Dex: Castle Ink #1
Page 2
“I need you.” I don’t wait for her reply. I pick her up and walk us to her bedroom. Our mouths locked in a heated kiss. Fuck, this chick can kiss. I walk into her room, not bothering to close the door- we are here alone. No fucker will walk in on us. I lay her on the bed and waste no time stripping her naked. She is laid out for me, all soft and colourful; her tattoos covering her one arm and half the other. Fuck me, that is different. Sexy as fuck.
“You had your nipples done,” I state. She nods her head and bites her lip. I fucking love them. I loved having mine done. Fiona loved them too. Guilt smacks me in the chest and I take a step back. Fuck, will this ever stop?
“Dex. We don’t have to,” she says, uncertainty evident in her voice. I shake away the thoughts of my dead wife. She is gone, but I am here. So why the fuck can’t I move on?
“I’m good.” Again, I don’t wait for a reply. I strip out of my clothes, loving the way Addy’s eyes follow my every move, even though at times I am seeing two of her as the alcohol blurs my vision. I climb up her body and don’t bother with foreplay, I am pretty fucking sure she is ready for me. I lean down and kiss her again and slam into her in one hard thrust. She cries out my name. I pull out almost completely and slam back into her. In and out I move. Her fucking pussy is like soaking wet silk around my cock. The sound of our breathing fills the room, the noise of her juices spurring me on.
“Oh God, Dex. Harder. Yes!” she screams. My pounding never letting up, I put her legs over my shoulder and I slide in deeper. I fuck her harder and her cries and pleads fill the bedroom. I feel the tingle start at the bottom of my spine and I know I am close to coming, so I release one of her legs and drop my hand to her clit and start rubbing. I need to her to come; I am that fucking close.
“Fuck, Addy you need to come. I am so fucking close.” I feel her walls clamp down on my dick and it sets off my own orgasm. I can feel the heat from her all over me as my cum fills her up. I collapse down beside her and close my eyes, trying to calm my breathing down. I can hear Addy’s heavy breathing next to me, but I don’t have it in me to look at her. The guilt comes back tenfold and I bolt from the bed. I don’t look at her as I get dressed, but I can feel her eyes on me and hear the odd sniffling. I know I have made her cry, yet again. My heart feels like it is being crushed in my chest.
“I can’t keep doing this, Dex.” I nod my head and pull my boots on. I get where she is coming from. I always seem to hurt her.
“I’m sorry. I drank too much and I used you.”
“How? I wanted this as much as you, Dex.”
“I needed to forget and you were there. Easy.” I hear her suck in a breath and I feel like the biggest cockhead going.
“Get out.” She doesn’t scream or shout. Her voice is filled with hurt and disappointment and it makes another crack in my heart appear. I freeze and look up at her. Her top is back on and tears are streaming down her face. I take a step forward, for what reason I don’t know. “GET OUT. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN.” She screams at me this time and her words gut me. Her face will forever be embedded in my head. The look on her face will fucking haunt me forever. She stands from the bed and marches to me, when she reaches me she pushes at my chest. “OUT.” I stumble back but catch my balance. She keeps hitting me until I snatch her wrists.
“Enough.” She rips her hands out of my hold and stares at me with pure hatred in her eyes. “I’ll go. I’m so fucking sorry, Ads.”
“Do not ever call me that again.” I nod my head, feeling the pain from her words. Again, guilt and regret seep into my body. I turn to leave and I hear her follow me through the house, to the front door where I pause with my hand on the door handle.
“I know that you won't ever believe me, but I am sorry. I should never have come here. I will stay away. You deserve a bloke that will love you. A man that will always put you first and that man isn’t me.”
“I meant what I said, Dexter. Don’t ever come here again. I never want to see your face again. You have hurt me for the last time.” That last part of my heart splinters and I walk out of her house.
