Rogue

by Lea Hart

  “Damn straight,” Cole replied with a huff.

  “Is this your last night in town?”

  “Yeah. The trailer is cleaned out, the stuff dad wants at the home has been moved, and I’ve signed most of the papers for the new place.”

  “Then we need a night out,” Vance said as he rubbed his hands together.

  “There’s a decent bar at the hotel, so let’s meet up there later,” Cole replied.

  “Sounds good.” He looked back into the trailer and lifted his shoulder. “You gonna invite Kelly to join us?”

  “Probably give her the night off. She’s put up with my cranky ass all week and might need a break.”

  “Yeah, you’ve been takin’ shots at her pretty regularly, so she might be ready to get rid of you before you hit the Nevada state line.”

  “Fuck…” Cole muttered. He knew he’d been short with her, but if his less than bright cousin noticed it, then it had to be a lot worse than he was willing to admit to himself. “Going to have a lot of makin’ up to do when we get back home.”

  “If you last that long,” Evan replied.

  He flipped both his cousins off and then stomped into the trailer, promising himself he was going to pull his head out of his ass. The sooner they left Bakersfield, the sooner it could happen.

  Cole signed the last paper for the facility his father was going to move into and knew it was the best place. It gave the option of progressive care as his dementia worsened and also had a top-notch physical rehabilitation program that would allow him to eventually become mobile. He’d also requested they work on keeping his father sober and knew if they managed that, then they’d be worth the monthly cost he and his brothers were shelling out.

  Walking down the hall toward his father’s room, he wondered if this was the last time he was going to see him. Considering the week they’d had together, he didn’t see himself making the trip out to keep in touch. Not much had changed in the eighteen years that he’d been gone, and he didn’t need to subject himself to another minute of his father’s anger since there was no good that came out of it.

  For either one of them.

  Maybe he was too much of a reminder of all that had been lost, or his dad was just jealous that he’d made something of his life. Either way, they didn’t need to be around one other and make a bad situation worse.

  He pushed the door open and saw his father sitting up. “You’re all set for the new place. Looks like they’re going to move you tomorrow.”

  “What kind of hell hole are you dumping me in?”

  “I’ll tell you, it’s a lot nicer than the one you left. Place is clean, has decent food, round the clock medical care, and a PT department that will get you on your feet again.”

  “Sounds too damn fancy for me.”

  Cole took a chair and leaned back. “Make up your mind; is it a hell-hole or too fancy because you can’t bitch about both.”

  “I want to go back to my trailer,” he replied with a growl.

  “You know that’s not going to happen. We cleaned the place out and took your chair and some other things Uncle Shane thought were important over to your new room.”

  “So, that’s it?”

  “Yeah, your drinking finally caught up with you and your body and mind are paying the price.” He tipped his chair back and studied the man’s face who’d caused him more pain than almost anyone and knew there was something to Kelly’s words about forgiveness.

  He didn’t how he was going to get there, but he sure was going to find a way. Carrying around all the old resentments was costing him and no one else. The bitter old man in the bed didn’t give a rat’s ass about what his actions had cost his kids, and there was no come to Jesus moment on the horizon where he’d apologize. “Kelly and I are heading out tomorrow, so our little reunion is all but over.”

  Folding his hands, he nodded. “I wasn’t always the angry son of a bitch you and your brothers grew up with. Somewhere along the line, I lost sight of what was important, and being angry and drunk was easier than trying to find my way back.” Looking up, he nodded. “I loved your mom more than anything in the world, and when I started losing her to the demons in her head, it destroyed me. I was powerless to help her and, as she slowly slipped out of my hands, I was in more pain than I thought possible. The only way not to feel that pain was to drink and when she left, I all but gave up.”

  “Aunt Colleen thought she might’ve been bipolar.”

  “That sounds right because, when she didn’t take her pills, she went from incredible highs to lows that I didn’t think were possible. Having three boys in five years was more than she could handle. She did okay for a while and then got real sad after having Zach and Seth. It was the beginning of the end.”

  “When I talked to Aunt Colleen, she suggested something along those lines. I always thought she just didn’t love us and found something more interesting to do with her life.”

  “She was a woman who craved excitement and thrills. It took me a while to figure out I never was going to hold onto her and keep her in one place. She loved you boys but didn’t have what it took to be a decent mother.”

  “It’s a shame it’s taken this long to hear she had psychological issues. For twenty-five years, I thought she didn’t give a damn.”

  “This is the longest time I’ve been without a drink since she left, so that’s probably why.”

  “Fuck…”

  “The only piece of fatherly advice I can give you is never a love a woman like I did. That shit always ends badly, and you will pay with your sanity.”

  Cole sat up and crossed his arms. “That’s the worst piece of advice I’ve ever heard.”

  “It’s all I got because your mother destroyed me.”

  Standing, Cole shook his head. “I’m heading out before you hit with me any more crap.” He walked to the door and then stopped. “Good luck.”

  Walking out of the room, he felt hollow inside and hoped if he ever saw his father again, he’d keep his wisdom to himself. Evan walked in his direction and he decided a night out with his cousins was just what he wanted.

