Thrall (Daughters Of Lilith)

by Jennifer Quintenz

  “Wait, think about it, please,” Missy said, her face falling.

  “Forget it, Missy. We don’t need her.” Amber crossed her arms.

  “Yes, we do.” Missy shut Amber up with a look. “This isn’t Homecoming. We’re raising money for something worthwhile. I’m sorry if you don’t like it, but she only has to snap her fingers and the entire male population of Coronado Prep will line up to buy tickets.” Missy turned back to me. “Please. This whole thing is coming apart.”

  “I’m busy after school today,” I said, grasping for an excuse. “I won’t be free until at least after five.”

  “That’s fine,” Missy said eagerly. “I’ll wait for you in the library, just find me when you’re done. I don’t care how late it is.” Missy left with Amber in tow.

  Royal watched them go. “If hating Braedyn Murphy was an Olympic sport, Amber would be gunning for the gold.”

  “What have I ever done to her?” I stabbed a piece of lasagna with my fork.

  Royal gave me a level look. “Braedyn, two months ago she was Homecoming Queen, desired above all others, and well on her way to becoming that one girl in our class that everyone sighs over at reunions until the end of time. Then you...” He ran his eyes over me, impersonally. “Blossom... and all that attention she was living on instead of food dried up.”

  I pushed my food away, exhausted.

  After school, Royal drove me to Cassie’s house. Mrs. Han ushered us inside. Cassie was sitting in the living room, eating soup. She looked drawn and fragile, but she wasn’t crying anymore.

  “Hey, guys,” she said. “I was starting to wonder if you’d forgotten me. It’s been almost two whole hours since one of you called.”

  Royal sat next to Cassie and curled an arm around her back. “You left your room just in time. I was getting ready to bring in the Jaws of Life.” Instead of answering him, Cassie leaned her head on his shoulder and looked up at me.

  “I finished your present,” she said.

  “Cass. You didn’t have to...” I started, but Cassie interrupted me.

  “It took my mind off of... everything. I’ll get it.” She put her soup on the coffee table and started to stand.

  “No, I’ll get it. I’m already up.” I moved toward the back hallway.

  “My room’s kind of a mess,” she called.

  “You’re entitled,” Royal said. Cassie looked down, but she nodded. I left them in the living room and went to Cassie’s bedroom. Mrs. Han was inside, making the bed. She looked a lot better than the last time I’d seen her.

  “Sorry. I was looking for...” I started.

  “Your birthday present? It’s on the desk.” Mrs. Han hesitated before leaving. “She admires you very much. You and Royal.”

  “Thank you,” I said, uncomfortable. She left. I turned to Cassie’s desk. It was really more of a table, where she kept her computer, her sewing machine, and any project she was currently working on. The last time I’d been in this room I had been blindfolded so she could do a fitting without ‘ruining the surprise.’ I had thought she was making me a blouse, but what I saw took my breath away. It was half-jacket, half-cloak, made of a gorgeous stiff velvet in a green so deep it almost looked black. It was fitted to the waist, but the lower part of the jacket fanned out, sweeping almost to the floor. I picked it up and put it on. It had a comfortable weight.

  There was something incredible about the clothes Cassie made. It would be too easy to say they fit like a glove. They were more like a second skin. I could move freely and the jacket didn’t pull or bunch the way store-bought clothes always did. Cassie was an artist. I ran my fingers over the lining inside and recognized its feel. This must have been what I’d tried on when she’d brought me in here for the fitting. Somehow, by just measuring the lining, she’d been able to build the rest of the jacket and have it fit me perfectly. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw an elegant, confident young woman.

  “Snazzy.” I heard Royal’s voice and turned. He and Cassie stood in the doorway. There was a new quality to Cassie’s smile, a slight twist. I recognized it instantly; it was the same self-loathing I’d seen in Thane’s smile that first moment I’d met him. And I knew; every day she’d spent locked in her room, Cassie had driven herself mad blaming herself. One more crime to lay at her tormentor’s feet. I chased the thought away, but it left me cold.

  “Turn around,” Cassie commanded, stepping into the room. I obeyed her and she studied the jacket critically. “Not bad. I was worried about the hem, but it looks pretty decent.”