That was the last time I had seen Addy. It has been months and I know that Jay says she is okay, but I want to see for myself. Addy has kept her distance from us, not even Jay knows where she moved to. That in itself fucking kills me. I hate not knowing where she is. I stalk her Facebook and Instagram account like crazy, but there is nothing with any clues on there about where she is or if she is okay. It is bittersweet when I think of the last time I saw Addy. I hurt her so badly that night and I hate myself for it, but I also get so fucking hard thinking about how her body reacted to mine. I push down on my dick in my tight jeans as Luke walks in. Luke is our new tattooist. Our work load almost tripled so we needed another set of hands, and I had met Luke at a tattoo convention in London a few years ago. He is epic with the shading but he also is a piercer. So he took over Addy’s clients. He is the same age as me and is a pretty cool bloke. No wife, no kids, so it was a simple move to Bell Harbour.
“Hey, man. How’s it going?” he asks while helping himself to a mug of coffee.
“Same old shit, different day. You know how it goes. Hey, is Dave coming in today to get that back piece finished?” Dave is an old army vet who is having a massive fucking Spitfire tattoo on his back. That man has a huge pain threshold. After four sittings it is almost complete.
“Yeah. He should be here by ten. Things still the same with you and Jay?” He knows the feud with me and Jay. I drank too much one night and spilled the whole fucking tin of beans to him.
“Yeah. Fucker just needs to let me talk to her on his phone. I know she will answer me if I call her from his phone.”
“Maybe. But dude, did it ever occur to you that he is just protecting her and doing what she has asked him to do?” I do get what he is saying but, fuck me, I need to hear her voice. I thought I felt lost when Fiona died but in my head and heart, I knew she was never coming back. But knowing that Addy is here- albeit I have no clue where- she is very much alive, and that fact is tearing me apart. I started drinking again after she left this time. Jay and Liam kicked my arse. I haven’t had a drink in four weeks. It was Liam that made me see sense this time. He told me that he would need me when Penny had the baby. It was up to Jay and me to take care of Knox and Connie. Speaking of Liam- Connie’s voice comes from out front. I know why she is here and Penny will kick my arse for it, but it’s worth it to see the smile on that little girl’s face.
“Uncle Dex, where are you?”
“Backroom, CJ.” She asked me to draw some temporary tattoos on her for a party she is going to. It’s better than these stupid arse stick-on ones that irritate the kid’s skin and look really dirty after a few hours. She bounds through the door, completely ignoring Luke, and jumps into my lap. “You are the best uncle EVER, for doing this. The girls are going to be so jealous.” Her smile is so big I swear her face will split in two.
“Hey, I heard that,” Jay says, walking into the room. Connie giggles, then jumps down from my lap before running and hugging him.
“Well I love you too, obviously, but Uncle Dex is doing the temp tattoos for me. Who are you?” she says, finally spotting Luke in the room. He offers her a smile.
“I’m Luke. Luke Baker, I work here.”
“Since when?” That’s our Connie: straight to the point.
“Manners, CJ,” Liam scolds her, from the door. She doesn’t cower from his gaze, but most men would.
“Sorry, Dad. But I want to know why he is here. So?” She turns back to Luke, hands on her hips. Little bloody madame, that one. Luke never falters. He has three younger sisters so he knows how to handle girls.
“Well, I have been here for around five weeks now. I tattoo like Dex and Jay, but I also do the piercing. You are?”
“Connie. But you can’t do the piercing, that is Addy’s job.” I knew she would bring her up, Connie is a huge Addy fan. When she found out it was my fault that Addy left, she refused to talk to
me for nearly two weeks. This is why I will do anything to keep this girl happy. I never want her to cut me out again.
“I am sure that when Addy comes back, she will pick up where she left off. Don’t panic. She will be back.”
“When?” She turns her eyes to me. Fuck me, I have been blown down by a freaking ten year old.
“Soon, CJ. She just needs to sort a few things out, okay?”
I can only pray that I didn’t just lie to her. I need Addy to come back as much as CJ does. I will find her, and I will bring her back to Castle Ink.
