Harvest of Hearts

by Laura Hilton

  You’re too proud. The condemning words whispered into her thoughts again, sounding exactly like Daed.

  Shanna dipped her head. As much as she liked Matthew, she had to explore her own options, and let him explore his.

  “Shanna?” Nate was beginning to sound impatient. “I’ll pick you up in an hour.”

  “Wait—”

  But he’d already hung up. She tried calling him back, but she was directed straight to his voice mail. She didn’t leave a message.

  It didn’t matter. Shanna straightened her spine. She’d go out with Nate and give him the opportunity to explain what had happened the other night.

  If he would be there in an hour, she needed to head back to the house and start getting ready. Maybe Matthew would still be fishing when Nate arrived, so he wouldn’t see her leave with him. He might think she’d been called to come in to work. She could take the car and meet Nate somewhere.

  Dishonesty.

  Pain knifed her conscience. Ach, Lord. She wasn’t worthy to wipe the dust off of the sandals of the Almighty. Not to mention waste His time with her prayers.

  “All our righteousnesses are as filthy rags.”

  Did He hear the prayers of people like her? Ach, but she wished He did. She had so much to repent of.

  A kneeling confession…she couldn’t think of that now.

  Shanna turned and hurried down the hill to the tree where her kapp hung. She snatched it off the branch. It was dry and stiff. She dangled it in one hand and, with the other, reached to pull the bobby pins from her hair. Too bad she didn’t have time to wash it. A good brushing would have to do. “I have to go,” she said to Matthew. “I got a call….”

  She didn’t say who had called, but it didn’t seem to matter. Matthew’s eyes widened as her hair tumbled loosely around her shoulders—after she’d said it was improper for him to see it uncovered! Too bad she’d strayed so far from the church, and for so long, that she’d forgotten. Ruth clasped a hand over her mouth, probably in shock at seeing Shanna release her hair in front of an unmarried man. Two of them, in fact. She felt a pang of regret for making things harder for Matthew. News of her impropriety would surely reach the bishop.

  It all would reach him. Everything she’d done today would be brought up and scrutinized. And that would open the door to a discussion about her past. Her disobedience, her every transgression, would be made public. She’d be the subject of local gossip once again, and not just because she’d come home for the summer.

  It was a blessing that no one else but Matthew knew about the kiss. Ach, she’d be raked over the coals for that.

  So bold. So blatant. So…beautiful.

  Shanna didn’t glance at the others in their fishing party. She turned and ran up the hill, her steps faltering when Becky called after her, “We’ll be going in to McDonald’s later for koffee. We’ll see you there, ain’t so?”

  ***

  Matthew jumped up and started to follow Shanna, but Jacob’s hand on his arm stayed him. “Let her go. We’ll see her later when we go into town.”

  “She must have been called in to work. I hate that they take advantage of her like that. She worked this morning. It isn’t right.”

  Ruth drained her soda can. “Let’s get back to fishing so you can have that fish you said you promised the Stoltzfuses for dinner tonight. We have only three so far, ain’t so?”

  Jacob shook his head. “Six now, but it’s not enough for three different families. Let’s give it another hour, then I’ll take Bex into town. Matthew, too, and anyone else who wants to go.” His gaze fell on Annie and Ruth.

  Matthew didn’t answer. He picked up his pole, memories of Shanna coloring his every movement. He probably shouldn’t have held her like he had. They’d be in trouble, for sure. Not only that, but he doubted he’d ever fish again without remembering the feel of her in his arms.

  And they were going into town for coffee? He’d put his foot down and order a plain, simple drink, not one of those fancy ones that Becky liked, full of fake sweetener and topped with whipped cream and elaborate drizzles. Not as the good Lord intended. Maybe if Shanna filled their orders, she would remember his preference.

  Still, he hated that she’d left them for work. Couldn’t she have said nein, she had plans? After all, they’d been on a date, of sorts.

  Leaving a date to go to work. Who did that?

  Should he be concerned about the message that sent him about her priorities?

  About an hour later, Matthew delivered the cleaned, filleted fish to Deborah, then went upstairs to shower and change before meeting Jacob and Becky for the ride into town. Annie had said she’d go along, but Ruth needed to check with her grandparents. They’d probably agree, which meant Matthew would be stuck in the narrow backseat with a maidel on either side of him. And neither one the girl of his dreams.

  Before leaving the house, he stopped in the kitchen and found Deborah. “I’ll be home after a while, but it might be a little late. Save me some dinner, please.”

  “Jah. Where’d Shanna take off to?” She studied him.

  Matthew shrugged. “Work. She said she had to go.”

  “Work, you say?” Her eyes narrowed. “She went running down the lane in tight blue jeans and a white shirt. Not her work clothes. Someone picked her up out by the mailbox.”

  Shanna hadn’t ditched him to work but to go out with another man. Matthew’s heart sank as he mentally went over the list of possibilities. It was a short one. In fact, Matthew was almost certain there was only one name on that list.

