Mistrust

by Margaret McHeyzer

  Grinning, I keep going, proud of myself. I notice how the tire is off the ground. “Yes!” I jump up and down like a little kid, proud at what I’ve managed to do with the guidance from Dad.

  “Yay! You go, girl,” Sam calls from the shelter of the umbrella.

  “Well done, Dakota,” Mom echoes in.

  “Now what?” I turn to Dad who’s got the proudest look on his face. He’s beaming with happiness and I can see he wants to let me do this on my own, but it must be killing him to stand back and watch.

  “Now you need to take the nuts off, and keep them safe.” I lean down and remove them fairly easily, considering I’ve already loosened them, and place them inside the hubcap for safekeeping. I look back to Dad for further instructions. “Now you have to take the tire off. Careful, ‘cause it’s heavy.”

  I flick my hand again. I’m Wonder Woman. I did this, I managed this entire thing all on my own. I’m not letting something like a ‘heavy tire’ get in my way now. I squat down in front of the tire and try to pull it off. I’m met with resistance and find the darn thing is heavy. “Damn it,” I half sigh as I prepare to really tug at it. “Right, let’s try this again.” Squatting in front of it, I get a good grip on it, and heave back.

  What happens next makes all of us gasp, Mom cries out, Sam yells, and Dad leaps forward. I pull on the tire with so much force, the tire comes off, I go flying backward, land on my butt in a huge muddy puddle, and the tire rolls away. It’s heading straight for Sam and passes her while flicking mud up in its wake.

  Dad lunges forward to chase the tire. Sam screams because as it’s rolled by her, it’s flicked mud into her face and in her eyes, and Mom’s shocked because she doesn’t know who to go to first.

  Mom turns to Sam who’s angrily groaning and says, “Are you okay? Here let me help you.” She lifts her soaking wet t-shirt and tries to clear the mud from Sam’s face.

  “I’ll be fine.” Sam shoos Mom away and rubs at her eyes. “I think I’ve got it all.” She blinks wildly as she tries to focus on me. When she sees me sprawled out in the biggest and muddiest puddle she loses it. She laughs so hard, her eyes become red and tears freely fall. “Oh my God. You’re covered in mud.”

  Mom’s taking steps toward Dad who’s retrieved the tire and is rolling it up toward us, but she stops and turns to look at me. “You really are a sight, Dakota.” She laughs too before heading over to help Dad.

  I manage to stand, with thick oozy mud dripping off my butt and try to flick all the big gunky parts off me. “Ah,” I groan in resignation. “No use.” I stomp toward Dad and wheel the tire the rest of the way. “You’re right, it’s heavy. But I’m going to do this.”

  Dad stands with amusement beaming off his face. The heavy wrinkles around his eyes are more prominent as he smiles at me. “Atta, girl. Now get the spare out.” He points to the back of the car and I follow where he’s indicating.

  “Right,” I say with determination. I’m going to change this darn tire even if it takes me all night.

  Analyzing how the tire is fastened into the cavity, I undo the one bolt holding it in, and lift it out. This time I don’t underestimate its weight and use my back and legs to get it out. Lifting the muddy flat tire, I put it in its place. Taking a step back, I smile triumphantly at myself. I’m so proud I managed to get as far as I have, although I’m filthy and making my family wait in the rain. Thankfully, the rain isn’t cold, instead it’s humid and incredibly sticky.

  The next part goes fairly easily because it’s working in reverse to what I’ve already done. By the time I fasten the nuts on the tire, Mom and Sam are already packing the car . . . again.

  Dad instructs me on the final steps and when I lower the car I smile with so much pride. “I did it!” I say while turning to Dad. I tighten the bolts and stand to admire my work.

  He holds his hand up, and I jump to give him a high-five. “Yes, you did. I’m really proud of you, Dakota. Well done. Now let’s get home.”

  Still on cloud nine, I help Mom and Sam with the last couple of things, then get in the car. We’re all wet, dirty, and tired on the way home. Everyone’s quiet while Dad drives, only the soft tunes of the radio are on, lulling Sam and me into a calm and relaxing state. The rumble of the tires against the road is so rhythmic and gentle it acts like a sedative for me. My blinks become longer as I feel my breath start to ease into the relaxed rhythm.