Placing my phone down on the arm of the chair, I angle my body so it isn’t touching the material of the sofa. My back is killing me. The new ink I had yesterday is stinging like a little bitch. Mike at the studio did not want to tattoo me but I convinced him. So he did it for me- at a discount I may add. I have no tattoos on my back so I wanted something for me, even though I can’t see it. I had a Hamsa hand tattoo done. It’s a red lotus flower just above the perfect eye, with the most beautiful green iris; Dex. The three fingers hold memories for me. The left one has a family tree in it, the middle one has three hearts in it and the right one has a tattoo gun in it. It is bloody beautiful and has so much meaning for me. I have been wearing a strapless top since. I tried putting a vest top on but it rubbed, so I will just wear this top for now.
The pain will wear off soon. I rest my feet up on the sofa and turn the TV on. I sit and watch an episode of The Fall. Come on, who doesn’t love a bit of Jamie Dornan? I know I do, he was pretty damn sexy as Mr Grey. This programme is messed up, but in a good way. It is the only show where I will the bad psycho killer to go free. He is just too damn sexy for jail.
I laugh to myself, which happens often these days. Here I am sitting here like a pathetic, lonely cat lady watching a TV show, drooling over the bad guy. I reach over for my big bag of flamin’ hot Monster Munch. I seem to be craving them these days. My phone chimes reminding me that I didn’t answer Jay’s text. It has been hard not seeing him or Dex, but I needed to get away. Dex’s words and actions were hurting me. I had to think of me this time. I had always put his feelings first in the past, but not anymore. Things need to be done my way now. There are far more important things that come before Dex. The night I left was the worst he had hurt me. To tell me that he was using me to forget… That, right there, cut me so fucking deep. He has literally punched me in the chest, ripped out my heart and set it on fire as we watched it burn to ashes.
The ache hurts more and more as each day passes, but I know that if I was to go back to Bell Harbour, I would feel his rejection all over again. He is simply not ready to let Fiona go. He is still in love with her and I can’t blame him, she was his first love. He loved her with all of his heart and I would never ask him to forget her or stop loving her. But I had thought- over time- he would let me in and love me too; obviously not. So my life is here now, in Coverton. I work part-time at a studio where I got my new tattoo done. Mike gave me a job when I walked in after seeing a ‘job vacancy’ sign in the window. I explained the reason I left my old job and he hired me on the spot. He’s become like a dad to me. He is fifty-five and he is fricking awesome. His wife, Wendy, is wicked, she keeps him in line. They both gave me this apartment for free. They told me it was their daughter’s, but she moved over to America with a new job, so it had been sitting empty- until me. It is fully furnished which was handy to me.
I have been here for just over four months and things are changing drastically. My life is taking a new path and I really want my favourite boys here with me. I also miss Penny, Liam and the kids. I heard from Jay that Penny and Liam are having a baby. I am so happy for them, but it makes me miss them more. I won’t see Penny’s belly grow with the baby. I miss Connie and Knox so much. A lump forms in my throat at the thought. My phone rings from beside me. I guess Jay got pissed at waiting for me to reply. Sighing I pick up the phone and answer it.
“Hello.”
“Why did you not get back to me?” Yeah, he is pissed. But a pissed off Jay Castle is fun.
“Sorry, I got sidetracked watching Mr Spector,” I tell him.
“Who the fuck is Mr Spec- Oh, never mind, I know. Fucking hell, Addy, it’s a TV show, you can press pause you know.”
“I know, but I didn’t want to.” I shrug my shoulders. I know he can’t see me but I still do it. Reaction I guess.
“Fucking pleb. Okay, so I know that you said you didn’t want to see me but I really need to see you and make sure that you are okay. It’s fucking killing me not being able to see it for myself, Addy. Please?” I rest my chin on my chest, which tightens at the thought of what he will do when he sees me.
“I can’t,” I whisper.
“You fucking can, and you will. I am going out of my mind here, Addison.” I know he's bringing out the big guns with the full name.
“Isn’t this enough? I told you that I am fine. I have a nice place to live and I have a great job with a fab bunch of people.”
“Fucking traitor. I can’t believe that you’re working in another studio. I should have Dex spank your arse for that.” At the mention of his name, my heart skips a beat. “Fuck, I didn’t mean to say his name. Sorry.” His voice drops and I can hear the sadness in it. I know that I have caused a rift between them and I hate myself for it.
