Mistrust

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “Duly noted, and disregarded,” Reece sarcastically replies.

  “Ugh,” I moan again. “I’ll go put a pair of shoes on.”

  “Sport shoes!” he yells at me as I head into my room.

  “Okay, let’s go.” I drag my feet, trying to take my time and make Reece regret his plans.

  As we head out, Reece turns to my parents and calls, “We won’t be long, maybe an hour or so.”

  He closes the door and we walk down the path toward his awaiting car. “If you’re taking me to a party, I’m going to sit in the car.”

  “We’re not taking my car.” He swings the small gate open and waits for me to go first before closing it.

  I look around for any other mode of transportation, but I don’t see anything. “If you tell me you’re Superman and can fly, I’m going to be impressed.”

  Reece throws his head back and laughs. “I’m not Superman, but I could be Batman. Ever seen us in the same room together?”

  “Ha, ha, ha,” I emphasize the fake laugh.

  “Well, have you?”

  “Where are we going, Reece? And how are we getting there?” I stand and put a hand to my hip, frustrated with the lack of information.

  “Come on. We’re going for a walk.”

  “A walk?”

  “Yeah, you know. Put one leg in front of the other, it’s called walking. Hang on, I’ll spell it for you.”

  “Stop trying to be funny.” Although, to be fair, he’s managed to put a smile on my face.

  “Aw, are you saying I’m funny?”

  “No. But in case you thought you were, you should quit while you’re ahead.”

  “Come on.” He laughs again. We turn to the right and start walking down the street. I live in a really quiet area, where everyone is friendly but keeps to themselves. There are never any loud parties, and when there is one, all the neighbors are usually invited. We all know each other, and wave when we see someone. “It’s such a quiet street, there’s no one yelling at their kids.” He chuckles. “You can always hear Mom yelling at either Luke or me. Mostly it used to be Miles, but now that he’s gone to the army, she yells at us.”

  “What does she yell at you for?”

  “Usually it’s to clean our room. Put the toilet seat down.” He smiles broadly. “You know, guy stuff.”

  “Mrs. Nelson lives in that house.” I point to a grand, double-storey house we’re slowly approaching. “Her husband died years ago. She’s pretty old, but she still comes out every day and gardens. She spends hours out here and that’s why her garden is so beautiful. But we all keep an eye out for her. She’s out here every day, and she’s always here when Sam and I get home from school. One day she wasn’t, and when Sam told Mom, Mom came over and found she’d fallen in the shower and couldn’t get up. She’s really independent and hates people helping her, but the neighborhood does.”

  “And she lives on her own?”

  “Yes she does. Her oldest daughter, Irene, tried to get her to move in with her family, but Mrs. Nelson is as stubborn as she is independent.” Reece chuckles again. “Are we headed in any particular direction?” I look around noticing we’re nearing the park.

  “Wherever the road leads us.” He gently grabs my hand and links our fingers together. I freeze momentarily, and he stops walking. I look down to where our hands are joined together. “Is this okay?” He lifts our hands.

  Everything inside me is yelling yes. It is okay; it feels right. My heartbeat takes off at crazy fast speeds, and my pulse quickens. Marveling at the effect he has on my body, I lean up and rake my hand through his hair. “It’s okay,” I answer.

  Reece’s eyes widen in surprise, because other than hugging him, I’ve never touched him in any other way without having a small meltdown first.

  A hot flood of emotions overtakes me. My throat closes and my eyes blur when I realize exactly how intimate the touch I gave him was. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tease you.” I curse myself for my own stupidity. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  “You’re not teasing me, Dakota. And I’d never see it as anything other than a gentle, loving touch.” He leans forward, and places a sweet, slow kiss on my cheek, lifting his hand to delicately brush it down my cheek.

  My shoulders stiffen, but I still close my eyes to enjoy his light touch. Just as quickly, the tension eases and I lean into his caress.

  Reece’s face is close to mine and I can feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek. I open my eyes, look up into his tender brown eyes and give him a genuine smile.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers.

