Mistrust

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “Hi, Mr. Bennett. Mrs. Bennett.” Sophie smiles.

  “Well, time for me to get out and go wash up,” Dad announces.

  “I’ll get a start on dinner. We’re having chicken and salad. Sophie will you be staying?” Mom asks.

  Both Mom and Dad are now on the steps and about to leave the pool.

  “If it’s okay?” Sophie looks to me, I nod. Mom and Dad nod too. “Awesome, thank you.”

  “We’ll leave you girls to do whatever girls do.” Dad and Mom link fingers and walk into the house, both drenched.

  “Your parents are so cool.”

  “I’m going in, too. See you guys in a bit,” Sam says, climbing out.

  Sophie looks at me with a worried gaze on her face. “Do I smell?” She sniffs at her armpits for dramatic effect.

  “I guess they wanted to leave us alone. Mom and Dad don’t hang around, they’re cool.”

  “Yeah, they are.”

  Sophie dunks under the water and comes up with her long blonde hair completely wet. “Man, it’s nice in here.”

  “Yeah.” I swim over and go sit on the steps leading into the pool. “Reece has been calling me every day.”

  “Since you told him?” I had filled Sophie in on what happened the night we went to the movies.

  “Yeah.” I take a deep breath. “Is it wrong for me to like him?”

  “No way. He’s nice. And he knows and he’s not judging you. That has to mean something. To me, it speaks volumes.”

  “It feels weird. Like I shouldn’t like him. I mean, I’m nowhere near ready to do anything with him, but I have this gut feeling he wouldn’t push me for anything.”

  “Why shouldn’t you like him?” She swims over to me and sits beside me on the step. “What happened can’t define you.”

  “But, isn’t too soon?”

  “Are you going to have sex with him?”

  “Oh God, no way. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready for that.”

  “You will be, one day. But for now, just go with it. If you don’t think he’ll pressure you, or try anything on you, or tell anyone, why not hang out with him? There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a normal life.”

  “What if it comes out and people think I am a slut because suddenly I like Reece?”

  Sophie’s mouth pulls up into a weak smile. “You’re worried about what others might think? Is it important to you what they think of you? Besides, you yourself have said you’re not going to have sex with him in a hurry.”

  I shrug and kick my feet in the water. “I suppose.”

  “Look, he knows what happened, and he still wants to hang out with you. Has he tried forcing you to do anything?”

  “Of course not.”

  “So if you like him, and he likes you, go with the flow. Who knows, you may not like the way he is in a couple of months. You can say ‘see you later.’”

  I shake my head at Sophie. “Like the way he is? I doubt that. He’s already said I have to stick by him when we go back to school.”

  “See? Cool guy right there. Honestly, Dakota, give it a shot and see where things lead.”

  “He asked me to go the park with him and his little brother, but I don’t know.”

  “Go, see how he is with his brother. It’s not marriage. It’s him wanting to get to know you better while doing it in a safe environment for you. He hasn’t asked to be alone with you, or put you in a position where you would feel unsafe. And he’s with his little brother.”

  I think of Sam and the lack of filter she had when she was younger. “Yeah, you’re right. Kids do have a tendency to say what they hear and see. Okay, I’ll text him later and tell him I’ll go to the park with him and his brother.”

  Sophie smiles, but her eyes drop and so does her mood. “I wish I knew who hurt me the night of the party. I’d like to hurt him.”

  A shiver rips up my back and even though the heat is inching toward a hundred, coolness automatically overtakes me. Nodding my head I whisper, “I know how you feel.”

  “Whoever he is, I hope when they find him they also find what he took from me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Whoever . . . you know . . .” her voice drops when she says ‘you know.’ “He took my panties. When I woke, they were gone.”

  Thinking back to the morning I woke on the back field and lifting my dress to find mine were missing too. “Oh my God.” I clasp a hand to my mouth and look at Sophie in sheer shock.

  “What?” She moves her body, ready to jump up and run to get help.

