He's Got to Go

by Sheila O'Flanagan

  And she didn’t want to think about where he might have gone tonight. Back to the office? To the pub? Or straight into the arms of Annika, the triple x lady.

  She pulled up outside Bree’s flat and frowned. What was Cate doing here, she wondered, as she got out of the car. The last person on earth she wanted to see right now was Cate.

  Although she still possessed a key, she pressed the bell and waited for Bree to come downstairs. Her sister looked at her in surprise.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “That’s pretty welcoming,” said Nessa.

  “I’m sorry,” said Bree. “I just wasn’t expecting—”

  “Not while you have Cate here anyway,” interrupted Nessa. “But she’ll go now that I’ve arrived, I presume.”

  “Not quite,” muttered Bree as they went upstairs.

  Cate looked equally surprised when she saw Nessa but she smiled sympathetically at her.

  “I’m sorry about Adam,” she said.

  “What?” Nessa looked from her to Bree. “What have you been telling her about me?” she demanded. “Everything about my life? Stuff that was private between the two of us? And now you’re muck-raking and telling lies? With this person? The girl who was quite happy to get rid of her own child?”

  “Nessa, for heaven’s sake!” Bree’s eyes glittered. “As usual you’re jumping to insane conclusions.”

  “Oh, really?” asked Nessa skeptically. “So why’s she sympathizing with me?”

  “You’re such a cow, Nessa,” said Cate. “Always convinced you’re in the right about everything.”

  “At least I haven’t had an abortion.”

  “Nessa!” Bree was furious. “If you can’t keep a civil tongue in your head then leave. You’re in my place and I won’t have you carrying on like this.”

  Nessa looked at her in astonishment. She’d never heard Bree sound so forceful before.

  “OK,” she said. “But I wanted to talk to you and I really don’t want to do it in front of her.”

  “Well, you’ll have to,” said Bree shortly. “Because she isn’t leaving.”

  “Why?” asked Nessa. “Surely the luscious Finn-So-Cool will be wondering where she is.”

  “You really are a bitch, Ness, did you know that?” Cate got up from the chair she was sitting on. “If you want to talk to Bree that badly, I’ll go.”

  “Sit down!” snapped Bree. “Nobody’s going anywhere!”

  Cate and Nessa both stared at their younger sister. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes flashed anger.

  “I can’t believe that the two of you are behaving like this,” she continued. “Simply because you have different views on things. Nessa, you can certainly believe that abortion is wrong but you don’t have any right to be a vicious bitch to Cate because of it. You know, she made her choices for her own reasons and you don’t know, you just do not know, all of those reasons. You can’t get inside someone’s head, Nessa and you can’t expect everyone to believe the same things as you.”

  “But—”

  “Shut up,” said Bree fiercely. “Just shut up! Over the last couple of weeks I’ve listened to both of you giving your side of things until I’m blue in the face. OK, Cate made a decision and you thought it was wrong. Fine. But there’s no need to treat her as though she was dirt because of it.”

  “Thank you, Bree,” said Cate. “Of course, as it turns out—”

  “Hang on for a minute,” said Bree. “You have to remember something too, Cate Driscoll. You might not think much of Nessa’s choices either. You have a thing about being an independent woman and earning your own keep and doing your own thing and living a kind of designer life. And so you’re perfectly prepared to look down on Nessa because she did the thing that you so desperately didn’t want to do. Get married, have a kid and put your family first. There’s nothing wrong with that either, you know.”

  “I know,” said Cate. “But—”

  “Despite all of this, things have changed somewhat,” continued Bree. “So you can both share your stories with each other and I’ll just sit back here and listen but only if you behave like grown-ups.”

  “I don’t really have a story to share,” said Nessa tightly.

  “I do,” said Cate. She looked at Nessa and took a deep breath. “I’m living here for the time being.”

  “What?”

  “Finn and I have split up.”

  “Cate!” Nessa’s eyes widened. “Because he found out you were pregnant? Because of the abortion?”