  And for the first time since that night, I feel beautiful, thanks to Reece. A playful grin pulls at his lips, but the secrets behind his eyes hint at so much more. “Come on.” He steps back putting space between us, breaking the connection we had.

  We start back in the direction of the park and after a few steps Reece takes hold of my hand again. The feeling between us is gentle and easy. There’s no pressure, nothing spoken. We walk slowly, more like a lazy stroll, taking in the darkness and enjoying each other’s company.

  “What happened today?” Reece asks as if he knows more than he’s letting on.

  “I had a bad day.”

  “How so?”

  “I kinda had a meltdown.”

  “Because of Tara?” He knows everything about the counselor, and has even offered to take me when I need to go.

  “No, she’s good. She explains things to me as simply as she can. You ever hear doctors talking and they’re using words so huge you need a dictionary to understand them?”

  “Yeah, it’s not only doctors who talk like that. Some people are like that, thinking if they use big words, they’re smarter than you. I sometimes wonder if they know they sound like idiots.” He laughs.

  “Yeah, well she’s nothing like them. I have no doubt in my mind she could be like them, but to me, she’s really good. Anyway, my bad day has nothing to do with her.”

  “Then what is it?”

  We reach the park and head over to the swing set. I sit in one seat, Reece in the other. Pushing my legs on the ground, the swing starts moving back and forth ever so lightly. “It was just a bad day.”

  “But why, what happened for it to be a bad day?”

  “I’m not sure I know how to explain it.”

  “You’ve got a voice, use it.”

  Looking down at the dirt slightly flicking up, I try and concentrate on what I can say about my day without revealing anything about the police. “I think I had an anxiety attack today. That’s how it was explained to me. My mind hasn’t been ready to deal with the fallout of this, so it turned off. But when it decided to comprehend it all, I went into a meltdown, and I couldn’t deal with it.”

  “But you’re dealing with it now. Aren’t you?”

  “How? I’m a mess, Reece. Today people were talking to me and I had no idea what they were saying. I was eating without even knowing what I was eating. Everything looked like it was one color. I couldn’t see anything.” I look everywhere but at Reece, because I know my words aren’t making sense. It’s almost like I’m talking for the hell of it. “I lost it today. I lost myself, and I didn’t know how to move forward.”

  “You think moving forward will be as easy as a few sessions with your counselor, a couple of hugs and a ‘there, there’? ‘Cause it won’t be. There’ll come a time in your future where you’ll notice you’ve gone an hour without being consumed by thoughts or images of what happened. And then it’ll be two hours, and three hours until one day, you’ve learned to live it and you won’t let it stop you from moving forward.”

  “Are you saying I can’t move forward because I’m stopping it?” Suddenly, I’m pissed off.

  “No, I’m saying it’s natural to feel like that now, it’s raw and you’re still trying to find your bearings. But one day, you’ll be able to live with it, and to say ‘this happened, but I won’t let it rule my life.’ That day won’t come easily. Hell, there�
��ll be a lot of days in between where you’ll break down and want to hide away from everyone.”

  “That’s how I feel now. I want to lock myself away in my safe haven, and never come back out again.”

  “That’s normal, Dakota. I see my aunt and how she is. She’s old and she still has days where she struggles. There are days she can barely get out of bed, she’ll call my Mom all weepy and crying, and Mom goes to her. But at the same time, she knows she may have those days, but she manages to work through them and the next day she’s okay.”

  “You think one day I’ll be okay? Maybe even normal?”

  Reece chuckles and flicks me on the leg. “You’ve never been normal, Dakota. No need to try to be normal now.” His cheeky smile makes me happy.

  “I just want to feel like I did before prom,” I whisper.

  “Unfortunately I don’t think that’ll ever happen. But it doesn’t mean you can never feel good and strong. It just means you’ll have down days every now and again. You’ll have to learn the signs and prepare for them.”

  “Oh God, why does this have to be so difficult?” I sigh.

