Mistrust

by Margaret McHeyzer

  NM, Sam asking mom abt movies.

  Sam returns with an even bigger smile. “Mom will drop us off and pick us up. I’ll just call Taylor.” She hurries out of my room and I hear her talking in a hushed voice to Taylor.

  I send a text to Reece:

  Mom dropping us off. What time?

  There’s no reply from Reece and I frown while looking at my phone. Sam comes back into my room, and sits on my bed. “We’ll just meet there and see what’s playing. You okay with that?” I nod my head. “And then maybe we can go get pizza?” she asks hopeful I’ll say yes. I nod again. “And then maybe Taylor can come over.”

  “Did you ask Mom?”

  She scrunches her mouth and shakes her head. “Not yet. See, if Reece comes over too, then it won’t be so bad for me to ask if Taylor can come.”

  Sneaky. “I’ll ask Mom and Reece.”

  “Yay!”

  My phone rings in my hand and I look down to see Reece’s name flashing on the screen. “Hello?” I answer perplexed as to why he’s not texting me.

  “So much easier for me to call rather than text.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  Sam enthusiastically grabs onto my thigh and squeezes while watching me talking with Reece. ‘Come on’ she mouths to me.

  “We’re good for tonight. Sam’s already checked with Taylor and he’s okay with it. Mom said she can drop us off and pick us up, but Sam asked if you’d be into grabbing a pizza or something after the movie for dinner. And if you want to hang out here afterwards?”

  “Grab a pizza and take it back to your place?”

  “Well, I suppose we can do that.”

  “Do what?” Sam whispers. I flick her with my hand to be quiet so I can hear what Reece is saying.

  “I got my license last week, I can bring us all back to your place.”

  “Um,” I stumble. “I gotta check with Mom, but it should be okay.”

  “What time do you want to meet? And what movie are we watching?”

  “I’m not sure about the movie. I don’t even know what’s out. How ‘bout we meet there at around six, and we can decide when we all get there?”

  I look to Sam who’s already texting Taylor the time to meet us there. She looks up and gives me a thumbs-up.

  “Yeah, six works for me. See you then.”

  We hang up and I look to Sam who’s got a goofy grin stretching across her beautiful face. “What? You look worried.”

  “Reece got his license last week, and offered to bring us back home. He suggested grabbing a pizza and come back here.”

  “Hell, yeah. But you better ask Mom if it’s okay for him to drive us.”

  I tee it up with Mom, and she says if we text her when we get the pizza and come straight home, then she’s okay with Reece driving us and for Taylor and Reece to hang with us for a few hours.

  Sam flutters around the house in an excited and happy state all day. By five o’clock she’s ready to go and trying to get me to hurry up. Rolling my eyes at her enthusiasm, I get ready too.

  Mom drops us off at the movies with about ten minutes to spare, but Taylor’s already there, pacing outside while he waits for Sam.

  The minute he sees our car, his face lights up and he comes over to open Sam’s door. “Hi!” she squeals and throws herself into his arms for a hug.

  “Hi, Mrs. B,” Taylor says once Sam’s untangles herself from him.

  “Hello, Taylor. I’ll see you back home soon.”

  Taylor waves, Mom beeps and leaves. Reece isn’t here yet, so we wait until we see Reece’s brother’s car pull into a spot.

  Reece gets out, locks the car and starts walking toward us. Dressed in an AC/DC t-shirt and jeans, I can’t help but look at the way the jeans hug his body. My cheeks flush as I continue staring at him walking toward us. I shouldn’t be looking at him, and I definitely shouldn’t be feeling anything at all toward him, but I can’t help the way my body is reacting to him.

  The small flutter in my stomach gets a little wilder when he spots me and smiles hugely. He runs his hand through his hair and when he makes his way over to us, he leans down, gives me a sweet kiss on the cheek. He holds his hand out for Taylor to shake, and leans in to give Sam a kiss on the cheek.

  “Only old people shake hands,” Taylor teases Reece.

  Reece throws his head back and laughs in a carefree way. “Well I’m not going to give you a kiss. Besides we’re gentlemen, Taylor. Don’t you forget it.” He looks at me and winks.

