by Amy Davies
“I need more time, Dex. This is a lot to take in right now. For years you have pushed me away and now all of a sudden you want me? It’s hard to not think that this will end badly for me.”
“I can give you some time, Ads. Some,” I state more forcefully.
“Thank you, Dex.”
“Can we keep doing this? Talking on the phone and texting? Please, don’t shut me out anymore.”
“I’d like that. I have to go, Dex. I’m working this afternoon. But I will text soon.”
“So, what’s the name of this new studio you work at?” She laughs.
“Nice try, Dexter Castle. I will speak to you, soon. Bye, Dex.”
“Bye, Ads. Take care of yourself, yeah?”
“Will do. Bye.” She ends the call. Fucking shit, my heart is beating wildly in my chest. I am in and I intend to stay.
It has been four days since Addy agreed with me about seeing where things go, but it has to be done via phone calls or texts, no clue as to why but I'm not gonna fucking fight her on it. I have her- somewhat- back in my life and I need to make sure it stays that way. We have talked a few times but text more than anything. She makes me laugh, something she hasn't done before because I never gave her the chance. I always found a way to douse her sparkle. Well, not anymore. I plan on making her shine so fucking bright she will outshine Blackpool’s Christmas lights.
I am just finishing up on a girl’s tattoo when my phone dings in my pocket. I know who it is and I can't stop the smile that spreads across my face.
“What's got him all smiley over there?” The girl’s friend asks. Her two friends are sitting in chairs next to the table. This girl’s shoulder piece has taken me just over an hour. The three of them have flirted like crazy with me since they got here.
“I just got a text and I know it's from my girl,” I explain. Yeah, I just called Addy my girl. So what?
“So, where is she? I haven’t seen you with a girl before,” one of the girls says. She has been coming here for the past few weeks, having a large back piece done. I have normally flirted back a little, but nothing to lead her on. My head was always swimming with images of Addy.
“She’s away at the moment, visiting some friends. She will be home soon,” I tell them, still not looking up from the design I am finishing up. I wipe away the excess ink and take a look, before touching up on certain parts.
“So, while the cat is away…” She leaves the sentence hanging.
“Yeah, this cat will only play with his pussy, no mouse can compare.” She huffs, obviously pissed at my comeback. I honestly don’t give a fuck. I am not risking this thing with Ads for anyone. I reach over and pick up the cleaning solution to clean the ink and blood off the girl. I throw the paper towel in the bin and tap her arm.
“All done. Go and have a look,” I tell her and get ready to cover the new tattoo up. Her squeals make me lift my head and watch as she jumps up and down, not bothering to stop her big breasts bouncing all over the place. Normally I would be all over this chick, but not today - or any other day for that matter. I am a one-Addy-man.
“Oh Dex, I fucking love it.” She throws herself at me and I have no choice but to catch her. Her friends are laughing behind her, egging her on to kiss me. Did I not just say a few minutes ago that I had a girl? Fucking sluts. Before I can push her off, Jay comes around the corner and looks at the scene before him. He looks down-right pissed. I gently push the girl off me by her shoulder and take a step back. I expect him to blow up at me but he doesn’t.
“I knew it was too good to be true.” He looks at me with such disappointment. My baby brother just gutted me.
“Hey, Jay. Wait up.” I jog after him. “Hey, I didn’t do anything. She was happy with her new tat and threw herself at me.”
“Same old Dex, huh?”
“I’m fucking serious. Ask them!” I turn and point to the three girls now walking towards us. The girl I just inked up smirks at me and her two friends just smile. Bitches. “So, you’re just gonna stand there and lie to his face? Do you know how much shit you just put me in? The three of you are banned from Caste Ink. Settle the bill and get out.” I storm off, leaving three very pissed off girls whose voices carry through to my back room. Fuck them. Fuck them all.
I quickly clean up my station, not wanting to be around Jay anymore today. He can handle the fucking walk-ins for the rest of the day. I grab my stuff and leave my room. The three girls are gone, but I notice that Jay and Luke are standing by the door, talking in hushed tones. I have no interest in what they are gossiping about and I head for the door.
