“My mommy also has parents, but my grandma is sick,” Rae frowns and casts her eyes downward.
“I heard. I hope she feels better. I’ve been praying for her.” Rae and I both snap our heads toward him.
“You have?” she asks, surprised.
“Yeah.”
“Thank you,” I say.
He nods in acknowledgment, not saying more than that. “I also have a brother,” he tells us. “He has a daughter that’s a little younger than you, so you have a cousin.”
“What’s a cousin?” Rae looks at the two of us.
“It’s when the sister or brother of your mom or dad have a child. It’s almost like being sisters, but a little different.” He looks at me, his mouth screwed. I nod, encouraging him.
This is surreal. Never would I have imagined a day like today. This was never an option I would have considered. My fear about this meeting is dissipating as I watch Rae and Scott interact. They laugh and ask each other different questions. I hope this bubble doesn’t explode on us. I continue to stress the legal aspect, but maybe Scott will be flexible.
Realizing how much time has passed, I check my phone for any sign from Jason. He should’ve gotten here by now. I shield my eyes from the sun and look out into the parking lot in search of his car. It’s not there. Worried, I send him a quick text message asking if everything is okay.
“Mommy, can I show Scott how I can swing?” Rae grabs my attention.
“Sure, sweetie.” I remove my arms from around her and watch her skip to the swing set.
“Thanks for this, Cassidy.” Scott’s face is relaxed as he smiles.
“You’re welcome. She seems to be warming up to you.” I continue to wonder where Jason is.
“Is Jason coming?” Scott asks.
“Yeah. He should’ve been here by now. I hope he’s okay.”
“I’m sure he is. He’s in that band, right?” I look over at Scott.
“Yeah,” I nod.
“Is it serious?” My eyebrows furrow. “I don’t mean to pry, it’s just that…” Scott looks away. “We have a daughter together. Had you never run off, I would’ve found you. We could’ve been raising her together and maybe, who knows.” He shrugs. I squint my eyes, my eyebrows burying deeper into my eyes.
“Scott,” I start unsure how to continue. I take a deep breath. “I don’t know what would’ve happened, but being with someone because of a baby isn’t the right way to approach a relationship. I hope we can get along and become friends, especially for Rae’s sake, but I’m happy with Jason.”
He nods, pensive. “If he’s in a band, will he be around for you and Rae?”
“Look, I get your concern, but that’s between Jason and I. He’s supportive of us and makes us his priority. Yes, he will travel when he’s on tour, but that won’t diminish my relationship with him.”
“We could be a family.”
I nod. “A modern family. I hope you understand.” My lips flatten together.
“Yeah. Figured it’d be worth a shot. You left an impression on me.”
“We met once,” I state.
“Yeah, but we had a blast together. I’m not talking about the sex,” he lowers his voice. “I mean, yeah that was good, but before that.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know how things would be had I been there when you returned, but that’s not how things happened.”
Scott nods, focusing on Rae again, who is calling our names. I sneak a peek at my phone and haven’t received anything from Jason. Nerves set in, thinking something happened to him.
Rae runs over to us, asking Scott if he saw how high she swung. He nods, telling her she’s a big girl. She sits on my lap again, sweat sticking the loose strands of hair that fell from her ponytail to the sides of her face. I still don’t have a word from Jason, but my attention is back on Rae as she speaks to us.
I sat in my car for fifteen minutes watching them. Rae was talking with her hands as Scott laughed at something she said. Cassidy Rae stared at her daughter in awe, consumed by whatever she was saying. It was hard to watch. Those are my girls sitting with another man, except he had them first.
He knows Cassidy Rae more physically intimately than I do and he had a hand in creating that little girl that makes me smile so much. Reality hits as I looked at them. I have no place there.
What am I? Some guy that fell for a single mom. Rae isn’t my daughter. Although Scott just appeared in their lives, he has a right to be in it. When I saw the three of them laughing, I backed out of the parking spot and drove away. If I weren’t in the picture, maybe they’d be a family.