  “Dakota, you have so much support and love all around you. We’ll all help you through it.” He reaffirms his words by squeezing my knee. “I’m going to push you.” He hops off the swing, and starts pushing me. Leaning back, I close my eyes and tilt my head up toward the darkened sky. The wind gliding through my hair makes me feel alive. His warm hands on my back spark a longing inside me. I want to be better, mentally.

  We hear a car drive by the park slowly and when I open my eyes, we’re hit with an incredibly bright spot light. “What’s going on?” I question. Suddenly red and blue lights start flashing lights on top of the car. Reece stops pushing me, and heads over toward the car.

  I jump off the swing, and go with Reece. “It’s late. What are you two doing here?” A female police officer asks, shining the bright light in our direction.

  Both Reece and I hold our hand up over our eyes, shielding us from the powerful spotlight. “We were talking, and swinging.”

  She dims the light and gets out of her car. She looks us up and down, then shines her flashlight over toward where we were sitting. “You drinking?” she asks.

  “No, Ma’am,” Reece replies. “Just talking.”

  “On your way home.” She flicks her head sideways, gets back in her car and turns it around. She follows us slowly all the way until we get home.

  When we get inside, Mom and Dad are in the family room. “Did you have a good time?” Dad asks.

  It’s then I finally realize what’s happened. It was a small intervention. A way to get me out of the house so I could take a step toward feeling like my old self again. “It was good, until the police showed up,” I answer.

  Both Mom and Dad’s faces drop in shock. “Police?”

  “Yeah, I think they thought we were drinking, so they made us leave,” Reece chuckles. “It was good while it lasted. Anyway, I’ve got to get home. Walk me out?” he asks me.

  “Sure.”

  We stand on the porch, holding hands and reliving the police situation. But really it makes me feel better knowing they’re patrolling around here. It’s comforting to know they’re close by. “I don’t think I’ll be able to see you on the weekend. There are lots of things happening at home and with Miles away, I have to help out more.”

  “That’s okay. I get it.”

  “I can’t believe the summer is almost over. Back to school on Monday.”

  “Yeah, seniors too.” I widen my eyes and purse my lips together. “I don’t want to go. I can’t imagine how I’ll react if anything gets mentioned.”

  “You’ll have me, Dakota. There’s nothing to be scared of.”

  I nod, but I’m really freaking out. I don’t want him to know how I’m feeling, so I bottle it away and keep it a secret. I’m good at doing that.

  Nervously I pace in the family room. Sam’s still getting ready and Mom’s impatiently yelling at her. “Hurry up, Samantha, we’re going to be late.”

  I keep pacing, chewing my fingernails trying to distract myself.

  “I’ll only be another minute,” Sam hollers back.

  Mom goes to the door, and keeps an eye on me. “How are you doing, Dakota?” she asks. But she knows. I’ve been telling her since they found out what happened how petrified I am of going back to school. “You okay?”

  I shake my head, and start on my next nail. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  “If you don’t go now, it’ll only get harder to go tomorrow. You have to face it. Your father said the social media group has been taken down and there haven’t been any more pictures.”

  “It’s social media, Mom. The moment it’s on the web, that’s it. It’ll never be truly gone.”

  “I know. But I’m holding on to the hope not many people from your school saw it. And even if they did, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t let them affect you.”

  “What if they’re horrible? Or I end up crying all day?”

  “Call me, and I’ll come pick you up right away.” She walks over and rubs her hands up and down my arms. “You’ll be okay. You can do this.”

  “Alright,” I reply, though I have a feeling I’m going to be the furthest thing from okay.

  Sophie, Reece and I are sitting in the cafeteria eating our lunch. Well, they’re eating while I’m pushing my food around, distracted by my anxiety.

  “You okay, doll?” Reece asks as he leans over to give me a peck on the cheek.

  “Doll? You’ve never called me that before.”

  “You’re cute, and little. And cute.”

  “You already said cute.”

  “I’ll say it again, you’re cute.” He bumps my shoulder with his and gives me a beautiful smile. Aw, he makes my heart flutter.

