by Aly Martinez
When I lift my head and swipe the tears from under my eyes, I give Leo a weak smile.
"Let’s get out of here." He brushes my hair off my neck, dragging his finger over my skin like he always does. And just like that, Leo does far more than just center me. He anchors me to his soul in a way that solidifies that I’ll never be the same without him.
"I’m okay," I mumble, pretending to be strong, all the while wishing I could crawl into a hole and sleep for a hundred years. I turn to face the rest of the group with Leo securely at my side. "Hi," I say softly, trying to keep my voice from shaking.
Brett’s eyes bounce between me and Leo, curiosity and confusion covering his face.
"Hey, Sarah," Jesse responds with a sweet smile.
"We’re out of here," Brett bites out, giving Caleb a nod but not bothering to acknowledge anyone else.
"Brett, wait. I can leave. You don’t have to," I call out, feeling horrible that, once again, even inadvertently, I’m ruining something for him.
"Don’t do me any favors, " he replies roughly.
"Hey," Leo interrupts, but I quickly silence him with a shake of the head.
"Right. Okay, then. I’m sorry, Jesse," I tell her around the lump in my throat.
For reasons known only to her, Brett’s new wife has always been kind to me. I don’t know her well, and she has more than enough reason to hate me. But even with all the hell I put her through, she spoke on my behalf at my sentencing and has reached out to me several times over the last few years, all of which has been behind Brett’s back.
"Don’t worry about it. Goodnight," she calls over her shoulder with a smile. Her eyes flash to Leo as Brett marches her out of the restaurant.
"Come on, ángel. I’ll take you home." Leo strokes a hand over my back.
"No. I’m okay. Really," I answer with an Oscar-winning smile. On the inside, I’m freaking the fuck out. "I’m just going to go fix my makeup. Come on. Let’s eat."
"You sure?" He eyes me warily.
"Of course," I say sweetly, securing my Golden Globe win as well.
"I already have to pee again anyway," Erica announces, bracing her swollen stomach.
"All right. Girls’ trip to the bathroom two point oh," Emma says, linking her arm through mine.
Not even a half second after the bathroom door closes behind us, I sprint to the big stall and dry heave into the toilet.
"You need to ignore Brett," Emma calls out. "He can be a real asshole sometimes."
"He’s not the asshole," I grumble from behind the closed door.
"No, but it’s more fun to talk shit about him than it is to listen to you puke," Emma states with a laugh.
My hands are sweating, and I lean against the wall as Erica decides to join the conversation.
"I dated this guy in college who used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear like, ‘You’d be really hot if you got a boob job.’ Unfortunately for my apparently small breasts, it didn’t work out. A few months ago, when news broke that I was with Slate, he tracked me down and asked to borrow ten thousand dollars. We all have an asshole ex."
"Brett’s not a bad guy. I’m his version of the guy who asked for money." I walk out of the stall and start washing my hands.
"We still all have them. Everyone gets a turn in life at being the asshole. We’re no exception," she replies, and I stare at her curiously. "Regrets will only hold you down. Own the wrongs and move on." She shrugs. "Come on. Let’s get back out there. If I know Slate and Leo, they are probably arguing about something by now. You going to be okay?"
"Yeah. I think I am. Sorry you had to witness that."
"Sarah, you never have to explain yourself to me. Just keep doing what you’re doing to make Leo happy and I’d be willing to forgive anything." She smiles kindly.
"Thank you," I say, returning her smile. Then I clean my face, apply lip gloss, and head back to Leo—needing to feel his touch more than ever.
"Hey, ángel." He stands from his chair as soon as I walk up.
I fold my arms around his waist and fill my lungs with as much of Leo as I can possibly hold. "I’m sorry about all that. That was—"
"The ex-husband. No biggie. Caleb filled me in."
My eyes immediately flash to Caleb, who gives his head the tiniest shake, letting me know that my secrets are still safe.
"Okay then." I slide into the booth with Leo right behind me.