“I’m out,” I throw over my shoulder.
“Where the fuck are you going?” Jay asks.
“Home. I have had a fuck-full today. You two fuckheads can handle the studio for the rest of the day.” I don’t wait for a reply before I head to my car. I know the only thing that can calm the brewing storm in my head is Addy. I need to hear her voice.
I am now two days away from being twenty-weeks pregnant. Things have taken a turn for the worse. I had a few cramps the other night and Lauren took me to the hospital. They monitored the baby and she or he is fine. The Doctor said that it happens with some women. But, if it happens again or I start bleeding then I need to go back to the hospital right away. Wendy pulled the mother duty and takes care of me on a daily basis now, so does Lauren when she can between work and taking care of little Alfie. I have almost dialed Dex’s number so many times to tell him about the baby, but I have somehow stopped myself.
We have texted and talked on the phone and our relationship is growing. I miss seeing him, but hearing his voice soothes the ache a little. He hasn’t asked to meet me again since the last time he asked while I was outside the hospital, the day Liam found out about the baby. He has been trying, I will give him that. The flirting has escalated big time. He often asks me what I am wearing and yes, I lie to him. I tell him I am in something sexy or something I used to wear, rather than the big ugly-arse t-shirts I have been wearing. He sent me an ‘ab’ pic the other day, something to tie me over, he said, until I get to see and touch the real thing. Of course, I didn’t send a photo back to him to add to his ‘spank bank’- much to his disappointment. He just jokes and says he will picture me in something he would like to see me in. Bloody pervert.
It is just after ten o’clock in the morning and I am in bed watching American Horror Story. This show freaks me the fuck out, but it is awesome and sick on so many levels. I lift the bowl of grapes off my bedside table and place them on my belly, my baby bump supplying the perfect table for my snack. My phone and the TV remote control are next to me. Easy and lazy day. My phone rings, so I glance down to the iPhone beside me and smile when I see Dex’s name on the screen.
“Hey.”
“Hey, babe. What are you up to?” he asks.
“I’m good; chilling in bed watching some American Horror Story. Watching Matt Bomer and Lady Gaga have a foursome. Kinda sexy in a freaky kinda way,” I state.
“Nice. I love a bit of freaky,” he chuckles through the phone.
“Pervert. So, what are you up to?”
“Nothing. Just sitting on the sofa in Castle Ink watching Our Girl on BBC iPlayer. You get to ogle that Matt bloke and I get to ogle Michelle Keegan. She is rather tasty,” he explains.
“Eh, she’s okay, I would do her.” I bite my thumb nail to stop me from laughing out loud. One of Dex’s biggest fantasies has always been to have a threesome with two girls. In my desperate times I even offered him to have one with me and a friend, but he always turned me down, saying that he would never share me.
“Fuck, my dick just chubbed out. I can so picture me, you and Michelle Keegan fucking on our bed. Damn, now that is one sexy image.” I didn’t miss his use of ‘our bed’.
“See, bloody pervert. So, how is the studio? How are my boys doing?”
“Your boy is doing great. Missing his girl.”
“Okay, fine. How are Jay and Liam?”
�
�Liam is great. Amazing actually. Penny is pregnant, she’s fifteen weeks.” I swallow the lump in my throat when I hear the excitement in his voice. Dex is truly happy for them.
“I heard. Penny text me. I am happy for them,” I force out. They get to enjoy their baby growing together. I need to pull on my big girl knickers and tell him. Face the possibility that he will hate me for keeping it from him.
“Yeah, it is awesome. Sorry to cut this short, Ads, but a group of lads just walked in, so I had better go and help my brother and Luke out. Can I phone you later tonight? Maybe we can try something sexy and naughty over the phone.” His voice drops low and sexy. I love when he does that, he used to make my pussy clench before the baby, but now the pregnancy hormones are kicking in big time. I feel like I am permanently turned on when I think of speaking to Dex.
“Yeah, that’s fine. I have no plans. I am just a lonely girl watching Netflix.”
“You are never alone, babe. We will talk tonight. Later.”
“Later.” We hang up.