  Crap, more fluttering.

  “Touché,” Taylor responds. “Alright, let’s see what movie is playing.” Taylor slings his arm around Sam’s shoulders and brings her in close to him. They go ahead of us, up the stairs and into the cinema.

  Reece hangs back, and waits for me to go first. “You look very pretty, Dakota.”

  I look down to what I’m wearing, and try to hold in my smile. “Thank you.” Reece sticks his hands in his pockets once we’re in the lobby and takes a step away from me. Suddenly I feel self-conscious and discreetly sniff the space around me to make sure I haven’t forgotten to use deodorant.

  Taylor and Reece want to see the new horror movie, Sam wants to see the new Disney movie, and I want to watch a new comedy.

  “Majority rules,” Taylor proudly announces.

  “I hate horror. I’ll end up watching the movie from behind my hand, which means I won’t watch the movie,” I plead my case.

  “I hate horror too. I won’t watch a horror movie. You two can go sit in there together and watch it, and Dakota and I will go watch something else.”

  Taylor’s nose wrinkles, and Reece takes a big step away from Taylor. “Sorry, dude. I’m not homophobic or anything, but no way do I want to watch a movie with you. You’re not the reason I’m here,” Reece tells Taylor, but not before turning and winking at me.

  Double crap, another flutter.

  “Right, so no horror.” Taylor lets out a frustrated breath. “That leaves either Sam’s Disney movie, or Dakota’s comedy.”

  “Comedy,” Reece immediately replies.

  “Yeah, sorry, Sam, but I’d rather see a comedy than a Disney flick.” Taylor shudders and shakes his head.

  “Fine.” Sam pretends to be peeved, although the smile breaking out on her face belies her words.

  We stand in line to get our tickets, and true to his claim of being a gentleman, the moment it was our turn to buy the tickets, Reece pays for both mine and his.

  “Here you go.” I pull some money out of my pocket and hand it to Reece. Looking down, he smiles and shakes his head. “Reece, you didn’t have to pay for my ticket.” I try to shove the money at him, but he steps back.

  “I didn’t ask you out so you could pay for yourself. Do you want popcorn or a drink?” He turns and heads to the candy bar, lining up behind Taylor and Sam.

  “Let me buy the popcorn.”

  “Do you want popcorn?”

  “Well, yeah. It’s sacrilege to come to the movies and not get popcorn.”

  “And a soda?”

  “A bottle of water for me.”

  We get to the front of the line, and once Reece gives our order, I take my money out of my pocket and try to pay. Reece gently smacks my hand away and hands his own money to the the guy serving us. “You can’t keep doing that,” I say, frustrated with him.

  “Yeah I can.” He chuckles. Handing me my water, he carries the jumbo popcorn and his soda and leads the way into the movie.

  “Where are you guys sitting?” I ask Sam and Taylor who’ve been waiting for us at the candy bar.

  “In front of you guys.”

  “Let’s go in, it’s about to start,” Taylor says.

  Reece and I go in and find our seats. The lights are still on and people are shuffling in, finding their allocated seats. We sit in the second to last row, with Sam and Taylor directly in front of us.

  “I hear this movie is really good,” Reece says while he sits and places his soda in the cup holder next to him.
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  “Yeah, me too. I’m looking forward to it.”

  “Look,” he whispers as he leans over to me, jutting his chin toward Sam and Taylor.

  They’re both sitting low in their seats and Taylor has his arm around Sam. Both their heads are together, and they’re giggling and whispering to each other.

  “Aw.” It makes my heart swell, seeing them like this. They’re so cute together.

  The lights dim and darkness engulfs us before the huge screen comes to life. The movie starts, and I sit back in my seat, relaxed and completely oblivious to everything around me.

  I’m getting lost in the movie, laughing at all the funny lines and the over the top, ridiculously hilarious storyline.

  I reach into the popcorn and vow to myself to not have anymore, because I’ve been eating so much of it. Dusting the copious salt from my hands, I rest them on my thighs and keep watching the movie.

