Broken Course

by Aly Martinez

  "Anything." He takes step toward me, but I immediately back away. I can’t let Leo touch me—not until I get some answers.

  "So start talking," I urge.

  "Yeah, so, about five years ago, I was hand-chosen for an undercover position in the DEA. The dark complexion and Spanish really came in handy. For ten months, I worked as the right-hand man to one of the biggest drug dealers in Miami. One night, everything got shot to shit. Literally. My boss flipped on his family and merged with another crime family—one that did not trust me. I didn’t know Erica before that night. She was just an innocent witness in all of it. They kidnapped her and I was tasked to kill her."

  "Holy shit," I cuss. Leo is either telling the truth or he’s a hardcore pathological liar. This isn’t your everyday type of drama. However, the anguish on his face makes it easy to believe him.

  "I never would have let that happen to her," he rushes out to clarify. "Under new leadership, my weapon was taken from me. I knew if I didn’t play along, they would kill me—and ultimately Erica too if I wasn’t there to protect her. When it was my turn"—he pauses and nods, not willing to say the words—"I convinced them that she might fight back, so they momentarily returned my gun. I ended up killing three men and wounding another to get the two of us out of there."

  "Oh my God!" I throw my hands over my face as my heart dips in my chest.

  "Sarah, listen to me. I don’t feel a single ounce of remorse for killing them. They were bad fucking men. They deserved far worse than just death. There are a lot of things I have done wrong, but that is not one of them."

  I take in a deep breath and try to picture Leo as a cop, defending an innocent woman. And as a vision of him swooping in and saving the day flashes behind my eyes, I begin to relax. It’s easy to imagine Leo doing that. Truth be told, Leo always makes things right.

  "Leo, that’s a far cry from ‘allowing Erica to be raped.’"

  "I was there. I could have stopped it. End of story."

  I nod knowing there is no talking him out of feeling that way. It would be wrong of me to even try. Telling people that they shouldn’t feel guilty about something is useless. It’s showing them that they aren’t defined by those actions that usually gets them to come around. At least that’s the way it worked for me.

  "So you heard me speak that day. It triggered something for you. Then what?"

  "Erica and Slate dragged me to a doctor. They tried to put me on anti-depressants, but I refused and agreed to start seeing someone several times a week and going to group therapy with Johnson."

  "Were you seeking me out after that?"

  "Absolutely not. It was pure coincidence when we ran into each other. I didn’t recognize you until you started talking and I heard your accent. You looked a lot different a few months back."

  "So once you did recognize me…is that why you asked me out?"

  "I want to say no. I’ve told everyone else no, but if you want total honesty, I’m not sure." He lets out a loud sigh and runs a hand through his hair.

  "Great. I never thought my mental history would be an alluring quality for a man, so you’ll have to forgive me for trying to figure out how the hell this isn’t just another sick obsession for you." I quickly clarify with, "Your words. Not mine."

  "Please, God, tell me you don’t believe that. Have I ever once made you feel that way? This is not an obsession. Well, maybe it is, but really isn’t that all love ever is?" He takes a step forward, and I once again retreat.

  "Leo, we shouldn’t be together," I rush out even though my mind is screaming otherwise.

  "Why the hell not? We were fucking perfect together. Nothing has changed."

  Suddenly, my pulse begins to quicken and I have an overwhelming urge to spew everything I’ve wanted to tell him since day one. However, I do it selfishly because I know deep down he’ll make it all right. Leo makes everything right—even something as fucked up as me.

  "Because I’m shit for a person!" I scream manically then start pacing. "I’m the worst fucking kind, because I actually think I’m reformed. I hurt people, Leo. I ruined lives."

  "Who, Sarah? Whose life did you ruin? Because from where I’m standing, everyone made it out of that tragedy okay. I get that you didn’t make it out unscathed. You have issues besides loss and guilt, but damn it, Sarah, you’re not crazy! You struggled and then you overcame. Focus on the right fucking part of this scenario. You didn’t kill anyone—and that includes yourself." He pauses. "God damn it. You saved me!" he roars.

