by Amy Davies
“Why the sudden change of heart, huh? You seemed hurt yesterday, but I got the gist that you still wanted to talk to me. Now today, you are an angry fucking troll. What changed?” I am met with silence. I wait for him to gather his thoughts. I must be bloody mad, sitting here waiting for him to find the right words to bitch me out. I look down at the chipped blue nail varnish I have on my left hand. Great, I forgot to re-do them.
“I’m struggling with this, Ads. I really fucking am. I hate you and love you at the same time. I want to hate you so fucking bad, but I get why you did it.”
“So why the anger?” I ask him.
“I’m hung-over to fuck. I came home last night had a lot to drink. Luke couldn’t spar with me for some bullshit reason, so instead of hitting someone, I hit the bottle instead. Shit needs to be dealt with, Addy. We need to talk this through but I’m finding it hard to look at you right now.”
Like that didn’t hurt.
This baby is making me an emotional wreck. I bite my bottom lip to stop it from trembling. But I fail. My chest feels like it is caving in and crushing my heart. I knew he was hurting, but not this much.
“Ads,” he whispers my name into the phone, emotion lacing his voice. This is hurting him, just as much as it is hurting me. His voice breaks my heart into a fucking million pieces.
“I get it. I will let Jay know when I am home, and I will pass on any information regarding the baby to him and he can tell you. I will let him know when the next scan is, and if you want to come and see the baby, then I guess that is up to you. I need to think of my health as much as this baby’s. Stay away, Dex. It’s for the best.” With that, I hang up. I cry into my hands. I cry for my baby. I cry for me and I cry for Dex. We will never be a family, that is clear - thanks to Captain Twat.
Sitting in bed again, I think about the last week. I haven’t seen or heard from Dex. I text Jay to let him know I was home and me and the baby were fine. He phoned me straight back and bitched me out for an hour, and then offered to kick his brother’s arse for me. Liam and Penny have been around to see me. Liam was a little pissed at me, but that quickly changed when Penny told him that upsetting me could harm the baby. Then, before my eyes the six foot, hard, tattooed man softened like a marshmallow right in front of my eyes.
Lauren being Lauren wanted to hunt Dex down and pull his nipple bars out. I laughed so hard I almost peed myself. But I needed it; she knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. Like Dex, Jay and Liam were annoyed with me that I now have Lauren in my life. Well, they can suck it. She is here to stay; she will never let them push her out.
The one thing that has plagued me this week is Dex’s reaction. I never thought he would react like this. I knew that he would be pissed at me, but to cut me off completely has broken my heart more than he will ever know. Even with everyone popping in to see me, I feel lonely. I need Dex here with me. With us. Baby Castle moves and tears spring to my eyes. Knowing that he is missing out on her moving makes the tears fall faster. I just wish he would phone me, text me - anything. I need to know that he doesn’t completely hate me.
Well, if he isn’t going to make the first move then maybe I should. I need to let him know that I have a scan in two weeks. I meant what I said on the phone, I will keep him posted on the baby. If he wants me then he needs to get his big arse here and fucking beg me to be with him. I pick my phone up and send Jay the text.
Me: I have a scan in 2 weeks. I will let you know the time and date when the hospital ring me. Can you let Dex know please?
Jay: How is my baby niece? How are you Mama?
Me: She is fine. Moving. I am good. Tired but good.
Jay: Glad to hear it. You need to rest now. No more working!!!
Me: Yes, Dad ;)
Jay: Fuck, don’t say that shit. My brother will fucking kill me.
Me: He wants nothing to do with us, Jay. I have come to terms with that and so should you. Simple.
Jay: Are you fucking crazy? He has been a fucknut all week. Growling and snarling at clients.
I climb off the bed and walk out to the kitchen. I need a drink. I was told by the Doctor that I can’t let myself get dehydrated. Drinking will help with the cramp I have been getting in my calves at night. I set my phone down on the counter and grab a bottle of water from the fridge, almost groaning as the cool liquid quenches my thirst, and wait for Jay to text me back. I know never to expect an instant reply sometimes with Jay because of the studio. I pick up my phone and head into the living room. I have to stay off my feet as much as possible, but that doesn’t mean I should stay in bed.
