“You’re mine,” Jason declares. “I may not be able to claim Rae as my own, but I can claim you. No one takes you away from me unless you want to walk on your own.”
I don’t have a chance to respond because he’s back to his attack. The hair on his face scratching me only amplifies the rawness in his kiss. He’s always been gentle with me, but at this moment, Jason is carnal and in control. When he thrusts his hips, I groan. On the second thrust, I kiss him back with the same amount of force, grinding into him. We’re like two horny teenagers, but the friction feels so good. Seven years of abstinence will make you feel like an out-of-control, hormonal kid, ready to explode.
Jason grips my hips, stilling me. He leans his head back and looks at me. His breathing is labored and his chest rising at the speed I want to be dry humping him to. I look at him, my own breath struggling to fill my lungs. When his fingers move under the back of my shirt and trace my skin, I shiver.
“I want nothing more than to continue this, naked, but not here. Not with your family in this house and not on your parents’ couch.”
I shut my eyes. My body is tingling, sensations I haven’t felt in years awakened. “I know.” Jason continues to move his hands around my back.
“I want to take my time with you. Make love to you when the moment is right, not because I’m jealous.” He closes his eyes and sighs.
Make love. I smile at his choice of words.
“You’re blind if you don’t realize that I don’t want anyone else but you. You don’t have to go all caveman, claiming me. Although,” I look away. “That kiss was intense.” I feel warmth taking over my neck and face.
Jason holds my chin and turns my head. “I enjoyed every second of it. Don’t be embarrassed, baby. If the situation was different, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
I don’t know when the situation will ever be right for us. Between Rae and my mom, I won’t even be able to spend a night with him. That would be irresponsible. But, I want to.
“I don’t want you to be jealous. You have no reason to. I want to be with you. I want this to work.” I link my fingers with his and raise our arms out to the side.
“It will work.”
“As for Rae, I know she cares a lot about you, even if her biological dad comes into the picture.”
“You two have become my world,” he confesses.
I release his hands and cup his face. My lips brush against his. “And you’ve opened ours.”
“I’m in love with you, Cassidy Rae.”
My body relaxes, and my eyes soften as moisture clouds my vision. I hug Jason, a few tears rolling down the side of my nose. “I love you.” I look up at him.
“You do?” His wide eyes make me giggle.
“Yes. I’ve been feeling it, and watching you with my family on Sunday sealed the deal. Any man willing to do all you did is worthy of my love.”
He kisses me much softer this time, no jealousy or worry laced in his lips. I cling onto him, dreaming of a day we can live a full life together.
I park the car and take a few deep breaths. Jason should be arriving soon, but I’m already late and don’t want to make a bad impression.
As promised, Scott went by the coffee shop the day after he saw Rae with a mile-long list of questions. He hesitantly agreed to wait until Friday to talk, since I don’t work and wouldn’t have to leave my dad alone for so long. He caved when I told him about my mom.
It’s now Friday and I’m not prepared for this conversation. I’m grateful Jason insisted on coming, too.
I jump out of the car and walk into the pizza parlor. It’s an odd place to meet for this kind of conversation, but Drink A Latte is off limits since it’s my place of work and I wanted somewhere public.
As soon as I walk in, I see Scott sitting at a table. He looks up and smiles awkwardly.
“Hi.” He stands.
“Hey,” I reply. I created a human with this man and I don’t really remember him. I thought this stuff only happened in movies. I sit when he signals to the chair. I look around the restaurant as I wait for him to speak. I’m not sure how to begin besides stating the obvious.
“So… you got pregnant.” He raises his eyebrows. His eyes are as brown as Rae’s, though his hair is chestnut. He’s lean and good-looking in a preppy way. I twist my fingers together and nod. “God, I’m sorry.” It’s clear his discomfort is as high as mine.
“Don’t be. Rae has made my life amazing. It’s been challenging, but she’s the sunshine in my life.”