  Reece takes his phone out of his pocket and hides the screen as he reads what I assume is a text message. Frowning, he looks over his shoulder to our right, then puts the phone away. Shifting in the seat beside me he finds a comfortable spot and just as he settles, he shifts again. For the next few minutes I’m distracted by Reece and his restlessness. He mumbles something to himself, and I turn to look at him. “Are you okay?” I whisper.

  He nods at me and crosses his arms in front of his chest. Minutes later he huffs and moves again. His edginess keeps me from paying full attention to the movie. I keep an eye on Reece. Maybe he’s getting sick, or something could be wrong.

  Abruptly, he stands and leaves the cinema without saying a word. Sam turns around just in time to see Reece leaving. She looks at me and her shoulders come up in question. ‘I don’t know,’ I mouth while my hands rise, palm side up to match my whispered words.

  I begin to worry something has happened to Reece. Maybe the text message he received is bothering him and he has to reply to it. Maybe, it’s got something to do with his brother Miles and enlisting. Or maybe, something’s wrong at his house with his little brother. Panic swiftly rises as I keep looking over my shoulder toward the door, just waiting for him to return.

  Tapping Sam on the shoulder, I lean in and whisper, “I’m going to go find Reece.”

  “Do you want me to come with you?”

  “Nah, it’s okay. I need to go to the bathroom anyway. Just watch our stuff and here, hold my water.”

  “Okay.” Sam turns forward again, and tells Taylor what’s going on.

  Quietly, I get up and head outside to find Reece.

  He’s over in the furthest corner, his head is down and he’s on his phone. I walk over to him and he doesn’t realize I’m out here until I stand right in front of him. “Hey, is everything okay?”

  Reece startles when he hears me. “Yeah, everything’s okay, let’s go back inside.” His face is red and his body is vibrating. Reece’s shoulders are pulled back tight but his eyes are everywhere, looking around us but avoiding me.

  “Reece, what’s going on? Do you need to go home?” I’m beyond worried now, I know something’s going on, but he’s not telling me.

  “No!” he says way too loud. “Nothing’s wrong, let’s go back in.” He sticks his phone and hands in his pockets and waits for me to go first. I wonder what has him so agitated?

  “I need to go to the bathroom, I’ll meet you in there.”

  “So do I,” he responds way too quickly. His eyes keep darting back to the door of the cinema we came out of, and he looks distracted and worried.

  Unsure of what the hell is going on, I go to the bathroom. When I come out, Reece is leaning up against the wall opposite the bathroom where he has the best view of people coming and going. He’s still looking stressed though and something’s not adding up. “Have you been waiting for me the entire time?”

  Reece looks down the corridor, as if he’s on guard detail. “No.”

  I stand in front of him and put my hands on my hips, tilting my head to the side in question. “Really?”

  He huffs a breath, but not before looking down the hallway again. “Okay, yes. Can we go back into the movie, please?”

  “What’s going on? Something’s wrong and you’re not telling me.”

  “I promise, it’s nothing.” Nothing my ass. He wouldn’t be so protective if it was ‘nothing.’

  “Fine,” I respond sharply and start walking back into the cinema. “If you say so.”

  “Thank you.”

  We open the door to the dark cinema, and Reece leads me back to our seats. The moment I’m comfortable, Sam turns and looks at me. Her eyebrows are drawn together and she quickly lifts her shoulders. I lean down to her and whisper, “I’ll tell you later.” Though really, I have nothing to tell her, because Reece won’t tell me shit.

  By now Reece and I have missed a chunk of the movie, but luckily it’s an easy film to catch up on. As I’m watching the movie, I feel a foreign warmth on my hand. Instantly I pull away tucking my hands under my opposite arms, while panic begins to consume me. My breathing increases as I tense and tremble.

  Looking to Reece, he quickly steals the offending object back, and I notice he tried holding my hand. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

  “It’s okay.” A rock sits in the pit of my stomach, and I feel terrible for reacting so badly toward him.

  With the film now forgotten, I keep a watchful eye on Reece and notice how he’s shifted as far away from me as possible.