The rest of the evening is spent laughing. I am quiet at first, but the atmosphere at the table is infectious. Caleb and Slate get along like old friends, and Erica is great too. It’s clear why she and Leo are such good friends. She’s really funny. A brief argument ensues at the table as all the guys fight over the check. Finally, it’s Erica who wins. She sneaks out to go to the bathroom and pays for it behind everyone’s backs.
Wednesday at five p.m.
Leo: I can’t make it tonight.
Me: Well, you suck. ;) Want to do lunch tomorrow?
Leo: I’ll let you know.
Thursday at ten a.m.
Me: Lunch?
Nine p.m.
Me: Hey, where you been today? I’ve missed you!
Eleven p.m.
Me: Okay, I’m starting to worry. Did you fall off the face of the Earth? This isn’t like you to not respond.
Friday at eight a.m.
Me: So, are you speaking to me today?
Friday at noon.
Me: I’m not really sure what to do here. I can’t decide if something is wrong or if you’re trying to brush me off. Care to enlighten me?
Friday at six p.m.
Me: Are you kidding me with this? Together, huh? Now, you’re just going to disappear? What a load of shit.
Friday at eight p.m.
IT’S BEEN three days since I last heard from Leo, and for seventy-two hours, I’ve been a bungee cord of emotions. Finally, tonight, I decide to just get pissed and confront him.
"Where’s Leo?" I snap at Aiden as if he has any control over Leo’s being a dick.
"Shit," he cusses under his breath, stepping out from the guard’s desk. "He’s upstairs. But you shouldn’t go up there," he answers and my heart sinks.
"Is he with someone?" I whisper, my hands beginning to tremble at my sides.
"Oh God no!"
"Then why the hell can’t I go up there?"
"He’s…" he starts but doesn’t finish.
"He’s what?"
"He’s just busy. That’s all," he lies unconvincingly.
"Bullshit," I bite out, pulling my security card from my purse.
"Sarah, don’t. He’s not in good shape right now." He grabs my arm to stop me.
I pointedly look down at his hand, which he promptly releases. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Just… Go home and I’ll get him to call you."
"Aiden, don’t screw around with me here. What the hell is going on?"
He shakes his head and toys with one of the gauges in his ear. "Sarah, I don’t talk about his shit any more than I would talk about yours. Just know that this happens occasionally. Just give him a day or two. He’ll snap out of it. He always does."
"While I appreciate your discretion, I’m going up there regardless of whether you tell me or not. So I’m going to highly encourage you to do both Leo and me favor and give me a heads-up about what the hell I’m going to find up there."
He stares at me for a minute before finally answering. "Damn it, Sarah. He’s dark right now. It happens. I’ve tried to get him to see someone about it, but he won’t listen. He doesn’t do anything but mope around for a few days, so I just try to keep the business going and let him do his thing."
"Dark? Like depressed?" I ask in shock. "Leo?" I question, because we are clearly talking about two different people.
"It’s not as bad as you’re thinking," he answers, and I can’t do anything but tilt my head in confusion.
What weird alternate universe am I in? I suffer from depression and take a little pill every sing
le day to keep it at bay, but Leo? He might be the happiest person I have ever met. He’s always smiling, and even when his jokes are bad, he never stops making them. I am fully aware that depression can affect even the loudest laugh in the room, but I never would have suspected that it was hiding behind those chocolate-brown eyes.
Without another word, I scan my card and head up the stairs. I’m not even willing to wait for the elevator. No one should be completely alone during a dark spell. Using my key, I let myself in. Quietly, I head down the hall, searching for any sign of Leo. When I reach his bedroom, I slowly swing open the door. His blackout curtains are more than doing their job. Not even the moon breaks into the room. But the hall light behind me reveals him sleeping facedown on his bed with a pillow covering his head. I take a deep breath at the sight. I’ve really missed him.