  “Um,” Royal said, holding up a finger to correct her. “That is something of an understatement. It looks pretty Rock Star.” Royal studied me from the other side. “Someone needs to teach this girl how to play the guitar.” Shortly after that, Mrs. Han gently but firmly ended the visit. Cassie had to catch up on her homework, she told us. And so Royal and I left.

  Royal dropped me back off at school with an arch, “Have fun planning the party.”

  I locked my gift from Cassie in my car, and then walked through campus to the library. It was the furthest building from the center of campus, but it had the best view. Beyond the library, the land sloped away, dotted with sagebrush and prairie grass. Distant mountains rose up in soft purple folds, their tops edged in white. I slipped around the main stacks to the large picture windows in back, taking a moment to soak in the view. But the peace I was seeking eluded me.

  Someone nearby laughed. I froze as I heard Parker’s voice. I edged closer and saw him talking with Amber, while Missy tried to focus on her chemistry textbook.

  “I’m just saying, a Carnival would be so much cooler than a Ball,” Parker said.

  “We’re trying to raise money,” Missy said, with a strained smile. “Not blow it all on rides and cotton candy vendors.”

  “I don’t know,” Amber said, giving Parker a flirty smile. “This Carnival thing could be cool.”

  “You can make money at a Carnival,” Parker said. “Like, dunking booths and stuff.”

  “You have to rent the booth,” Missy said.

  “We could make a kissing booth,” Amber said.

  “No - you know what you need to do?” Parker straightened with a wicked grin. “Instead of a kissing booth, set up a Cassie booth. Dudes would line up for that, I’m telling you. You’d make a fortune.” Amber exploded in laughter.

  “Ew!” Missy said. “That’s deranged, Parker.”

  Amber wiped her eyes, grinning. “It’s a good thing you’re not on the planning committee. You’d get us all arrested.”

  “You wanted to raise money. I’m just saying.” Parker rubbed his hands together, pleased with himself. I felt my feet moving. Missy saw me first and tried to signal them to shut up. Parker noticed her efforts and spotted me. He straightened with a lazy smile. “I’ll catch you girls later.” Parker turned and walked out of the library.

  “Braedyn,” Missy started. I silenced her with a look. To her credit, she didn’t try to stop me when I walked away.

  I felt a steady anger building inside me on the drive home. Hale had left a note for me on our fridge. Practice was back on. I met Hale and Gretchen in the basement five minutes later. For the first time ever, I was eager to throw some punches. Hale gave us the signal to start and I attacked. Gretchen’s concentration was fierce. We moved together, jabbing and dodging, kicking out and jumping back. I pressed my attack, focused on burning through the rage in my head. I pictured Parker standing where Gretchen was, and fought forward, trying to land every punch.

  Gretchen dodged back and struck out, tagging me hard in the side; it was the exact spot Karayan had hit when she broke my rib. I skittered backwards. My ribs had healed, but a cold fear clamped onto me with the remembered pain. Gretchen shot Hale an unreadable look. Hale considered me, evaluating me with his eyes. I was tired of feeling scared and weak. I squared my shoulders and lunged for Gretchen, fighting against the emotions raging through my head.

  “Easy,” Gretchen said. She t
ook one step back, then another, blocking my punches.

  “Okay, okay. Whoa!” Someone put a hand on my shoulder and I spun to face him, fist raised to strike. It was Hale. I dropped my arm instantly, chagrined. Hale’s gray eyes searched my face. He looked unsettled. I glanced at Gretchen. She was bent over, hands on her knees, breathing hard.

  “I’m out,” she said. “I need to shower. And then pass out.” Gretchen looked at me as she straightened. “I’ll give her this; she doesn’t hit like a girl anymore.” Gretchen retreated up the stairs, rubbing her shoulder.

  Hale tossed me a towel. I pulled my padding off slowly. He was watching me. “You okay?” His tone was light enough, but I wasn’t fooled. I was like a Derby horse; they had to monitor my training carefully so I didn’t injure myself before the big race. I nodded, but didn’t offer anything else. “You should know - you’re learning incredibly fast.”