  I can’t lead him on; it’s not fair to him. But at the same time, he does something to me. He makes my heart spike with happiness when I see him, my pulse races and those butterflies flutter like crazy. But it’s not fair to him, to give him false hope that he can have a relationship with me. It’s obvious that’s what he wants, or what he wants to try for. If he wanted just sex, he wouldn’t be going to all the effort he is. He wouldn’t want my sister and her boyfriend around, and he wouldn’t be happy to simply spend time with me.

  Am I being selfish? I really enjoy hanging out with him, but I can’t give him what he wants. He’s a guy, and I’m sure if he wants a relationship from me, then there’s no way I can offer him sex. I just can’t. I’m not ready for that step, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready for it.

  The damn emotional part of my brain is screaming how worthless I am to him. How I have nothing to offer him because I’m damaged goods. Damn it! Stop thinking about it. He wouldn’t want a relationship with me. He just wants sex.

  “Are you okay?” It’s now my turn to be restless and shift in my seat.

  “I’m fine,” I snap at Reece. Closing my eyes I tilt my head so he can’t see me and take a few deep breaths to get back in control of my stupid emotions. Once I’ve managed to calm myself down, I lean toward Reece and whisper, “I’m sorry.”

  If Reece wanted nothing more than sex, he would’ve hit on me ages ago. He wouldn’t have gone to all this effort. He would’ve tried the night he beat Levi at the charity basketball game. He wouldn’t have waited.

  And I do like him. He’s shown himself to be caring and sweet. He’s kept his hands to himself and not tried to force anything on me. I’m so torn. I like him, I do, but I don’t think I could ever be enough for him. If we do take a step toward a relationship, how long will he be willing to wait for it to become physical?

  Levi made it perfectly clear to me, he didn’t have the patience to wait. And I really have to be fair to Reece.

  Reece smiles at me then shifts again in his seat, sitting squarely instead of moving as far away from me as he can. He turns his head to watch the big screen, and puts his hand on the arm rest between us. He looks uncomfortable like this, but at the same time I know what he’s doing.

  He’s giving me the option to hold his hand if I want to. Reece is leaving it to me to decide, without putting any pressure on me. His big hand is on the arm rest, between us; he’s making no more effort to touch me, probably because of my initial bad reaction.

  Moving my hands, I place them back o
n my lap. My head is turned forward, pretending to watch the movie, while I try to sneakily look at Reece’s reaction. I inch my hand over, only enough for it to be resting on my outer thigh.

  I can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to touch him and to give him false hope. Pulling my hand back, I knit them both together in my lap and hold them there. Reece’s hand doesn’t falter, he doesn’t move away.

  Damn it, why does he have to be so understanding?

  Slowly I unravel my hands, and shaking, I begin to move one toward his. My throat becomes dry as I nervously draw closer to his. I can feel he’s looking at me, and watching for me to take his hand.

  Swallowing down the dryness in my mouth, I inch my hand closer to his. Gradually I extend my shaky pinky, only just reaching his. He too stretches his pinky out. Deliberately slow, our pinkies meet, barely touching.

  My body reacts by shivering and cold goosebumps pebble my skin while I try to breathe normally through this monumental obstacle I’ve overcome. Relaxing into his touch I move my hand closer to his, the length of our pinkies touching together.

  Reece moves his finger on top of mine, hooking them together.

  Watching the screen, I breathe through the intense anguish bubbling away beneath my pebbled skin. I don’t want to pull away; I like the warmth of his touch. I even like how he’s curved his little finger over mine.

  It feels comfortable, it feels right.

  There’s not much left of the movie, but suddenly I find myself paying attention to it. Reece’s finger entwined with mine isn’t stressing me out as much as I had built up in my mind. I had stressed myself out, completely making a huge deal out of something which has turned out to be nice.

  When the lights in the cinema turn on, Reece’s body becomes rigid as he looks around the huge room. There’s a steady line of people already shuffling out. Sam stands and turns around, her eyes going straight to where Reece and I are holding hands, or I should say, holding pinkies. Her face brightens with a giant smile when her eyes lock on our hands.

  “Huh, look what we have here, my former best friend, and the slut I was dating. Two love birds by the looks of things.” The voice pierces me and makes me cringe. And to think, I thought I was in love with him.