  “Mine were gone too.”

  “What?” she gasps softly. “Yours were missing too?”

  I nod my head, startled by this revelation. Both Sophie and I sit on the step, stunned and horrified by what we’ve discovered. “Are you saying . . . ?”

  “We were raped by the same person?” she finishes my thought, and my sentence.

  “Oh my God,” we both say synchronized. We sit in the pool, completely speechless and horrified by what we’ve just worked out. This can’t be happening, can it? We can’t both have been victims of the same person. Things like that don’t happen in the real world, do they? It seems like hours pass, because neither of us are talking, silent while thinking about the situation. “That means, if your panties were missing, and mine were missing, then it’s likely he took them as trophies.”

  “More horrifying than that is the fact he’s a serial rapist.”

  “But . . . but . . . but . . .” I try saying, clutching at nothing. “It happened to you about a year ago?” I question. Sophie nods her head, confirming my words. “Then that also means, logically, if he got away with it with you, then it’s probably happened to someone else in between you and me.” I point to Sophie, then point to myself. Sophie nods again. “Shit,” I whisper.

  A serial rapist. Someone who takes our panties and keeps trophies. “Shit,” Sophie says.

  “Do you realize what this means?”

  I look at her. Her face is pale white, her dark gray eyes hooded with fear. Her skin has small prickly bumps all over it. “I’m trying not to think of what it means, Dakota. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to survive this again.”

  “I’m sorry. I’ll be quiet.”

  “No, you have to tell me what you’re thinking.”

  Swallowing, I try and calm my rapid pulse. “You went to a party and were assaulted. Then, a year later, it happens to me at the prom. Both times, our panties were missing. It means those aren’t coincidences. It means it’s most likely the same person. And if it’s the same person, then it’s someone who lives here and knows us. And it probably means they’ve done it again and since. And hopefully soon, they’ll be caught.”

  “Fuck, what a mess.” She drops her chin to her chest and cries.

  And I’m left wondering what the hell is going on.

  If I’m a victim and Sophie’s a victim, how many more girls have fallen prey to this monster?

  But more importantly, who the hell is he?

  “I’ll pick you up in about an hour?” Reece asks. We’d been messaging back and forth and I told him I’d love to go to the park with him and Luke. He’s called so we can organize a time and a park to meet at.

  Although I’m comfortable with him, I’m still not ready to take the next step and be in a position where I have to say no if he asks for anything more than holding my hand. “You know the park a few blocks over from my place?”

  “Yeah, down on Brown Street.”

  “Yeah, that’s the one. Can we meet there? There’s a swing set, a slippery slide, and some other things for Luke to play on.”

  “Sure.” I can hear the disappointment in his voice. In a roundabout way I’ve said I don’t trust him to ride in his car alone. I do, but I don’t want to put either one of us in an awkward position.

  “Okay, see you in about an hour.” I hang up and go into my bedroom to put a pair of shorts and a t-shirt on. Then I head out to Mom to tell her I’m going to the park to
meet up with Reece and his little brother Luke.

  The hour flies by. When I get to the park, Reece and his brother are already playing on the swings. I walk over to them, and when Reece sees me, his eyes light up and a huge smile spreads over his face. He stops pushing Luke on the swings and walks straight to me. “Hi,” he says stopping only a foot away from me.

  Looking up into his dark brown eyes, I smile. “Hi.”

  He reaches out to touch me, but quickly changes his mind and drops his hand. “Hi,” he says again.

  A bigger smile pulls at the corners of my mouth. “Hi.”

  “Is it wrong for me to say how much I’ve missed you? Does it sound corny?”

  Aw, my heart fills with happiness. “Not at all. I’ve missed you too.”

  He takes a step closer and extends his hand, offering it to me. He’s waiting for me to take it, and he’s not trying to make me hold it. Slowly, I extend my hand until our fingers are linked together. The warmth of his hand calms me.