“I could tell that day she ran up to you.”
“Yeah.”
We both stay silent, looking around without making contact.
Scott finally looks at me and says, “This is stupid. I asked to meet with you and I’m acting like an idiot. I’m her father.” His voice trembles a bit.
“I’ll be honest. I don’t remember much of that night. I didn’t even know your name until Tuesday afternoon. You’re a stranger to me, but you’re my daughter’s father.” I shrug. “Please understand that Rae is my life. This is difficult for me. I always assumed I’d never see you again, so I’m struggling a little bit with you wanting to meet her.” I figure honesty is the best approach.
“I don’t know you,” I shrug apologetically.
“I’m not a bad guy. I have a stable job and come from a good family. That might be empty words to you, but I have people you can talk to. Take it as testimonials.”
I shake my head. “I think the best thing is to get to know each other. Rae might be confused at first. She’s asked a lot about her father, but I think she’s kinda chucked it to the side, thinking she’d never meet him. She’s smart and mature for her age, but she’s still a child. Her heart is vulnerable.”
“I get that. I have a niece who is four. I see how sensitive children can be. When she doesn’t get the color she wants for something, all hell breaks loose,” Scott chuckles. I laugh along with him because I know exactly how that situation could play out.
“Hey.” I turn to see Jason. I smile and stand to give him a hug. He holds me with one hand, keeping his eyes on Scott. “I’m Jason.” He extends his hand.
“Scott. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Likewise. Sorry I’m late. Work ran longer than planned.” Jason sits next to me, keeping his hand on my knee.
“I was explaining to Scott the challenges that I face,” I explain to Jason. “He has a niece that’s four.” I throw that in.
“What do you do?” Jason asks Scott.
“I work in sales for a food supply company. I’ve been there for a few years now.” Scott doesn’t miss a beat in responding.
“Did you go to college?” Jason shoots him another questions.
“I got my Bachelor’s in Business.”
“What are your intentions with Rae?”
I squeeze Jason’s leg under the table, but he doesn’t flinch. Scott looks at me. “Shouldn’t these be questions she asks?” He points at me.
“Cassidy Rae and I are together, and I care about what happens to her and her daughter.”
“I want to meet her. I want to get to know her. Imagine you find out you have a child. Wouldn’t you want the opportunity to at least try to build a relationship?”
“Fair enough.”
“I would like a paternity test done,” I speak up.
“My lawyer already suggested that,” Scott replies.
“So you’ve talked to a lawyer?” I ask.
Scott nods. A knot in my stomach forms. “What exactly do you want?” I whisper.
“Like I said. I want to meet her and spend some time with her. I’m more than happy for you to be present. I’ll take the paternity test, and after I receive those results and spend some time with Rae, I’d like to discuss custody.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. My eyes water. I knew this was coming, but it doesn’t lessen the strike. With my heart beating in my chest, I nod.
“I’ll talk to my lawyer and we can set u
p the paternity test. I would like to wait for those results before you meet Rae,” I say. “Like I told you, my mom is very sick and we’re not sure how much time she has. Rae’s overwhelmed, and it’s a lot for her to process—moving to a new house, starting a new school next month, the stress about my mom’s health.
“Meeting her father would push her. I know she’ll need to go in for the test, but I rather wait before we make plans. That’s all I ask. As soon as we have the results, we can take her to the park. I’ll introduce you. You can talk, play, whatever you want.” I blow out air.
“Okay.” That was too easy.
“My schedule is a little weird since I’m working part-time and taking care of my mom, so I ask for patience when it comes to settling on a date.”
“Look, I don’t want to cause problems. I’m not here to take her away from you or anything. I rather work through this as quietly as possible. I’m not looking for drama.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll call the lab to see what days they have available for the tests and will let you know, so we can choose a date that works for you.”
“Okay,” I nod.
We agree to be in touch and Scott leaves. It was less stress than I imagined, but I don’t know if it will remain that way.