  An Englischer.

  Nate.

  He felt as if his heart had cracked right down the middle. He didn’t want to decipher the nonverbal message Shanna had just sent him. It’d be too painful. Even more so than going into town with absolutely no hope that she’d be there.

  But it didn’t matter. If she’d had more than a whisper of feelings for him, she would have remained with him at the pond. Apparently, he was no more than a plaything. Someone to amuse her when no one else was around.

  He’d hoped for so much more.

  Seeing Jacob’s buggy coming around the bend, Matthew forced a smile. No point in letting everyone know about this latest heartbreak. He’d go and have fun with his friends.

  He was done being Shanna’s toy. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

  Never again.

  Chapter 20

  When the house lights turned on at the end of the movie, Shanna handed the empty popcorn bucket back to Nate and looked around the ancient theater. Not too many people were there; just a handful, really. They’d seen the film Nate had been interested in. She wished she’d insisted on something else. Some of the images…her face heated. She picked up her Coke, stood up, and followed Nate down the row of seats toward the aisle, passing another couple that remained seated, watching the credits. As they made their way up the aisle, he turned to her. “Do you want to stop at Starbucks on the way home?”

  “No. Thanks, anyway. I’m tired, and I want to go to church with my family tomorrow.” Besides, she probably needed to apologize to Matthew. Again. If he’d gone into town with Jacob and the others for coffee, he would have realized she wasn’t working.

  She didn’t want to imagine what his thoughts must be. She was a world-class fool.

  He probably would have checked behind the barn when he got home from fishing to see if her car was there. And he would have found it, undisturbed.

  She remained deep in thought as they walked to the car. She’d ditched her outing with Matthew, and for what? Weak excuses from Nate. A movie she’d hated. Seriously. It was worse than the first one. And dinner had been disappointing, as well: intolerably spicy dishes at a Chinese buffet. Maybe she should have insisted on the food court. At least there would have been a variety of options to choose from.

  Maybe she was a high-maintenance drama queen, as a former college roommate had once called her. She tried to focus on the positive. She’d managed to find a few it
ems on the buffet that she’d moderately enjoyed, and several scenes in the movie had been good.

  Okay. Time to stop being dishonest, even with herself. She wanted to be with Matthew. She loved him. And an unpalatable buffet dinner and a terrible movie would have been so much better in his company.

  She would never see a movie with Matthew, though. He’d already joined the church. Made the kneeling confession. Not that giving up movies would be a big loss. She’d never been really into them, anyway, always preferring to spend her free time curled up with a good book. It was much easier on her budget, too, and much more pleasant to be entertained by the written word.

  Ach, she hoped he’d forgive her for running off on him to be with Nate.

  Nate started the car. Seconds later, he pointed at his dash. “I need to stop at home. My oil light is on.” He looked at Shanna. “Want to come in for a bit? I’ll make some hot chocolate.” He flipped on his turn signal, then merged into the left lane.

  Shanna’s heartbeat doubled with dread. Was this a repeat of the attempt he’d made the last time she’d been at his house? She wouldn’t fall for the same trick twice. “Uh, no, thanks. I’ll wait in the car. Um, actually, why don’t you stop at the gas station and pick up some oil?”

  “I already have a bottle, but it’s at home. Won’t take long.”

  She watched the traffic as they drove through the city. Soon, they turned onto the street where Nate lived with his roommates. It was dark, with no streetlights. Not too far from their college. He’d thought it’d be cheaper to commute than to pay room and board. It probably was, but she’d been more comfortable with the communal living in the dorms. Maybe because of her upbringing in a close, cloistered community.

  Nate turned the car into his driveway. “You sure you don’t want to come in?”

  She hunkered down in her seat. “No. I’m staying right here.”

  He shrugged. “Suit yourself. I’ll be out in a few.” He got out of the car, shut his door, and headed for the house. When he opened the back door, a shaft of light flickered across the driveway for a moment, then disappeared when he shut the door.

  A few minutes later, the outside light came on, and Nate sauntered back out, holding a couple of plastic bottles. He set them down in front of the car, then opened the driver door and reached under the dash to pop open the hood. “Be done in a jiffy.” He slammed the door and went back around front, but she couldn’t see what he was doing under the hood.

  A few minutes later, the hood slammed shut. The whole car shook with the force. Shanna watched Nate carry the plastic bottles across the driveway and dump them in a trash barrel next to the back door.

  “Done!” he said as he slid back into the driver seat. “We’ll be on our way in no time.” He grinned at her. “Sure you don’t want to stop for coffee?”

  She hesitated. At work, she was permitted to drink all the coffee she wanted, but it had been a while since she’d tasted some of Starbucks’ specialty drinks. “Maybe an iced latte. That sounds good. Thanks.”

  “No problem.” He inserted the key in the ignition and turned it. A weird sort of scratching sound came from the engine.

