Mistrust

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “Dakota,” he calls after me. But I ignore him. “Dakota,” he yells again. But I can tell by his tone, he knows it’s hopeless. I’m hopeless.

  “What’s going on?” Sam asks when I reach her, her eyes transfixed to where Reece is standing.

  I grab onto her elbow and keep walking out, not turning to look behind me. “Nothing.”

  “Don’t bullshit me, Dakota. What happened?”

  “Keep walking and I’ll tell you. Just don’t look back.” Sam turns to look over her shoulder the moment I tell her not to look. “I said, don’t look at him.”

  “Tell me why.” Our steps quicken as we head out the front, down the twenty-odd steps and start toward home. “Will you let go of my arm?”

  I loosen my grip, eventually dropping my hand when we’re half way down the block. I sneak a look over my shoulder, to make sure Reece isn’t following us. “I almost passed out again.”

  “What?”

  “Reece started questioning me and asking me what’s going on. He told me he got a message with two new pictures and when he tried calling the number it had been disconnected. Now he wants to know what’s happening.”

  “Oh shit,” Sam whimpers.

  “I know . . .” Beep, beep. I look to where the horn sounded and spot Sophie in the passenger seat of a car. “Hey,” I say, putting on a smile and facade that everything is fine and I’m unaffected by all the pictures.

  “Hey, want a lift? Mom said she can drop you home if you like.”

  Her mom leans over and waves to us. “Um.” I look to Sam then back to Sophie. “Nah, it’s all good, we’ll walk.” Sophie’s face drops, and I can see the disappointment hit her straight away. Immediately she plasters a fake smile on her face, I can identify it as fake, because it looks a lot like mine has been ever since that night. “Hey, I don’t have your number, Sophie and I don’t think you have mine.” By this stage both Sam and I are standing beside the stationary car.

  “No, I don’t have it,” Sophie says.

  “Have you got your phone on you?” I ask. She nods with enthusiasm, and I can tell she’s happy to be getting my number. I rattle it off and she enters it in her phone. “Can I have yours?” I ask.

  “Sure.”

  She waits for me to take my cell out so I can input her number. I search my pockets and remember I’ve given it to Sam. I turn to look at Sam, silently requesting her phone. Sam catches on quickly and hands me her phone. “Here, I know you forgot yours at home today,” she adds, covering for me. I give Sam a smile, one only she and I understand. A discreet ‘thank you’ without actually saying the words.

  “I’ll call you,” Sophie says when her mom taps her on the leg and says they’ve got somewhere to be.

  “Bye.” I wave to Sophie and to her mom.

  “Now, what were you saying about Reece?”

  “He got new pictures.” I grab my stomach, feeling it tighten in response to the knowledge there are pictures out there of me doing things while I wasn’t conscious. “I can’t believe this shit. Whoever is doing this is probably taking great pleasure in torturing me by sending these pictures to people I know.”

  “It doesn’t really make sense. Why would they risk getting caught by being so public?”

  I shrug my shoulders and narrow my gaze on the sidewalk. “It was bad enough being humiliated and having my free will violated. Now though, to have it publicly thrown in my face and be further humiliated with photos of me looking like I’m there willingly . . .” I breathe out deeply. “No wonder Levi and Lindsey hate me so much.”

  “Then tell them and hopefully they’ll understand and stop all those cruel things they’re saying and doing to you.”

  I shake my head. “It’s too late now.”

  “That’s bull, Dakota. And you know it.”

  “I get why they are the way they are. Especially Levi. We broke up because I wasn’t ready to have sex with him, then he sees pictures of me half-naked, in disgusting positions with someone else clearly taking the photos. Lindsey, she’s just hurt for Levi.”

  “It doesn’t give them the right to be assholes to you though,” Sam says in a very assertive and serious tone. “The least they could do is leave it alone.”

  “I suppose to them I look like the bad guy; especially to Levi. He’s probably hurt by it all. I know I would be.”

  “You wouldn’t judge without knowing the full extent of the other person’s side.”

  My eyebrows draw together and I can’t help but think about what Sam’s said. “Not now that this has happened to me, but I think I would’ve judged just as quick, if not quicker before . . . well you know.”