I should walk away, even if it breaks my heart. See if this guy and her have something special. Let them have a chance at being a real family. The thing is, her and I have something special and can have our own kind of family.
A weight crushes my chest as I drive in the opposite direction of where my girls are. How do I compete with that? Eventually, I could be left. Cassidy Rae could fall in love with this guy. Obviously something attracted her to him years ago. That could still be there.
I look at my phone when it pings.
Caz: are u almost here?
I read her words, but I don’t reply, unsure what to tell her. I drive around with no direction. I’m in love with that woman, and I promised her to always be there for her, except I’m not sticking to that now. I’ve always had a grasp on life. I always knew where the road was leading. Now, I’m lost.
When the sun blinds me, I realize I’ve been driving for hours. I go back to the park and see that they’re gone. I drop my head onto the steering wheel. I fucked up.
With a killer headache, I drive to Cassidy Rae’s house and see her car in the driveway.
I grab my phone and call her.
“Jason? What happened?” Her voice is shushed when she answers right away.
“I’m outside. Can you come out a sec?”
“Is everything okay?” The words rush out of her mouth.
“I just want to talk to you.”
“Okay.” She hangs up and a few seconds later she opens the front door and walks to my car. I turn off my car and get out, my hands in my pocket as I look at her approach me with worry marking her beautiful face.
“What happened today? I thought something happened to you.” Her body is tense.
“I’m sorry. I want to tell you I got stuck doing something for the band, but that’s not true. I went to the park, and when I saw you three sitting on the bench, I felt like I didn’t belong. I had nothing to offer in a situation like that, so I drove around for hours questioning what the hell I’m doing. Am I getting in the way of a family being together and happy?”
“No,” Cassidy Rae interrupts me. “Jason, I kept looking for you. Rae asked what happened when you never showed. You’re in our lives and very important to this process. Why would you think otherwise?”
I run a hand through my hair. “I feel like I should step back and let you guys work at being a family. Even if nothing happens between you and Scott romantically,” I squeeze my eyes shut. “I’m getting in the middle of it.”
Cassidy Rae frowns. I see the tears filling her emerald eyes. “Don’t cry.” I pull her toward me, but she doesn’t hug me back.
“Are you breaking up with me?” Her words shake.
“No. I don’t know what I’m saying. I feel like I’m preventing you from fully giving Scott a chance.”
Cassidy Rae’s warm hands hold my face. She gets on her toes to make eye contact.
“You listen to me, you stubborn man. I love you. I want you. You need to get that through that thick skull of yours. I wanted you there today. I wish you were. There will never be another man for me. I don’t care if I had a daughter with him. Rae will always care about you, even if her dad is in her life.”
“I need you to believe that. I need you to trust me. I don’t want to lose you because of this. I’m trying to do what’s best for my daughter, for my parents, for you.” Tears slide away from h
er eyes. “I’m tired.”
“I don’t know where my place is in all of this.”
“Your place is right next to me, where you belong. I know my life is chaos you’re not accustomed to, but I don’t want to lose you. I understand you have trust issues with what happened with Christie, but I’m not her,” she hiccups.
I close my eyes. I can’t lose her. “I’m going to need patience.” I ask her for what she asked me in the beginning.
“Okay.”
I give her a soft kiss. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put my issues on you. It’s not fair. You’re trying to do everything right by all of us, but again, who’s taking care of you?”
“I understand this has to be so hard. If it’s hard for me, I can imagine how difficult it is for you.”
“You just don’t need my bullshit with everything you have going on.”
“I need you,” Cassidy Rae emphasizes. “I have no idea what will happen when it comes down to dealing with lawyers, but I know I want you by my side.”
“When will that be?” I ask.
“I don’t know. We’re seeing Scott again in two days on Saturday. I’d like for you to go if you’re free. I think it would be good to get to know Scott.”
“I’ll be there. I can pick you and Rae up and we drive together.”
