by Aly Martinez
"Shit. You’re right. I know. I’ll do better." He sighs, running a rough hand through his hair.
"I have no doubt that you will." I pat his chest. "Oh, and stop cussing." I stand on my tiptoes and give him a brief kiss before heading back into the conference room.
I move around the table and sit down in the chair next to the frightened girl. Jesus, Leo isn’t wrong. She looks just like him.
"So how old are you, Liv?" I ask, propping my purse on the table between us.
"Five," she answers, looking down at her lap.
"Wow. I thought you were at least twenty," I say seriously, and her eyes pop to mine—a small smile twitching at the corner of her mouth.
"Are you his wife?" she asks quietly.
"Not yet. We’re engaged though. So I’ll be his wife soon."
"Oh. Okay." She looks back down at her lap.
"What’s your middle name, Liv?" I try to keep her talking.
"Kaitlin," she responds but gives me nothing else.
"Really? Mine’s Kate. That’s kinda close."
She once again looks up at me, but her expression is timid.
"Let’s see what else we have in common. What’s your favorite color?"
"Purple."
"Mine’s baby blue," I respond, and I can see her trying to hide a smile.
"That’s a boy color." A full-blown smile creeps across her face and it renders me speechless. Definitely Leo’s child. Unexpected emotions begin to manifest in my chest as tears leak from my eyes.
"No, it’s not," I laugh and begin digging through my purse to keep her from seeing my eyes.
"Yes, it is." She lets out a small giggle before going quiet again.
"Hey, you like makeup?" I ask when I run across my compact at the bottom of my purse. I look up to catch her nodding quickly. It’s so freaking cute that it makes me laugh. "Okay, then. How about I give you a little makeover? Don’t tell your dad I’m letting you wear makeup though. Just a little secret between us girls, okay?"
"Okay," she whispers, and it seems whatever headway I made with the makeup has been quickly erased at the mere mention of Leo.
For the next few minutes, she sits while I apply a very thin layer of makeup. Most of the time, I just use the brush without any color on it, but she doesn’t need to know that. Finally, I let her pick between my three lip glosses, and of course she choses the bright red that is sure to earn us a few looks as we walk out of here. As a show of solidarity, I apply some too even thought it completely clashes with my pink top.
Just as we are finishing up, Leo comes walking back in carrying a plastic bag. I give him a questioning look and he only shrugs before aiming his attention back on Liv.
"Wow. Um. You look beautiful," he tells her, barely containing his laugh.
She quickly looks away, embarrassed by his compliment.
"So, you ladies will never believe where I’ve been. Did you know that there is a machine filled with candy here?" he says exaggeratedly, and my heart melts as her head snaps up to his. "You have to use quarters, but luckily, I met a nice lady who made change for me." He tosses me a wink.
I let out a relived breath. Yeah, he packed it down all right.
"Well, I decided I should bring you some candy to try to get us off on the right foot. I mean. Everyone loves candy, right?"
Liv excitedly nods.
"Then it occurred to me that I don’t know you so well. I had no idea which kind of candy would be your favorite." He leans over the table, puts his hand up, blocking his mouth from my view, and whispers, "So I got them all." Then he flips the bag over, dumping at least twenty candy bars onto the table.
I let out a loud laugh as her eyes go wide at the sugar coma waiting to happen before her.
"Liv, I’m sorry I was so weird earlier. I was just a little nervous. My name is Leo James and I’m your dad. I know I haven’t been around much, but I’m here from now on. Forever. Okay?" He leans forward to catch her eye.
"Okay." She answers, reaching for the candy.
"Oh, and there are some crackers in there too just in case you don’t have a sweet tooth." He reaches out and snags his own chocolate bar off the table.
"All right, you two. How about, before we dig into this mountain of candy, we grab some lunch. Everything settled?" I ask Leo.
"Yep." He barely tears his gaze away from Liv long enough to answer me.
As I gather my purse and makeup, from the corner of my eye, I see Leo sneakily slide a candy bar across to her before packing the rest back in the bag. She even giggles as she tucks it inside the backpack that’s beside her on the floor.