  Turning my head, I pretend to look out the window so no one sees me with closed eyes. The car smoothly rocks, making my environment so much more comfortable. My mind forms a perfect, carefree void. Nothing can disturb the relaxed state coursing through me.

  A man appears and smiles at me. His face is blurry, but I can see the shine of his teeth when he smiles. He lifts his hand to me, and beckons me over to him. Cautiously I take a step toward him, but something doesn’t feel right. My stomach is buzzing nervously at an unfamiliar, yet known, hazard. “Come with me,” he tempts as he smiles again.

  I try to focus on his face, squinting harder I attempt to make the color of his eyes. However, the closer I look the less I see.

  “Who are you?” I ask as I lift my foot to shuffle closer to him.

  “You know who I am.”

  A gush of cold wind touches my skin, and when I look to see where the gust has come from Sam’s standing beside the faceless man. “Sam, no!” I yell, trying to run after her. My feet become weighted and I look down to find them covered in heavy concrete with water rapidly rising around me. When I look up to Sam, she’s no longer there, and the faceless man has disappeared too.

  “Sam!” I yell startling awake. Blinking rapidly, my terrified body is vibrating from shaking. “Sam!”

  “Hey, I’m here,” Sam answers. Looking over to her, she sits up in her seat and scrubs her hand over her eyes.

  “Are you okay, Dakota? You were mumbling in your sleep,” Mom says, shifting in her seat to have a better look at me.

  Sam places her hand on her thigh, and I lean over to grasp it. She tightens her fingers around mine, and gives me a reassuring smile. My gaze follows her, just to make she’s actually here and not with the man from my dream. “Yeah, I’m okay. I had a weird dream.” Shaking my head, I run my free hand over my eyes to try and help wake me. “Like really weird.”

  “What happened?’ Mom asks, her brows crease while her eyes intently stare.

  “It was really strange.” I blink rapidly trying to recall the dream, but just as it came, it’s managed to disappear. “I don’t remember it all.” Mom’s face becomes warm as she relaxes all her features. Shrugging my shoulders, I say, “I don’t remember.”

  “It was only a dream, dear.”

  Looking out the window, I notice we’re nearly home and I sigh with relief. Home is my safe place, my haven where I know everything will be okay.

  We pull into our driveway, and Dad presses the button so the garage door rolls up. When I get out, I look at the back bench seat and notice all the mud and dirty water from where Sam and I were sitting. Dad comes and stands beside me, enveloping me in a hug. “Sorry, Dad.” Heaviness sits inside me, we dirtied Mom and Dad’s car.

  “We’ll clean it tomorrow. Go have a hot shower, and get into your pajamas. Your mother and I can unload the car.”

  “I’ll help,” I offer.

  Sam pipes up at the same time and offers to help, too.

  Dad lets out a large puff of air and runs his hand through his hair. “Alright, then let’s get this done. One thing I’ve learned is never stand in the way of a woman. And since there are three of you standing here looking at me, I’m no fool.” He throws his hands up in resignation then goes to the car to begin unloading.

  It doesn’t take us long to finish and then Mom sends Sam and me to have a shower. She said we’ve done enough for today. She also said we’ll be ordering pizza for dinner because she hadn’t prepared anything.

  Taking myself to the shower in Mom and Dad’s room, I adjust the temperature to the hottest I can handl
e and lean against the wall. The water flowing over my body instantly relaxes all my muscles and I’m made aware of the heaviness and aching in my entire body.

  My insides feel as if they’ve been put through a very intense obstacle course. Changing the tire has created pain in every muscle, even ones I never knew existed.

  I let my head roll forward, my chin touches the top of my chest as the pounding, hot water brings every strain to light, before lulling them back into comfort. My mind drifts as I begin to soap my body, slowly massaging the ache burning through me.

  With my eyes closed, I mewl softly when I knead a knot in my calf. The heavenly feeling of the warm water and my tender fingers, releases the knot and sends me into a blissful state of relaxation.

  My body is slowly responding to the heat of the water and my hands as I brush over the tired muscles. A beautiful memory of Sam and me high on the Ferris Wheel pops into my mind.

  Opening my eyes, I smile because it’s been a while since I’ve felt normal. And even longer since I’ve been carefree and happy.