Setting my drink on the coffee table, I pick up my Kindle. I need to finish this book. I left it at a steamy part and I can’t wait to see what happens. I love a book with angst in it, I love the way it makes my stomach knot up and my skin break out in goosebumps. But I also like the soppy books, the ones that make you ugly cry. Gotta love a bit of Molly McAdams, damn, that woman can make anyone ugly cry and send you straight into book therapy. My life with the Castle brothers has been an eventful one, and would make a bloody good book. Talk about angst with those two. The way that my heart ached for Dex for so many years, the issues that were thrown at us, Fiona and the age gap.
The things I saw when it came to those two boys… Well, Jay more so, that boy could never keep his dick in his jeans. He would leave a trail of broken hearts all over the place. Girls even resorted to phoning me to get him to talk to them - desperate much. Bitches need to learn that Jay Castle doesn’t fuck the same girl twice. Well, unless your name is Rachel Cullen, but that girl has his balls in knots. Unfortunately, she can’t see what an amazing guy he is. Yes, he is known for being a man-whore but once he saw her, I swear he was hooked. I’ve talked to Penny about my concerns about Rachel hurting Jay. All Penny has told me is that Rachel has some issues that aren’t up to her to tell me and that Rachel should talk to Jay about it first. I agree, but like I told Penny, I will not stand by and see Jay get hurt by Rachel. I will slap a bitch.
Baby Castle boots my ribs again and I wince. She is getting comfy in there. I rub the top of my baby bump, mentally picturing Dex’s large hand following my own. Showing his love for our daughter through his touch. His hand linking with mine, holding me to him. My chest aches a little. With Dex listening to me and staying away - it fucks with my head. I want him here to experience the feeling of the baby moving, but I also know that him being close to me will stutter my thoughts. A knock at the door brings me out of my moody thoughts. I have to stop getting stressed out over things that I can’t control. I slowly climb off the sofa while the person at the door knocks again.
“Hold your horses, I’m coming,” I shout at the door.
“You had better not be because that would be sick and my brother would kick my arse,” comes from the other side of the door. I smirk and pull the door open.
“Shut the fuck up, Jay,” I shout back. Jay stands there smirking at me, which is the typical Castle smirk that melts girls’ knickers all over England. He is wearing a Castle Ink t-shirt that I made the boys have made when they opened the new studio. It was good business and they do sell. Girls buy the vest tops we sell and the men buy the t-shirts. We did look at having mugs made, but Dex was in a bitchy mood because of the ‘Captain Twat’ mug I got for him, so he squashed that idea. Jay’s jeans hang off his narrow hips, just like Dex’s. They are similar in body size and they look like brothers. They share similar facial features. Jay’s hair is shorter that Dex’s but they both have the dark hair. Whiskey coloured eyes run in the family. Dex's lips are a tad plumper than Jay's.
“What’s up, my niece’s mama?” He leans in and kisses my cheek. Jay always greets me this way; he has for as long as I can remember.
“Nada. Just chilling, reading a book. Feeling baby Castle move.” The announcement makes him stop in his tracks. I shrug at him and move to walk towards the sofa. I place my Kindle back on the table and take my seat back in the corner of the cushion.
“Sh
e’s moving?” Jay asks, from the same spot he stopped. I nod my head. “And my twat of a brother is missing it,” he states. I nod again, my emotions - no doubt accelerated thanks to the pregnancy - have my throat closing up. Fuck, how can women do this more than one time? I am always flipping crying or getting choked up over random shit. I choked up over an RSPCA advert the other day. Jay takes his phone out of his pocket and swipes his thumb across the screen. Well, bloody hell, he is going to call Dex.
“Don’t, Jay. I -” He holds his hand up to silence me. “Oi!” I yell, but he ignores me.