Just as we get to the door, Liv quickly moves to my side farthest from Leo and grabs my hand. She gives me a wary glance that makes my heart drop. I squeeze her hand reassuringly and her small body seems to relax. Leo watches our interaction and kisses my temple with gratitude. Although I’m not sure why he’s thanking me. I’m loving every second of this.
"THEY’RE ALL dirty," Sarah whispers as we get back to the hotel.
"What do you mean dirty?" I ask for clarification as my head starts to pound.
"Calm down." She pushes me into the bathroom and eases the door behind us.
Lunch was fantastic and entirely too short. I guess Liv hasn’t been sleeping very much recently. I have no idea if five-year-olds still take naps, but it was clear that she was in need of one as her eyelids drooped while we sat at the kid-friendly restaurant Sarah had picked out. As soon as we got back to the hotel, Sarah put on some cartoons, and within minutes, Liv was out.
Sarah started going through the two small bags that consisted of all of Liv’s belongings. The social worker had warned me that the Avilas sent very little with Liv when they’d dropped her off. I hadn’t exactly expected to need a moving van for a five-year-old or anything, but with the exception of one doll and two books, there wasn’t even a toy in sight. Her entire life didn’t even amount to a full suitcase.
Among those belongings wasn’t a single picture of her mother. I have a few pictures of Amy from years ago tucked away somewhere, I’m sure, but I’d be hard-pressed to find them. Thankfully, after an uncomfortable phone call to Max, he agreed to e-mail me everything he still had. He didn’t say much during our brief conversation, but before he hung up, he left his parting words.
"Things had gotten really bad, Leo. I’m just glad she’s with you now."
And as Sarah stands in front of me telling me how half of her clothes won’t fit and the other half are tattered or stained, I can’t help but agree with him.
"What the fuck!" I boom and it echoes in the small bathroom.
"Hush," she urges. "You’re going to wake her up."
"Do you have any idea how much fucking money I’ve been sending Amy?"
She shakes her head.
"I’ve sent her at least four thousand dollars a month in child support for the last year. The minute I got my first big contract after starting Guardian, I sent her a lump some of twenty grand to make up for everything I didn’t send while I was in the program. For fuck’s sake, I didn’t even pay Johnson that first month because I sent it all to her."
"Jesus," she mumbles.
"And now my child doesn’t even have clothes that fit? I’ll admit that I’m a piece of shit for not visiting her, but I at least went out of my way to make sure she would never be without the way Amy and I were growing up. Goddamn it!" I roar. "She couldn’t even buy her clothes? Where the fuck did all that money go?" I run a rough hand through my hair.
"I’m going to guess drugs," Sarah whispers, wrapping her arms around my waist.
"Awesome. Now I get to live with the guilt that I killed her."
"I’ve listened to you spout a lot of crap, Leo. But please tell me that you don’t believe that."
"No. I don’t. But Christ, it pisses me off." I blow out a breath and look down at Sarah. "So what do we do?" I ask, managing to get myself back under control.
"We go shopping and buy her a few outfits to
travel in. She’ll love it. Then, when we get home, we start from scratch." She tosses me an encouraging smile.
I have no idea how the hell I would have handled any of this without her.
"I love you. So fucking much." I kiss her deeply, trying to return to her even an ounce of the way she makes me feel. But the most amazing thing happens—Sarah’s lips somehow give me more.
"Come on. Let’s go take a nap too. I’m exhausted." She opens the bathroom door and the sound of Liv crying meets our ears at the exact same moment.
We rush around the corner to find her sitting up on the bed with her knees pulled to her chest. Tears are rolling down her face.
"Liv?" Sarah says gently, walking over to the bed and sitting beside her.
Liv quickly scrambles onto her lap. I have no idea what to do, so I stand at the foot of the bed and watch Sarah comfort her.
"You okay?" She smooths down the back of her hair as Liv begins to calm in her arms.
"I thought maybe you left," Liv finally squeaks out.