  Something inside me beats wildly while we walk toward Luke who’s swinging his legs high on the swing. “Are you the girl Reece thinks is pretty?” he asks while looking up and squinting from the sun behind me.

  My cheeks instantly glow pink and I look to Reece, who’s looking down at the dirt while smiling. “Come on, bud. We talked about this,” Reece says to Luke.

  “Oh, yeah, that’s right.” He scrunches his mouth and nose, and keeps pumping his legs faster on the swing. “Will you push me?” he asks Reece.

  “I’ll push you,” I offer.

  “But you’re a girl.”

  “Nice of you to notice,” I reply dryly.

  “Girls don’t know how to push kids on swings,” he pauses. “Unless you’re a mommy. And you don’t look like a mommy. Are you?”

  “No way. But I have a little sister who I used to push when she was your age.”

  “Is she pretty too, like you?”

  I walk around behind him, and start pushing him. “I think she’s beautiful.”

  “Does she look like you?”

  “Nah, she looks like my Mom. And my Mom is really pretty.”

  Luke turns around and looks at me from over his shoulder. “You push like a mommy. Reece pushes better than you.”

  This kid is funny. He’s got a lot of charisma for someone so young. So, I give him what he wants. I push him higher, and he squeals and yells in excitement. “Is that better, Luke?”

  “Yeah. Higher, higher, higher!” he chants.

  This makes me laugh. Reece is sitting over on a small ledge watching us, and smiling at our antics.

  “You know, I think you can push yourself for a while. I want to talk to Reece.”

  “Yeah, I can. But I like it better when someone else is doing it for me.”

  I stop pushing, and walk over to Reece, who’s now looking down at his phone. When he hears me approach, he puts his phone back in his pocket and watches as I sit beside him. “How have you been, Dakota?”

  “You know.” I nonchalantly shrug. “I’m okay.”

  “Well no, I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.” He chuckles.

  “Each day gets easier. Sometimes I wake up to horrible dreams and sometimes I don’t.”

  “Dreams? As in from that night.” I nod my head and look up to Luke who’s still happily playing on the swings. “Have you remembered anything?”

  “It’s all kind of muffled. You know, it’s like I’m underwater when I see these dreams. The voice belongs to someone I know, but it’s almost like it’s disguised. It’s hard for me to pinpoint who it is.”

  “I can’t tell you how sick this makes me feel.”

  “Yeah, I know. It makes my stomach churn every time I think about it. Not only that, but to think he’s more than likely done it to someone else before me, and probably to others since, too.” I can’t tell him what Sophie and I discovered the other day when she came over. Her story is not mine to tell, and she may not want me to say anything. I know I’d hate it if she told anyone about me.

  “Whoever this person is, if he has done it again, then it’ll only be a matter of time before he gets caught.”

  I shrug again. “Who knows? There are so many cold cases. I was doing some research on the website those police officers talked to us about, RAINN. Did you know four out of five assaults are committed by someone the victim knows? This means it’s pretty likely I know the guy.” I know I know him, because it’s way too coincidental for Sophie and me to have been attacked, and for both of us to have the same thing stolen.

  “Sick fuckers,” he mumbles.

  “There’s something else, too.”

  “What?” His head snaps to the side so he can watch me intently.

  “He took my underwear. I didn’t have them on me when I woke up. I was missing a shoe too, but I don’t think he took that. But then again he might have.”

  “What a sick son of a bitch. Who the hell does shit like that?” He runs his hand through his hair then looks at me. “You think he took them as some kind of prize?”

  I shrug my shoulders. My breath catches in my throat as I try to not think about this. “I don’t know,” I say, feeling defeated by everything.

  “I’m sorry this ever happened. I should’ve come looking for you when you disappeared.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “I should’ve stayed beside you the entire night. I shouldn’t have left you.” He stands and walks away, angry.

  “Hey,” I call to him as I look between him and Luke who’s now moved to the slippery slide. There are a couple of other boys playing and they’re all talking together. “Reece.” The hard and rigid lines of his body tell me how angry he is, at himself more than anyone. “Reece.”