  Sam turns to me, her lips in a thin line and worry is etched on every inch of her face. “You have to say the word, Dakota.”

  I’m already shaking my head at her before she’s even had a chance to finish the sentence. “I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Because then it’s real and it actually happened to me. And I can’t deal with that.”

  Sam’s lips turn up in a sympathetic smile. I simply keep walking and keep trying to bury that night as deep as I can.

  “What are you girls doing today?” Mom asks as I sit at the dining room table having some cereal.

  It’s been a few days since school finished, and Sam’s been begging me to go out with her and Taylor. But all I want to do is lie in bed, read and listen to music. I don’t want to go out, and I certainly don’t want to socialize with anyone.

  “I want to go to the fair, C’mon on, Dakota, let’s go,” Sam eagerly asks me with a huge encouraging smile brightening up her face.

  “I don’t know,” I grumble.

  “Please?” She flutters her ridiculously long eyelashes at me. “I’ll be the best sister in the whole wide world.” She brings her hands up to under her chin as she continues to give me a pleading look. She’s giving me those big puppy dog eyes while she continues to bat her eyelashes at me. “Please?”

  “You already are the best sister in the world, so yeah, let’s go.”

  “Yippee!” Sam claps her hands together.

  “What time do you two girls think you’ll be ready to go? Unless of course, you don’t mind me taking you in my very elegant attire.” Mom steps out from behind the kitchen island and does a small spin for us. She’s wearing her Batman pajamas, and her hair is all over the place exactly like every other morning.

  “We can wait until you’ve changed, Mom,” Sam says while eyeing Mom’s wardrobe choice with a hint of disgust.

  Mom looks down at her clothes and puts her hand on her hip. “Oh, I see. You don’t think I’m trendy enough,” she mocks us. Mom is Mom, always threatening to do something to embarrass us. She never would, but she jokes around about it all the time.

  “Nah, not at all. You look way chic like that.” Sam sweeps her hand up and down, indicating Mom’s summer pajamas. “Maybe you can do your hair.”

  “I’ll put them in two pig-tails and tease the ends.”

  “Oh God,” I mumble and rake my hand over my face. “Here she goes.”

  “What about your gold sparkly tank top, Mom? You should totally wear that,” Sam says.

  “Don’t encourage her, Sam. Because one day, she will so do these things.”

  “Oh yes, I know which top you’re talking about. How about a pair of black hot pants teamed with my red boots.”

  “See?” I say, looking at Sam. “See what you’re doing?”

  Sam’s smiling at me, and Mom’s chuckling. “I can walk you girls in, and if we happen to see any of your friends, I’ll make sure I’m nice and loud for you too.”

  I roll my eyes and shake my head. One day, I expect Mom to do something exactly like that. “You will not!”

  “I’m hurt by your behavior, Dakota.” Mom clutches at her heart pretending to be devastated. “Seriously hurt.” She even fake cries. I look over to Sam and roll my eyes again. Both of us are laughing at Mom and her great, easy nature. “And to prove how hurt
I am, I’ll be sure to have lipstick all over my teeth and to beep for as long as I can so everyone looks at you while you get out of the car.”

  “Good idea, Mom,” I say as I stand and take my bowl over to the sink. “I’ll tell everyone you’ve been released from the hospital and you’re really excited to be home.”

  Mom smacks me in the arm, then howls in laughter. “You girls,” she says shaking her head. “I’ll go get ready. Red or pink lipstick?” She looks at me then cracks a huge smile.

  “C’mon,” I say to Sam as she’s downing her orange juice.

  I head to my room to get changed, and Sam walks down the hallway toward her room.

  “Just call me when you want me to pick you up,” Mom says as we pull up to the parking area where the fair is set up. “Here you go girls.” Mom takes out some money from her purse and hands it to us. “Have fun, and remember, don’t go to the bathrooms on your own, go together. Don’t accept drinks from anyone. And most importantly, don’t get in anyone’s car. Call me if you need anything.”

  My heart palpates when Mom tells us not to accept drinks from anyone, but only because of that night. “Thanks, Mom,” Sam and I chorus together.

  We get out of the car and Mom yells out to us before she pulls away, “I love you.”