  There’s a knock on the door, and Sam shouts, “Hey, dinner’s here. Hurry up.” Bang, bang, bang.

  “I’ll be out in a few.”

  “Good, ‘cause I’m hungry.”

  Bang, bang.

  Quickly finishing washing myself and rinse hair, I get out of the shower, towel dry and get changed into my pajamas. Wrapping a towel around my head, I find my family sitting around eating dinner.

  Mom’s laughing, and Dad’s chuckling while he helps himself to another piece of pizza although he’s already holding one.

  “Hey, slow down or there’ll be nothing left for me,” I say as I pull the chair out, fold one leg up under me, and sit.

  “Quick, don’t let Dakota get any.” Dad lunges forward to pick up the pizza box, quickly smashing the lid shut and dragging the box over to him.

  “Very funny, ha ha.” I fold my arms in front of my chest and stare at Dad, giving him my best ever death stare. “Come on, I’m hungry.”

  “Gotta pay the piper.” Dad looks at me with raised eyebrows and holds the pizza box closer to his chest.

  “And the price would be what?”

  I slowly unfold my hands, and place them on the table getting ready to leap over and grab the box. Just as Dad shoves the rest of the piece he’s holding into his mouth, I lunge, and he moves the pizza box, resulting in me not getting the damn pizza.

  “Ha, you’ll have to try harder, kiddo.” He chuckles. “Told ya there’s a fee if you want to eat.”

  I look over to my sister, who’s smiling while she’s eating, and Mom, who’s getting glasses and a bottle of soda for us all. I’m darn hungry, so I sigh and sit back down. “What’s the price?” I grumble.

  Dad sticks his cheek out, points to it, and closes his eyes.

  He wants a kiss.

  Standing, I wet my lips so they’re saturated, and plant a huge, sloppy kiss on his cheek. The moment my wet lips make contact, Dad lets out an “Ewww,” but doesn’t move away. I reach out, quickly grab the box and move to sit. “See, it wasn’t that bad.”

  Smiling, I open the box and grab a piece of pizza.

  Mom returns and places the glasses down in front of us, and pours us all a drink. “I was thinking, is it okay if next week sometime we have a cookout with a couple of my friends?” I ask while devouring the pizza.

  “Who’ll be coming over?” Mom asks.

  “Sophie, and Reece, and Sam can ask Taylor.”

  “Yeah, Mom, can we?” Sam’s eyes pop wide open as she sits forward on her chair, eagerly looking at Mom.

  “Why don’t you ask them to come over during the week, that way I’ll still be home and I can cook while you kids use the pool?”

  Smiling at Dad I look over to Sam, who’s so excited she’s almost bouncing out of her seat. I nod to her, and wait for her to agree; but I don’t think I’m going to get too much out of her, she’s way too excited to say anything. “Thanks, Dad. That’ll be great.”

  “Who did you say you’re inviting?” Mom sits back down and relaxes back into her chair.

  “Sophie and Reece. And I’m pretty sure Sam will want Taylor here.” I look to Sam who’s nodding like one of those cartoon characters.

  “I see no problem with that. Do you?” Mom asks Dad.

  “Nope. Get ’em over and enjoy the pool while the weather’s nice.”

  Sam jumps up off the chair and hugs Mom, then Dad. “Thank you,” she says and gives Dad a kiss before turning to give one to Mom. “What food can we have?”

  “S’mores,” Dad pipes up and adds. “We brought the graham crackers and marshmallows camping with us, and we didn’t get to have any. We have to have s’mores.”

  “Not too many for you, darling,” Mom says as she reaches out and squeezes Dad’s hand.

  Dad’s chest deflates as his shoulders slump. Mom’s the best caregiver in the world, she really looks out for Dad and his health. “Maybe, I’ll have just three or four.”

  “More like two.”

  Dad groans and rolls his eyes. “Urgh,” he mumbles again. “Fine, I’ll have two.”

  Mom smiles triumphantly to herself and Dad catches my eye. He nods his head as his eyes widen, he’s silently asking me to help by sneaking more s’mores to him.

  “Hey, after dinner can we play the whisper challenge?” Sam asks.

  “Oh gosh. Last time we played that, my nose was running because I was laughing so hard,” Mom says.