“Yes,” she exhales. I hold her waist, pulling her closer into me. She fits between my widened legs and snuggles into my chest.
“We need to go to LA on Tuesday for a few days. The band has a couple interviews and we have to meet with the music producer for the film. Will you be okay?”
“Yeah,” she looks up at me, her lashes moist from her tears.
“I thought maybe I could take this trip, give you a break, and figure shit out,” I confess.
“I don’t need a break. You’re taking a trip for work to LA, and you’ll be back. That’s normal for your career. Please, don’t over think this situation.”
“I won’t.” At least I hope I won’t. I’ve always been pretty confident, but after Christie fucked me over I’ve felt insecure. Then, I meet Cassidy Rae, which I feel I’m not humble enough to deserve her love.
“Stop thinking.” She places her fingers on my forehead, trying to smooth my skin. I chuckle at her attempt and rest my chin on her shoulder.
I’m being a pussy. I know it’s not fair to force Cassidy Rae to try at a relationship with a man she doesn’t care about, but there’s that devil side of me telling me I’m not good enough when she can be with the father of her child.
“I’m yours, remember?” Cassidy Rae blushes. Fuck do I ever remember that make-out. We were like horny teens going at it on the couch. My dick hardens at the memory.
“I remember.”
“I expect you to act like it.” I love when she gets tough, demanding with me.
“Yes, ma’am,” I tease.
“Good. Now, give me a kiss before we go inside.”
“With pleasure.” I lean down, greedy for her lips.
I close my eyes as we take off on our private plane. Traveling has become a lot fancier since we’ve become famous and the label has arranged all of our travel needs. A few days in Los Angeles might help center me.
I spent some time getting to know Scott when we went to the park on Saturday. He seems okay. He has a thing for Cassidy Rae though, and I’m not cool with that. I promised I’d trust her, and I do. Scott is just an obstacle on the path I had planned.
She reassured me I’m who she wants and made me promise I wouldn’t stress this. I made a vow to remind her of the person she was before she became a mother. I want to be the person that does that. I want to be the man that teaches her she can have it all, but I need to be able to balance what comes our way in order to do that.
“How are things with Cassidy Rae?” Cash asks next to me.
“Good.” I keep my eyes closed.
“Not convincing.”
I open my eyes and turn my head to my right to look at Cash.
“You do look a little banged up,” Ryder comments.
I flip him off. “I hate when you two tag team.”
“No tag teaming. What’s going on?”
I sigh and tell them. No point in trying to play it off. We have a long flight, and Cash and Ryder won’t let this go.
“Rae’s dad reappeared. He found out Cassidy Rae got pregnant and now wants to be a part of her life. It’s fucking crazy. She doesn’t know this guy, and now they’re doing play dates at the park. He’s got a thing for her, too.”
“The girl or the mom?”
“You’re an idiot,” I tell Ryder.
He laughs. “Bad joke?”
I shake my head and ignore him.
“Is he a good guy?” Cole asks.
“He seems it. I went with them on Saturday to the park. Cassidy Rae wants me to get to know him, too. I promised her I’d be there with her and didn’t show the first time they met. I fucked up. I saw the three of them sitting together on a bench like a fucking happy family and drove away.” I run a hand over my face.
“You’re jealous,” Cole points out.
“No shit,” I deadpan.
“Look, at first it was difficult when Bri would mention Josh. We knew him and he’s dead, but it still hurt. It was like I was up against his ghost, and I was losing. Until I decided I could stay and fight or give up. The situations are different, but it seems to me that you’re Cassidy Rae’s choice. You got two choices—give her up or stand by her.”
“Bri really brings out your sensitive side.”
“Fuck you,” Cole responds.
“He’s right,” Cash speaks up. “Be there for her. She already has enough stress with her mom being sick.”
“I know.” I scratch my beard. “She’s not doing too good either. The last few days she’s barely gotten out of bed. They knew this would happen, but it’s still hard on them.”