  “Love you,” Sam says.

  “Love you, too,” I add.

  Mom leaves and Sam and I walk over to the short line to pay the admission into the fair. “I hope I don’t see anyone from school,” I lean over and whisper to her. “I couldn’t handle running into Levi or Lindsey, or really anyone.” I want to have fun and enjoy myself with Sam. “Hey, how come you’re not hanging with Calvin today?” We shuffle forward in the line, but there are still a few people ahead of us.

  “Taylor.” She rolls her eyes while teasingly pushing on my shoulder. “He’s got to work.”

  “Has he got a job?” I ask and furrow my eyebrows together.

  “Yeah, he’s saving to buy a car. He works as a dishwasher in a restaurant downtown. He’s working from one until eight tonight.”

  “Wow, really?”

  “Yeah. I’m really proud of him.”

  “I didn’t take him for a dishwasher.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “He’s tall and lanky and he wears those glasses, he’s kinda a nerd.”

  “That’s not nice.” Sam holds back a smile. “True, but not nice.”

  “I gotta say, I think he’s really sweet, Sam. You know how he came over for dinner the other night?”

  “Yeah, and Dad kept looking at him like he wanted to kill him.”

  I laugh and know exactly what look she’s talking about, because that’s Dad being Dad. He did it to Levi the first few times he came over. “You know what I liked about him?” I look over to Sam and she shakes her head. “I like how when you sat at the table, he pushed your chair in. Like an old-fashioned guy. Like they used to do in the olden days, and like Dad does for Mom.”

  Sam smiles, and a pink hue creeps up to sit high on her cheeks. “I asked him about that when I walked him out. He said his Dad once told him, ‘Son, we may not have a lot of money but we can show the important women in our lives how much we appreciate them by simple manners.’ My heart melted when he told me that.”

  “Aw.” My heart skips a beat too at hearing such a beautiful thing. “That’s so cute,” I say as we take a few more steps forward toward the entry.

  “I know. You know what else?” I shake my head. “He opened the door for me and waited for me to go through before he came out.”

  “He sounds like Dad. He always holds the door open for Mom and us, and pushes her chair in, makes her a drink at night.”

  “I know.”

  “Just two?” the bored woman working the admission asks when we step up.

  “Yes please,” I say taking out some of the money Mom gave us.

  When we’ve paid and entered, we head over to some of the rides first. “Which one do you want to go on?” I ask Sam.

  Sam’s eyes light up when she sees the Drop Tower. “That,” she excitedly squeals as she sizes up the height.

  “Ugh,” I mumble and walk beside her. Sam loves anything with extreme height. “Alright.” I don’t really think it matters what I say, she’ll be on that ride whether I join her or not.

  “Come on, it’ll be fun.” She links her arm with mine and picks up speed to get to the already forming line. “I hope it goes really fast.” She looks up and watches the slow ascent to the peak of the ride. “Watch, Dakota.” She’s looking up, shielding her eyes from the sun when we hear a lot of high pitched scream as the suspended seats free drop toward the ground. “Oh my God. That looks like so much fun.”

  “Yeah, fun,” my voice is flat, showing no enthusiasm. Sam tilts her head to the side and her smile drops. I feel like such a spoil sport. “Sorry, Sam.”

  “S’okay, I know you hate heights. Maybe you can sit this one out and I’ll go on my own?”

  I slump my shoulders even further and feel like a crappy sister. Everything she’s done for me, and I can’t even go on a stupid ride with her. “No way,” I perk up. “I declare today to be ‘Dakota and Sam Day.’ And if you want to go on a ride like that . . .” I say and point up to the ridiculously high ride, “ . . . then we’re going to go on it and any other ride you want to go on too.”

  Sam throws her arms around me and hugs me. “Thank you,” she whispers. “I know this mustn’t be easy for you.” She gives me a kiss on the cheek and steps back to look up as the seats on one side start their trip back to the top with new victims . . . I mean passengers.

  It doesn’t take long before we’re at the front of the line and it’s our turn. My stomach knots and my pulse quickens as the fat, sweaty guy calls us up and directs us to two available seats. “You sure you’ll be okay?” Sam asks while the guy checks our harnesses.