  Sophie laughs and then chokes. “You two are cute,” she manages to spit out between coughs. “So cute you’re making me choke.”

  Lindsey walks past us, and snidely says, “Wow, look who’s sitting at the loser table.” She makes an L with her hand and lifts it to her forehead.

  “How old are you, Lindsey? Even the freshmen don’t do that,” I angrily spit at her.

  “Whatever, loser.” She happily walks away.

  “Skank,” I yell back.

  “Calm down, Rocky.” Reece reaches over and gently massages my shoulder. “I thought I was going to have to step in and referee for a second. Feisty.”

  “I’m sick of her bullshit. She was one of my best friends, and the minute Levi and I break up, she not only goes straight to him, she becomes a raving bitch.”

  “I hate to tell you, Dakota, she’s always been a raving bitch,” Sophie says as she picks up a piece of lettuce and munches away.

  “Sophie’s right, Dakota. She always has been,” Reece agrees.

  “Ugh,” I moan loudly. How have I never seen this side of her before?

  “That’s her, the girl in those pictures,” I hear someone whisper from behind me.

  Reece’s spine stiffens, as he turns to look at whoever whispered. “Have you got a problem?” he asks, standing from his seat and extending to his full, six-foot height. “You want to ask a question, come here and ask.” He takes a menacing step forward, his chest puffed out and his hands balled into fists.

  The air around us crackles as Reece moves into the space of the guy who whispered. He’s another senior, someone I’ve never had anything to do with in the past.

  “Nah man, not saying anything.” He backs away, his hands held chest high, palms out as if conceding to Reece’s anger.

  “You gonna beat up everyone who says your little girlfriend is a slut and whore?” Levi appears and chest bumps Reece. It’s a challenge, a dare to see who’s toughest.

  Reece’s neck muscles tense, while he stands his ground, and pushes Levi. “You want another broken nose? I have no fucking problem busting it again.” Reece steps forward, and Levi steps back.

  “Hey,” I jump up
and get between the two before a fight breaks out. I put my palm to Reece’s chest, and give him a pleading gaze. “Please, don’t. He’s not worth it,” I whisper so only he can hear me. Reece’s eyes are glaring at Levi, I can feel the anger rolling off him as he considers my plea. “Please, I need you,” I beg. If he’s suspended or thrown out for fighting, I won’t have my support group around me.

  “Listen to the whore. You don’t want me messing up that pretty-boy face of yours.” Levi’s voice changes into a baby tone when he says ‘pretty boy face’; it’s a taunt to make Reece lose it so he throws the first punch.

  And this pisses me right off.

  I swiftly turn on my heel, and slap him so hard his head jerks to the side. “You’re a fucking pig!” I yell.

  Levi stands stock still, his hand rubbing his cheek and his mouth wide open. He wasn’t expecting that from me, nor was I. He straightens his shoulders, arches a brow and smirks at me.

  Levi moves closer, threateningly, toward me, and Reece grabs my arm and pushes me behind him, as he takes my place so they’re toe to toe. “You’ll get your own, whore,” he spits at me from around Reece.

  “Fuck off, before I lay you out on your ass,” Reece says through a clenched jaw. His arm is behind him, smashing me to his body protectively.

  “Watch your back, Hendricks,” Levi warns Reece.

  “Bring it,” Reece quickly replies, his chest puffed out.

  Levi backs away, taking a few steps backwards while he continues to watch us. When he’s halfway across the cafeteria he yells, “Me and you, Hendricks. Me and you.” Pointing a finger at Reece.

  Reece’s protective stance doesn’t let up. He keeps a watchful eye on Levi even as his arm is wrapped around me, shielding me from any danger.

  “Reece,” I whisper trying to step away from him. But his arm tightens and he doesn’t let me move. “Reece.”

  His shoulders are visibly shaking from the effort it’s taking to control his anger, and the muscles in his arms are flexed, making the sleeve of his t-shirt cling to his arms. “You okay?” he asks as he turns to cup my face, making sure I’m not hurt or frightened.