  He needed to get rid of the poison his father had tried to give him, so when he and Kelly got on the road in the morning, he’d be his old self and get his life back on track.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Kelly walked past the portrait of the cowgirl in the lobby and wondered if Cole was going to be sober. As far as she could tell, he’d been in the bar with his cousins since six, and it was now past eleven-thirty.

  The usual check-ins every hour on the hour had been noticeably absent, and she had no idea what kind of shape he was going to be in. He’d said very little in the brief conversation they had when he left the hospital, and her imagination was getting the best of her.

  Which was why she was traipsing through the lobby in her yoga pants and T-shirt. Walking into the Prospect, she looked around and didn’t see Cole and his cousins in the piano bar. “Way too subdued for the likes of him,” she muttered to herself. Hiking back across the lobby, she stuck her head into Brimstone, which was casual and much more Cole’s style. The place was busy for a weeknight, but her boyfriend was nowhere to be seen.

  “Where the hell could he be?” She spun around, remembering there was some kind of bar on the deck of the second floor. Heading upstairs, she hoped to find her errant man and see if he was done getting his drink on.

  Stepping out into the intimate space, she felt the breeze brush across her skin and shivered. There were several groups enjoying the space, and she spotted Cousin Evan and headed in his direction. As she got closer, she saw there were women in the group and didn’t immediately see Cole. “Where are you hiding?” she mumbled.

  Hearing his familiar rich laugh, she walked quickly in the direction of the group and skidded to a stop when Cole came into view.

  What the ever-loving fuck was he doing with a leggy blonde on his lap?

  Her heart beat out of rhythm, and she took a slow breath as s
he watched her boyfriend run his hand over the woman’s leg.

  Heat suffused her body and then a cold chill.

  She slowly walked closer and saw when he registered her presence. His eyes got big, the muscle in his jaw tightened, and he slowly moved the woman off his lap. “Death is going to be too damn good for you,” she said as she stepped in front of him.

  Blondie bimbo draped herself over Cole’s shoulder, and she couldn’t believe how long it took him to shake her off. “You know, the hardest part of this situation is going to be deciding if I’m going to have one of your own men kill you or let a mafia hitman have the pleasure.”

  Cole stood abruptly, and the blonde toppled over. “Babe…”

  Her hand flew up, and she shook her head. “Just remember, everything you say will be held against you.” She leaned over and looked at the blonde. “You can have him in a minute. I’m just going to need to yell at him, and then he’s all yours.”

  The group had fallen silent, and she looked around. “Floor show shouldn’t take long.”

  “Nothing happened,” Cousin Evan called out.

  “Someone says that, and you know shit absolutely did happen.”

  “It’s not what it looks like, Kelly.”

  She watched him take a step closer and shook her head. “You get too close to me, and I may not wait for Sal to do you harm.”

  “Kelly…”

  His pleading eyes and tight mouth made her wonder why she picked men with no self-control. “You could’ve just ended things with a conversation; you didn’t need to…” she waved her hands around, “feel up a woman in public and disrespect me.” She looked him up and down slowly. “Never thought you’d turn out to be such an asshole.”

  “Danielle climbed on my lap; I did not instigate it.”

  “Hey,” Danielle whined.

  Kelly leaned over and studied the woman. “Danielle from high school?”

  “Yes, Cole and I were a hot item, and he never said anything about having a girlfriend.”

  Straightening, she looked up at Cole and knew he was about to explode. “Seems that’s true, ‘cause I’ve got no use for him.” Spinning around, she walked out of the bar with her blood boiling and tears about to fall down her cheeks. “Son of a bitch.”

  “Kelly!”

  As she stepped into the lobby, Cole was at her side. “Go away.”

  “You have to let me explain.”

  Skidding to a stop, she fisted her hands. “I don’t have to do a damn thing. You have been a possessive alpha-a-hole for most of our relationship and go nuts if someone stands too close to me.” She sucked in a deep breath and looked around. “You had a woman on your lap and were running your hand over her leg.” Wrinkling her nose, she made a gagging sound. “You even smell like her perfume.”

  “I moved her off and was about to get up.”

  Letting out a harsh laugh, she stepped away. “I’m going to pack my stuff; you can have the room in fifteen minutes.”

  “You’re not going anywhere, and we’re going to talk this out.”

  “The hell we are.”

  “I fucking love you, Kelly, and if you think I’m going to let some bullshit misunderstanding get in the way of that, then you’ve way underestimated me.”

  “No way did you just use the l-word.”

  “I sure as shit did and I’ll keep saying it until you believe me.”

  Turning, she walked over to the elevator and hit the button. Feeling Cole come up beside her, she ignored him as she stared up at the numbers.

  “I really didn’t do anything.”

  “Yeah, you did.” The doors slid open, and she walked in with Cole hot on her heels. “Close your eyes and picture me sitting on Gio’s lap. Can you see it clearly in your mind…my tush would be snugged up tight against his crotch as my breasts pressed against his chest? Our breath would mingle, and his cologne would linger on my clothes.” Seeing his face redden and fists bunch let her know he could see it very clearly. “How do you feel, seeing me on another man’s lap with his hand running up and down my leg?”