  Cate tried to look nonchalant. “As it turns out I changed my mind about the abortion thing too.”

  “Cate!”

  “But Finn found out that I’d considered it and he threw me out.”

  “He…Why?”

  Cate told her and Nessa looked at her sister in amazement. “What a bastard,” she said when Cate had finished. “Doesn’t he understand how hard it was for you?”

  “You didn’t understand, why should he?” asked Cate.

  “I did understand,” said Nessa. “Only—I didn’t think your reasons were good enough.”

  “Neither did he,” said Cate wanly. “So I did the only thing I could do when he’d already packed my bags—came here.”

  “Oh, Catey!” Nessa threw her arms around her sister. “I’m so, so sorry.”

  Cate disentangled herself from Nessa’s grip. “So am I,” she said. “And I’m also still pregnant. And still not sure whether or not I’m doing the right thing.”

  “I think you are,” said Nessa. “But that’s my point of view, isn’t it?”

  “I still love him,” said Cate bleakly. “At first I couldn’t understand why he’d freaked out but now I do. I didn’t tell him, Nessa. I should’ve told him.”

  “Maybe he would’ve freaked out differently if you’d told him,” said Nessa.

  “Maybe.”

  Nessa looked at her. “I suppose saying sorry for being a bitch to you isn’t enough.”

  “It’s OK.”

  Nessa shook her head. “No it’s not. I said horrible things to you. I thought I was right.” She swallowed. “I still think I’m right in what I believe but—but I was wrong about you, Cate. You’re not shallow and selfish. And you were doing what you thought was right.”

  Cate shrugged.

  “I was angry,” said Nessa. “And jealous.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” said Cate.

  “Of course it matters,” Nessa told her.

  “Yes,” said Cate after a pause. “It does matter, Nessa. You said things and you meant them and part of you was right but part of you wasn’t.”

  “I know,” said Nessa. “I don’t expect you to forgive and forget straightaway, Cate. I probably wouldn’t myself. But I am truly sorry.”

  Cate rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Just because I don’t sob and cry and wear my heart on my sleeve doesn’t mean I don’t feel things as much as you, Nessa. And it doesn’t mean I haven’t agonized over my choices.”

  “I know,” said Nessa. “I made things harder for you because I let my own feelings get in the way. I suppose I’ve carved out a niche for myself as being the emotional Driscoll and I kind of forget that you and Bree can get emotional too.”

  “Probably,” said Cate.

  “Can we get over it?” asked Nessa.

  “Don’t we always?” Cate smiled faintly. “Didn’t I get over the time you pinched my new, expensive extra-lengthening mascara and lost it?”

  “It’s not quite the same thing,” said Nessa.

  “I know,” said Cate. “But, yes, we’ll get over it.”

  Nessa smiled shakily at her. “Thanks.”

  Bree looked from Cate to Nessa and sighed with relief.

  “Anyway, you’ve plenty to pick over in my life now, haven’t you?” Nessa told Cate who raised an eyebrow inquiringly.

  “Bree’s told you about Adam,” Nessa said. “At least, I assumed so from what you said when I arrived.”

  “S
ort of,” Cate told her. “I didn’t quiz her about it or anything. She just told me that she’d followed him for you and saw him with someone else.”

  “Kissing someone else.” Nessa’s tone was harsh.

  “I wish I hadn’t,” said Bree miserably.

  “I confronted him about it tonight,” said Nessa. “That’s why I’m here, Bree. Because he told me that, yes, he’d been in the pub with her. He said she’s a good client. He says she’s the touchy feely sort. And that he had no choice but to kiss her.”

  Bree looked at Nessa warily. “It seemed a bit different to me.”

  “How?” asked Nessa.

  “Well—oh, bloody hell, Nessa, I hate having to say this—he didn’t exactly look as though he was trying to fend her off.”

  “But could he have been?” asked Nessa.

  “I’ve just said that it didn’t look like it.”

  “He said—”

  “What about you?” demanded Bree. “I thought you were going to murder him. You talked about mallets earlier. Why didn’t you give him what for?”