  "I tried to shoot my husband." I quickly inform him because he obviously doesn’t have all the facts. "Is that the kind of woman you want to be with? Is that the person you fell in love with?"

  "No, you didn’t try to shoot him. Don’t pull that bullshit. But yes, the woman who struggled and got better is absolutely the woman I fell in love with."

  "I did. I pulled the trigger."

  "Oh for fuck’s sake. Sarah, the only person who believes that you were trying to kill Brett is you."

  "Leo, you deserve better than me."

  "I’m sorry. Did you hear what I just said about myself?" he asks, popping an eyebrow.

  "I don’t care about your past," I whisper.

  "Then why do I have to care about yours?"

  "I don’t know," I respond, defeated, as his words begin to sink in. "I know it’s been years, but I still just feel like a mental case in a sea of sane people."

  "Sarah, we’re both crazy. That’s the best fucking part about this relationship. Together, we’re just normal."

  "We can’t do this, Leo. It’s a recipe for disaster." I begin to pace again.

  "I need you to shut down for a minute."

  "What?" I ask.

  "Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Hell, maybe even let me hold you. But stop spinning this into something it’s not." He once again steps forward.

  This time, I stay still. "I don’t know how," I whimper.

  "Then let me show you." He takes two giant steps forward, pulling me into his arms. "We’re going to be okay. I refuse to accept it any other way," he tells my hair before kissing the top of my head.

  I try to step away, needing the space to clear my head—or, in actuality, to clutter it back up with the shit Leo just cleared—only he squeezes me tighter.

  "Nope. I’m still hugging," he says and I hide my smile in his chest.

  Leo stands in the middle of my apartment, surrounded by my entire collection of dishes broken on the floor, and simply holds me. This time, he doesn’t whisper encouraging words in my ear like he has in the past, but I don’t need to hear them. I just need to feel him. Finally, after a few minutes, he scrubs his stubble across my cheek, and I sigh and give him a soft laugh.

  He leans away to look down at me, uttering the familiar words that started this all. "Welcome back."

  Taking a play from Leo’s flashback playbook, I cup both sides of his face and brush my lips across his. "I love you, too."

  He smiles and presses another kiss to my mouth. "I know we have a lot to talk about, and I’ll answer any question you want to ask, but can we at least just agree to do it together? No more running."

  "Okay."

  "I’m keeping you, and I hate to say it, but you’re stuck with me. So don’t make me chase you again, or next time, I’m going to take you over my knee." He kisses me again and my eyes grow wide.

  "No, the fuck you won’t," I snap, and his smile grows to epic proportions.

  "Oh, yeah. I read that shit you bought on my Kindle."

  "Oh my God. You did not read that." I begin to laugh.

  "Only a small part. But I got a few ideas." He winks and all of the drama fades into the background.

  Even the hard stuff.

  So. Fucking. Easy.

  "YOU SHOULD call in sick to work tomorrow." I try to persuade as I lead her down the hall and into her bedroom.

  "Ah, well. Funny you should mention that. I got fired," she replies sheepishly.

  "Why? What did the
Wicked Witch do?" I release her only long enough to undress down to my boxers and crawl into her bed.

  She follows behind me and settles into my side. "I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been to work in a week."

  "What?" I ask, surprised.

  "Yeah. I called out on Monday and Tuesday. Then…"

  "Shit," I cuss when I remember that she was parked next to me those days. "I’m sorry."

  "Don’t be. Even if we weren’t here together right now, I’d still be happy that I was there for you."

  "Sarah, I don’t deserve you," I say, kissing her mouth.

  She replies with a laugh. "Not many people do."

  "I’m serious." I kiss her again, a little more deeply.

  "I didn’t get fired for calling out. I got fired because, after everything went down with us, I crawled into bed and shut down the world. I didn’t go in or even let them know that I wouldn’t be there on Wednesday and Thursday either. So yeah, now I’m back to being unemployed."