“Brother. Get your fuckhead of an arse over to Addy’s flat, now. Shut up, she is fine. I will explain when you get here.” He doesn’t wait for Dex to reply again, he just hangs up on him. “There, now he will get to feel her move as well. He can’t keep missing out on this because he is too damn stubborn to see what is in front of him. Twat. Now, are you going to make yourself extra pretty for my brother? Because my guess would be you have one hour before he gets here.” Jay winks at me and sits in the big armchair that Lauren got for me.
“Bastard,” I mutter under my breath as I get to my feet and walk towards my bedroom. My heart is going bloody crazy in my chest at the thought of seeing Dex soon. As in one hour. Or, if Dex is freaking out, make that thirty minutes.
“You love me,” Jay shouts after me.
“That is debatable,” I yell back, and go about finding something nice but comfy to wear to face my baby daddy.
Running out of Castle Ink, I race to my car, freaking the fuck out about what Jay just said over the phone. I know he said that Addy was safe and okay, but a shit load of things are running through my head right now. I press the key fob and my car unlocks, I rip open the door and jump in. Sticking the keys in the ignition I start the car. Young Guns ‘Daylight’ blasts through the radio, scaring the crap out of me. I turn the music down and pull out of the parking space. A shit ton of thoughts run through my head.
Is the baby, okay?
Is Addy, okay?
Did something else happen?
I am driving like a twat, trying to get to the woman I love and who is carrying my baby. Things need to fucking change between us. I am moving her sexy arse back home with me, where I will be there for her and our baby. Fucking hell, I am going to be a dad. My dad was a fuck up, so I know how not to be around my kid. This baby will want for nothing. She will have everything she wants. Fuck, Addy will have everything she wants. It takes me thirty minutes to get to Coverton, where Addy has been staying these last few months. But no fucking more. Her arse is coming home with me.
I pull up outside her building and turn the car off, before climbing out of the car and jogging up to the security door. The door buzzes before I hit the button, Jay must have seen me arrive. I pull the door open and run up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I am outside her door in no time. As soon as I reach her front door, I lift my hand and knock. I wait a fraction of a second before my brother is there with a huge smirk on his face.
“Brother.”
“Jay. Where is she?”
“Pouting on the couch. She’s pissed I phoned you, but brother, you need to be here for this shit.” I frown at him, having no bloody clue what he is talking about. He nods his head in the direction of Addy. “I will leave you to it,” he says. He smirks at me and yells, “Bye, Addy.”
“Fuck off,” comes from the other room. I chuckle and shake my head.
“Later, mate,” I say to my brother, slapping him on the shoulder. “Thanks for calling me.” I close the door behind my brother, flicking the lock before turning around and heading into the living room.
I take in her home. She has photos of all of us planted around the room and lots, and I mean lots, of candles. Very Addy. I turn the small corner and smile to myself. My girl is sitting crossed legged on the couch, dressed in an oversized shirt. She is pouting big time. God help me if our girl follows her mum’s traits. She is going to be a fucking beautiful little girl that I will have to keep the boys from. It’s a good thing she will have three big uncles to watch out for her. I need to pray to the gods, sacrifice whoever I need, to make sure that I get my boy one day.
“Baby,” I say, startling her. I laugh when she scowls at me.
“You cock. You gave me a heart attack. Shit, cock is too good a word for you. Why do people use it as an insult? Cocks are bloody useful. And the same with pussies. Why you would call someone a pussy as an insult? A pussy is a very useful tool and is a sexy part of the female anatomy.” She gabbers that out all in one breath. Well shit, my baby is nervous. I smile at her and walk over to the couch where she is sitting. I watch her watching me, smiling at her as her eyes track my every move. I lick my lips and take in her bare legs. She adjusts herself, pulling her knees up to her chest, guarding herself. I am surprised she can do that with her baby bump.
I see the ankle tattoo that Jay did for her. It’s a quote, it says. ‘Before Alice got to Wonderland, she had to fall’.
It wraps around her ankle in a script. She has a Moon Glyph for ‘light’ between the first and last word. It is perfect for her. I love her tattoos. She has little symbols on some of her fingers, and a crown on her right ring finger, and she has a thin string bow tattoo just above the first knuckle on her right index finger. God, she looks fucking beautiful. Her dark hair is piled up on top of her head in a messy looking bush.