It rips the remaining shards of my heart in half.
"No, we’re not going anywhere, baby," Sarah reassures her as I let out a Spanish curse in frustration that this child would even have to worry about that.
Liv’s eyes immediately snap to mine.
"Sorry," I respond for my outburst and offer her a smile.
"That’s a bad word," she informs me while wiping the tears from her eyes and moving off Sarah’s lap.
"Hablas español?" (You speak Spanish?) I ask in shock, although I’m not sure why. It should have been more surprising that she speaks English. Amy’s parents were from Mexico and she spoke almost exclusively Spanish at home.
"Sí," she answers, giving me a small smile I can’t help but return.
"Bien. Ahora ella no entendera cuando nosotros le hacemos una broma." (Good. Now she won’t be able to understand us when we play tricks on her.) I tilt my head to Sarah and Liv begins to giggle.
"No le hagas bromas feas, pues ella es muy buena." (Not mean tricks. She’s nice.)
"Sí, ella lo es." (Yeah, she is.) I respond with a wink.
"Oh no. I think I’m in trouble now," Sarah exaggerates, making Liv laugh even louder. "Looks like I’m going to have to learn Spanish pretty soon."
"I can teach you," Liv volunteers.
"Really? That would be great. But let’s stick to English until I get the hang of it." She reaches out and brushes the hair off Liv’s neck in the most familiar way. "Hey, so I was thinking maybe we could go shopping. Have a little fun before our plane ride home tomorrow. Maybe I can pick out an outfit for you, and you can pick out one for me. What do you think?"
"Is Leo coming?" she asks.
"Of course. Oh, let’s pick out an outfit for him too!" Sarah responds excitedly.
I let out a playful groan, causing them both to laugh. I swear it’s the sweetest harmony I’ve ever heard in my entire existence.
"I CAN’T afford to keep her," I mumble to Sarah as we walk back into the hotel.
What started out as a quick trip to grab the essentials quickly turned into a full-fledged shopping spree. I had to stop and buy more luggage just to be able to get it all home. My credit card is not just smoking. It’s on fire from the amount of times it was swiped today.
"Well, you could have said no," Sarah responds with laughter in her eyes.
"Jesus. And I thought I had my hands full telling you no. Together, as a team, there will be no way to stop you. I’m going to need a second job."
We walk into the bedroom and find Liv trying to open the box on her new iPad.
"Hey, how are you doing?" Sarah asks quietly as we watch her.
"I think I’m okay. I know it will be different when we get home, but I really think it’s going to be good. For all of us." I finish by kissing her on the forehead.
"Leo," Liv calls. "Can you help me?"
"Absolutely." I smile and head her direction.
NOT EVEN forty-eight hours after we landed in Texas, we leave as a family of three. Liv has definitely warmed up to me, and several times, I’ve caught her watching Leo out of the corner of her eye too. She’s a little more hesitant with him though. As far as Leo and I can figure, she hasn’t had a strong male presence in her life. We aren’t exactly sure what kind of a life she has had at all, but at first glance, she doesn’t seem to be overly affected by her mother’s drug use.
As soon as her iPad was out of the box, Leo spent even more money on games. When he handed it to her, we were both shocked to see that she could already read. She informed us that she spent a lot of time with the elderly woman who lived next door when her mom would go out at night or sleep too long the next day. This time, Leo at least had the good sense to go out into the hallway before exploding into profanities. Although the door didn’t muffle his voice nearly enough.
While waiting for our flight, Emma’s name flashes on the screen of my phone as it begins to ring.
"Hello," I answer.
"Y’all on your way home yet?"
"We’re at the airport." I stand to walk out of hearing range, but Liv jumps to her feet to follow me.
"How is she?"
"Amazing…and adjusting." I reach down and run my fingers through her hair. I glance up to find Leo watching us intently from his chair.
"So, I was thinking. You know Jesse is a grief counselor, right? Well, I happen to know for a fact that she’s done a good bit of work with kids over the last year. I was thinking about maybe seeing if she’d be willing to come out and talk to Liv and help you guys get her settled in."