“You gotta be there for her. You’re the most levelheaded one out of all of us. Don’t become a pussy like this one,” Ryder lifts his chin toward Cash.
“Fuck you,” he tells a laughing Ryder.
“Yeah, I think this trip will be good. It’ll ground me.”
“How’s Rae with meeting her dad?” Cash asks.
“She seems okay. They get along. I’ll admit, the guy seems like an okay dude, but I have his family and he may want it back.”
“Nah, brother. They were never a family. He may be Rae’s blood, but they’re your family.” Cash adds, “If you want them to be.”
“I never thought I’d end up with someone who has a kid.”
“I’m kinda enjoying seeing you go through this,” Cole chuckles.
“You’re another idiot.” I’m taking turns insulting them.
“You were such an ass with the whole Bri thing that I like seeing you this way. Call me a dick, I don’t give a shit. About time you get a taste of your own medicine and fall for a woman.”
“I’m with Cole on this one,” Cash laughs.
“I don’t know why you guys make it so complicated. You like a girl, be with her. Communicate, fuck, make love, whatever. It’s easy.” We all look at Ryder. The son of a bitch got lucky with Jen.
“I blame the fact that you and Jen are both so easy-going that you never fight.”
“We fight. Trust me, that tiny woman gives it to me hard—and not in the way I want—but the make-up sex is even better. We just talk it out, or yell it out, but it’s our thing.”
We all shake our heads. Those two definitely have the oddest, and most drama-free, relationship out of all of us.
“My advice, turn the hook-up into love. Worked for me,” Ryder keeps talking.
“Anyway, I’m sure we’ll be okay,” I finish off.
“We want to meet her soon,” Cash states.
“I’m not sure when that will happen. I want her to meet you guys, and Bri, Jen, and Liv, but I hate to say this, it’ll have to be after her mom passes.”
“Is it that bad?” Cole asks
.
“Yep.”
“Tyler’s wedding is soon,” Cash points out. “Might be a good time.”
“We’ll see.” Tyler Hunt gets married at the end of August and we’ll all be there. I’d love nothing more than to have her on my arm for that wedding. “Fuck, I want a drink.” I ring for the stewardess to come and we all order something.
I’ll make it back from Los Angeles and go straight to Cassidy Rae’s on Friday morning. I’ll show her that my jealousy the other day was due to feeling displaced, but that I’m one-hundred-percent in.
Rae is outside with my dad, watering the lawn, while I sit in my mom’s room. They gave me time with her when I got home from work this afternoon. She’s been in bed most days since Sunday, and I’m worried this is the beginning of the end. Jason left for Los Angeles yesterday, and I’m wishing he were here more than ever. I can’t tell him that because he’s working and it wouldn’t be fair. I know he’s struggling with accepting Scott while trying to find his place in our lives. All of this is so confusing.
I scoot closer on the chair and grab the hand closest to me. I run my fingers through her hair, talking softly.
“Rae’s dad, Scott, ran into me a couple weeks ago. When he saw Rae, he knew she was his. I never thought I’d see him again, Mom.” I sniffle. “I didn’t even remember his name. It was embarrassing.” I continue to soothe her.
“We’ve met him twice, so he can spend time with Rae. Jason is jealous, but he shouldn’t be. I’m not attracted to Scott. I’ve come to realize that the reason Scott and I slept together was so that Rae could enter my life. She loves you so much. I’m happy we moved back to be with you.” I take a few deep breaths. I look around their bedroom. It hasn’t changed. The same bed and decor. To this day I can’t believe I moved out. I was selfish, or maybe I was protecting my child from a stressful upbringing.
“Anyway,” I continue. “Things are complicated. Scott seems like a nice person, but I can’t trust him yet with my daughter, even if he is her father. He asked if Jason and I were in a serious relationship. He wants to have a real chance at being a family, but I don’t love him. I love Jason. I have no doubt in my mind who I want to be with.
All of You (A Rebel Desire Novel Book 3) Page 20