“I like where this conversation is going, babe. Cocks and pussies. Sounds like my kind of thing.” I wink at her as I close the gap between us. Taking the seat on the couch beside her, bending my knee so my shin is resting against her barely covered thigh, I lay my left arm across the back of the couch and play with the fine strands of hair at the back of her neck. The TV plays in the background, but I have no clue what is playing. My attention is on the tattooed beauty next to me.
“You want to tell me why my brother phoned me and told me to get my arse down here, ASAP?” She just sits there staring at me. I watch as her eyes scan my face, before coming back to my lustful gaze. I sit and watch to see what she does. No words are spoken between us as she moves her hand over mine and lifts it up. She moves my right hand to her stomach, my rough hands on her smooth, warm skin. She sucks in a breath at the contact, and I feel it too. The electric jolt that runs between us, it has always been there but, like the twat I am, I ignored it.
“Wait,” is all she says. We sit in silence and stare at each other. The TV hums through the room, filling the silence between us. I run my thumb over her silky skin, causing it to break out in goosebumps. I smile at her, knowing the effect that my touch is having on her.
“Addy, what -” I don’t finish my sentence as I feel it. I stop talking and drop my gaze to her stomach where our hands are touching. “Is that…?” I ask, but the feeling cuts off my words and Addy nods at me with tears in her eyes, confirming what I just felt.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
I just felt my baby move for the first time. I feel my nose burn and my vision goes blurry. I look back at Ads and see tears running down her beautiful face. I glance back down at her belly and spread my fingers, hoping to feel the baby move again. Every father should experience this: feeling their baby move in its mum’s belly. My heart grows twice its size, making room for my baby’s love.
“Ads,” I whisper her name, emotion clogging up my throat. I cough and try again. “How long has she been moving?” I smile at her.
“About three weeks. I’m sorry I kept her from you. I -” I cut her off. I drop my left hand to the nape of her neck and give her a reassuring squeeze, before I shift closer and kiss the tip of her nose.
“I get it. But that is in the past. We are going to forget everything that has happened. We are moving forward. Me, you and this little girl,” I say, moving my hand over her belly.
“She will wrap you around her little finger, won’t she?” she asks. I smile and nod my head.
“Hell yeah. Babe, there is no way I will be able to tell her no. Oh, and can you imagin
e all the boys lining up to take her to the school disco? We are going to need a boy – soon - then he can look after his sister,” I tell her. Meaning everything I just said.
“What the fuck are you on, Dexter Castle? We are only now talking properly after you found out I am pregnant with her. What the hell makes you think that we are going to have more babies together?”
I smirk at her and twist a lock of her hair around my left index finger. “Because I said so. We will be together, Addison Cole. We will be a family. You are going to move back to Bell Harbour with me and we will raise this baby girl together. Simple.” I wiggle my eyebrows at her. She straightens her spine and moves back a fraction to look at me better.
“Simple. Are you high or something?”
“Nope, you know I don’t do drugs, babe. What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” she repeats.
“Yep,” I say popping the ‘p’.
“Dex, you need to slow the hell down. Bloody hell, I haven’t heard from you in a week. Seven fucking days. If Jay hadn’t phoned you, you wouldn't be here right now. Would you?” I look away from her because she is right. I was still trying to wrap my head around everything that is happening. “Knew it.” She climbs off the couch and walks into the kitchen. I get up and follow her, needing to get my point across to her.
“No, I wouldn’t have. But I would have called or come to see you. Tomorrow, as it happens. Liam and Jay have been bitching me out about staying away. We have a lot to talk about, Ads. No more Jay being the middleman. You, me and our baby is the way forward. We need to move you back home so I can take care of you both. I hate that you are so far away from me. I need to be able to see you - everyday, when ever I want.” I fold my arms across my chest, staring at a pissed off Addison Cole. Her eyes blaze with heat and not the good kind. I love it when she gets like this.