  "Come work for me," I rush out.

  "Um, no," she says simply.

  "Come on. I’ve taken on some new clients and I don’t have enough men for the positions. I’m going to have to fill in until I can hire some. I’m barely keeping my head above water in the office as it is, and now that I’ll be in the field all the time…well, it’s going to be a mess. I need some help."

  "Maybe it will be easier to understand if I say it in Spanish. No." She begins laughing.

  "You can start on Monday." I ignore her joke, causing her to laugh louder.

  "Leo, there is no way I’m working for you. We’d kill each other. We just got back together not even ten minutes ago. You think we could work—"

  "Whoa!" I interrupt her. "We did not just get back together. We never even broke up."

  "See. Right there. I’m not working for a delusional man." She rolls over on top of me, straddling my hips. Bending down, she begins kissing up my neck.

  I tease her nipple through her tank top. "Get naked. We can talk while I’m inside you."

  "I don’t want to talk anymore," she whispers, and I drop my hand.

  "Sarah. We need to talk. I don’t want to just brush the last week under the rug."

  "I know. I don’t either, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to be a quick conversation. I’m exhausted. Maybe we can set aside some time to talk each week as things come up. I know I have some questions for you now, but I swear, by tomorrow, I’ll have a ton more. I just want to make love then go to sleep—for like a week."

  "Promise me. We set a specific day and time to figure this shit out."

  "I promise," she assures me, sealing it with a kiss.

  "Okay. But I just feel like going to sleep. I have a grueling day ahead of me tomorrow. I have to try to find someone to help me out in the office. That is unless you happen to know someone who’s looking for a job?"

  "I’m not working for you." She pulls her shirt off and I fold my arms behind my head to get a better view.

  "Then sorry, ángel. It’s a work night." I smirk.

  "That’s too bad." She slides a hand down into her tiny sleep shorts, holding my gaze the entire time.

  "You get yourself off, I’m gonna be really upset," I growl as I stiffen between us.

  "Then stop trying to blackmail me into working for you." She pulls one of my arms out from under my head and places it on her breast. Just to prove my point, I let it fall back down to the bed. She groans. "Okay, you want to play it that way…fine."

  When I see the sparkle of a challenge in her eyes, I know I’ve lost, but I have a feeling I’m never going to enjoy losing more.

  She rises from the bed and drags down her shorts and panties before tugging my boxers down my legs. Immediately resuming her position on top of me, she begins kissing up my neck. She alternates between playing with herself and grinding her wet pussy against my painfully hard cock.

  "Fuck," I cuss as she slides over me, never pushing it inside. "Just take the damn job, Sarah."

  "No," she moans, rolling her nipple between her fingers. "You know, technically, Leo, if I keep this up, I’m going to be coming on your cock. So you can’t be upset. I’ll be a little disappointed that I won’t be able to feel you inside me though. You’re so long. I always come so much harder when you fuck me deep."

  I bite my lip and fist the back of my hair to keep my hand from joining her. Sarah’s always been a beast in the bedroom, but she’s not usually a talker. It’s killing me because I want to hear that voice screaming my name.

  "Take the job," I growl again.

  "No," she whispers with a sexy grin.

  It hits me that I’m handling this all wrong. I quickly sit up and push her to the bed beside me. Covering her breast with my mouth, I suck hard. As I settle between her legs, she lets out a giggle, thinking she’s won. I reach between us and grab my cock so it strokes across her clit as I roll my hips against her.

  She throws her head back. "Shit, Leo. Please."

  "Take the job," I repeat.

  Her eyes pop open and just as quickly narrow. "I hate you," she murmurs.

  "I love you, too. Now come work for me. I need the help. This isn’t charity. It’s just a job."

  "No," she whines in frustration.

  I continue to rub the head of my cock over her opening and she arches off the bed at the contact.

  "Damn it. Fine. I’ll work for you temporarily while I look for a new job. Then I’ll help you find someone else before I leave. Okay?"

  "Okay, ángel."