I toe off my shoes and crawl fully dressed into the bed next to him. He doesn’t budge at first, but as I drag the pillow off his head, he lets out a low growl.
"I was worried about you," I whisper, kissing his naked shoulder.
"Sarah?" His voice is jagged and filled with sleep.
"Yeah, it’s me." I lean in and kiss the lips I have been starved for. It may not bring him any comfort, but just that brief second of contact is like a drug to me. It tingles on my mouth and glides through my body, soothing me in its wake.
"I just want to be alone for a while. Can I call you tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Of course, baby. Go back to sleep," I whisper against his cheek while inhaling his scent. Then I simply roll over and pull the blanket over my body.
"Uhhh…" he says questioningly. "Alone?"
"Oh, I’m not leaving," I respond frankly. "You do whatever you need to do. I won’t bother you. But if you decide you want to talk, I’ll be right here."
"Sarah, I can’t argue with you right now. I really need some space."
"Then roll over. It’s a king-sized bed."
"Please," he begs, but the word catches in his throat.
"I know you think being alone is the solution. And I’m not saying it’s not. I’ll leave if you want. But you should know I’m going to be sleeping on the floor just outside the bedroom door. I’ve been where you are. I know it gets easier. I also know easier is an impossible notion for you to even entertain right now. I’m well aware you think wallowing by yourself is the only answer. However, tomorrow morning, I’m making you breakfast. You don’t have to eat it, but I’m making it all the same. I can’t fix the way you feel, not even with my famous bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich, but I can be here while you suffer. You may want me to leave, Leo. But as long as I’m breathing, you will never truly be alone." I almost choke on the words. They might just be the closest thing I have to tell him that could ever adequately portray my feelings. Love wouldn’t even be enough right now.
"Sarah," he starts but never finishes.
"Together. You told me that a while back. So let’s do this."
With a simple nod, he scoots over to the far side of the bed and rolls away from me. It may seem like a dismissal, but it’s a victory in my book.
Saturday…
"HEY, CAN I buy something on your Kindle?" Sarah asks from the other side of the couch.
"Have at it," I answer, uninterested.
"It might be construed as porn."
My eyes snap to hers and I blink twice. Her only response is a shrug.
"Sure," I respond then go back to staring at the ceiling.
"AS YOUR woman, can I ask Johnson to run errands for me?" Sarah asks randomly.
I lift my head from the dining room table and give her a questioning look.
"Just a small one, and it’s not like ‘go fetch me lunch’ or something."
"Then, by all means, go for it," I answer dryly.
Sarah smiles wide and I look away.
"YOU WANT something to eat?" Sarah asks.
"No," I answer shortly.
Sunday…
"I SENT Johnson to buy it for us." Sarah smiles proudly, popping in a DVD. Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.
"What in the fucking hell is that?" I ask with a curled lip.
"Ohhhh, Leo. You are seriously missing out. From the self-proclaimed master of terrible eighties movies, I’m actually disappointed in you right now. This might possibly be the worst eighties movie ever to be made," she laughs.
I stretch a leg down the couch to tangle with hers.
Monday…
"I’M STARVING," I inform Sarah.
"You want me to cook you something?" She puts the Kindle down on the nightstand and rolls to face me.
"Chinese?" I suggest.
"I’ll order delivery. Sesame chicken?"
"That works," I answer absently.
"YOU DIDN’T eat much," Sarah whispers from across the bed. "You want me to get you something else?"
"Nah. That new place wasn’t very good."
"That’s the same place we always order from." She offers me a small smile.
I reach out and grab her hand, entwining our fingers. "Really? It tasted different."
Tuesday…
"YOU’RE OUT of man shampoo," Sarah says, pouring some of the shampoo she keeps at my house into her hand.
"I’ve been too busy to shop," I respond as she reaches up with both hands, scrubbing my hair into a lather.
"It’s okay. Mine smells better anyway."
"WHEN I first met you, I remember thinking how gorgeous your eyelashes were. They are seriously wasted on a man. I’d kill to have them," Sarah says while lying in bed, tracing a finger across my eyebrows.