"Emma, no. That’s weird. I appreciate it, but I don’t want to bother them."
"It’s no bother. I can’t confirm this, but she might have reached out to me when she heard about Liv and your situation. She also might have begged me not to tell you she really wants to help."
"Wow. Remind me never to tell you something in confidence again," I deadpan.
I glance down at Liv, who has completely abandoned her iPad and is clinging to my leg. Emma’s not wrong. We could really use the help. Last night, Liv woke up crying no fewer than five times. Each time, she’d settle back into my arms and drift off muttering words in Spanish.
"Let me talk to Leo," I answer before hanging up and moving back to my chair, Liv tight at my side.
"Who was that?" Leo asks from behind his book.
"Emma." I reach out and pull Liv into my lap when I realize she has zero intention of sitting anywhere else. "Listen, she had an idea. Jesse Sharp is a grief counselor and she has offered to come over and help us all get settled in." I silently tilt my head to Liv.
"Oh, that would be fantastic." Leo blows out a loud breath. Apparently, he’s a little more nervous than I thought.
"You don’t think it will be awkward?" I move Liv to the chair beside me and pass her one of the new books Leo bought her at the airport gift shop.
"Sarah, I don’t give a damn… I mean, I don’t care if it’s awkward. It’s Friday, so it’s not like we’re going to be able to find anyone else until next week. Last night killed me. I can’t go through that again. I’d love to get some advice from a professional about how to handle stuff like that." He grabs my hand and brings it to his lips. "Now, is it going to upset you to see Jesse?" he asks as concern fills his eyes.
"I love you. So even if it did upset me, I can deal with it if it will help both of you feel better." I bring his hand to my mouth to return his kiss.
He sucks in a breath and closes his eyes reverently.
"We’re going to be okay, Leo. We can do this together," I whisper.
Liv interrupts our tiny moment in the middle of a busy airport. "Sarah, I need to go to the bathroom."
"Well, then lead the way." I give Leo a quick kiss and wrap her small hand in mine.
"THIS IS your house?" Liv asks as we ride the elevator up to our apartment.
"No. This is our house," Leo answers her with a smile that makes her shyly look away.
"Can w
e ride the elevator as much as we want?" She tugs on my hand as the doors open.
"Of course." Leo answers. "I’ll have to take you to the roof later. You can see half the city from up there." He reaches down and strokes her hair.
"Really?"
"Yep. Now, come on. Let’s put these bags down in your room before they break my back." She begins to giggle as he squats low to the ground, exaggerating how heavy her small backpack is.
As we walk into the apartment, Johnson greets us at the door.
"How was your trip?" he asks.
Liv only takes one eyeful of the whole scary package that is Aiden Johnson before hiding behind me.
"Liv, this is my best friend, Johnson," Leo says, introducing her. "He’s just ugly, but don’t let him scare you. He’s a nice guy."
"Hey, Liv," Johnson replies, peeking around behind me to catch a glimpse.
"Hi," she shyly tells my back.
Johnson lets out a chuckle. "Okay, well, I’ll let you guys get settled in. I’ll be in the office if you need anything. I took the liberty of tidying up the guest room for her. I put a few of Sarah’s boxes in the storage closet downstairs."
"Thanks, man," Leo answers, giving him a quick handshake before addressing Liv. "You want to see your room?"
She peeks up at him and nods quickly.
"Okay, well, it’s not much right now, but you and Sarah can decorate it however you would like."
When Leo pushes the door open, the three of us let out a gasp in unison.
"Oh my God," I exhale as I take in the sight in front of me.
Gone is the simple, conservatively decorated guest room, and in its place is every little girl’s fantasy palace. The walls have all been painted a pale purple with butterflies stenciled randomly across them. A collection of feather boas hangs in the corner and a large, white, antique dresser supports a jewelry box and colorful butterfly lamp. The bed has been covered with a princess comforter and matching sheets, complete with a toy tiara resting on the pillow.