  "Now, please just fuck me."

  "My pleasure." I slam inside her and we both cry out. "Just so you know I pay shit, but the position does come with daily sexual harassment."

  She lets out a soft laugh that quickly becomes a moan as I begin to move inside her.

  "MONDAYS," SARAH announces just I begin to doze off behind her.

  "Huh?" I mumble.

  "Let’s talk on Mondays. That way we can enjoy the entire weekend before dealing with all the shit that I’m sure will come from our chats."

  "Sarah, why the hell are we only talking once a week? Shouldn’t we be talking every day?"

  "I don’t work like that, Leo. If you lay too much on me at once or expect me to put my stuff out, I’ll get lost in the words. It’s not that I can't deal with the stress. I’m just not the most optimistic person these days. You present me with a problem and I immediately jump to the impossible before even trying to rationalize it out."

  "Your gears begin to spin in all the wrong directions."

  "Yes!" she exclaims, rolling to face me.

  "Johnson told me that as I was leaving to come over here."

  At the mere mention of his name, her face goes pale. "Oh my God." Her chin begins to quiver. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. I outed him. I thought—"

  "I’ve known for a while, Sarah. You didn’t out him."

  "Oh Jesus. I’m going to throw up," she announces, bolting from the bed.

  "Stop." I pull her back down, but as she threatens to make good on her promise to puke, I decide maybe helping her to the bathroom is a safer option.

  "I can’t believe I said that!" she shouts at her reflection in the mirror.

  "Why are you puking all the time?" I tease, sitting down on the side of her bathtub.

  "Oh God, why did I tell you that? I am such a fucking bitch."

  "You really are," I say with a laugh, and she glares at me in the mirror. "I’m kidding! You were pissed. We all say stupid shit when we’re mad. Just apologize. He’s a big boy. He’ll get over it."

  "Leo, you don’t understand. That is not a line you cross. Even if you’re pissed."

  "Well, it happened. Now, all you can do is try to right the wrong."

  "That sounds like some seriously hypocritical advice." She crosses her arms over her naked chest.

  Reaching up, I snag her elbow and pull her down to sit on my lap, teetering her off balance so she has no choice but to hold my shoulder to stay upright.

  "See,
now that was a bitchy comment."

  Her shoulders fall. "I’m sorry. I just—"

  "Feel guilty. I got that. But stop being defensive. I’m not here to judge you and I sure as hell don’t expect you to judge me either."

  "I’m really sorry." Tears begin to well in her eyes.

  "It’s okay, ángel. It’s been an emotional night. But don’t let it happen again. Next time, I won’t be so forgiving." I sit her back upright and she curls into my chest.

  "We’re a mess, Leo."

  "I can handle a mess," I say matter-of-factly, rising to my feet with Sarah securely in my arms.

  "Are you sure? Because I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to go now."

  I set her down on the bed. "I just spent the entire night fighting to get you back. I’m not going anywhere. We might be a mess, but you’re my mess, Sarah."

  "I don’t think you really understand what you’re getting into."

  "I don’t think you really understand that I’m not getting into anything. I’m already in so deep there isn’t a chance in hell that I could ever turn back." I relax on the bed and sling out an arm, nodding for her to crawl into my side. She quickly obeys. "Besides, I’ve known from the beginning what I was getting into. It’s you who just got all of this sprung on you tonight." I look down to find her staring up at me.

  "I meant it earlier when I said I don’t care about your past, Leo. I have questions, but none of them are whether I should be with you. I just want to learn more about who you are so I can better understand what goes on in your head."

  "So the only thing you question is why I should be with you?"

  "Um, pretty much." She gives me a tentative smile.

  "Well, how about this? I’ll make all the decisions for Leo, and you make all the decisions for… Hmm, just let me make the decisions," I tease.

  She slaps my chest. "I love you," she breathes on a content sigh.

  "I love you too. But I want Thursdays."

  "Huh?"

  "I want to talk on Thursdays, so in case things get rough, we can spend the weekend together making it smooth again."