“Are you okay?” Jason asks me.
“I think so?” I hold my face with my hands.
“Baby steps,” Jason rubs a soothing hand across my back.
“Yeah. First step, paternity test. Although, I have no doubt he’s her father,” I state.
“I know.” Jason purses his lips and nods.
“Hey, you’re still our guy.” I smile. “No one else can take the role of Country Prince.” I use his words.
“A southern fairytale,” he smirks.
“Do you want to have dinner with us? I believe it’s taco night.”
“Can’t say no to Rae’s famous tacos.”
I lean in and kiss him. My dad is probably worried about what happened and I want to get back to tell him. He was shocked when I first mentioned it. He has enough preoccupations, and I feel like I’m adding to his list of things to stress about.
“How’s your mom today?” Jason asks as we walk out, hand in hand.
“So-so.” I tilt my head side to side. “It was harder to get her out of bed. The doctor says it’s all part of the illness. Eventually, she may lose all mobility and become bedridden. She’s been sleeping more, as well.” I’m not blind to my mom’s health. I see her weaken, yet I continue to take care of her as lovingly as I can. We all do.
My dad and I had a conversation a few nights ago. He had bought a plot in a cemetery a few years ago. He’s realistic to what’s coming, and I wish I could be as strong as him. Right now, I feel like I’ve been hit with a double whammy and I’m barely holding on.
With everything going on with my mom, meeting Scott has not come at the best time. A week and a half ago we did the paternity test. It doesn’t help that Rae had a few questions of her own to ask when I mentioned the lab work. It’s not exactly easy to tell her she needs to go to a doctor to get a saliva swab and not explain what it’s for. I’ve never lied to her, and I wasn’t going to start now.
We sat and had a conversation about the man she saw in the coffee shop. I explained briefly that we needed to do a test to confirm his paternity. I didn’t exactly do the best job of explaining this to my six-year-old.
“Does it hurt?” she asked.
“No, baby girl. They put a cotton swab in your mouth, like the ones to clean your ears, and get a bit of saliva from the inside of your cheek.”
“Eewww. I don’t want something from my ear in my mouth.”
I giggled at her reaction, so I took a cotton swab and practiced what I though the test would be like. It helped her relax, but it didn’t quiet her questions. When she asked why we needed to do the test, when I should know that’s her father, I was silenced by the embarrassment that I don’t remember much about the night we conceived her. I remember flashes. I remember having sex. Scott’s face isn’t totally clear in my drunken haze.
“Are you ready?” I ask Rae. She nods, her body slouched. “What’s wrong?” I ask as I sit next to her on the couch.
When the results came back positive, Scott wanted to meet Rae. I’m lucky I work four days a week, and the results came in on my last day of work for the week. My dad insisted he would be okay for a few hours and encouraged me to go with Rae and Scott to the park.
“I’m nervous.” She bites her fingernails.
“It will be okay. I’ll be there with you, and Jason will meet us at the park. Nothing bad will happen. Scott wants to meet you and get to know you. I know this is weird, baby. I’m sorry you have to go through this.” Tears fill my eyes as I bring her to me in a hug.
“It’s not your fault.”
Yes, it is. She may be blinded by a child’s unconditional love, but this discomfort is because of me.
“Scott is a nice person,” I reassure her. We have spoken a few times. I was adamant to know a bit more about him before I exposed my child to his presence. He even got a letter from his employer and a few friends, who could be biased, but the effort spoke for itself.
Jason did some research on him as well, and everything came back normal. He wasn’t listed on a sex offender log or anything of the sort.
“What if he doesn’t like me?” Rae murmurs against my chest. I pull back and look down at her with my nose crinkled.
“Why wouldn’t he?”
“I don’t know,” she shrugs. “What if I’m not funny to him or smart enough?” I hate that these doubts are creeping in. She has this need to be accepted–my fault for keeping her away–despite the confidence she expresses most of the time.