  “Yeah,” I lie. My heart’s in my throat and my skin prickles as sweat forms small beads across my forehead. Sam’s eyebrows lift and she tilts her head to the side. “I swear, I’ll be fine.”

  “Just close your eyes and enjoy the ride.”

  Enjoy the ride, she says. Like that’s going to happen.

  “All ready,” the controller calls.

  My eyes are glued to him. “Last chance,” Sam says close to my ear.

  “Nah, I’m good.” I don’t take my eyes off the guy, instead I watch as we slowly ascend toward the clouds. Everyone below gets smaller and smaller, as my heart evens out and I find a kind of peace up here. “I like this,” I say to Sam as we climb higher.

  “See, it’s not that bad.”

  I look over the breathtaking horizon. Green grass meets an alluring sapphire sky which creates an illusion of soft waves peaking in the distance. “Wow,” I murmur as I marvel at the spectacular sight created free for everyone’s pleasure.

  “Beautiful, right?” Sam asks. I nod my head and keep watching the absolute perfect painting with the finest of brushstrokes.

  “It’s simply . . .” Suddenly it happens. The carriage drops, my stomach is still at the top, while we’re hurtling toward the ground. I don’t scream, I don’t do anything. Sam’s arms are flapping around in the air as she lets out an almighty scream.

  We get to the ground in seconds although it took a few minutes to drag us to the top. “Oh my GOD!” Sam yells when we safely reach the bottom. “I want to go again.”

  “That was so much fun.”

  Sam’s eyes are wide and bright and I can imagine I must look the same as her. We jump out of our seats and run down the few steps to line up again. “Hey, let’s go on the Pendulum Swing first, then the Ferris Wheel, then we can come back and do this,” Sam eagerly looks at me, her smile broad and encouraging.

  “Hell yeah, let’s go before I lose my nerve.”

  We go and line up at the Pendulum Swing and wait our turn. “Oh my God, Dakota, I never in a million years thought you’d do this.” She bumps shoulders with me and smi
les. “I’m so proud of you.”

  The day goes by in a blur, and we spend a lot of time up in the air, only to be thrown from side to side, upside down and round and round on various rides.

  It’s getting on in the afternoon and we decide to stop and have a bite to eat before we check out the side attractions.

  “I feel like having a burger and a milk shake,” Sam says to me as we walk toward the covered food area.

  “Burger and lime lemonade,” I say. “Oh my God, and a piece of key lime pie.”

  Sam’s head whips around and she looks at me. Her mouth falls open and her eyes widen. “Oh yeah, key lime pie. How did I forget key lime pie?” She smacks her cheek playfully and quickly shakes her head. “What the hell is wrong with me? Maybe I can have dessert first.”

  We both chuckle and head directly over to one of the food vans selling what we want. When we get our food and drinks, we find a spot and head over to sit and eat. “You know, today’s been fun,” I say as I bite into my burger.

  “It has.”

  “Hi, Dakota, Sam,” I hear Reece’s distinct, deep voice. I look to my left and he sits down beside me. On the opposite side is someone else who looks a lot like Reece. “You remember my brother Miles?”

  “Hi,” both Sam and I chorus together. Miles is almost exactly the spitting image of Reece, but much older. I bite into my burger and keep an eye on Miles.

  “Wanna get some lunch?” Miles asks Reece.

  “Yeah I’ll have . . .” He turns his face to look at what I’m having and jerks his chin up to Miles. “Can I have a burger and a soda?”

  “’Spose I gotta buy it?” Miles questions Reece.

  “Jerk,” Reece mumbles.

  Miles stands and walks around the back of Reece, then darts his hand out and smacks Reece on the back of the head. Reece’s head jerks forward and he turns to flip his brother the bird.

  “Don’t you have another brother?” I ask putting down my burger.

  “I’m one of three. My younger brother, Luke, has recently turned five. Miles is twenty-one.”

  Mentally I’m doing the math in my head, but unconsciously my mouth opens and says, “That’s gotta suck. Huge age gaps.” I slap a hand to my mouth and look away. “Sorry, clearly I have a problem with saying what I think.”