  “Like I’m going to fucking kill someone.”

  “That’s what I just got to experience. Thanks.” The door slid open, and she walked off. “If you wanted out, all you had to do was say so.”

  He stepped in front of her, and she stopped. “Move.”

  “I will not.” He put his hands together in prayer. “I don’t want out.”

  “Your actions are saying something very different.” She stepped around him and opened the door to their room. “Go back to your friends and let me pack.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” He stood in front of the door and lifted his chin. “You’re going to have to get through me.”

  “Won’t be that hard, I’ll just call Gio and see if he knows anyone in town.” She pushed him out of the way and entered the room.

  “Quit talking about that fucking mobster.”

  She pulled out her suitcase and flung it open. “You lost the right to tell me anything the moment you put your hands on that woman.”

  “I did not welcome her.” He ran his hand down his face and groaned. “I’m sorry for what happened. I should’ve handled it better and been clear that I wasn’t interested.”

  Pulling clothes out of the closet, she smirked. “But you were…interested. I saw your face and heard your laugh. You were not upset she was showing interest, so don’t fucking lie and think I’ll buy your bullshit.”

  He put his hand to his chest and looked up. “I swear on the Bible; I wasn’t interested.”

  She started folding clothes and felt a familiar sharp pain in her chest. Feeling her energy drain, she decided he could be the one to leave. “Cole, pack your stuff and find someplace else to spend the night.”

  “No!”

  “If you have the tiniest feeling left for me, then please respect my wishes. I don’t want to go around and around.”

  “If we don’t work it out tonight, then you’ll never give me another chance.” He stood and walked over. “I love you, Kelly.”

  “You can’t fling those words at me like a curse.”

  “Why not? Because that’s what they are.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “My dad gave me a piece of advice at the hospital today. Would you like to hear what it was?”

  “Not really.”

  “He told me never to love a woman like he loved my mother because it always ends badly and will destroy you.”

  “Inspiring.”

  Collapsing on the bed, he closed her suitcase. “I walked out of the hospital knowing it was too late. I already loved you more than anything in the world, and there was no way it would ever change.” He took her hands and pressed several kisses to them. “I’m screwed because I’m in so deep that I don’t have a prayer of surviving.”

  She pulled her hands away and sat down on the bed. “You let an old girlfriend see if she could change that, so you wouldn’t end up like your dad.”

  “Not consciously.”

  “Congratulations, you succeeded because we’re not together anymore. You get to hold on to your sanity after all.”

  “Not possible. You are it for me. It’s you or no one.”

  “Said the man who just had his hand on another woman.” Wrapping her arms around her middle, she tamped down the tears that were threatening to escape. “First Sam and now you…why can’t I find a man who thinks I’m enough?”

  “Babe, you are more than enough for me. I fucked up, but hand to God, it will never happen again.”

  “I know.”

  “You forgive me?”

  “Yes.” She saw relief wash over his features. “But that doesn’t mean I want to be in a relationship with you.”

  Standing, he started to pace. “One mistake and that’s it?”

  “I’ve been down this road before and know how the story ends. If a man is willing to be disloyal once, then he’ll do it a hundred times.”

  �
��I didn’t initiate anything with Danielle. I swear; I did not go out looking for trouble.”

  “I believe you, but you’re over six feet, two hundred plus pounds. If you didn’t want someone touching you, then it wouldn’t happen.” Moving her suitcase back to the bed, she started folding her clothes again. “I get why it happened.”

  “You do?”

  “Sure, you had a god-awful week with your dad and had to face issues that most people don’t in a lifetime. An old girlfriend showed up, curiosity got the best of you, and poof, you’ve got the perfect recipe for some bad choices. Add to that your father’s sage advice, and I’m lucky I showed up before hands really started wandering.”

  “I never would’ve done anything.”

  Tilting her head, she studied him and shrugged. “One more drink and I bet you would’ve.”

  “Not a chance in the world. I sure as shit wasn’t fast enough to get her off my lap and I should’ve gotten up the moment she draped herself on me, but I never would’ve taken it further.”

  “Guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.”

  “How are we going to fix this?”

  “Don’t know and more importantly don’t really want to.”

  “Maybe this is what you were looking for.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I confessed my love for you, told you in no uncertain terms there is no one else in the world for me and admitted to my wrongdoing. Maybe you just need an excuse to end things after you’ve seen where and who I come from. My father is an abusive, raging alcoholic and mom apparently had a ton of psychological issues.” Dropping his head into his hands, he let out a frustrated growl. “I bet you want nothing to do with me and my genetics and my stupidity gives you the out you need.”

  “That is a load of crap.” She sat down hard and twisted her hands together. “I was falling in love with you, Cole.” She glanced up and saw his wide eyes. “I knew being in a relationship with you would bring me to my knees, and it seems I was right.”

  “You…love me?”

  Letting out a bitter laugh, she shook her head. “Not for long. I’m going to reel all those feelings in and stomp on them until they disappear.”