  “Right.” I finished pulling off all of the protective gear and dumped it on the table, and then grabbed my water bottle and drained it.

  Hale gestured at the chair behind me. “Have a seat.” I dropped into the chair, bracing myself for another lecture about the mission. He surprised me. “That fear? It’s not going to last forever. You’re already ten times as strong as the girl who tried to save Derek that night.”

  “I don’t feel any different,” I said, looking at my hands in my lap.

  “I see the difference,” Hale said. “And Gretchen feels the difference. She’s not holding back anymore. Did you notice that?” I looked up, surprised. “It’s true. This is as hard as I’ve ever seen her train.” He caught my eye. The look on his face was almost fond. He turned and walked up the basement stairs, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

  I went home to shower. As the water ran over my face, I let my thoughts return to the conversation I’d had with Karayan. She said I didn’t have to hurt Parker; I just had to make him see. I breathed in the steam and remembered Parker’s laughter, his cold, unfeeling smile in the library that afternoon. It didn’t seem like hurting him was the worst idea in the world.

  I was quiet at dinner. I could feel Lucas watching me, worrying, but I didn’t meet his eyes. After dinner, I walked home with Dad. He tried to draw me into watching one of our favorite shows, but I wasn’t in the mood for television. When it was finally time to go to sleep, I pulled on an old t-shirt and climbed into bed. I intended to go through the relaxation exercises and spend the night trying to find Karayan.

  But as soon as my eyes closed, I saw her standing in my field of white roses.

  “I thought I might be seeing you soon,” Karayan said, smiling. She picked a rose and ran a finger over the slender stem, playing with the thorns. One of the thorns pricked her finger and she dropped it, irked.

  “How do we find him?” I asked.

  “Ooo, all business. I like that,” she said.

  “Just show me.”

  In answer, Karayan touched the ground. Water seeped out of the dirt to create a mirrored pool. Inside, a dusting of stars twinkled. She made it look so effortless.

  “How do you do that?” I asked. Karayan looked up, startled. “I’ve been trying. I’ve tried everything.”

  Karayan understood immediately. She moved her hand and the pool vanished. “You’re thinking like a human,” she said. “They’re only aware of the physical world they can see and touch. Don’t treat this place like it’s real. If you try to touch the ground, all you’ll end up with is a fistful of dirt.” She waved one graceful hand at the space around us. “This whole dream space is a metaphor. You have to keep that in mind, or your own perception will trap you here. We’re inside a bubble of illusion, floating in a vast sea. That sea is the larger dream world. In order to access it, you just have to make a tiny hole in your bubble.” She gestured for me to join her. We knelt side-by-side on the ground. “Try it now.”

  I laid my hand on the ground, but it still felt like dirt to me. I glanced at Karayan, uncertain. She gave me an encouraging nod. I pictured this place like the inside of one of those snow globes they sell to tourists in Old Town. Suddenly, it was like I could sense the curving glass trapping us in this illusion. I visualized the dirt beneath me as being less than an inch thick, and pressed my finger down. I felt something cool and slick under my hand. A pool of dark liquid grew in front of us, full of tiny flickers of light. I met Karayan’s eyes, triumphant.

  “Nicely done,” she breathed, grinning at my excitement. “Now, in order to find someone, you have to picture him in your mind. See his face, hear his voice.”

  It was too easy; I had been doing that all day. Karayan took my hand and set it onto the surface of the pool. Only it didn’t feel like water. It was smooth like glass, even as it flowed around my hand. Inside the pool, the stars scattered, like dust disturbed by a sudden gust of wind. One of the stars was rising up out of the dark water. It breached the surface, hanging between us like a gleaming seed of light.

  “Touch it,” Karayan said. I hesitated, but she smiled. “I’ll be right behind you.”

  I touched the glimmer, and was drawn into another field. A soccer field. I turned and saw Derek running toward me. I was so startled, I screamed. Derek didn’t stop; he kicked a soccer ball and it sped past my head ferociously. I turned in time to see Parker knock it into the goal with a precise head-butt. Suddenly, the field was surrounded by risers full of screaming fans. As the cheering rose, Derek and the other soccer players faded away.