I need to tell him.
I have to tell him.
I need a pep talk from Lauren. I need her to gear me up to tell Dex tonight. Maybe I can text him to come here and I can tell him face to face. I pick up my phone and text Lauren.
Me: Can you come over after work? I need some advice.
Lauren: Of course. Be there by five.
Me: Thank you. <3
I tinker around my small flat - not that it needs cleaning. It’s only me here, even when Lauren and Joe bring Alfie over, there is never a real mess. I get a twinge in my lower belly and I stop in my tracks. Fuck, not again. I slowly walk over to the couch and sit down. I am holding my breath, praying that it was just a one-off this time. But no such luck, the pain comes again. I hold my belly with both hands, praying my baby is going to be okay. I scoot forward and I feel wetness between my legs. My heart stops in my chest.
NO!! This cannot be happening. I have been careful. I have been taking things easy. I can’t lose my baby. I walk to my bathroom and pull my leggings and knickers down, the sight before me makes my heart stop in my chest.
There is a small patch of blood in my knickers. My nose burns and the tears fall freely down my cheeks, dropping onto my thighs. I take a few deep breaths and open the bottom draw and pick out a sanitary towel. Lucky for me, I always keep clean knickers in my bottom draw for when my periods hit in the middle of the night. I have a quick wash and change and walk back out into the living room. The pain is a dull ache in my lower belly and it is scaring the shit out of me. I pick up my phone off the arm of the sofa and find Lauren’s number.
“Hey, babe. How-” I cut her off.
“Lauren, I am bleeding and cramping. I need you,” I cry into the phone.
“On my way. Do not move.” She hangs up. I sit and wait for Lauren to come and get me. Turning my iPhone over and over in my hand, Dex’s face keeps running through my head. He should know about the baby. He should know if I am going to lose our child. I stare down at my phone like it has all the answers in the world, but it doesn’t. It offers me no comfort, no answers, no explanations as to why this is happening. My heart is breaking apart slowly. I am still crying when Lauren and Joe come bursting through the door. I see their faces and my own crumbles. I sob loudly against Lauren's chest as she hugs me to her.
“Ladies, we need to go now,” Joe says, with a note of authority. We both nod and we follow him out to the car. I notice that Alfie isn’t with them.
“Where’s Alfie?”
“With my mum,” Joe answers me. I nod at him. The drive to the hospital is silent, but fast. I watch as the hospital building comes into view. Joe parks the car and then hops out to help me out. Lauren follows. We rush into the maternity ward and Lauren buzzes the door.
“Can I help you?” Comes a soft voice through the speaker on the wall.
“Yes, my friend is twenty weeks pregnant and is cramping and bleeding.” I am shivering in Joe’s arms. The door buzzes and then opens. We see two nurses rush towards us with a wheelchair.
“Okay, what's your name, honey?” the nurse asks, as I sit in the wheelchair.
“Addison Cole. This is the second time this has happened.”
“Okay, let’s get you into a room and we can see what is happening with your baby.” I just nod. The pain has subsided and I am thankful for that. I just pray the bleeding has stopped. I get wheeled into a room and the nurse tells me to hop up onto the bed. The two nurses go about getting what they need and Lauren and Joe are on either side of my bed, holding my hands. Their comfort is calming my nerves some.
“I wish Dex was here,” I whisper no one in particular. A woman in a white lab coat walks into my room.
“Hello, Addison. My name is Doctor Charles and I will be seeing to you today. Can we get you into a gown?” I nod my head and grab the hem of my t-shirt, pulling it off my head when I see one of the nurses eye Joe.
“He is my brother. He can stay.” She nods and helps me into the gown before I take off my leggings and knickers. I take a quick look at the sanitary towel I used and see that there is a small amount of blood on there. My heart sinks.
“Okay, Addison, I see that you have lost a little blood, nothing to be majorly concerned over, but we are going to do an ultrasound just to see if can we figure out what is happening and check on the baby, okay? I will be right back.” The midwife checks my heart rate and blood pressure. Both are slightly elevated.