  “That was so much fun. Hell yeah we can play it,” Dad adds. “I’m going to try and make your mother pee herself laughing this time.” Dad looks so pleased with himself.

  We finish dinner quickly and get ready for the whisper challenge. Dad has his turn with the headphones first, and I blast a real chick song through my iPod making Dad wince when he hears the music. He yells, “Can’t you pick a better song? Chick music hurts my head.”

  We’re all laughing, because we know how much Dad hates modern music, but even more so at the fact he’s yelling. I shake my head at him.

  Tonight’s theme is movies and movie characters. Dad has to guess my movie character first. “Scooby Doo,” I say.

  Dad’s watching my mouth intently and squints at me. “Again,” he yells.

  “Scooby Doo.”

  “Scabby.”

  I laugh. “Scooby Doo.”

  “I did a poo.”

  Sam loses it, laughs so much she half rolls off the sofa. “Scooby Doo.”

  “I am blue.”

  “Your father’s a Smurf,” Mom says and laughs.

  “Scooby Doo.” Dad shakes his head. His eyes following my mouth with so much concentration. “Scooby Doo.”

  “The man flew.”

  “Scooby Doo.” Tears are springing to my eyes, and I’m finding it so hard to contain the laughter which is bubbling away inside me.

  “Soccer balls curfew.”

  I look to Sam and smack my hand on my forehead. None of what he’s guessed are movies or characters. “Scooby Doo.”

  “007.”

  “Scooby Doo.”

  “Adele rules.”

  “Scooby Doo.” I can feel myself becoming more frustrated with every time I repeat the character.

  Dad puckers his lips while I’m saying ‘Scooby Doo’ and the way his lips form an almost perfect O, makes me burst into laughter. “Oh I think I’ve got it,” he yells over the music. “Chewbacca.” That’s all it takes from Dad and we’re all in hysterics. “Judging by all the laughing, I don’t think Chewbacca is right,” he hollers even louder.

  Mom shoots up off the sofa and runs down the hallway. Sam is doubled over, clutching her stomach with tears of laughter rolling down her cheeks, and I’m laughing so hard my cheeks are hurting and I can’t say anything.

  The song finishes and Dad takes off the headphones. Our rules are if it hasn’t been guessed in the length of a song, you lose the round. “What the hell were you saying?” he asks me in seriousness.

 
“Scooby Doo,” I say clutching my side because I’m laughing so much I now have a stitch.

  “Really?” Dad’s face has no emotion. “Scooby Doo?” I nod at him. Mom comes back, her face flushed from laughing so much. “Hmmm.” Dad stands and gives the headphones over to Mom, who’s still laughing.

  The remainder of the night is spent with us laughing hysterically. By the time I head to bed, my cheeks are sore, my sides are aching, and I can’t help but still laugh at all the wrong answers . . . and the shouting.

  Closing my eyes, I’m taken away to dreamland. Thank goodness, dreamland warmly accepts me and shows me images of pure happiness.

  “Can I help?” I ask Mom while she prepares the food for the cookout. We planned it for two nights after we got back from our camping trip-slash-disaster.

  “Sure, want to make the salad?”

  “Yep.” I slide in behind the large island bench in the kitchen, and start working around Mom who’s peeling potatoes. “What are we eating?” I look around the food on the kitchen counter, hoping it’ll give me some hints as to what’s for dinner.

  “Salad.” She pointedly looks down at the ingredients I’m getting out of the fridge. I roll my eyes, but smile. “Hamburgers, potato salad.”

  “Yum,” I interrupt her to say.

  “Hot dogs, steak, and watermelon.”

  “Mom, there’s only seven of us, why so much?”

  “There’s no such thing as too much, Dakota. We can head down to the local church and give them what’s left over. They run a homeless kitchen, so I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.”

  I shrug my shoulders. I suppose she has a point. Mom has always said, better for us to give food away than not have enough. She’s thrown a few parties, and there’s always way too much food left over, so she packs it up and takes it to the local church.

  “We should make extra anyway, so we can take them some food.” I chop the lettuce for the salad, and out of my peripheral vision I notice Mom stop what she’s doing.

  “That’s really thoughtful, honey. I’m proud of you for thinking of others.” She leans over and kisses my cheek. “Then we’re also having chicken and corn on the cob.” She heads over to the fridge and takes the chicken and corn out.