  He looks up and I see his shoulders visibly rise as he takes a deep breath. He heads back and comes directly to me. “I’m sorry, Dakota. I should’ve protected you, I should’ve tried to find you. I shouldn’t have let this happen to you. If I had just gone out looking for you, then maybe . . .” His eyes go to the ground, and he bites the inside of his cheek.

  “You can’t say these things. How were you to know? You couldn’t have. No one could’ve, except for the person who did this.”

  “He’s not a person. He’s a damned animal. Dakota, I need to hug you,” he whispers. “I know how you are, and that you’re still not sure of me, but I need to hold you. Please.”

  He makes no attempt to move, he simply holds my gaze. Silently begging for me to allow him. A rush of energy surges inside of me. It’s more like a nervous fire bubbling inside, ready to explode. A strength I never knew I had. One that was once stolen, and slowly, Reece is giving back to me. He’s shown me over and over again that I have the power to move forward by not pushing me or making unrealistic demands.

  Stepping forward I go straight into his welcome embrace. “Thank you,” he whispers against my hair.

  I tighten my hands around his waist and bury my head into his strong chest. His arms wind around me as he binds me to him. At this moment in time, everything feels right. He feels right. We feel right.

  “Reece, is Dakota your girlfriend?” Luke asks. Opening my eyes, I notice he’s standing right beside us.

  “Yes, she is,” Reece replies. “Now scoot and go play.”

  “She’s got girl germs. You’re gonna have yucky girl germs if you kiss her. Ewww, are you going to kiss her? That’s gross.”

  “Go away,” Reece playfully barks at Luke.

  “Reece has got girl germs. Reece has got girl germs. Reece has got girl germs,” Luke happily sings as he skips back to the swing.

  “Sorry about him,” Reece says. “He can be a bit much.”

  “I’m not your girlfriend, Reece. Why would you tell him I was?”

  “You may not be my girlfriend now, but you will be.”

  I let go and step back, shaking my head with worry. “You’d be better off finding someone who can give you the things I can’t.” I hope he gets what I’m trying
to say.

  He frowns and steps closer to me again. “It’s not all about sex, Dakota. Jesus, what do you take me for?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that. But let’s be perfectly clear. We . . .” I point to him and then back to myself. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be intimate with you the way you’d want.”

  He shakes his head like I’ve slapped him across the face. “What?”

  “You’re going to want our relationship to progress further, and there’s no way I can tell you when or even, if, I’ll ever be ready for that. Please, do us both a favor and pick someone else who can give you everything you need.”

  “What we have isn’t based on sex. And truthfully I don’t want someone if the basis of our relationship is sex.”

  “I can’t give you what you want,” I almost yell at him, but look around and make sure no one can hear us. “I’m barely breathing as it is. I struggle to get through every day without thinking about that night. That night changed my life, the night that took everything good I knew and dirtied it. I’m broken. I’m disgusting for fuck’s sake. It’s brought me to my damn knees; it’s ruined me.”

  “I know. I can see it in the way you behave now. You’re only a shadow of the girl I knew before. But she’s still in there. She may be frightened, and she may even feel as if she’s drowning. But I’m here for her.”

  “Stop,” I say with my eyes stinging and my breath caught in my chest.

  “You know why I’m here for her?” I shake my head, not wanting to use my voice because I know it’ll crack and I’ll cry. “Because that girl is here.” He steps forward, lifts my hand and places it over his heart. “She’s been there since the first time I saw her. Do you know when that was?”

  “No,” I whisper, looking down and using my shoes as a focal point rather than looking at the beautiful boy standing in front of me.

  “The day I moved to this town and started school. You walked into class—grade four—wearing a yellow sundress with your hair in a high ponytail. You looked at me, smiled and asked me if I was new to the school.”

  “I don’t remember,” I admit, more than a little ashamed. Embarrassed, because Reece remembers everything, and I remember nothing.