“No shit, they are elevated. Okay, I need to calm down. I will go and grab us a tea. Be right back.” Lauren doesn’t wait for us to reply before she is out the door, clearly upset with the situation. I look at Joe who just shrugs his shoulders.
“Do you honestly think I know half the shit that goes through her head half the time?”
“Good point. She is in her own little world.”
“Addy, we would like to take some blood, to rule out any infection that you might have.” I nod to the midwife. I am going to agree to everything they want to do as long as my baby is safe. I look at the table for my phone, because I know I need to phone Dex. I need to tell him and be prepared for him to hate me. I can’t see it.
“Joe, have you seen my phone?”
“Nope. Maybe you left it in the car. I will go check when Lauren comes back.”
“Thanks.” I keep my eyes fixed on the door, waiting for the Doctor to return with the ultrasound machine. I need to see my baby, I need to hear her heartbeat. They say mothers know what they are carrying and I believe I am carrying a baby girl.
I don’t know how much time passes. The door swinging open and hitting the wall shakes me from my dazed state. My heart skips a beat when I see who just came bursting through the door like a bull at a gate.
Dexter Castle.
“Addy?” His voice is a mixture of anger and hurt.
“I’m sorry.” I cover my face with my hand and sob loudly. There is no hiding it now. I think I need to take Lauren's friendship card back. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Dex.”
“Stop!” He storms over to the bed and cradles my face. “Look at me,” he demands. I shake my head no. I refuse to see the hate in his eyes. “Addison Cole, look at me right fucking now,” he booms. I jump and open my eyes and look at him. His face is full of hurt; the pain that I put there.
“I’m sorry,” I say again, looking deep into his eyes.
“Why? Why, didn’t you tell me? How far along are you?”
“I’m twenty weeks. I was scared that you wouldn’t want the baby. Want us. And now I may have lost her anyway.” I close my eyes and cry again. Dex pulls me tight to his chest and soothes me.
“Shh, the baby will be fine. Our baby will be fine. If she is anything like her mum, she is a fighter.” I can’t speak, so I nod against his chest. “Fuck,” Dex says, whilst still holding me tight to him.
“Dex,” I whisper, but he doesn’t answer me. I try again, “Dex.” He pulls away slightly and looks down at me. His eyes are wet and I can
tell he has been crying. I bite my bottom lip to try and stop it trembling.
“They are bringing in the ultrasound machine, so we can see the baby. They need to see what is happening. You get to see her,” I explain. His face morphs into something I can’t read.
“This wouldn’t be the first time I get to see her if you had told me, now, would it?” I flinch at his words. I do not flinch - ever. But I am an emotional wreck these days. I knew he would hate me once he found out.
“No. I’m sorry. I knew you would hate me. But please, let me explain my reasons before you leave me.” Before he can answer me the door opens again and the nurse wheels in the machine that will let us see that our baby is okay. Dex steps back from me and I feel cold without him. But, I am used to that I suppose. Even with how we have been the last few weeks. I now feel like I have lost him all over again. I always knew there was the possibility that he would want the baby and not me. Liam’s words still ring in my head from that day. I see Lauren glaring at Dex, I can only imagine all the ways she is planning his death in her head. Joe isn’t looking too happy either. The nurse covers my legs with the hospital blanket and it feels heavy against my limbs. I lift my gown and I hear a quick intake of breath from beside the bed. I chance a look at Dex, to find his eyes glued to my rounded baby belly.
“So is this Dad?” the nurse asks, pointing to Dex. A tear slides down my cheek and I answer her.
“Yes. This will be the first time he will see the baby.” I keep my eyes on Dex, but he never looks away from my stomach. My heart is breaking for him. For me. I caused this pain between us. I should have listened to Liam. But I can’t change that now. We all do things for a reason. Sometimes that reason is the right one and other times it is the wrong one, but in the end, it is our reasons that matter.
“This will be a little cold.” She drops some of the gel on my stomach and starts moving the wand-thing around. The screen flickers a little before the grainy black and white image of my baby appears. “Okay, let’s hear the heartbeat shall we?” Again, the most amazing sound ever fills the room. My baby. Our baby’s heartbeat.