  Karayan joined me. “He dreams of glory. Typical.” Parker didn’t seem to see us. I glanced at Karayan. “Well?” she asked. “We’ve found him. What do you want to do?”

  “I want to make him feel what Cassie feels. I want him... I want him to hate himself.” Even as I said the words, I felt an icy fist close around my heart. I thought about Cassie and her new, bitter smile.

  “Then you need to plant that in his mind,” Karayan said coolly. She took my hand and cupped it, making a small bowl. “Imagine a seed. All of your friend’s suffering, all that agony and pain and humiliation, focus all of it into this seed.” I did, and as I watched, a fat, gray seed coalesced in the palm of my hand. “Now picture this seed growing into a tree, every leaf another hated aspect of himself that Parker will have to face. Picture its roots, digging deep into his sense of self, feeding off his arrogance.” I obeyed her, pouring these negative thoughts into the seed. It felt heavier and heaver in my hand, and my vision started to blur. I blinked, and found I was woozy, weak. “Almost done,” Karayan whispered to me. “Is there anything else you’d like to throw in for good measure?”

  I combed through my mind, but the rage I’d started with was gone. I felt empty. Everything was already in the seed. “No.” I looked up. “Now what?”

  “Now... Plant it.” Karayan stepped back, regarding the lush grass of the field. “This is Parker’s dream. His mind. Plant the seed anywhere. It will grow.”

  I hesitated, unsure. Karayan made no move to hurry me. She simply waited. I felt a tugging on my conscience and I almost backed down. But a thought lurked in the shadows of my mind. In the real world, the best thing for Cassie would be for her to get past this pain. To heal. Cassie was too fragile for a direct confrontation, and Parker was too callous to let that kind of thing hurt him anyway. Which meant he would suffer no retribution. Here in the dream, this seed was retribution. It would leave Cassie innocent of any crime. No one ever had to know. And Parker would get what Parker deserved. I drew comfort from this thought, and dug my hand into the thick grass, down into the wet soil of Parker’s dream. I dropped the seed inside. Thin roots sprouted from it like hairs, spooling into the dirt around it. I watched in sick fascination for a moment, then covered the rooting seed up.

  “Let’s get out of here,” I said. “This place gives me the creeps.” Karayan offered me her hand. I took it. Her fingers were cool and strong. She closed them around my hand and the dream shifted. We were back in my field of roses, only something was different. I tried to place it, but Karayan inte
rrupted my thoughts.

  “I wondered when you would come to your senses.” She smiled, victorious. “I told them I could save you from the Guard. It would just be a matter of time.”

  “Told who?” I asked numbly.

  “Our sisters. You met them at your birthday party. They were curious about you, but after that night, they didn’t think you’d ever leave the Guard. They’ll be eager to see you.”

  I stared at her with a sinking feeling. “I’m not leaving the Guard.”

  Karayan regarded me for a long moment. “Those men will never accept you for what you are. They are only interested in you as long as they can control you.”

  “I know how bad it must have been growing up with Thane. But just because he was awful to you doesn’t mean everyone in the Guard is cruel.”

  Karayan stiffened. “Whatever you think you know...”

  “I know Thane treated you like a weapon, not a daughter. But my dad is different. Hale is different.”

  “They have devoted their lives to killing our kind.”

  “They... They just want to protect people,” I said. “Do you really want to start another war?”

  Karayan stared at me, frustrated. “Some part of you knows you can’t trust them, right?” She scrutinized my face, looking for answers. “If you have even a little doubt, come with me and hear our side.” She held out her hand. I didn’t take it. She pursed her lips. “Change is coming, and the Guard can’t stop it. What do you think will happen when the Wall comes down? If you stand with the Guard, you’ll put yourself on the front lines. As soon as our numbers are great enough, the Guard will fall. Stand with them, and you’ll fall, too.” The look she gave me was full of pity. “It’s your choice.” Karayan vanished.

  I stared at the place she’d been standing for a few long moments before it hit me. I knew what was different about my field. The roses were no longer a pristine white. I grabbed blossom after blossom from the plants, scattering petals on the ground. I lost count of how many roses I tore apart, but every single petal had a crimson stain at its base.