I don’t even bother responding. I simply snake out an arm and pull her against my chest.
I WAKE up with my cock throbbing and my hips moving of their own volition against Sarah’s ass. I’m desperate to get inside her. She’s still sound asleep, spooned in front of me. Her hair is in a ponytail, but the ends tickle my nose as I greedily breathe her in. Sarah’s beautiful, and that’s not a superficial observation. On every level, both inside and out, she’s…well, it.
Sarah hasn’t left my side in…fuck. I have no idea how long it’s been. The numbers on the calendar have most definitely changed, but if it’s been a week or a day, I couldn’t even venture a guess. All I know is that Sarah was there. Every minute of the day, and especially in the minutes when I needed her the most, which coincidentally were also the minutes when I’ve never wanted her less.
She begins to stir, so I know I must have woken her. She pushes her panty-covered ass back against my erection and we both moan. Desperate to feel her, I roll her to her stomach and drag her panties down her legs. She pulls her shirt over her head as I rise to my knees behind her, looping an arm under her stomach to tilt her ass into the air.
"Still just as beautiful as the first night you did this for me." I push a finger inside her tight pussy only to find her not nearly wet enough to slam inside her the way I’d like to. I guess I haven’t exactly been the sexiest company the last few days. "You know what else I wanted to do that night?" I slide a hand up her back, giving her ponytail a slight tug.
"What?" she gasps.
"Back up." I step off the bed and lead her down until her feet are on the edge. I drop to my knees and roughly seal my mouth over her pussy.
"Ahhh, fuck, Leo," she cusses, pushing harder against my mouth.
I dart my tongue inside her while gripping both her ass cheeks in my palms. I begin the circles I’ve learned Sarah loves so much over her clit, and within seconds, an orgasm quakes through her body. I press a finger inside to find her more than primed for me now. She’s barely coming down as I drag my tongue up and over the puckered flesh of her ass.
"Oh God!" she cries out as I smile to myself. Chills spread over her body as she pulses around my finger, which is still moving inside her.
I position myself behind her and trail kisses up her spine. "We’ll talk about that ‘oh God’ later."
I suddenly stand all the way up and bury myself inside her with one quick thr
ust. She lets out a blessed curse, but nothing escapes my throat. It’s not surprising. I’m not sure anything could pass the huge lump of emotions I’m desperately trying to keep under wraps. I’ve barely even begun pumping inside her when I reach a hand down between her legs. The moment I touch her clit, she comes hard on my cock. I begin a chaotic rhythm, wanting nothing more than to join her, but with every thrust, something else escapes me.
"You didn’t leave." I slam inside her.
"Never," she moans.
"I just wanted to be alone." I fold over her, finding her breast and rolling a nipple between my fingers.
"I just wanted to be with you." She presses her hips against me.
"Promise me you’ll always stay. No matter what," I plead as I speed up my pace inside her.
"There’s nowhere else I’d rather be."
With her words lingering on my heart and conscience, an orgasm builds to an all-time high before tearing through my body.
"Fuck, that was a lot faster than I planned," I pant while trying to catch my breath. "But thankfully, you were faster."
"It’s been a week, and I’m not allowed to get myself off, remember?" She reaches back and scratches the back of my head.
I silently pull out and collapse onto the bed. She follows suit and crashes on top of me, snuggling in tight.
"Mmm. Morning sex is quickly becoming my favorite," she mumbles.
"So I think we should talk about that ‘oh God’ now."
She laughs before nuzzling her face against my beard. "You need to trim that. It’s getting soft. I miss the stubble."
When I chuckle, she stills in my arms. She peeks up with a small smile.
"Welcome back."
They are two simple words, but they hit me harder than thirty-three years of vowels and consonants combined. I have absolutely no way to stop the words before they tumble from my mouth.
I gently cup her face in my hands and bring my lips to hers. "I love you."