“How is he?” I can’t help myself. I think on a deeper level I enjoy torturing my heart. I hold my breath, waiting for Jay to tell me how brother is. The last time we talked, Dex was drunk; again. I haven’t spoken to Jay in over a month; just a text here and there. The pain got too much at one point; that I was lying to him. Keeping a secret from the Castle boys.
“He’s good. He stopped drinking and he is back on track.” His voice drops again. “He misses you, Addy. Fuck, we all do.”
“I know.” My heart fucking hurts so bad. Can I go back? Will he forgive me? Can he love me? So many questions. I shuffle to the end of the sofa, stand up and walk over to the window. The view is of the kids’ park. Seeing the kids running around makes me smile. I love seeing kids enjoying their freedom but the loud, high-pitched screaming gives me a headache. There are a few kids in there playing and enjoying their freedom. My heart squeezes again, thinking of Connie and Knox.
“Come home, Addison. Please?” Fuck is Jay crying? The emotion is thick in his voice.
“I can’t, Jay. Please don’t make me. It hurts.”
“Then come the fuck home, Addy. Jesus- shit, we need you here. He needs you here.”
Hearing that Dex needs me almost makes my resolve vanish, but I know I need to be strong, for myself. Where was Dex when I needed him? Off somewhere with some slag for the weekend and he has the fucking cheek to tell me that I got myself into the situation? A shitty situation that I should never have put myself in. Fucking men, making me fall for their shit. Arsehole.
“I can’t…” I hear a scuffle and then the voice that makes my body sing and my blood boil at the same time.
“Addy, babe. Are you there?” His voice is hoarse, like he is trying to hold onto his emotions. “Baby, please answer me.” Baby? Babe? Where the hell has this come from? He normally calls me shitty names. My throat tightens and I can’t bloody speak.
“Ads, please come home. I know I fucked up. Shit. Please, just come home.”
“I can’t, D-Dex.”
“Yes, you can babe. Please?” Jay is bitching in the background, telling Dex to give him the phone back. “Well, if you had just told me where she is, then I could go and see her and sort all this shit out. Thanks brother,” Dex grinds out, sounding pissed at his brother. Shit, I caused this. “Addy, at least meet me for a coffee, I need to see you, babe.”
“No.”
“No?” he asks.
“I need to think of me right now, Dex. You only want to see me, to see that I am okay. Well, I can tell you that I am okay. You do not need to see me and quite frankly I don’t want to see you. I need more time.”
“Ads, pl-” I cut him off.
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br /> “I said NO, Dex. For fucks sake will you listen to me? I need time. I need to sort my head out. I can’t do that with you being a moody twat all the time. Just know that I am safe and I am okay. I have a new job and a new place to live. If and when I come back, it will be on my terms. You don’t get to make demands with my life, Dex, I am not yours. Simple.” I am breathing heavy by the time I finish bitching him out, but fuck, it feels good to say it. My body starts to shake and the tears threaten to fall. How many more tears am I going to cry over this bloke?
“Okay. You promise me that you’re safe?”
“I am.” I need him off the phone. I wipe away the stray tears and clear my throat.
“Fucking shit. Ads, please don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.” So much for not letting him know how much he is affecting me.
“You made her cry, you fucking cock. Give me the damn phone,” I hear Jay demand.
“I have to go.” I end the call before either of them can reply. I throw my phone on the sofa and press my head onto the window, the glass cold against my skin. Fucking men. Twats, the lot of them.
I have no clue how long I cry for but my front door opening and closing makes me turn to see who has just come into my apartment.
“Bitch, where are you?” I take a deep breath and answer my new friend, Lauren.
"Living room," I yell back. I turn to see her walk into my living room. She stands about my height- which is five-five- and her strawberry blonde hair stops just at her shoulders. This girl is epic beyond all proportions. She has no filter; you either love her or hate her. Me, I love this girl.
“Who the fuck do I need to cut?” she states when she sees my puffy face and tear streaked cheeks. I shake my head and chuckle. “I mean it, Addy. Who made you cry, babe? I will cut off cock and balls if I need to.”