at the party, and stop by the animal shelter on my way home. To tell the truth, I’m just trying to delay the inevitable, me and Finn in the same room, but I’m always glad to be here. The puppies are looking to play, so I get some treats from the store room and try to teach them some basic obedience commands on the porch steps, rewarding their clumsy ‘sit’ and ‘stay’s with hugs and kibble.

  “You’re spoiling them,” Edith warns when she finds me buried in a puppy pile.

  “But they’re just babies!” One of them, the runt of the litter, pokes his head up under my sweater, making me giggle from the tickling. “They’re learning, too. Watch.”

  I point to a spot on the floor. “Sit,” I order them sternly. “Come on, sit.”

  One puppy rolls with his paws in the air. Another chases his tail around, and my guy, already nuzzling at my stomach, just wags his tail.

  I laugh. “OK, they were learning.”

  Edith sits in the porch chair and idly rocks. “Chester’s doing better,” she says.

  “That�
��s great.”

  “Your vet knows his stuff, I’ll give him that.”

  “He’s not my vet,” I correct her, blushing. Then I pause. “Wait, is he back in town?”

  “Came by yesterday.” Edith looks amused. “Had all kinds of questions for me, too, mainly about you.”

  Now I really feel bad. I’ve barely given Sawyer a second thought; Finn’s been the only one on my mind. “I should give him a call,” I say, guilty, thinking just how awkward that conversation is going to be. ‘Sorry, we can only be friends, because I’m too busy trying to resist my dangerously sexy ex.’ Yup, that’s a great way to get to know someone.

  “That’s right, you’ve been busy. I thought I saw that Finn McKay back in town.”

  Edith’s eyes are sharp. She doesn’t miss a thing.

  “He’s… around,” I say vaguely.

  “Mmmmhmmm.”

  I flush. Edith was here the first time around, when we were only just teenagers. She walked in on Finn and me once, necking in the corner of the shed, but never said a word – not then, or months later, when she found me crying over newborn puppies and old dogs alike, pretending it was just allergies that had me weeping round the clock.

  Now she assesses me with that sharp stare. “Is he back for good, or just passing through?”

  “I don’t know.” I try to sound casual. “Passing through, I think.”

  Edith makes a noise. “He’s got some nerve, after all this time.”

  Even though I’ve thought the very same thing, I find myself feeling oddly defensive. “He’s really made something of himself. Besides, you know what it was like for him. He didn’t have a reason to stay.”