“You are the funniest girl I know, and you are so smart. Your teacher told me so. You’re beautiful, caring, and you have the biggest heart I know. There’s no way anyone would dislike you.” I smile at her and kiss her button nose. “And you’re the best baker in the world… and artist.” I add.
“Are you sure?” She frowns.
“I’m absolutely positive.” I tickle her ribs, breaking her into a fit of giggles.
“Okay. Stop,” she laughs harder. “I believe you!” she yells.
Rae catches her breath, her cheeks pulled up with her smile. “I love you, Rae. You’re always going to have me by your side.”
“Thank you, Mommy.” She wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes tight. I hold her for a few seconds before looking at my beautiful girl. “Do I have to call him Dad?”
“You call him whatever you want,” I reply. I don’t want her to feel obligated to say something she’s not comfortable with.
“I think I like Scott better.”
I nod. “That’s perfect, baby. Are you ready to go?” I ask.
“Yeah,” she lifts a shoulder.
“I’ve got you,” I comfort her.
I take a few deep breaths as I grip the steering wheel. The park has a few people littered throughout with it being summer, and I spot Scott sitting on a bench, staring off. I wonder if he’s as nervous as we are.
“Ready?” I call out in the car, not only for Rae, but as encouragement for me as well.
“Yeah,” Rae whispers.
I turn off the car and walk to the backseat. Rae’s hand tightens in mine as we make our way toward Scott. Before we reach him, a text message from Jason comes in informing me he will meet us soon and wishing both Rae and I luck.
“Jason wishes us good luck,” I tell Rae.
“Is he coming?” her voice trembles.
“Yeah. He’ll be here soon.”
“Good,” she sighs.
“Hi,” Scott says as he stands.
“Hey.”
Rae looks up at him silently, her grip around my hand even tighter.
“Hi, Rae,” Scott squats down in front of her. I join him, keeping Rae’s hand in mine.
“Sweetie, this is Scott. He’s your dad,” I add although
she knows. I guess it gives a sense of reality to this and makes Scott feel included.
She offers a tight smile and leans into me. “She’s nervous,” I tell him.
“It’s okay. I’m kinda nervous, too.” He looks at Rae.
“You are?” she asks him.
He nods.
“Why?”
“Well, I’m your dad, but you don’t know me. It’s kinda weird, but I want to get to know you. Maybe you won’t like me.”
“Yeah,” she looks down. “I feel the same.” She plays with the dusty ground with the tip of her shoes.
“Can we talk? Maybe get to know each other?” He asks her.
“Okay.”
I sit on the bench with Scott, Rae climbing on my lap. She holds onto me as Scott speaks to her.
“What do you like to do for fun?” He begins asking her questions. Rae keeps her head on my shoulder.
“I like coloring and baking.”
“That’s cool. I like eating baked goods,” Scott smiles.
“What’s your favorite?”
“Cupcakes. Do you know how to make cupcakes?”
“I do. My mom says they’re my specialty.” She looks up at me. I wink at her with a smile.
“Well, maybe I can try them one day. What’s your favorite color?”
“Blue. Girls are supposed to like pink, but blue is more pretty.”
“Guess what?” Scott leans in a bit. “That’s my favorite color.”
“It is?” Rae’s voice rises a bit and she sits tall.
“Yup.”
I sit back and watch them interact. Slowly, Rae is becoming more confident. Scott does seem like a decent person from what I’m seeing. He has been careful and clearly has a list of questions prepared. The more I see him, especially next to Rae, I can point out their similarities. Not only is the color of their eyes the same, but so is the shape. Rae’s eyes are wider than mine, more expressive. She got that from Scott.
“Do you like to color?” Rae asks Scott.
“I haven’t colored in a long time, but I’m sure it would be fun.”
“Do you have a mommy and daddy?”
“I do,” he smirks. “They’re great parents.”
All of You (A Rebel Desire Novel Book 3) Page 19