  “Hmm. That doesn’t sound good. My battery must be dead again, but my roommate isn’t here to give it a jump. I probably need a new one. Too bad. Come on in, Shanna, while we wait for Tom to get back.”

  Shanna scooted closer to the passenger door and tried to think. She wished there was someone she could call to come and pick her up. Daed might be willing to call a driver to pick her up, but he didn’t carry a cell phone. Matthew carried a phone, but she didn’t have his number. None of her close friends would be in town. The medical mission trip in Mexico was supposed to last most of the summer.

  She should be with them. But she wasn’t close enough to the Lord to serve as a missionary, anyway. The Almighty must have recognized that. She should have known better than to expect to go. He’d closed that door, good and hard. Slammed it, really.

  Lord, help me think.

  Shanna pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and fingered it. Joseph had one. She’d almost forgotten. And she’d entered his number months ago. She found his entry on her contact list, pressed “send,” and held the phone to her ear.

  “Aw, Shanna, you don’t need to call anyone. I’m sure Tom will be here in no time. Come on in. We can watch TV, and I’ll make some hot chocolate. He’ll be back before you know it.”

  She ignored him. Four rings. Finally, her brother’s voice came on the line. “Joe speaking.”

  Joe? Shanna had never heard her brother go by a nickname. “Hey. It’s Shanna. Can you ask Daed to call a driver for me?”

  There was a long pause. “Shanna. I’m, uh, not at home. Why don’t you call Daed?”

  “He doesn’t have a phone!”

  Joseph chuckled. “Ach, Shanna. So much you don’t know. Daed carries one. Business related. Let me text you the number.”

  She ended the call. Seconds later, her phone made a sound to alert her that a text message had arrived. She hated having to call Daed and ask for his help after he’d warned her and she hadn’t listened. She’d gotten herself into this scrape, but she’d need his help to get out of it. No choice but to call and ask him to rescue her.

  “Don’t come crying to me….”

  His words thundered through her mind.

  Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to go inside with Nate and wait. Drinking hot chocolate beat having to eat humble pie, for sure.

  “When do you expect Tom to get back?” She looked up at Nate.

  He leaned back, a satisfied expression settling on his face. “Oh, hard to say. An hour, give or take.” He shrugged.

  Something about his smirk bothered her enough that she opened her phone again. And dialed Daed’s number.

  ***

  Matthew had just settled into a chair in the living room with the family for evening devotions when a strange ring broke the silence. Levi stood and reached into one of his pockets, his face flushing. Phone calls were certainly a rare occurrence at the Stoltzfus house.

  “Usually leave this thing in the office,” Levi muttered. “Don’t recognize the number.” He frowned, studied the phone for a moment, then pressed a button. “Levi Stoltzfus.” He fell silent, presumably listening to the caller, and then nodded. “If you feel uncomfortable, you did right to call. I’ll see if Tony is free. You stay put.” He listened for a second more before snapping the phone shut and glancing at Deborah. Seconds later, his gaze moved to Matthew. “That was Shanna. I need to call a driver. She went into the city with Nate, and he’s having car trouble again. Honestly, that girl.” He shook his head and stormed out to the kitchen.

  Matthew’s heart lurched, and he jumped to his feet, adrenaline pumping through his body. Nate was really trying the same trick again? This Englisch boyfriend of Shanna’s was enough to make Matthew forget that he was a pacifist, and then he’d have to make a kneeling confession before the bishop. It was good Nate wasn’t in the room right now. He wouldn’t be left standing. And, judging by the anger radiating from Levi, he might have done something to require a kneeling confession of his own.

  Levi turned around in the doorway and faced Matthew. “He’ll be here in about ten minutes. Matthew, do you want to go?”

  He hesitated, deliberating over his decision. She’d dumped him for Nate, but now, she was in trouble. If he truly cared for her, there was no choice to be made, really. Even though he’d vowed never to be used by her again.

  He drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “I’ll go.” The words left a lump in his throat. He didn’t feel at all at peace with his decision, but he needed to have a talk with her. Clarify where they stood with each other. And make it clear that if she wanted to be with him, then Nate would be ancient history.

  Levi gave him a concerned look, as if he was worried Shanna might have pushed Matthew too far. And she had. The Bible story of Hosea going to rescue his prostitute wife from the auction block crossed Matthew’s mind.r />
  “We’ll have time for devotions before Tony gets here.” Levi slid his phone back into his pocket, then returned to his seat beside the table where the big family Bible lay. He sat down, opened the Book, and started to read the German text. From the book of Hosea. Levi must have been struck by the parallels, too.

  When he finished reading, he shut the Bible, and they all closed their eyes for a silent prayer. Matthew’s bolted open again when a bright light lit the room. Headlights shone through the window.

  He shot a glance at Levi, whose eyelids fluttered open. The older man nodded subtly before closing his eyes again. Matthew got up and left the room quietly. As he slipped into his shoes, he breathed a silent prayer that God would go with him to guard his words and his actions—and his heart.