  “I was angry at first but it wore off,” Nessa said. “If he’d walked in the door straightaway then maybe I would’ve killed him. But all afternoon I kept thinking of all the good things we have and how much he loves Jill and—and…” Her voice trailed off. She twisted her wedding ring on her finger then looked up at Bree and Cate. “I thought maybe if he was—well, you know, I thought it might be my fault because I’m not glamorous enough for him anymore.”

  “For heaven’s sake, Nessa!” Bree sounded exasperated.

  “When he came home and I asked him about it he didn’t turn a hair,” continued Nessa. “He didn’t even look guilty. He said that it was all perfectly innocent. Then he drove off in a huff.”

  “Why?” asked Cate.

  “Because I kept asking him about her. And he got annoyed with me.”

  “Where did he go?” Bree looked inquiringly at her sister.

  “How do I know?” demanded Nessa. Then she looked miserably at both her sisters. “Maybe he’s gone to her.”

  Bree sighed deeply. “Anyone want a beer?” she asked.

  “I’m dying for a beer,” said Cate. “But, you know…”

  “Have you been to a doctor yet?” asked Nessa fussily.

  Cate shook her head.

  “You’ll have to see someone soon,” said Nessa.

  “I know.” Cate sighed. “But I didn’t have time today. I was up to my ears. And as far as I was concerned, last week I wasn’t expecting to still be pregnant by today so there was no need for me to be going to any doctor.”

  “Dr. Hogan is good,” said Nessa. “I could book you in for tomorrow.”

  “Nessa, I don’t want to go to Dr. Hogan,” said Cate firmly. “I have a doctor of my own. I’ll go to her when I’m ready.”

  “Sure. Yes. Of course,” said Nessa hastily

  “What are we going to do about Adam?” asked Bree.

  “What can we do?” Nessa looked at her doubtfully.

  “I can get you proof,” Bree told her. “I can tail him again and get you proof.”

  “That would mean that I don’t believe him,” said Nessa.

  “Do you believe him?” asked Cate.

  “I want to believe him.”

  “It’s entirely up to you,” said Bree. “What difference would knowing mean? Will you leave him if he’s having an affair?”

  Nessa tugged at her fingernail. She’d asked herself the same question over and over again. When Bree had told her about the kiss her first instinct was to pack her bags and walk out there and then. But when she thought about it a bit more, she wasn’t sure that it was what she wanted after all. She still loved him. She couldn’t just walk out on something that had been so precious to her for the past ten years, that had been the whole cornerstone of her existence. She knew that things hadn’t always been perfect. But they’d been pretty good.

  She shivered suddenly. Was that all an illusion? Had they ever been good?

  “I suppose so,” she said finally.

  “Let me follow him again, Nessa,” said Bree. “Let me see if I can catch him with this woman.”

  “I don’t want you confronting him yourself!” Nessa looked horrified.

  “I won’t. But I didn’t get to see them in the pub. If I follow him in the evenings…”

  “Maybe he’ll stay home now that I’ve brought it out into the open,” said Nessa. “Maybe that’s all it needed.”

  “So if he has seen someone but it’s all over now, will you stay with him?” asked Cate.

  “I—oh, I don’t know!” cried Nessa miserably. “Would you go back to Finn tomorrow if he asked you?”

  Cate grimaced. “I don’t know that either.”

  “We are such bad examples for you, Bree.” Nessa shook her head. “Don’t let us influence your relationship with Michael.”

  “Actually…” Bree paused for a moment then shrugged. “That’s over too.”

  “What!” Both sisters looked at her in surprise.

  “I thought you two were getting along really well,” said Nessa. “I thought the accident had brought you closer together.”

  “So did I,” said Bree glumly.

  “But when?” asked Cate.

  “Today.”

  “Oh, Bree.” Cate stared at her. “Why didn’t you say something earlier?”

  Bree shrugged. “I’m used to it. I’m bloody hopeless with boyfriends, always have been, always will be. I just haven’t got what it takes.”

  “Nonsense,” said Cate spiritedly. “Of course you have.”

  “We’ve been through the mill, haven’t we?” Nessa sighed. “Who ever would have thought it?”

  “You,” said Bree sparkily. “You’re the one with the damned horoscopes. You were the one who nearly had me believing in them that night at your house when Mum won on the scratch cards.”

  “I’m throwing out my horoscope book,” said Nessa. “Even today it lectured me about tackling personal issues. So I thought things would be resolved with Adam. But they’re not. I might have simply made things worse.”

  “You’ll have scared the shit out of him if nothing else.” Bree grinned.

  “D’you think so?” Nessa looked hopeful.

  “Nessa, even if he’s as pure as the driven snow he’ll be feeling a touch tense about being caught kissing someone in public.”

  “Adam doesn’t get tense,” said Nessa. “He’s laid back.”

  “Laid back or not, he’ll be worrying that you’re about to throw him out and take him for everything he’s got,” Cate told her.

  “I can’t throw him out if he hasn’t done anything,” said Nessa doubtfully.

  Bree and Cate exchanged glances.

  Nessa looked at her watch. “I’d better go,” she said.

  “OK,” said Bree. “Drive carefully.”

  “I will.” She looked at Cate. “Mind yourself,” she said.

  “Sure.”

  “I’ll give you a shout tomorrow, Bree.”

  Bree nodded. Then Nessa picked up her bag and left the flat.

  27

  Moon in Aquarius

  Desires physical and intellectual freedom,

  sometimes critical or stubborn.

  Her mind was in a whirl as she drove home. She’d come over to Bree’s full of her own worries and had been plunged into her sisters’ worries too. Why had all this happened to them? It wasn’t fair. Cate had made a brave decision and Finn had done a terrible thing to her. Bree had nearly been killed but her well-off ex-boyfriend didn’t seem to care. And she—she sighed as she turned down Pearse Street—she didn’t know what to expect when she got home.

  Maybe by now Adam had left her. The thought made her shiver. Maybe he really was having an affair with this Annika person and maybe her challenging him was the catalyst he needed to move out of their home. Perhaps by the time she got there she’d discover that he’d already moved out. She rammed the gear lever into
fifth. It was her marriage! Even if he was having an affair she should fight for it. People got over affairs, didn’t they? Sometimes marriages were even stronger afterward.

  Adam’s Alfa was in the driveway. She felt a wave of relief wash over her. She got out of her car and unlocked the hall door.

  He was sitting in the living room watching Newsnight.

  “Hi.” He looked up as she walked in.

  “Hello,” she said warily.

  “How’s Bree?”

  “Much better.”

  “Back at work yet?”

  Nessa shook her head. “Wednesday.”

  “She was bloody lucky,” said Adam.

  “Yes.” Nessa dropped her bag on the armchair. “Where were you?”

  “Smyth’s,” he said. “One drink. Then I came home.”

  “Right,” said Nessa.

  “I paid Ruth.”

  “Good.”

  “Jill told me where you were.”

  “Wasn’t she in bed?”

  He nodded. “But not asleep.”

  She wondered when he would say something, when he would explain it to her properly. They’d done the accusation and denial bit, but she wanted something more than that. She wanted him to tell her that she was the most important person in the world to him and that there was absolutely nothing whatsoever going on between himself and triple x Annika or, if there was, that it hadn’t really meant anything and it was all over now anyway. Then she wanted him to put his arms around her and hold her to him and make everything OK again.

  “Would you like a cup of tea?” he asked.

  “I’ll make it,” she said.

  “No, I will.”

  She sat down while he went into the kitchen. She tried to get her own thoughts into some kind of order so that she could speak to him coherently. But she was finding it difficult to concentrate. She watched the images on the TV—a politician had just been accused of taking bribes to have a factory located in his constituency and reporters were harassing him to make a comment. What’s new, she thought, dispiritedly. The same things happen over and over again in life, don’t they? People cheat on other people. No matter what way they do it.